The Real Sexual Tension Thread

[eatNrM]

Why did you spell your name backwards wrong? Also, why don't you use the pony avatar?

 

Accidentally posted a link which I guess led to a commercial site, so it got me moderated for like 3 weeks straight. (So that account is on hold)

 

And the mispelling...yeah...I failed:laugh: (I noticed it after I already saved)

[eatNrM]

I hate spiders. But, I too am curious about this incarnation of Mr. Nate.

 

Where's the avatar, and what's with the name?

 

Ok, so here's the run down. I left a badass voice recording for everyone. But soon as I made the thread it got deleted, and I got the proverbial message from Tony. Apparently I posted a commercial link (??) and it violated rules, so it resulted in me getting moderated for 3 straight weeks.

 

Which meant I'd have to wait for up to 2 days to have a post approved. I don't think the punishment fit the crime, so I just use this one until the moderation is done. Then I will return to my handsome, glorious, sexy self.

 

And the name is backward because that was a fail on my part. I tried to log in loads of times with the assumption I spelled it backwards correctly...until I found why I couldn't get in...yeah:o

[Eeyore79]

The list is basically

 

Looks

Money

Reputation

 

And as Eeyore79 said, average isn't good enough.

 

That isn't what I said at all. The average guy has a lot going for him, but it's not immediately apparent. A guy who is exceptional in terms of looks or talents stands out and I notice him; his good qualities are plain for all to see. But Mr Average doesn't stand out; his good qualities are hidden until he purposely shows them to me. If he never approaches, or is too shy to talk to me, I'll never find out how great he is.

 

Mr Average basically has to show me why he's a good catch, because it's not obvious just from looking at him. Maybe he's smart, or has an interesting hobby, or a good job, or a great sense of humor. If he also gives off a bit of that masculine energy and comes across as confident and flirty, I'm highly likely to develop an attraction to him.

[eatNrM]

Skillful/ playful use of eye contact, language (e.g. through multilevel/ ambiguous use of language), and the occasional touch that is sufficiently light and random to make me second guess if it's a coincidence and then long for some more

 

So it looks like the body is what does most of the talking eh?

[Ayla]

So it looks like the body is what does most of the talking eh?

 

Um...yes.

 

Body language and eye contact say way more than words!

[denise_xo]

So it looks like the body is what does most of the talking eh?

 

Very much so. In addition (and this is a bit more difficult to describe in behavioral terms), I think it's really sexy when a person is genuine and offers something of himself. It can create a nice tension through increased intimacy.

[In A Rut]

Very much so. In addition (and this is a bit more difficult to describe in behavioral terms), I think it's really sexy when a person is genuine and offers something of himself. It can create a nice tension through increased intimacy.

 

Can you expand on what you mean by "offers something of himself"? I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

[denise_xo]

Can you expand on what you mean by "offers something of himself"? I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

 

Sorry, I know I was vague but I wasn't sure how to pin it down. It's kind of a feeling that I tap into rather than something I associate with a particular action so I wasn't sure how to describe it.

 

It's when someone puts his guard down and lets the 'real him' show. Sometimes I see it for example when a man is dancing. Or takes a risk and says something that might put him in a vulnerable position. Or says something that pushes the boundaries for our intimacy but in a skillful rather than intrusive way. It's about creating those close encounters where you know you're both putting yourselves out there a bit, when someone shows you a bit of his heart and invites you to do the same. It's that risk and openness that also creates a tension that can be very sexy and attractive. I generally think it's brave and I am impressed by men who do that naturally. I'm sorry I can't explain it more concretely but I don't really know how to

[eatNrM]

Um...yes.

 

Body language and eye contact say way more than words!

 

Ha what's been up sweerheart? Yep! I figured body language was a big deal edpecially to women, who are more perceptive in nature. It also one area I think I could improve in a bit. After all,you can never be too charming right?

Edited September 28, 2011 by eatNrM

[eatNrM]

Its a fine line..if you do that and the women isnt attracted to you then you will be labeled a creep..

 

How would you be labeled a creep if you did it in a respectful, non-imposing way?

[eatNrM]

Sorry, I know I was vague but I wasn't sure how to pin it down. It's kind of a feeling that I tap into rather than something I associate with a particular action so I wasn't sure how to describe it.

 

It's when someone puts his guard down and lets the 'real him' show. Sometimes I see it for example when a man is dancing. Or takes a risk and says something that might put him in a vulnerable position. Or says something that pushes the boundaries for our intimacy but in a skillful rather than intrusive way. It's about creating those close encounters where you know you're both putting yourselves out there a bit, when someone shows you a bit of his heart and invites you to do the same. It's that risk and openness that also creates a tension that can be very sexy and attractive. I generally think it's brave and I am impressed by men who do that naturally. I'm sorry I can't explain it more concretely but I don't really know how to

 

I get ya. Basically it's like that subtle but powerful invitation to open up piece by piece of yourself.. by him doing the same..and you feeding off that energy. Interesting, denise.

