The Real Sexual Tension Thread

[eatNrM]

So after a fail thread by the new resident clown, Mr. Fry, I thought I'd bring up the quote again by eyeore79(sp?)

 

I'd say he's probably being too friendly with the girls and isn't flirting or creating sexual tension. I'm attracted to men who are flirty and fun, who create sexual tension that makes butterflies in my tummy, who make me feel flattered and excited all at once. It isn't about looks, because this feeling often develops after I've chatted with a guy who I didn't initially feel attracted to based just on looks; it's a feeling that he creates through his behavior. The player type guys naturally know how to approach a woman, make her giggle and create this sexual tension - other guys learn it as they get older, and some guys never really get it.

 

Eyeore brought up good points with regards to men most women like (and I agree with these):

-Making your intentions known

-Being bold

-Having pride in yourself

-Flirty

-Fun

 

We had a small discussion on it (you can visit his 'females have unrealistic expectations thread) but instead of discussing sexual tension it just became a troll thread. Basically, I agree with everything that was said by eyeore in that sexual tension is a big deal, and that it is not an unrealistic expectation at all. Especially seeing that this is pretty much the one thing that explains why people are drawn to certain people.

 

Even more so, that this is a weapon everyone can benefit from if they're humble enough to learn a thing or two.

 

So I guess the question is: Ladies how would you define sexual tension? And what does a man do in your experience that causes you to say 'hey! he's creating sexual attraction'. Also my fellow gents are invited to include some experiences of things they've done to get the woman all riled up.

 

I think we're about to see the looks/'666' myth debunked once again.

 

Let's discuss.

Edited September 27, 2011 by eatNrM

[eatNrM]

FRNYC (whatever his name is )

[Eeyore79]

There are a few men who are outstanding in some way and catch my attention - they're usually the really handsome guys, the captain of the football team, the talented musician, etc. Most guys aren't outstanding - by definition, the average man is average. So usually I won't notice Mr Average unless he captures my attention somehow. This is where the whole sexual tension thing comes in.

 

Men are primarily visually attracted to women, so they think attraction works the same way for women. While it's true that visual attraction is important to women, it isn't as important as it is to men, and only the most handsome guys can attract women based on looks alone. The things that will attract a woman are things that she can't see unless you express them. You may be an awesome guy, really smart, successful and funny, but I can't find out all that stuff unless you come and talk to me and show those things to me (if you don't approach, women never get a chance to develop an attraction to you).

 

So when I talk about sexual tension, I mean: Come and show me what you have going for you. Show me the great things about yourself that will make me interested in dating you. And above all, make me feel like you're a man and I'm a woman.

 

The last bit is where a lot of guys fail. They're great guys, but they just don't project any masculine energy. Shyness, quietness, sweetness, gentleness - these are more feminine traits which a heterosexual woman probably won't be attracted to. Masculine traits are confidence, boldness, pride, strength and dominance. Projecting a fun, flirty masculine energy is what makes a woman feel feminine and giggly in contrast, and this creates attraction. This is why women date jerks, because they're really successful at giving off this confident masculine vibe. A guy who seems effeminate probably won't attract many women. The same goes for a woman who is too masculine - guys are attracted to that sweet feminine vibe, and a ball buster of a woman probably won't attract many men.

[Cee]

I only can feel sexual tension if I sense a real possibility of mutual attraction. And that the man is who he says he is and not a projection of my own fantasy. I protect myself and cannot want someone who doesn't want me back. With that said, I have the greatest sexual tension in early dating (if it's going well).

 

I go weak in the knees when I'm on a great date and I am getting to know someone new. I find it incredibly sexy to discover a good man's nature and then I start wondering what they look like nekkid. At the precise moment that I feel safe enough to sleep with them, my hormones go crazy.

 

I still feel sexual tension with my boyfriend. It usually happens when we are out in public and I get to see him interact with others. This weekend we were having brunch and he was chatting up an older man. My boyfriend quoted Winston Churchill and then had a conversation about history I didn't understand. I found that incredibly sexy - not only the history part, but his ability to chat up strangers in an engaging way.

 

Eh, maybe I'm weird, but I find the combination of intelligence and good social skills to be a turn on.

[Professor X]

Why did you spell your name backwards wrong? Also, why don't you use the pony avatar?

[AHardDaysNight]

Why did you spell your name backwards wrong? Also, why don't you use the pony avatar?

 

Why didn't I see that?

 

Anyway, I think sexual tension is something that means something different to every woman. I've created sexual tension by being shy and quiet, and turned off girls by being shy and quiet.

 

Eeyore is obviously the kind of girl that goes for outgoing, extroverted men. That's fine for her, but if all women went for that type, shyness would die off (key hint: plenty of shy, quiet guys are in relationships.)

