im really starting to struggle

[louise_23]

i just need someone to help. i think im finally falling apart.

 

my ex and i were together 7yrs, i moved out last jul as we were having problems. so i had to quit my job of 3yrs as i moved back in with my parents. we kept seeing eachother & trying to work it out. xmas 2010 another girl delighted in giving me the details hed been sleeping with her since just before id moved out, even on days hed spent with me, hed gone home and had her round. i split up with him and then got really ill with swine flu right after.

then i went into a bit of a rebound relationship and fell for the guy quite hard, i dont know if it was my way of coping. anyway he ended it quite abruptly and i was devastated.

the original ex a few weeks later for some reason phoned me to tell me about his latest girlfriend, which really hurt. i had a little meltdown and walked out of a job i was doing that id hated from the word go.

i did have a few friends but we've lost touch a few months ago, mainly because one of them was the rebound guy, the other was his sister and they were really close. i got on really well with her now-ex aswell but i doubt we'll speak again.

ive repaired my relationship with my dad and have a really great nan, but my mum is going through the menopause atm which makes living with her very hard sometimes.my younger brother is a teenager and has equally bad mood swings and its chaos round here sometimes.

 

anyway, im trying to piece everything back together. ive started college which im starting to enjoy and hoping to go to uni next year. ive got braces on my teeth because i always felt self conscious about them and thought yeah ill reinvent myself. but something doesnt feel right. i feel....really empty inside, is the only way i could describe it.

ive started having these really vivid dreams of happier times with my ex and its like its real, and then when i wake up its all im thinking of.

 

i hope this doesnt come across as feeling sorry for myself because i am trying to pick myself up but i just feel like i dont belong in this world. not in a suicidal way, but everyone else seems happy and carefree and i feel like my insides are black, i suppose. like i cant relate to anyone.

 

if anyones got any words of advice id be interested to hear from you. and grateful. i just dont know where to go from here, or even if this is normal. i didnt foresee feeling as isolated as i do.

 

sorry for the long post.

[smudge21]

First thing you need to understand is that you are not alone. No matter what brought us all here, we came because in one way or another we've been hurt by loved ones. The circumstances may be different, but the pain we feel is very much the same.

 

I know what you mean about feeling empty and alone, sort of lost. It's hard to explain. I think it comes from the change - one day you're with someone and you can see such a big future with them, but the next they're gone and gone with them are all those plans. It's like your entire life has been ripped away from you and there's nothing else, just emptyness.

 

I know you still have a strong emotional bond to your ex and it's so tempting to want to reconnect, but the way he's treated you is just so wrong. He does not deserve anything from you now and you must in turn go no contact on him. That means nothing, not even looking at his Facebook for your fix (yeah, this is like a drug addiction, in that it can be so hard to break and we often want a little hit to keep us going). Any contact will only hurt more and you'll never heal. Go searching on here and you'll see many others going through the exact same thing, myself included.

 

You have to focus on you now and do things to make you feel better - stay busy and connect with friends and family. It's the quiet alone times that will make you think back and that will lead to more hurt.

 

I'm sure you'll get more advice but for now just stay strong and remember that no matter how bad things get, we all heal eventually.

[oldguy]

What smudge aid, especially about the face book stuff. Just don't do that.

The recreating yourself is excellent & school is awesome. You know about the 5 stages of grief. There are the other tried & trues that really do work like; exercise & doing some volunteer work. That one always sounded corny to me but years later I still volunteer. Another corny sounding one that does work is find a group or club that shares a passion you have & get involved. It kicks Face books butt.

 

It happens to all of us & it does get better. Much better than it was before even