[stillafool]

So called players always make a big splash with women that crave attention and external validation.

 

Women that are very secure with no need for external validation can see right through the BS of players. In fact some of these women cannot stand players.

 

OTOH, needy women are easy pray for the players and sexual tension happens very quickly. These women are so needy that they ignore looks. For these women a man is hot only if he shows interest in them.

 

I hate to say it but this is true. I've seen so much of this from women over the years. I saw this documentary on 'Pimps' and a few of them said they look for those traits in the women they choose.

[january2011]

Ladies how would you define sexual tension? And what does a man do in your experience that causes you to say 'hey! he's creating sexual attraction'.

 

I'd define it as that anticipation/excitement/urge/ache/hunger of wanting to rip someone's clothes off and pull them into you so that your bodies meld together.

 

At one point, I wrote a list of how guys created sexual tension:

 

1) Cuddling

2) Massages

3) Shared baths

4) Breathing you in (to indicate that you smell good)

5) Rhythmically stroking you when you are talking (thighs, arms, neck, back, stomach, legs, fingertips)

6) Leaning in close to whisper/talk softly so that you can feel his breath on you

7) (Mild) lewd talking/flirting/teasing

8) Play-fighting

9) Taking his top off/getting naked

10) Sharing a bed and spooning

11) Last-minute plans to build excitement/adventure

12) Remaining mysterious when you're not together to build the anticipation

 

(E&OE)

 

You're basically creating an atmosphere of intimacy so that jumping into bed isn't too far off.

[somedude81]

I'd define it as that anticipation/excitement/urge/ache/hunger of wanting to rip someone's clothes off and pull them into you so that your bodies meld together.

 

At one point, I wrote a list of how guys created sexual tension:

 

1) Cuddling

2) Massages

3) Shared baths

4) Breathing you in (to indicate that you smell good)

5) Rhythmically stroking you when you are talking (thighs, arms, neck, back, stomach, legs, fingertips)

6) Leaning in close to whisper/talk softly so that you can feel his breath on you

7) (Mild) lewd talking/flirting/teasing

8) Play-fighting

9) Taking his top off/getting naked

10) Sharing a bed and spooning

11) Last-minute plans to build excitement/adventure

12) Remaining mysterious when you're not together to build the anticipation

 

(E&OE)

 

You're basically creating an atmosphere of intimacy so that jumping into bed isn't too far off.

The vast majority of things on that list are things people do who've already slept together.

 

What are the sexual tension building things a guy can do before he's actually done something physical?

[january2011]

The vast majority of things on that list are things people do who've already slept together.

 

Nope. A skilled player can do most of those things before he's even slept with the girl. But then, he was good. *sigh*

[somedude81]

Uh, the point of this thread is for guys who aren't skilled players to be able to understand sexual tension.

[january2011]

Uh, the point of this thread is for guys who aren't skilled players to be able to understand sexual tension.

 

I suggest that you re-read the OP to familiarise yourself again. Particularly with this bit:

 

So I guess the question is: Ladies how would you define sexual tension? And what does a man do in your experience that causes you to say 'hey! he's creating sexual attraction'. Also my fellow gents are invited to include some experiences of things they've done to get the woman all riled up.

[skelterhelter]

As for the other bolded part, couldn't this also be the wrong thing to say to her? I ask because wouldn't she already be used to hearing this sorta thing from dozens of men daily? Most believe it's actually better off if you don't give compliments like that. I know anytime I did in the past, I got a thank you, but had no idea how to go forward. Now the sexy outfit part is something I've never done, so I'll have to try that.

 

Speaking as a woman, I think a lot of ladies might be put off by a guy saying how "sexy" her outfit is. I think general comments like "you're stunning" or whatever isn't the way to play it. Most girls either 1) have heard this before; or 2) will think you're just trying to get in their pants. Sure, I love being told I'm beautiful. It'll always make me feel good. But from a guy I just met at the bar? Doesn't mean too much. It seems like superficial flattery used as a means to an end.

 

Things I'd rather hear? Your eyes are really pretty. You have a nice smile. When guys pay compliments on physical features that aren't necessarily sexual in nature, I'm more inclined to appreciate them. Plus, it just seems more genuine. Then again, this is just one girl's opinion; I'm sure there are plenty of women who love being told their outfit is sexy.

