help before i drive myself crazy

[laura]

i just don't know what to do! i have this major control problem! i feel so out of control when i can't control something! i have been this way forever i think but i never was bothered by it until now!

 

i see it so clearly now and it scares the hell out of me! if i can't control something mainly what my fiance does then i panic! i know this is not normal, but it seems it has been a way of life for me forever.

 

i was not abused nor did i have a father around to see this kind of behavior. my mom didn't seem to be controlling, so i don't understand how i got this way or when.

 

i do not drink, i don't do drug either, i am just plain controlling. anyway it is a big problem in my relationship, like he is going to leave me soon if i don't get a grip and how can i blame him? i would of left me a long time ago!

 

i freak out when i can't find him, or when he does something out of the norm. this is so sick, i hate it! what can i do about this, i honestly don't know how to control my controlling! i am so stressed out and worn out from all this and my fiance is very frustrated with me and it is showing in the way he treats me, like he don't want to be around me or blows up at me when i push him or ask one too many questions.

 

how can i blame him, i know i am defective, i never new it to this point though, it really scares me. how do i get over this? i don't remember learning this behavior growing up. what can it be from? i think i have always been this way but never really seen it, does that make sense? is that called a projection or something? what can i do about me? help, please!

[Tony T]

Find an ethical, medical hypnotherapist and get into therapy. Five or six sessions of hypnosis should do the trick.

 

Here you are wanting to control everything around you but you can't even control yourself. HHMMM??? Maybe that's the key. You feel powerless to control your own conduct so you try to control that of others.

 

You need to learn relaxation techniques from a good hypnotherapist and learn how absolutely unimportant it is for people to behave as you require them to. You should also know that requiring people to behave as you wish them to is highly irrational. Even God gives people a free will and you want to take it away from them.

 

Get a handle on yourself. YOU and YOU alone make decisions of how you want to be. With the flick of your brain, you can relax and just plain not care how other people are, what they do, where they are. Who the hell cares, anyway???

[Jenna]

I definately agree with Tony here- you need to find out why you are this way- there IS a reason- maybe you just aren't aware of something in your past. BUT, the simple fact that your father "wasn't" around- maybe be the answer here. I'm not sure how it ties in- as I do not know your age when he left or what the circumstances were. But nonetheless- you missed out on having a male\father figure in your life- and now that you have a man in your life you are afraid of him leaving. (Just a guess)

 

If your boyfriend has never done anything to cause you to be distrustful- and is willing to work with you on this- seek professional help- quickly. You have done a wonderful thing by admitting that you are aware of the problem- you have identified the consequences of continuing this way- so the next logical step is seeking help to solve the problem.

 

You can over come your insecurity- which is what it boils down to. I suspect that once you are aware of the root cause- it will be much easier not to group others in the same pool. Meaning- if it is an issue about your father- or mother- you can better see that your boyfriend plays a different role than they did- and you can start building trust between you.

 

Good Luck. Jenna

Find an ethical, medical hypnotherapist and get into therapy. Five or six sessions of hypnosis should do the trick. Here you are wanting to control everything around you but you can't even control yourself. HHMMM??? Maybe that's the key. You feel powerless to control your own conduct so you try to control that of others. You need to learn relaxation techniques from a good hypnotherapist and learn how absolutely unimportant it is for people to behave as you require them to. You should also know that requiring people to behave as you wish them to is highly irrational. Even God gives people a free will and you want to take it away from them. Get a handle on yourself. YOU and YOU alone make decisions of how you want to be. With the flick of your brain, you can relax and just plain not care how other people are, what they do, where they are. Who the hell cares, anyway???