The Real Sexual Tension Thread

[fortyninethousand322]

Skilled players get that way because they practised. They weren't born to automatically know how to 'get' women or build sexual tension. They make it look easy because they've climbed the hill and when rolling down it they let gravity take over. They've done the hard work already. There aren't any shortcuts to things like this.

 

Is this really true? I mean I've always thought that while there might not be a "shortcut" to being comfortable approaching and dating women there might be a "short-er cut" to being able to do so. Like you could join clubs or social groups and sort of be able to discern if a girl is into you or not and then go from there. Obviously, that's never really worked out for me but I've always thought it might some day.

[january2011]

Is this really true? I mean I've always thought that while there might not be a "shortcut" to being comfortable approaching and dating women there might be a "short-er cut" to being able to do so. Like you could join clubs or social groups and sort of be able to discern if a girl is into you or not and then go from there. Obviously, that's never really worked out for me but I've always thought it might some day.

 

I should have added, "in my experience."

 

Human interaction is unique. It's not a one size fits all. As I said above, you have to practise and find what works for you. Even in the communities that you mention, they'd most likely get you to role play so that you can practise. There's no magic bullet.

[eatNrM]

No, at the moment, I'm taking it exactly as written.

 

Why not explain what you think the OP means?

 

January is right somedude. The main purpose is to let the women speak about what sexual tension and creating it means to them. And of course the fellas can benefit as well by picking up a few nuggets here and there. When it comes to me, I like to hear from women what attracts them because I believe they'll tell you the 100% truth, especially when you don't try and shame them for what they like. Eh, I'm just very interested in always improving, and learning more about this beautiful species called women.

 

Of course other women are free to add their input to the thread ( including those girls who are lurking.. i know youre there:cool: )

[counterman]

This is some good stuff I thought relatively inexperience in creating this feeling in women but some of the things I have done and wasn't aware of. Always more one to learn though and practise as well! Must keep the thread alive

[Thieves]

The last bit is where a lot of guys fail. They're great guys, but they just don't project any masculine energy. Shyness, quietness, sweetness, gentleness - these are more feminine traits which a heterosexual woman probably won't be attracted to. Masculine traits are confidence, boldness, pride, strength and dominance.

 

The bolded part above, I disagree with. The wonderful guy who brought me here to these boards is a prime example of how a man can easily combine both 'masculine' and 'feminine'.

 

Firstly, yes, he was attractive - but not in a totally conventional way. I became attracted by how he projected himself. He was certainly masculine - nice body, nice eyes - but he didn't over-do it. He was humble and could joke about himself. He was also a gentleman and kind of quiet and sweet in his own way. He would show me his vulnerable side at times, and I thought it was nice when he did. It would baffle me though (in a good way), because he'd be so kind one moment, but in the next minute he'd make a very blunt/casual comment that was sexual. But he didn't really mention him and I being sexual together. So he was kind of teasing me, which increased my curiosity about him and what he was really like (in and out of bed ).

 

He was a man, and let it be known. He was respectful, but still let me know - verbally and physically - that he really wanted me. It was how he used his eyes to look at me, his smile, and his hands whenever we would have any type of casual contact. He was a bit old-fashioned too in how he really liked treating a woman well, and so that made himself look more like a man.

 

I mean, men don't have to be totally arrogant, chest-beating extroverted primates to create sexual tension. The guy I liked was a 'strong and silent' type of guy who didn't talk a whole lot. But when he did talk, he was able to make me feel "special" and make my hormones go up the roof. Drove me crazy.

 

Sorry if it's not all clear - it still baffles me. To this day, there's something about him I just can't put my finger on. It's that quality that made me attracted to him, among other things I mentioned above.

[denise_xo]

I agree with Thieves. I don't need any stereotypical male macho masculinity. I've always been attracted to men who are able to show sensitivity and gentleness, and there are specific styles of being gentle in particular that I find very sexy and impressive. It's definitely a plus in my book. I stay well clear of men projecting dominance and pride, I find it very off putting and I don't want to be in a relationship with a man who feels the need to be dominant, or is dependent on having that role to feel like a 'man'. Healthy (not boastful) confidence, on the other hand, is a good trait.

