itsallgood Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 this is so wacky i dont even know where to start... i am getting divorced...due to issues in my marriage with my wife and her mother and her co-dependency issue on her plus her prescription drug addiction, its affect on the kids, and an affair that I had. The divorce is grinding along...I am co-habitating with the wife and it sucks. no intamacy, no personal connection...its alllll gone there and been gone for a long time. Enter the affair that started 2 years ago. Old flame, we met on Facebook. She was in a crappy relationship with another guy...had been off and on with several other guys thru a 15 year period...no long stable relationships to speak of. i fell in love...totally all in love. .....she did as well...we were tight for a long time. I finally helped her get into her own apartment a few months ago. She met all new friends thru a screwy woman friend that lived downstairs....late night drinking, people sleeping over on couches downstairs...etc. About a month after she moved in I got her a cell phone on my plan. Well i noticed that she got calls and texts like all the time. She has 2 kids in after school activities and I thought it was a bit much but maybe normal for her. Well...one night I am there, the cell rings, and it is a guys name on it. So I look online the next day at the line usage and see hundreds and hundreds of texts to this number...way more than we would text. Then I find out the guy is sleeping on the couch...and she is driving him around during the day...so i say I have anxiety over this guy being around and tell her I dont like it, its raising red flags in my gut. She flips out and starts to call me a jealous controlling possessive phsyco.....we start a non stop fight and I pull my clothes outta the place... Her excuse why he was sleeping on the couch was to help him, as he had been a pill head and drinker and she was trying to get him clean....and I know she has taken in 2 others in the past...1 was a 14 yr old girl, and another was a 16 yr old boy...both were with her for about a year each till they moved out and moved on. So I kinda thought that was what really happend here with this pill head guy. Finally I find some message she wrote to him on FB...sayin i love you and thanks for being there while we faught...and finally one that had a few sexual overtones in it. I confront her with this and she is all apologetic and tells me she knew i would see them and planted them in a drunken stupor to piss me off... we go back and forth a few times and she is blaming me non stop saying I have become a jealous possesive controlling guy since she got her own place...she is not gonna walk on eggshells all the time...etc..but thats also when all these new friends came around...she says I cant handle her outgoing personality... finally she called and gave me a teary apology saying she was sorry for planting the messages and that she knows she will never get me back because i can never trust her even tho i never gave her a reason not to.... SOOOOOOOOOOOOO....alll this being said.....am i in denial about an affair she may have had? she swears up and down she did not cheat and he never touched her....all this is contrary to my gut...but the circumstancial evidence points to some thing..... am I in denial???? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 So you were having an affair, and your affair partner was having an affair too. What goes around comes around buddy. If she cheats with you then she'll cheat on you. Link to post Share on other sites
TBH Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 whether she's screwing around or not she sounds very irresponsible and a bit of a d*ck if you ask me. planting such things for you to find so as to test you? do me a favour, that one's older than dirt Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 You're in denial. She is doing classic cheater crap - making it YOU who is the bad guy for being jealous and controlling. And you know what really drunk people do? They wander downstairs in a drunk stupor with some drunk idea that really seems to be a good one while you are drunk and grab a drunk guy by the hand and drag him upstairs for some drunk sex. They DON'T tuck a drunk guy onto their couch and then go post drunk on FB in order to make a MM jealous. Please tell me you are NOT paying for her apartment. If you are, STOP. You are already making enough dumb mistakes as it is, and enabling some idiot to cheat on you on your dime is too much. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 this is so wacky i dont even know where to start... i am getting divorced...due to issues in my marriage with my wife and her mother and her co-dependency issue on her plus her prescription drug addiction, its affect on the kids, and an affair that I had. The divorce is grinding along...I am co-habitating with the wife and it sucks. no intamacy, no personal connection...its alllll gone there and been gone for a long time. Enter the affair that started 2 years ago. Old flame, we met on Facebook. She was in a crappy relationship with another guy...had been off and on with several other guys thru a 15 year period...no long stable relationships to speak of. i fell in love...totally all in love. .....she did as well...we were tight for a long time. I finally helped her get into her own apartment a few months ago. She met all new friends thru a screwy woman friend that lived downstairs....late night drinking, people sleeping over on couches downstairs...etc. About a month after she moved in I got her a cell phone on my plan. Well i noticed that she got calls and texts like all the time. She has 2 kids in after school activities and I thought it was a bit much but maybe normal for her. Well...one night I am there, the cell rings, and it is a guys name on it. So I look online