How long do you wait before setting up a second date?

[Pierre]

Well guys gravitate towards her cause she has a cool personality. I really do like her; I just hate playing games. Next time I see her (hopefully soon), most likely in some stupid bar again, I am gonna pull her aside and kiss her. Enough with this passive personality of mine. She has initiated the last two intimate situations: 1) the good night kiss; 2) the text saying, "I want to kiss you."

 

And it is so nice to hang out with a girl who I am having fun with. I have been so lonely since my gf and I broke up in January, and I just love being with a girl who gives me that:"I really like you look." At the same time, sporadic is her middle name. l never know when I am gonna see her again, and asking her out via text is a gamble.

 

 

You can date her, but I feel she may not be relationship material.

 

She dragged her live in male room mate to the date?????????????

 

She offered you the kiss while her room mate was there??? She is playing with you.

 

I bet she is f****ing that guy.

 

 

 

:(

Edited October 3, 2011 by Pierre

[Johnny85]

Yea, I will continue dating her, and we will see how it goes. It's fun, and I like going out with her. But I am more of an option than a priority in her life at this point. So I have to play my cards right (although I hate playing games).

 

 

Oh, and he was just staying there over the weekend.

Edited October 3, 2011 by Johnny85

[fetish1980]

Johnny,

 

I don't know, Pierre may be painting this whole thing black and white. Maybe she could've be f***ing that guy, maybe not. But I tend to think there's validity to what he is saying. You can probably deal with it alot better if you accept the fact that chances are, it's more than likely that she is.

 

That's just me. I'm a guy, so i know how guys think. You mentioned this girl has several guy friends. Not saying that women can't have guy friends, but it's hard to believe the majority of these guys are willing to put up with just being "friends", especially since she's attractive. They're probably waiting in line and it seems like you may have just gotten added to it.

 

Guys are not gravitating toward her because of her "cool" personality. They're gravitating towards her because her "cool" personality sounds wild, loose, and a little flirty. She is not relationship material bro, sorry. It's pretty evident already. Even if she's not a party animal, she sounds like she feeds off attention from others which makes her unstable in my book. In my experience flakiness is a red flag with me. Shows signs of someone being so in to themselves or too much to do to make room for a spot with me being in their life.

 

If you want to date her, date her, but be careful you're not hoping for something more out of it. This girl sounds like she's packaged very well. She's cool, fun, and probably has a great personality. But don't look past what she is, a flake. Trust me, you don't want to fall in love with a flake. If she gives you some, strap up and don't expect anything further.

 

fetish

[Johnny85]

Johnny,

 

I don't know, Pierre may be painting this whole thing black and white. Maybe she could've be f***ing that guy, maybe not. But I tend to think there's validity to what he is saying. You can probably deal with it alot better if you accept the fact that chances are, it's more than likely that she is.

 

That's just me. I'm a guy, so i know how guys think. You mentioned this girl has several guy friends. Not saying that women can't have guy friends, but it's hard to believe the majority of these guys are willing to put up with just being "friends", especially since she's attractive. They're probably waiting in line and it seems like you may have just gotten added to it.

 

Guys are not gravitating toward her because of her "cool" personality. They're gravitating towards her because her "cool" personality sounds wild, loose, and a little flirty. She is not relationship material bro, sorry. It's pretty evident already. Even if she's not a party animal, she sounds like she feeds off attention from others which makes her unstable in my book. In my experience flakiness is a red flag with me. Shows signs of someone being so in to themselves or too much to do to make room for a spot with me being in their life.

 

If you want to date her, date her, but be careful you're not hoping for something more out of it. This girl sounds like she's packaged very well. She's cool, fun, and probably has a great personality. But don't look past what she is, a flake. Trust me, you don't want to fall in love with a flake. If she gives you some, strap up and don't expect anything further.

 

fetish

Thanks for your input Fetish! Last night she texted me and asked what I had for dinner, I text back, and I haven't heard from her since. I don't know if I am overreacting or overanalyzing it, but it would seem to me that it doesn't take too long to respond to a text. She canceled our first date twice, and turned my second date proposal down cause her guy friend was staying at her house over the weekend. On the flip side of things, she is the one who initiated contact to set up our first date (after having canceled our first date twice), introduced me to her friends, kissed me (first date), texted me she wanted to kiss me (second date). So there is some interest on her part, but the question is what is she looking for? Maybe she needs me to make make the second step, seeing as all physical contact (kissing) has been initiated by her.

