EgoJoe Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 BlindRage. If she contacts again without attempting to reconcile just tell her that you are unwilling to be her friend. She obviously values you but lost attraction or their may be other issues. Move on and heal still but stop wearing your emotions on your sleeve around her. Betterdeal, amen to your last post. Sometimes you can tell that one or the other is going to happen eventually. I have the exact feeling. Still moving on and healing, though! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlindRage Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 Today all I can think about is her. Somedays are easier than others but I need to move on, she doesn't love me anymore. I guess it's one step at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlindRage Posted October 20, 2011 Author Share Posted October 20, 2011 (edited) I went out with a girl today and it seemed good. I was really attracted to her in sexually, which hasn't happened in a long time. I told her after on the phone and she said she wanted to kiss me the whole time, which I wanted to also, but felt I had to respect her space. Yea, I'm not putting all my eggs on one basket but I'm glad that I can feel sexual attraction again towards another female other than my ex. Edited October 20, 2011 by BlindRage Link to post Share on other sites
BrettLost Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 If I had no kids, ex would'nt hear a whisper out of me. The problem I have with LC is even when trying to remain on the topic of children etc, it can easily slip into a general 'hows things' convo. This can boil into an emotion filled war. Plus seeing her every week to grab kids is re-opening a wound which is trying to heal. Like picking a scab over and over and over. Would be much easier not to see her at all, as opposed to pretending its all cool for your kids sake. I dont hate my ex, but i'd rather not have her new life stuffed in my face like a f-ing ball of cotton candy. I cant find ANY reason why NC cant be kept with an ex without kids. No money issues or CS, just two people parting ways. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 blindrage. BIG SMILES for you!!!!!!!!! this is a breakthrough. it's a glimpse of what STILL "IS" possible!!! it is. just because we dont see it. doesn't mean its not out there. that hope is.,,at least. good job! glad you went out with someone. and best part is your experience and realization. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlindRage Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 One step forward and five steps back. I just messaged my ex an e-mail with just the name of a song and the artist who sings it. Not just any song, a love song. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I live with one of my ex's. However, our relationship was more like a friendship so we were able to switch to friends effortlessly. My current ex- no. There is NO reason for me to talk to him, although I keep inventing reasons. At least now, I don't call when I invent the reasons. He called me the other day- scum bag! He opened up old wounds. I'm going to put the details in a new thread: opening up old wounds. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlindRage Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 Just came back from a date with the girl that I went out before. It was great! I had a lot of fun and hopefully she wants to do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 hmmm i know you thought of her when hearing the song. but ...wondering.....did you feel you were over her....strong enough to send the song. then feelings came flooding back? i actually think this new girl is catapulting some new strength too. but i know its within you already. anyway speaking of songs.....lol. did you hear that song someone posted on LS? in coping? check it out for a good laugh!!! Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 The next break up I have, I'm going NC from the beginning. I hope that today was the last time I will EVER have contact with my ex. My mom was right- he's a bum. My sis and my roommate were right- he's a loser. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlindRage Posted October 25, 2011 Author Share Posted October 25, 2011 hmmm i know you thought of her when hearing the song. but ...wondering.....did you feel you were over her....strong enough to send the song. then feelings came flooding back? i actually think this new girl is catapulting some new strength too. but i know its within you already. anyway speaking of songs.....lol. did you hear that song someone posted on LS? in coping? check it out for a good laugh!!! Things are going great with this girl. She wants to get me something special for my birthday as it's coming up. I told her that she didn't have to and I just hope we can be together that day. It's something that my ex never told me in our two year relationship though, so it's new to me a person that shows they're that interested in me. We had a great night last night also and she's just amazing. I'm glad that we met. She is really special. On another note of the ex. She and I were suppose to hang out this coming weekend. I'm really interested in going to see her as I feel strong that I won't need her and can be in her presence without being weak. I know that I shouldn't feel I have to prove anything to her, but, I do want to get to see her in person and see what I even liked about her. I haven't seen her in a really long time. Haha no I didn't get to see that song thread... do you have a link? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlindRage Posted October 25, 2011 Author Share Posted October 25, 2011 So not hanging out with the ex anymore, she cancelled. I'm over even contacting her so... I wish her the best in her life. Thats the end of that chapter. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 i have the link here blindrage. but one quick note. i am starting to realize some people get in touch because they want better endings. maybe they can cope now or felt guilty before and couldn't talk. i don't think everyone has bad intentions. they are just completely clueless to the pain and havoc the caused anywa here the link. this doesnt mean, as i said all contactors are bad. its just that for us...it still feels bad. have a laugh with this one tho. it was posted in the coping section a wekk or so ago. : ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlindRage Posted October 25, 2011 Author Share Posted October 25, 2011 I feel like a complete idiot because of my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 omg we were both writing on your thread at the same time. look blindrage...you did EVERYTHING you could. you are YOU! and thats a GREAT thing. you put your heart out there , yes. so did i today. long story. but we did not succumb to playing a game and not being us. we towed the line so long after they ended it. and we grieved and still try to keep on keeping on. but at least we got to say a few things we wanted. even if it was i loved you. or i love you. that is soooo important. so key. you are not less of a man for it. no way no how. it takes greater courage of a man to say what he truly feels and is. i think there has been more pain and regret from so many things not said. i know there is a time and place for everything in life too. it says to everything there is a season ...in the bible. she contacted u. you expressed some things that ran through your head for months and months. you got to say some of them. did it open you up and make you a bit more prone to feeling hurt again? yes. but as someone once told me. she effected your life some but is NOT your life. believe it or not you had some control with being able to express yourself and choosing to do so. keeping clammed up worrying about what they think and how you look in their eyes is NOT being in control. no shame on your part. shame on her. guess what? now the new girl gets the best of you. save it for her now. God bless and be with you and speed all your healing completely. there is no shame in the love u had for her and gave to her. really, know that! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlindRage Posted October 25, 2011 Author Share Posted October 25, 2011 (edited) omg we were both writing on your thread at the same time. look blindrage...you did EVERYTHING you could. you are YOU! and thats a GREAT thing. you put your heart out there , yes. so did i today. long story. but we did not succumb to playing a game and not being us. we towed the line so long after they ended it. and we grieved and still try to keep on keeping on. but at least we got to say a few things we wanted. even if it was i loved you. or i love you. that is soooo important. so key. you are not less of a man for it. no way no how. it takes greater courage of a man to say what he truly feels and is. i think there has been more pain and regret from so many things not said. i know there is a time and place for everything in life too. it says to everything there is a season ...in the bible. she contacted u. you expressed some things that ran through your head for months and months. you got to say some of them. did it open you up and make you a bit more prone to feeling hurt again? yes. but as someone once told me. she effected your life some but is NOT your life. believe it or not you had some control with being able to express yourself and choosing to do so. keeping clammed up worrying about what they think and how you look in their eyes is NOT being in control. no shame on your part. shame on her. guess what? now the new girl gets the best of you. save it for her now. God bless and be with you and speed all your healing completely. there is no shame in the love u had for her and gave to her. really, know that! Thats true IfIknewThen. Its ridiculous how it affected me and I know that I'm just receiving breadcrumbs. This girl wants to get pretty serious with me and I'm really skeptical about opening up to her. I like her A LOT, but I don't want to let my defense down and get hurt in the end. It does feel like I cannot handle that type of rejection from a girl anymore(if I had fallen for her already that is). This girl seems really different and pretty head-over-heels for me already. It's just that I don't know if she's putting on a show to shoot me down later on. I guess you can say that I'm traumatized by now because of that. And yea, it felt good saying it and now I feel at least she knows that what I felt for her went beyond her physical-self. It was real and she didn't believe me ever. She was my everything and I would have done anything for her to be happy. I don't know if she ever really felt that back but I just can't seem to let it go still. I don't think it's fair to myself that I'm still in limbo about the situation. I guess I just need to continue from the NC I left off on before she interrupted it. It is easier said than done. I don't want to punish the girl I'm with now because of her, but I feel I have a wall up. She did tell me she can't read me when I look at her nor can she tell what I'm thinking about her. My facial feature don't seem to reflect my emotions at all now to the person they are intended for. I think this can ultimately harm me. Edited October 25, 2011 by BlindRage Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 i really would like to understand this more. i think it would be helpful. did she give a reason as to why she was canceling? Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 BlindRage I am pretty jealous of you that you are seeing a new person and it's going well. Link to post Share on other sites