 

At some point, you have to make a move, though. I think that's what everybody is driving at.

[Ayla]

For me sexual tension is about the body language...if I am attracted to someone who also is attracted to me, the flirting, the subtle sexual innuendos, and definitiely the looks that are passed between us.

 

There are many different times these looks occur - it could be a flirtatious look, it could be a mutual understanding look that only we have, the hate to see you leave, but love to watch you go look and also the look that you get when the guy turns around to have one last look at you...

 

If you can't tell...the eye contact makes me melt.

 

Eyes are the window to the soul....

[grkBoy]

Sexual tension does a lot. This is why I tell "nice guys" to flirt and take chances.

 

Who cares if she thinks you're creepy? Be bold, confident, and stand by your flirtation (provided it isn't actually creepy). In the end, she'll know you have a penis and will use it.

 

I'm a very average looking guy, but you would be surprised how many times I've gotten the sexual tension up with hot girls because I started with a flirtation, and carried on in a confident manner.

 

The girls who would see me and think ANY flirtation is "ew" or "creepy" are generally the ones who are very hardcore on looks. However, look deeper and see how many are chronically single and continually "pumped and dumped". It says you shouldn't feel like a failure, but know she's digging her own hole with her unrealistic standards.

 

Being nice is a good thing, but you also have to be a man. Start by confidently going from the small talk to saying how she looks pretty, stunning, beautiful, or even sexy in the outfit she's wearing. 9 out of 10 times she'll take the compliment, even if she claims she looks like crap.

 

Go from there. Tell her that her man must be very lucky, and when she says she doesn't have one...say how that's a shame, or even say "well that's good for me then".

 

Take chances. That's how you get places.

[Eeyore79]

Eeyore is obviously the kind of girl that goes for outgoing, extroverted men. That's fine for her, but if all women went for that type, shyness would die off (key hint: plenty of shy, quiet guys are in relationships.)

 

I think most girls like fun, outgoing guys. Shy guys do get into relationships, but it seems a lot harder for them to make that special connection with a woman. I have dated shy guys in the past, but they've usually been guys who I bumped into repeatedly and the attraction took a long time to build. The flirty masculine guys seem to create attraction much quicker with a larger number of women.

[somethingsimple]

A technique is I use is pretend like I don't know she's watching and then do something sexy. One of my favorites, is to adjust my clothing in a way I see is attractive. Things like loosening my tie, tugging on my shirt, fixing my collar, even dusting my shoulders off. I make sure she's paying attention and that I'm too busy fixing to notice her observation. I do this also, with physical features like my arms or licking or biting my lips.

[Pierre]

I'd say he's probably being too friendly with the girls and isn't flirting or creating sexual tension. I'm attracted to men who are flirty and fun, who create sexual tension that makes butterflies in my tummy, who make me feel flattered and excited all at once. It isn't about looks, because this feeling often develops after I've chatted with a guy who I didn't initially feel attracted to based just on looks; it's a feeling that he creates through his behavior. The player type guys naturally know how to approach a woman, make her giggle and create this sexual tension - other guys learn it as they get older, and some guys never really get it.

 

So called players always make a big splash with women that crave attention and external validation.

 

Women that are very secure with no need for external validation can see right through the BS of players. In fact some of these women cannot stand players.

 

OTOH, needy women are easy pray for the players and sexual tension happens very quickly. These women are so needy that they ignore looks. For these women a man is hot only if he shows interest in them.

[Pierre]

A technique is I use is pretend like I don't know she's watching and then do something sexy. One of my favorites, is to adjust my clothing in a way I see is attractive. Things like loosening my tie, tugging on my shirt, fixing my collar, even dusting my shoulders off. I make sure she's paying attention and that I'm too busy fixing to notice her observation. I do this also, with physical features like my arms or licking or biting my lips.

 

 

Ha, ha: You are a typical primate!

 

 

According to David Givens, an anthropologist, and Timothy Perper, a biologist, who spent several hundred hours in American cocktail lounges watching men and women flirt, American singles-bar courtship has several stages, each with distinctive escalation points. I shall divide them into five. The first is the "attention getting" phase. Young men and women do this somewhat differently. As soon as they enter the bar, both males and females typically establish a territory—a seat, a place to lean, a position near the jukebox or dance floor. Once settled, they begin to attract attention to themselves.

 

Tactics vary. Men tend to pitch and roll their shoulders, stretch, exaggerate their body movements. Instead of using the wrist to stir a drink, men often employ the entire arm, as if stirring mud. The normally smooth motion necessary to light a cigarette becomes a whole-body gesture, ending with an elaborate shaking from the elbow to extinguish the match.