 

How should I proceed? I don't even feel like trying setting up plans with her early on in the week. lol How do I increase attraction at this stage?

[fetish1980]

Stand up and take the lead.

 

Don't let her call any shots. Don't let her pick the place to meet, you have it in mind. Tell her to meet you ____ at _____ pm/am or i can come by and get you. And try to make sure it's not in too loud of a place where you have to scream at her to talk. If she flakes after that, then disappear. She's going to have to feel like she's lost out on you. Watch and see what happens. You'll have your answer if she's worth pursuing or not by then.

 

As of right now, she's communicating with you and that's good, but she's stringing you along too much in my opinion. All this small talk b/s like "What did you have for dinner?" seems to really just be stalling and time wasting.

 

fetish

[Johnny85]

She always communicates with me the next day and texts me when she gets home. But two days after we meet, We aren't texting anymore, it just dies off.

 

After you have met with someone twice, how often should you be communicating via text if you're not talking over the phone? Is it normal to go days without texting?

 

Thanks

[In A Rut]

She's not interested in you. Just move on and find someone else.

[Johnny85]

Well just out of curiosity, how often should you text one another after you have met twice? (I don't wanna come across as pushy or needy, but still want to show her interest)

 

Any input, plz?

Edited October 5, 2011 by Johnny85
ggg

[fetish1980]

In A Rut is right, there's no rules or regulations.

 

Same thing happend to me in July, and i will tell you i'm still recovering from a break up in February this year from an 8 yr long relationship, so my confidence and dating skills are not top notch at the moment.

 

I met this interesting, attractive girl who gave me great cnversation at Happy hour. Although there were a few guys talking to her, she showed me alot of interest. She gave me her number and texted me the next day,calling almost every night since then. We talked on the phone one night, but after that she slowly drifted away until she got to the point she wasn't returning any of my messages or phonecalls. I'm thinking, how could she just do a complete 180 like that?

 

I may have not gotten as far as you with the kiss, but I've learned not to put up with anyone putting me off and leaving me hanging, wondering. There comes a point where after a while, you have to move on. It's very disappointing, but its better to find out sooner than later before any real feelings get involved.

 

fetish

[Johnny85]

In A Rut is right, there's no rules or regulations.

 

Same thing happend to me in July, and i will tell you i'm still recovering from a break up in February this year from an 8 yr long relationship, so my confidence and dating skills are not top notch at the moment.

 

I met this interesting, attractive girl who gave me great cnversation at Happy hour. Although there were a few guys talking to her, she showed me alot of interest. She gave me her number and texted me the next day,calling almost every night since then. We talked on the phone one night, but after that she slowly drifted away until she got to the point she wasn't returning any of my messages or phonecalls. I'm thinking, how could she just do a complete 180 like that?

 

I may have not gotten as far as you with the kiss, but I've learned not to put up with anyone putting me off and leaving me hanging, wondering. There comes a point where after a while, you have to move on. It's very disappointing, but its better to find out sooner than later before any real feelings get involved.

 

fetish

 

Hey Fetish,

 

I have actually had a super busy week (not too busy to send her a text, but busy enough were I didn't want any distractions). I decided to wait until Thursday to contact her and then go from there. We haven't texted since Sunday actually. I just do not wanna come across as pushy.

 

So I just hope that waiting hasn't made her less attracted to me, but i doubt it, as she stopped texting me on Sunday (she never commented on what I had for dinner lol).

 

And I can completely relate to not wasting my time on girls who play games and take me for granted. But see, she is actually cool, we have the same educational background, European background, love cats, etc. And I am physically attracted to her. But I am really shy when it comes to girls (even though my first girlfriend was very pretty) due to having been called ugly growing up. Somehow, that just lingered and I feel not good enough. This new girl comes along and kisses me and gives me that, "Hey handsome, I wanna see you again" look in her eyes. It makes me feel good and more confident. I love spending time with her friends. It is fun and relaxing.

