luvmyhw Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 My Wife and I have been married for just over a year. We have known each other for 15 years and always wanted to hook up. The problem then was we were both married to other people and I have never been the cheating kind. Well I wrote her a love letter the other night one the computer. We always just send them by email. This is just the way we have always done it. Well I sent it to her and the more I thought about it made me want to change a couple of things so, I went into her email ( which I set up for her after we were married) and found an email from another man saying that he couldn't wait to hear from her and you know what ever else. When I confronted her with this letter, she denide that there was anything going on. She says she hasent talked to this guy for a couple of years. The problem I have is if I set up the email account, how did he get her Email address within the last year. I have always heard that when you confront someone with cheating, if they are guilty they will become angry first and then deny it. Thats exactly what she did. I love her very much but I can't stand the thought of her doing this to me and most of all lying about it. I am so confused and not sure what to do for sure. I have had several other relationships and a couple of time had this happen. In those cases I just cut my loses and got out but I wasn't married to those women. If anyone has some good advice, please HELP ME!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
LILUIL Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 surely you can remember what exactly is in the letter. it could be harmless and you could be getting worked up because of one sentence. assuming a good possibility, maybe she game him the address for some other reason and then that man liked her but she could honestly have not been interested because she's with you. i cant think of anything else to say.... how about if you confront her again and ask for an explaination on the situation and if she gets defensive anymore, then you can suspect that something is on..... it's quite hard to tell...... sigh! wished i could help. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 My Wife and I have been married for just over a year. We have known each other for 15 years and always wanted to hook up. The problem then was we were both married to other people and I have never been the cheating kind. If you were married during the time of this friendship, and admit the two of you “always wanted to hook up”…then regardless of whether it was emotional or physical…it was still ‘infidelity.” We all have our own notions about what constitutes “cheating.” Apparently, upon initially establishing your ‘friendship’, you and your new wife already shared the same view when it came to nurturing these kinds of relationships outside of your marriages. In other words, it was okay to have feelings of desire for another person other than your spouses, so long as you didn’t act upon them. So why would you think that your friend’s/wife’s view regarding relationships would change just because you married her? Perhaps her friendship with this other man is the same kind of friendship she had going on the side with you? If it didn’t bother you then, then why does it bother you, now? I understand how terrible it must feel when situations like these suddenly turn around on us. It seems they always do. But given that you were already aware of your wife’s philosophy in regard to relationships and marriage prior to marrying her (and even shared her views), I’m having a hard time comprehending why you are so surprised that her behavior and actions have remained consistent. Am I’m missing something?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvmyhw Posted May 14, 2004 Author Share Posted May 14, 2004 I have confronted her and all she does is get angry. She say's there is nothing going on and that she only loves me. We were never able to get to gether back when we wanted too. I have the letter that the other guy wrote and here it is: "yes i am waiting 2 hear from u n 2 see u n u know all of the rest so hurry as fast as u can so i can hear u talk 2 me waiting 2 hear" This is all that he sent. Can you tell me that no one would be alittle bit worried if they saw this in thier partners email? Am I woried for nothing? When I did confront her with it sent quickly deleted the message and the then she dumped her trash from her email. It was like she didn't want me to see it. She did that without even opening it. I was standing right next to her and asked her why she did that and she told me she never answers this guys emails. Yet tonight when I checked the computer, she had gotten into MY Email where I told her I had sent the message. I was unable to see if she had sent him anything but her activity at that time in her email was very active with sending Emails. Am I over reacting or should I be worried? Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 I agree with Enigma in that your wife's behavior shouldn't be a big shock to you. If she and you had a friendship/relationship going on, even when you two were married to other people, it wouldn't be suprising that either of you had the potential to develop the same kinds of outside friendships/relationships in any future relationship or marriage you were in, especially if there is disatisfaction. She may be cheating or not be cheating at all, but she does seem to be acting like she has something to hide. When you two were married to other people, did you have an email relationship of any sort? She could be carrying the same pattern over into your marriage. You could ask her to stop communicating with this man, and can ask her honestly if she feels there are problems in your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvmyhw Posted May 14, 2004 Author Share Posted May 14, 2004 All we did back then was talk. I know she has male friends as I have female friends. We never did anything back then. She did tell me that she had always had something on the side with all her other boyfriends but that I was different then them because I am what she always wanted. I don't know weather to believe her or not. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 She did tell me that she had always had something on the side with all her other boyfriends but that I was different then them because I am what she always wanted Sounds to me like she told you what she thought you wanted to hear. I agree with Enigma - you shouldn't be the least bit surprised by your wife's actions. Link to post Share on other sites
PFPunks Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 Hey buddy tough luck, First of all I'll bet your not the first guy shes been with to hear the " your different " speech, and secondly it sounds like she just doing what she does naturally. You know you shouldnt stress about it anymore then your xwife stressed about the two of you. From what the letter said it sounded harmless, but the way she acted did seem a little odd. I dont know, how did you two communicate while you were both married. Id say that if it was in a similar fasion to whats going on now then you might have a problem. Your the one with experience in this field, you should be explaining to us whats going on. My old pappy used to say. Aint nothing more gratifying, then cheatin' on a cheater! %**&%*%, AJ Link to post Share on other sites
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