Then there is the swagger with which young men often move to and fro. Male baboons on the grasslands of East Africa also swagger when they foresee a potential sexual encounter. A male gorilla walks back and forth stiffly as he watches a female out of the corner of his eye. The parading gait is known to primatologists as bird-dogging. Males of many species also preen. Human males pat their hair, adjust their clothes, tug their chins, or perform other self-clasping or grooming movements that diffuse nervous energy and keep the body moving.

The apes have your moves too.:laugh::laugh:

[Feelin Frisky]

For me it's a whole language of non-verbal communication and timely action. I'm very different in person than on forums where I'm sometimes hyper-intellectual. In person, you have to sense everything and act in ways that "show" your guile and bravado and it helps to have an expressive face and know how to talk with your eyes. It's not a game of "tell"--it's a game of "show" and showing can be both acting and saying something and knowing when not to--I found many of my male friends performing extremely poorly in this area because it was all about their impulses with no sensitivity to what the girls they were trying to attracts readiness might be.

 

Make the move to touch if you two haven't touched yet--but do it in a way that doesn't put her on the spot to jump too far or feel like she's being invaded. There's a "fluid" way of doing things where you make things easy and natural for the other person and there's a clumsy way and that's always about being senseless about anything but your own wants. If you dance, draw her eyes to yours and your moves and for chrissake, don't look around at other people--they don't exist. Only you and she.

 

Lastly, although I have an intellect and a political compass, too much of that early on is just as self centered as the clumsy other things than makes a woman feel left out and just an object when you want the mood to change. Don't bore her. There is forever to reveal how brilliant you are. Those are my "ways" basically. I think they convey that there's both a simplicity of getting through the potentially uncomfortable and a complexity worth wanting to find out about. Good luck fellas.

[somedude81]

Why did you spell your name backwards wrong? Also, why don't you use the pony avatar?

I think he should have made his name. EatMr.N

------------

 

I just don't get sexual tension at all. Which probably explains why I've done so horribly with women.

 

One thing I've learned about is what women are attracted to or interested in.

 

The list is basically

 

Looks

Money

Reputation

 

And as Eeyore79 said, average isn't good enough.

 

Why the average man isn't good enough for the average woman. That's a problem with today's society.

 

But the average man has a card he can use to get the average woman. Sexual tension.

 

Now anybody want to explain to me how I can do it?

[denise_xo]

what does a man do in your experience that causes you to say 'hey! he's creating sexual attraction'.

 

Skillful/ playful use of eye contact, language (e.g. through multilevel/ ambiguous use of language), and the occasional touch that is sufficiently light and random to make me second guess if it's a coincidence and then long for some more

[Pierre]

Skillful/ playful use of eye contact, language (e.g. through multilevel/ ambiguous use of language), and the occasional touch that is sufficiently light and random to make me second guess if it's a coincidence and then long for some more

 

Wooing Messages

 

Human courtship has other similarities to courtship in "lower" animals. Normally people woo each other slowly. Caution during courtship is also characteristic of spiders. The male wolf spider, for example, must enter the long, darker entrance of a female's compound in order to court and copulate. This he does slowly. If he is overeager, she devours him.

Men and women who are too aggressive at the beginning of the courting process also suffer unpleasant consequences. If you come too close, touch too soon, or talk too much, you will probably be repelled. Like wooing among wolf spiders, baboons, and other creatures, the human pickup runs on message. At every juncture in the ritual each partner must respond correctly, otherwise the courtship fails.

 

 

:laugh:

[somedude81]

Thank god I'm not a spider.

 

I would have been eaten a long time ago.

[denise_xo]

:laugh:

 

that's OK. Spiders are cute

[In A Rut]

I'm pretty laid back, I enjoy conversation, I smile a lot and laugh a lot and I am easy to get on with. I don't actually know how I created sexual attraction with the last girl I liked. I remember starting off by laying the ground work, introducing myself, getting to know her a bit, telling her a bit about myself and it just went from there. We started teasing each other, having a laugh together, flirting with each other. People noted that there was chemistry there between us and an attraction and we both felt comfortable around each other. She would punch me in the arm and things like that. I would flick her hair, we just had fun together. Unfortunately it never worked out, but we were definitely really attracted to each other. I was just myself and nature did its course, so I honestly don't have a clue how to build real sexual tension though.

[Feelin Frisky]

Is there a stipulation between sexual tension with someone you're with, someone you're interested in, or just sexual tension with someone else that you may have to interact with that you can't act on? There are all kinds of scenarios.

[AD1980]

Its a fine line..if you do that and the women isnt attracted to you then you will be labeled a creep..