[counterman]

Thank you! I can't stand guys who feel the need to assert their dominance over anyone and I am a little bemused by some girl's reaction to it. I'm the strong, silent type myself and my ex-girlfriend said to me that she loved it when I talked to her and she just listened. However, I'm getting more comfortable with showing a bit more of my sexuality and am working on a few other aspects.

[Ayla]

Ha what's been up sweerheart? Yep! I figured body language was a big deal edpecially to women, who are more perceptive in nature. It also one area I think I could improve in a bit. After all,you can never be too charming right?

 

All the better from hearing from you. Heaps has been going on! Buying a house, hanging out with the guy I like and working like a trojon! How are you?

 

I think body language can speak more than words...and if not by a player - is way more honest. Of course the vebal just intesifies the sexual tension that the body langauge shared by the two people promotes...IMO.

[somethingsimple]

Adding a little more of what January2011 was saying, yes building sexual tension/attracting women is a skill. Like all skills one can improve with practice and garnering more information. Also, like skills one can be more naturally talented, but the truth of the matter is you can get better.

 

For instance, after I ended a long term relationship, I hit the party, dating, social scene hard. Let me tell you, the improvements I made on attracting women from then to now has been huge. Now this has only been within a year or two, and my physical features hasn't changed much. I remember, after meeting a few women, going on a few dates, reflecting on things I could've done better or what I said wrong.

 

Everything was improved on my wardrobe, vocabulary, body language, facial expression, but probably the biggest and most important Mindset (yes, aka confidence). While, I have the utmost respect for women, but when I'm out, I'm picking them up. Let's face it women find this fun and exciting as well, if I run into women who don't, then I don't. My actions and words are respectful, yeah sometimes feelings get hurt, if I reject them or don't call, but it is what it is.

 

Anyways, when you stop trying to impress and start just being impressive the girls will come. I'm sure most men have these awesome qualities where they are nice, loving, caring, or what have you. While, other men have power, money, have great things going for them career-wise. But when I meet women I try and take all of these out of the equation.

 

What I do is that I try not to disclose many facts about myself and just let my personality shine through (unless I'm on a date). I even take it as far as playing a game, where how much I can get to know about her before disclosing anything about myself. What do we talk about? I talk about the current situation, I let her talk and just listen (and I mean really listen). When you try to impress them with your degrees, career, money, and even that I'm a nice-guy swag, in my opinion you're really sabotaging yourself. Being a "nice" guy is not enough of a reason for a girl to get with you, however it is a big reason for a girl to stay with you. If you can't attract them with everything you have on-hand with your looks (yes, it counts), swag (clothing, posture, etc), and personality, it is not happening.

 

Where does mindset come into play? Its the ability not to care, care more about yourself, and having your priorities straight. Its the vibe you show that you're not needy or clingy (believe me, women can spot this with ease). I looked at my improvement from earlier on to the year to now, and its the neediness I gave off which was really detrimental to attraction. Its essential to have the ability to reject people, to walk away, if you really want to attract. Not in a mean way, but just so that you have your standards and priorities.

 

For example, one girl I met at a bar told me she wanted to come home with me, I told her to just go home. Why? I was to lazy to take her home in the morning, of course I didn't tell her this. Another time, I had a date set up for next week, I cancelled (way in advance of course). I told her that, I just needed time to myself (I really did). She said "What guy does that?", I said "Me". Several instances when I'm hanging out with girls, I simply just leave because I don't like how they dance, they're boring to talk to, I lost attraction to them or my services are needed elsewhere (lol).

 

The point is when you stop trying to impress and start just being impressive, people will start trying to impress you. Likewise, when you stop trying to attract and start just being attractive, people will start trying to attract you. How does one do this? It comes down to the basics, the fundamentals.

 

Confidence.

[eatNrM]

All the better from hearing from you. Heaps has been going on! Buying a house, hanging out with the guy I like and working like a trojon! How are you?

 

I think body language can speak more than words...and if not by a player - is way more honest. Of course the vebal just intesifies the sexual tension that the body langauge shared by the two people promotes...IMO.

 

Ha, likewise:cool: Nice! Sounds like a lot going on, and that guy better treat you well.

 

Thanks for the input on the body language, I think it's definitely something I can tweak a bit. It can be a bit defensive at times haha