 

So I just don't wanna give up on dating her. I mean, I am not assertive enough (my ex pursued me), and most girls don't work like that. I just hate the feeling of being rejected, her saying, Maybe, I don't know yet." It makes me feel like I am not a priority. Yet hanging out with her one day a week makes me feel good. It is hard to describe what I am feeling. I have a life, go to school, work, etc. My social value is the same as hers, it's just that being with her makes me feel so good. It's the anticipation that sucks. The fear of not knowing what's gonna come next. And if it all burns up in flames, I will meet someone new. But we have the same personality and interests and views on important things (no we haven't discussed it but I get the feeling that we do, lol).

 

Anyways, I went off on a tangent here. This is like therapy for me, I suppose. I will ask her out, be positive, confident, and assertive.

 

Thanks Fetish and everyone else. It really means a lot and I value everyone's input.

[fetish1980]

great. ask her out. I wasn't saying not to, I was just saying know when to fold when that point comes.

 

just remember a couple of things:

 

1) Don't make the mistake of thinking about it too much. You'll end up choking when the time comes to asking her or you'll chicken out.

2) Keep your feelings in check. Don't expect a relationship

 

keep us posted and let us know how it goes

 

fetish

[Johnny85]

great. ask her out. I wasn't saying not to, I was just saying know when to fold when that point comes.

 

just remember a couple of things:

 

1) Don't make the mistake of thinking about it too much. You'll end up choking when the time comes to asking her or you'll chicken out.

2) Keep your feelings in check. Don't expect a relationship

 

keep us posted and let us know how it goes

 

fetish

Thanks Fetish!

[Johnny85]

I think this girl just wanted a bit of no strings attached fun and since you didn't go over for "breakfast" her IL in you has plummeted and she is seeing other men. Of course ask her out, but I feel you have put too much stock in this girl and you have waited for too long to get the ball rolling.

 

We saw each other one week after she asked me for breakfast. Anyways, I think you're right. I sent her a text tonight saying, "Hey I had a great time last weekend. Shall we make plans to see each other this weekend."

 

Several hours later and no response. This shouldn't be so hard. And I think you're right; she is seeing someone else. Otherwise, why would she take so long to respond to me? If someone likes someone, it is usually clear.

[D-Lish]

We saw each other one week after she asked me for breakfast. Anyways, I think you're right. I sent her a text tonight saying, "Hey I had a great time last weekend. Shall we make plans to see each other this weekend."

 

Several hours later and no response. This shouldn't be so hard. And I think you're right; she is seeing someone else. Otherwise, why would she take so long to respond to me? If someone likes someone, it is usually clear.

 

Johnny, I just got home from a date less than an hour ago- he's already texted and said he had a great time and asked when can he see me again.

 

it's so nice not have have someone play games.

[irishzegarra]

I have to say that I am happy that I was able to read this post and everyone would really learned from this. I have a friend who I am always arguing with because we have different ideas about a second date. As a woman, I think a man should wait 3 to 5 days before asking for a second date. If they ask sooner than that then they come across as desperate, to me at least. They can call once to chit-chat before then, but if they ask for the second date before then I figure they don't have anything else to look forward to.

 

Get Rid of Man Boobs

[fetish1980]

We saw each other one week after she asked me for breakfast. Anyways, I think you're right. I sent her a text tonight saying, "Hey I had a great time last weekend. Shall we make plans to see each other this weekend."

 

Several hours later and no response. This shouldn't be so hard. And I think you're right; she is seeing someone else. Otherwise, why would she take so long to respond to me? If someone likes someone, it is usually clear.

 

Yeah man. It's best for you to just move on instead of being left hanging in the air. If she contacts you again, it'll be because she's ready.

 

Some people are just fast. She's one of them. Remember Prince's song, "Little Red corvette?" She fits that like a glove.

 

fetish

[Johnny85]

So we met yesterday at a bar (yes, again). And we were kissing passionately on the street. I drove her home and came inside. We started having a kissing marathon. I mean, wow, it was so sexy and passionate. The best spontaneous date I have ever had. It was like from a movie.

