BlindRage Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 What is your personal opinion? Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 I still talk to mine because of financial and business ties. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 i don't think so. the only other reason would be - - as January 2011 stated if you have business/financial ties. as he and i don't have any of that i have no reason to keep contact with him. aaaand i haven't Link to post Share on other sites
melenkurion Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 I can't think of any reason. Link to post Share on other sites
shortee143 Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Idk, some people magically stay friends with an ex haha. I see my ex all the time (tons of mutual friends), and all I have wanted from day 1 was to never see or speak to the person that hurt me terribly ever again..but sadly, that isnt going to happen. I think majority of exes are better left unseen and unheard (at least for a long while). I guess it is a matter of preference and the situation..but I think still talking usually leads to more emotion and hurt, etc....I def have hated having him my life post breakup!! Link to post Share on other sites
lymtal1 Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 for me it is absolutely not. i don't have any reason. i don't want to know what she is doing, who she is doing, where she is, and how her life is going. i want her to be ok, but whether i know the detail or not is not required for me to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
ludovico Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 my logical mind says no... my emotional mind says it would be nice... but then I think - what would we possibly talk about? "hey hows your new boyfriend you dumped me for? what's that? -- oh you got married? terrific! im SOOOO happy for you guys! oh and you had kids and your pregnant with another? that's super! good job! congratulations! well, im going to go blow my brains out now. good catching up!" LMAO Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 my logical mind says no... my emotional mind says it would be nice... but then I think - what would we possibly talk about? "hey hows your new boyfriend you dumped me for? what's that? -- oh you got married? terrific! im SOOOO happy for you guys! oh and you had kids and your pregnant with another? that's super! good job! congratulations! well, im going to go blow my brains out now. good catching up!" LMAO omg rofl. its so funny its sad and so sad it funny! Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 If you have financial ties or kids, you can't avoid talking to each other, but it should be kept to a minimum - business only, no long phone conversations or hanging out as buddies. If you have mutual friends and can't avoid bumping into each other occasionally, obviously you have to be civil, but you don't have to be best friends. If there's no reason to be in contact and it's possible to completely cut your ex off, I think it's the best thing to do. Staying in contact with exes only hurts you if there are still some feelings there, or makes your future partner feel uncomfortable. I never date guys who stay in contact with their exes; one of my major reasons for not dating guys with kids is that their ex will still be hanging around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlindRage Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 (edited) I don't think that there is. In my own experience, It just relieves her guilt and boost her ego (or at least I think it does). Which I'm done with by the way. She did leave me for a reason and a leopard never changes its' spots. This is applicable to all exes I think. Theres no point. I haven't replied to the e-mail she sent me yesterday because I find it pointless to even respond. I told her about a week ago that I still love her and can't be near her as friends only. Then I ended it with a 'I won't chase you' and a friendly bye (which it was too friendly that I can see how she thinks I still want to have contact). They like to play mind games and I'm not up for it anymore. Edited October 10, 2011 by BlindRage Link to post Share on other sites
J0N Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I still talk to my previous ex, we are actually pretty good friends. This only happened by chance, I drunkenly told a friend of mine that I felt bad about the way I treated her, and this somehow got back to her. She then texted me saying, "It's been five years, I forgive you, can we be friends again?" Now we are friends again on a purely platonic level, I forgot how much I liked her as a person. I was very clear with her in the beginning that we are going to be just friends. We were both going through breakups (She dumped her bf, and I got dumped by my ex gf) so for a while we were coaching each other through it. It was really strange how it ended up working out. We talk all the time now, I have a new friend as a result. In most people's cases I wouldn't expect anything like this to happen. My current ex, I do not think I will ever be friends with again. We live on opposite sides of the US. She was really cruel to me and unless she apologized to me in a big way, I have no desire to be friends with her. Who knows, maybe in five years I might get a call from her telling me that she made a huge mistake. Anything can happen. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 What is your personal opinion? I balance agreement with NC and respect for my own style of cordiality. So, as an example, while I won't engage my exW substantially when she communicates, I'll respond cordially and topically and leave it at that. Save for communications about divorce prior to divorce, the only time I proactively communicated with her was a few months ago, letting her know a mutual friend was in the hospital for cancer surgery. Nothing beyond that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlindRage Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 (edited) It's great how many of you guys can maintain friendship. This is something I've been sleeping on, how can I stay friends with her? It's really hard. Considering how everything ended and my unrequited lingering feelings of love that I still have towards her. She and I never really had a friendship before we got together. We rushed and within less than a week of knowing each other we were a couple. We lasted 2 1/5 years and I wanted it to last for many more to come, I had asked her to marry me. Our relation was built on romance and she ended it. How can we be friends now, theres no point in my case anymore. It's noble of her to want a friendship with me and I know that she's a good person. I guess it's just time to think logically and what is best for myself and my own mental health. Also, lately I've been feeling more content and accepting of how the whole situation is now. I'm not going to play with myself with this and I can't stick around anymore as it has hurt me beyond repair. Edited October 10, 2011 by BlindRage Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 hey BR i think youre doing amazing btw. you have been through a lot... survived...are really stronger...and i was real proud of you for being YOUR real self and expressing your feelings regardless of her. it's good now, that you are keeping a safe emotional distance too. but if you dont mind, what did she want or have to say in the past email? the last i knew or read, you told her you didnt want contact as a friend. so what does she want now? sorry if i am not caught up. anyway, stay strong and focused. youre doing good looks