the next day at the line usage and see hundreds and hundreds of texts to this number...way more than we would text. Then I find out the guy is sleeping on the couch...and she is driving him around during the day...so i say I have anxiety over this guy being around and tell her I dont like it, its raising red flags in my gut. She flips out and starts to call me a jealous controlling possessive phsyco.....we start a non stop fight and I pull my clothes outta the place... Her excuse why he was sleeping on the couch was to help him, as he had been a pill head and drinker and she was trying to get him clean....and I know she has taken in 2 others in the past...1 was a 14 yr old girl, and another was a 16 yr old boy...both were with her for about a year each till they moved out and moved on. So I kinda thought that was what really happend here with this pill head guy. Finally I find some message she wrote to him on FB...sayin i love you and thanks for being there while we faught...and finally one that had a few sexual overtones in it. I confront her with this and she is all apologetic and tells me she knew i would see them and planted them in a drunken stupor to piss me off... we go back and forth a few times and she is blaming me non stop saying I have become a jealous possesive controlling guy since she got her own place...she is not gonna walk on eggshells all the time...etc..but thats also when all these new friends came around...she says I cant handle her outgoing personality... finally she called and gave me a teary apology saying she was sorry for planting the messages and that she knows she will never get me back because i can never trust her even tho i never gave her a reason not to.... SOOOOOOOOOOOOO....alll this being said.....am i in denial about an affair she may have had? she swears up and down she did not cheat and he never touched her....all this is contrary to my gut...but the circumstancial evidence points to some thing..... am I in denial???? Don't be a fool, dear boy. Don't buy the lines she's feeding you just because you want desperately to believe everything is OK. It's not OK. She has serious issues, and you are right to be concerned about them. Sounds to me like you are trading one messed up woman (your wife) for another messed up woman (your gf). Don't get into another bad relationship. It's time to get your head straight and start choosing healthy women to spend time with. You don't need this crap in your life. Seriously. Drop this messed up gf, get your divorce in the books, move out of the house you are sharing with your wife, and work on finding a relationship with someone healthy. And you may want to ask yourself what it is in you that is attracting/seeking women who are messed up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author itsallgood Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 Thanks for all the replys... I feel like I have tunnel vision...like she was it for me. I was all in. She filled the gap in my marriage plus some. I liked the way she parented her children..I loved they way she treated me in the relationship..until this behaviour.. Maybe since she had such crappy relationships with guys in the past she thought that getting me was never gonna happen...like I was just a treat or a fantasy... I dont know if she was ready for a guy like me. i have had 2 relationships in 20 years..my wife which is failed and then her. I am steady, and stable. I think this is in stark contrast to the guys she has had...Its like..on the one hand I dont want to jump into the rotation of losers she has had (too late?) but on the other I had real love for her. I might add for the record that her son and all her family gave her a bunch of crap about what she did to make me leave. They knew I was not a foul up like the other guys she had before me. she has apologized here and there...and I noticed if I dont return her calls she would call me...but I just dont know. I just dont know if she valued the relationship as must as i did. I was looking to the future...a blended family, a home, all of it. Maybe she thought it would never happen? I just wish the hurt would go away.....i am so heartsick over this.... Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Good parenting includes wild drinking parties and letting drugged-out stoners crash in your apartment? Multiple relationships with losers? Is she employed and financially stable? Or are you paying for her bills, besides just the cell phone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author itsallgood Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 I have not been providing much financial support...the cell phone, a used car. Very little really. She is on SSI due to Crohns disease...and gets some child support from previous marriages that failed... She constantly blames me for the problems....she wont admit that she raised flags..seems like she dont care, its all my fault for taking my stuff outta there.... ugh...this all looks so fouled up....and my heart is in the middle of it all... Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 What does your wife think of the situation? Link to post Share on other sites
nkolod2 Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I had a friend who left his gf and (too) quickly started dating another girl. It was obvious he was seeing this other girl before he officially broke it off with his first gf. So him and his new gf are happy as can be until one day after a boat party, i see my friend crying on the curb at Navy Pier because his current gf was being picked up from the party by HER new bf, after she had just broken up with my friend. Karma? I think so. It'll come back for you and so I really think you should stay away from that woman and change your ways too. Link to post Share on other sites
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