 

 

So she asked me to come over for breakfast the next day, and this morning she canceled on me (we had plans to watch a movie and things today. Surprise!!!! Sooo I just sent a text asking whether we should make plans to see each other today and she said, "yes." I sent her the movie times and no response! lol

 

 

[burningstar]

I'm not wait for the second date. she will call me if her want to see. just text her how you miss her very much..

[Pierre]

Johnny, I just got home from a date less than an hour ago- he's already texted and said he had a great time and asked when can he see me again.

 

it's so nice not have have someone play games.

 

Maybe some of these people don't play games, perhaps they are seeing several people.

[Johnny85]

She's using you. Quite why you are allowing yourself to be used is beyond me? I'm guessing you have had no previous experience with women or you're desperate? It's one or the two because I don't think anyone can be as naive as you are if they experienced enough with Attention Wh*res.

 

If you're happy to be used by this attention wh*re then fair enough, have your fun and develop no feelings for her whatsoever, if you do develop feelings for her then expect them to be crushed.

 

You're absolutely right! Friday night was great: We were kissing, laughing, I went over to her house (after our date), she offered to make breakfast the next day, followed by her seeing my place the next day. Any guy would have interpreted this as something positive. I told her she was pretty when we were kissing, and everything was going great. I texted her when I got home calling her "sweetie."

 

The next morning she cancels breakfast. I text her the following:

 

Me:"I would like to see her again, shall we make plans to see each other in the afternoon?"

Her: "Yes"

Me: Let's see a movie today at 3.

Her (4 hours later): this evening is probably better

Me: Let's go out to bar X. I can pick you up at 8?

Her: I am not feeling so well

Me: No worries. Get better soon!!

Her: Idk, maybe we can go see a movie. I will see how I feel. I will text you later.

Me: That's cool! Talk to you then!

 

I still haven't heard from her (the "I am not feeling too well" was obviously a way for her to get out of seeing me). I, of course, cannot text her (at least not for a while or else I will come across as needy and pathetic). Why would she be so flaky? Where does something like that come from? Is she just not looking for a relationship?

[Johnny85]

She's not interested in you. You're wasting your time and effort. She won't come out and say she isn't interested, but by messing you around that should be enough, but clearly it isn't and clearly you're going to continue to pursue a girl who IL level in you is very small.

 

If she weren't interested, why would she accept a third date and make out with me passionately for an hour and then enthusiastically make weekend plans with me (which of course she canceled the next day completely)? Why go through all of that trouble? lol Do you think she is deliberately playing a push/pull technique with me? lol

 

 

At this point, it is up to her to contact me.

[Johnny85]

She is actually high value with a flaky personality. I enjoy being used by her physically, too!!! I am not gonna lie! lol She is my type physically and emotionally (the non-flaky personality)!!! And when we are together we have fun! But you are right, she probably does enjoy the attention, which is why she keeps reciprocating (and then pulling away). I don't even know how to go from here. If I text her, I will come across as pathetic.

 

A) She cancels breakfast

B) She cancels movie date

C) She rejects proposal to go out

D) She promised to text me back, and doesn't

 

 

But now this is becoming a challenge for me!!! lol:p

[Johnny85]

Her not texting me back should be seen as a huge indicator of disinterest (as she said she would)?

Edited October 9, 2011 by Johnny85
jk

[Johnny85]

It shows a sign of low interest.

 

Great! lol:rolleyes:

[Johnny85]

Yes it is great, I don't know why you're interested in this girl. She is a low quality woman and you should and could be a lot better.

 

Just leave her on the backburner and start seeing other women. You might find a girl who wants the samething as you do.

 

I know you're right, but I suppose I have become a tad infatuated with her. She's very pretty (in my opinion), liberal, European (as I am), dresses sexy, kisses like a dream, and I have fun with her.

 

Honestly, I have just been really lonely since I broke up with my ex girlfriend; and it was so nice to meet someone who actually finds me attractive and someone to have fun with.

 

Well so I am not gonna text her. She has to come to me! If she wants to play games, then so be it! Do you think she is doing this deliberately? She has been flaky since we first met! lol Or is this a character trait of hers?