like. (under the circumstances) Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlindRage Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 (edited) Hey IfiknewThen, Thank you, I do feel like I'm being a strong person now and I have been able to be my old self lately (the old me before I met her). I've been feeling pretty good about it. I still have my moments and I know I'll have them for a while to come. Though I'm not going to hurt myself over a girl that doesn't see me as worthy enough to have a relationship with her. I'm going to move on from this and I'll always love her but... enough is enough, I can't play around with this anymore. To move and and answer your question. I had asked her out and she said yes, I thought as a date but after a few e-mails she made it clear that it would be as "friends only". I told her I loved her a lot (actually I made this VERY clear that my emotions for her are as strong as ever) but I won't chase her anymore. We then exchanged a few e-mails and I remember to have said that... I won't be selfish anymore and contact her, that even though it hurts to not hear from her... it hurts to hear from her just as much. The conversation ended and we said our goodbyes and my good-bye I intended it as my final good-bye but on her end it might have seemed too friendly to be the end. On the new e-mail she just said "hey, how are you doing?". I really don't have anything to say or respond to that question or any other question. I risked it yet again and she shot me down. I feel that internally I'm done with even trying. It feels good but bad at the same time, yet this is the only thing I have had a clear mind about and not doubted. Edited October 11, 2011 by BlindRage Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 I don't hang out with any of my exes, but am on amicable terms with all but one of them (the most recent) and even her, I can see we might reconcile or lay to rest the bad feelings some time. It usually takes a year or two before that happens, but yeah, it happens. One of the best ways to put your strong feelings for someone into perspective is to have a fling, or even just flirt a lot. Helps me realise just how ephemeral those feelings are. These in-between relationships can be mutually beneficial if you're both just out of something more serious. As I see it, there's no point bearing grudges. That's how places like Northern Ireland end up in such a mess, plus no-one deserves to live rent-free in my head. Link to post Share on other sites
Bruised Not Broken Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 Answer I know is right....No...really no reason, unless it was totally mutal and you are both still truly and honestly friends. I think that is possible in a slim few situations. Answer I want to be right.....Yes, so that there is no "out of site out of mind" going on...and I still hold on to a chance he will snap out of his stupidity. (I guess from this answer you can see why I'm on these boards Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 I think the crucial thing is, can you both put the past behind you? If you can't, then no. If you can, yes. In fact, if you can they can't, sure, no problem for you. If you can't and they can, you'll be mugging yourself if you try to. If you were a bloke, you'd moan about "being in the friendzone" which is, as any fool knows, a self-imposed prison. Oh, and if you divide people into men and women a lot and don't tend to mix with the opposite sex for fun, then that can make it difficult too. But, of course, it happens. If people with kids can do it, so can people who don't have kids. There does have to be some shared connection or interest in order for it to make sense, however. Be that a shared social group or work or you both enjoy schlock horror movies. But that goes for most friendships, right? Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 makes sense betterdeal : ) and yes bruised not broken, thats why we are on these boards. blindrage. you DO sound like you know who you are, and you know who she is, and exactly whats going on. knowledge is power. so you know your limits with her and whats healthy for you and whats not. you essentially sound balanced even tho youre still in love with her and that throws us off balance sometimes. she made it clear what her intentions were. you made it clear what yours are. so she should understand youre not wanting to write back at this time Link to post Share on other sites
fazz Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 nice topic... My ex has just popped up sending me text if I wanted to meet him for a dinner after 3.5 months of NC..... I don't see the reason what good would it bring so I did not reply it. One of the reason of our split was because he keep in touch with all his exes....and I don't see what the reason is, he said its just nice but that is such a weak reason. That is so weird. I'm feeling a bit depressed at the moment because I have gradually started to pick up the pieces and move on, but his text and the way i ignored it just give me this moment of regrets if I have done the right thing ignoring him. I don't know what a "dinner" is for really. We have broken up and got back and broken up again and every time we broken up he just got back to what I hate him of doing the most. *shurgs* so NO I don't see why we need to keep in touch w exes in general ( unless business/ financial/children involved) and I am hoping to meet someone with the same perspective ! I mean at the very special cases its possible, although its a slim chances and its ra risky case. Link to post Share on other sites
J0N Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 You bring up a valid point, I think whenever I finally start dating somebody new I probably won't be in such close contact with my previous ex. I usually insist that anybody I am dating not be in contact with exes, and i couldn't be justified doing that if I did it too. It is only possible to be friends in my opinion once ALL romantic feelings have completely faded. This can take a very long time, trying to be friends within a year or two I think is a recipe for disaster. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 my logical mind says no... my emotional mind says it would be nice... but then I think - what would we possibly talk about? "hey hows your new boyfriend you dumped me for? what's that? -- oh you got married? terrific! im SOOOO happy for you guys! oh and you had kids and your pregnant with another? that's super! good job! congratulations! well, im going to go blow my brains out now. good catching up!" LMAO Exactly I find it really odd when people are friends with their exes. Does the conversation with them actually go like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 I'm not friends with exes. Why would I want to be friends with someone you thinks that they can do better than me? Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 sugarkane is right. sometimes you can be friend with the ex who loved you and treated you with respect. but most of the time when you already gave your whole into the relationship and they dumped you, why would you want to be friend with them. please do yourself a favor and leave them out so that you have space for something and somebody else that add more values to your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlindRage Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 I'm not friends with exes. Why would I want to be friends with someone you thinks that they can do better than me? This is exactly how I'm feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
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