MizHoney2U Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 You guys are really on point here.... I love the candid opinions and the support offered... I can't for the life with me understand why there should be contact unless we are a part of a network that we both frequent. I also think that because there are usually one with deep emotional scars, there should be time for that one to heal and recover... which usually takes quite a bit of time... Then and only then should there be regular contact with an Ex. then again, why is it ok for the dumper to initiate random, just checking in contact but not ok for the dumpee cause it'll make them weak? What is the reason for that particular communication? If it's co easy to think the dumpee just cant let go, what is it saying about the dumper when they are the ones calling? I wonder what made you ask that question, hope I didn't miss it somewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlindRage Posted October 25, 2011 Author Share Posted October 25, 2011 i really would like to understand this more. i think it would be helpful. did she give a reason as to why she was canceling? She did say it had to deal with dental problems. and is just "postponing". I guess that this is a sign from god that it's a bad idea to even try to spend time with her. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 i dont know if its legit or not, and if she is getting cold feet or whatever. she may still feel something for you but doesn't feel its enough to be committed or lead you on. i dont know. i just think its so weird then when you're finally getting all happy and stronger, these dumpers seems to have some mystical radar on that and make contact. its so painfully ironic and throws one off course. it might be a sign from God. we don't know. only you are in touch with your own connection with him and how you translate that. the new girl seems to like you. its probably a good idea to get uplifted and go with that flow for now. so make her understand....there is still healing going on in your life. but your intention is to put it all behind you. hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlindRage Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 (edited) i dont know if its legit or not, and if she is getting cold feet or whatever. she may still feel something for you but doesn't feel its enough to be committed or lead you on. i dont know. I do have to say that you could be right on that. We messaged a month ago or so and spoke about "feelings", she isn't an open person so I didn't get much out of her but she did say that moving on is best, and that'll I'll love someone new soon. i just think its so weird then when you're finally getting all happy and stronger, these dumpers seems to have some mystical radar on that and make contact. its so painfully ironic and throws one off course. I agree. She hasn't contacted me though so it's bad but good at the same time. The girl I'm with now things are pretty serious. And my ex hasn't stuck her nose, so we'll see what happens there. it might be a sign from God. we don't know. only you are in touch with your own connection with him and how you translate that. the new girl seems to like you. its probably a good idea to get uplifted and go with that flow for now. so make her understand....there is still healing going on in your life. but your intention is to put it all behind you. She can tell that I'm not over my ex but she seems willing to accept that I'm an emotional person. She is very supportive (even though she got jealous when she heard me say a song reminded me of my ex). She told me she's scared about that, but, I have assured her that I do like her a lot though and want to try "us". hang in there. So... yea, IfiKnewThen, thats what has been going on lately. Edited October 28, 2011 by BlindRage Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 29, 2011 Share Posted October 29, 2011 then again, why is it ok for the dumper to initiate random, just checking in contact but not ok for the dumpee cause it'll make them weak? What is the reason for that particular communication? If it's co easy to think the dumpee just cant let go, what is it saying about the dumper when they are the ones calling? I wonder what made you ask that question, hope I didn't miss it somewhere. I want to know exactly the same thing. If the dumper contacts Why doesn't that make them weak? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlindRage Posted October 30, 2011 Author Share Posted October 30, 2011 (edited) So things are turning sour. I don't know if this girl still wants me anymore. Relationships are very stressful as I don't give enough attention to the girl I'm with. She seems to be tired of me not staying the night at her place now. I don't know if I should just leave her alone at this point. I'm thinking that I should back out now but I do like her a lot, so it's very stressful and I don't hand stress well. She and I have already done the act and I don't want to back out now, but, I'm not sure if she feels the same towards me anymore. So I'm in a dilemma at the moment. I'm expecting to be dumped again soon. Edited October 30, 2011 by BlindRage Link to post Share on other sites
MizHoney2U Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 then again, why is it ok for the dumper to initiate random, just checking in contact but not ok for the dumpee cause it'll make them weak? What is the reason for that particular communication? If it's co easy to think the dumpee just cant let go, what is it saying about the dumper when they are the ones calling? I want to know exactly the same thing. If the dumper contacts Why doesn't that make them weak? Maybe the dumper is experiencing some detachment issues and is calling to allow the dumpee some closure.... Link to post Share on other sites
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