[PJKino]

There are a few men who are outstanding in some way and catch my attention - they're usually the really handsome guys, the captain of the football team, the talented musician, etc. Most guys aren't outstanding - by definition, the average man is average. So usually I won't notice Mr Average unless he captures my attention somehow. This is where the whole sexual tension thing comes in.

 

Men are primarily visually attracted to women, so they think attraction works the same way for women. While it's true that visual attraction is important to women, it isn't as important as it is to men, and only the most handsome guys can attract women based on looks alone. The things that will attract a woman are things that she can't see unless you express them. You may be an awesome guy, really smart, successful and funny, but I can't find out all that stuff unless you come and talk to me and show those things to me (if you don't approach, women never get a chance to develop an attraction to you).

 

So when I talk about sexual tension, I mean: Come and show me what you have going for you. Show me the great things about yourself that will make me interested in dating you. And above all, make me feel like you're a man and I'm a woman.

 

The last bit is where a lot of guys fail. They're great guys, but they just don't project any masculine energy. Shyness, quietness, sweetness, gentleness - these are more feminine traits which a heterosexual woman probably won't be attracted to. Masculine traits are confidence, boldness, pride, strength and dominance. Projecting a fun, flirty masculine energy is what makes a woman feel feminine and giggly in contrast, and this creates attraction. This is why women date jerks, because they're really successful at giving off this confident masculine vibe. A guy who seems effeminate probably won't attract many women. The same goes for a woman who is too masculine - guys are attracted to that sweet feminine vibe, and a ball buster of a woman probably won't attract many men.

 

Its interesting, a friend in my social circle who i heard my buddies wives call arrogant and a jerk at times in the past is also the example they used for my other friend who has trouble attracting women and asked them for advice..

 

Thy said a lot of women including themslves are attracted to said friend because he has "masculine energy" and looks fertile..

 

It pays to be an ahole as a Man more then a nice guy to attract women inititally because its what gets womens feminine emotions going..

[Cracker Jack]

Sexual tension does a lot. This is why I tell "nice guys" to flirt and take chances.

 

Who cares if she thinks you're creepy? Be bold, confident, and stand by your flirtation (provided it isn't actually creepy). In the end, she'll know you have a penis and will use it.

 

I'm a very average looking guy, but you would be surprised how many times I've gotten the sexual tension up with hot girls because I started with a flirtation, and carried on in a confident manner.

 

The girls who would see me and think ANY flirtation is "ew" or "creepy" are generally the ones who are very hardcore on looks. However, look deeper and see how many are chronically single and continually "pumped and dumped". It says you shouldn't feel like a failure, but know she's digging her own hole with her unrealistic standards.

 

Being nice is a good thing, but you also have to be a man. Start by confidently going from the small talk to saying how she looks pretty, stunning, beautiful, or even sexy in the outfit she's wearing. 9 out of 10 times she'll take the compliment, even if she claims she looks like crap.

 

Go from there. Tell her that her man must be very lucky, and when she says she doesn't have one...say how that's a shame, or even say "well that's good for me then".

 

Take chances. That's how you get places.

 

Great post, grk. I agree with it all.

 

I feel like if I can get past the initial part that I bolded, I'd be so much better in this area. I know I can do it, but instead of taking a chance, I always worry about their reaction. And the ugly part is quite a few of those women would tell their friends or sometimes my friends, that I'd have a chance if I actually talked to them and didn't come off as someone who was overwhelmed by them.

 

But as you said, the way to get places is to take risks. It has to be done eventually.

 

As for the other bolded part, couldn't this also be the wrong thing to say to her? I ask because wouldn't she already be used to hearing this sorta thing from dozens of men daily? Most believe it's actually better off if you don't give compliments like that. I know anytime I did in the past, I got a thank you, but had no idea how to go forward. Now the sexy outfit part is something I've never done, so I'll have to try that.

[Andy_K]

So called players always make a big splash with women that crave attention and external validation.

 

Women that are very secure with no need for external validation can see right through the BS of players. In fact some of these women cannot stand players.

 

OTOH, needy women are easy pray for the players and sexual tension happens very quickly. These women are so needy that they ignore looks. For these women a man is hot only if he shows interest in them.

 

This is a great point. It pretty much nails everything girls need to know about spotting players. Namely:

1) If you're genuinely confident in yourself and don't need external validation, you probably have no problems with players anyway, and

2) Until you achieve 1) - and you should definitely be working towards it if you're not there yet - ask yourself "Am I attracted to this guy just because of the way he makes me feel about myself when I'm around him, or because he's genuinely got a lot going for him?"

[Mme. Chaucer]

I hate spiders. But, I too am curious about this incarnation of Mr. Nate.

 

Where's the avatar, and what's with the name?