 

Anyway, to comment on this thread... I agree that guys who project a certain energy/charisma will hook me a lot faster. But I disagree that it's the player type because I can always see through them. I've been "hooked" by the nerdy, intellectual guys who weren't players at all...but they certainly projected confidence and made the moves (subtle flirtation, standing close to me, engaging me in conversation). But I think a lot of it is chemistry too. Would I necessarily be attracted to someone who did that and I saw them as nothing more than a friend? Probably not. The spark would have to run both ways. But I certainly agree that confidence makes you a lot more attractive (and, no, that doesn't mean being pushy. It just means you have good qualities and aren't afraid to show them to me!).

[denise_xo]

I get ya. Basically it's like that subtle but powerful invitation to open up piece by piece of yourself.. by him doing the same..and you feeding off that energy. Interesting, denise.

 

That's exactly it

 

I'd define it as that anticipation/excitement/urge/ache/hunger of wanting to rip someone's clothes off and pull them into you so that your bodies meld together.

 

I really like this take on it, too.

[somedude81]

I suggest that you re-read the OP to familiarise yourself again. Particularly with this bit:

Hmm, you're not reading between the lines.

 

Oh well.

[january2011]

Hmm, you're not reading between the lines.

 

Oh well.

 

No, at the moment, I'm taking it exactly as written.

 

Why not explain what you think the OP means?

[PJKino]

There are a few men who are outstanding in some way and catch my attention - they're usually the really handsome guys, the captain of the football team, the talented musician, etc. Most guys aren't outstanding - by definition, the average man is average. So usually I won't notice Mr Average unless he captures my attention somehow. This is where the whole sexual tension thing comes in.

 

Men are primarily visually attracted to women, so they think attraction works the same way for women. While it's true that visual attraction is important to women, it isn't as important as it is to men, and only the most handsome guys can attract women based on looks alone. The things that will attract a woman are things that she can't see unless you express them. You may be an awesome guy, really smart, successful and funny, but I can't find out all that stuff unless you come and talk to me and show those things to me (if you don't approach, women never get a chance to develop an attraction to you).

 

So when I talk about sexual tension, I mean: Come and show me what you have going for you. Show me the great things about yourself that will make me interested in dating you. And above all, make me feel like you're a man and I'm a woman.

 

The last bit is where a lot of guys fail. They're great guys, but they just don't project any masculine energy. Shyness, quietness, sweetness, gentleness - these are more feminine traits which a heterosexual woman probably won't be attracted to. Masculine traits are confidence, boldness, pride, strength and dominance. Projecting a fun, flirty masculine energy is what makes a woman feel feminine and giggly in contrast, and this creates attraction. This is why women date jerks, because they're really successful at giving off this confident masculine vibe. A guy who seems effeminate probably won't attract many women. The same goes for a woman who is too masculine - guys are attracted to that sweet feminine vibe, and a ball buster of a woman probably won't attract many men.

 

Why would being dominant turn you on? Most guys with that trait are aholes

[somedude81]

Especially seeing that this is pretty much the one thing that explains why people are drawn to certain people.

 

Even more so, that this is a weapon everyone can benefit from if they're humble enough to learn a thing or two.

While I don't know exactly what EatMr.N had in mind, my guess is that he wanted people to learn how sexual tension works and ways they can use it.

 

Now considering that this forum is full of men who do horribly with women, don't you think they could benefit from learning how to use sexual tension?

[In A Rut]

Creating sexual tension requires both parties being on the same wavelength from what I understand. I love being touched by a woman. There's something about a woman's touch that makes my body shiver with excitement. I remember when a girl rubbed her hand through my hair and around my neck at work during our lunch break and she turned me on. If she had done that outside of work I would have ravished her.

Edited September 28, 2011 by In A Rut

[january2011]

Now considering that this forum is full of men who do horribly with women, don't you think they could benefit from learning how to use sexual tension?

 

I do. And thus I provided my perspective and experience. Just like he asked.

 

Those techniques work. Not all guys can get away with some of them because they do require stepping out of comfort zones and being a bit vulnerable, as denise_xo described. But the way to counteract that vulnerability and discomfort is practice. You have to have done it so many times that you don't care if you get rejected.

 

I know someone whose self-esteem and self-confidence were shot to pieces after his wife cheated on him and broke up their marriage. He took himself off to a bar and decided to spend all night trying crazy chatup lines with the women who he met. He even had the female bartenders helping him and feeding him lines to try. Over the course of the night, his lines got more and more outrageous. By the end of the night, he'd chatted up 16 women. He looked rejection in the eye and decided that he wasn't going to be beat. His confidence went right back up. He felt the multiple rejections and no one died. He didn't die. He knew he wasn't going to get any of the women to agree to go out with him. But that wasn't his aim. You put yourself out there and you experiment. Find what works for you. Don't immediately dismiss suggestions if you haven't tried them.

 

Skilled players get that way because they practised. They weren't born to automatically know how to 'get' women or build sexual tension. They make it look easy because they've climbed the hill and when rolling down it they let gravity take over. They've done the hard work already. There aren't any shortcuts to things like this.