My journal on trying to improve my life

[Ross MwcFan]

Do you know what the cause of the blocked ears are? This seems to be happening a lot.

 

My theory is this: I have to wear ear plugs everynight. So any normal amount of wax that is in my ears will get pushed down. Over the course of a couple of years the wax will build up, until one day when I put in my ear plugs, they end pushing down and compressing the build up of wax, which then causes my ears to be blocked.

 

Because I have noticed that when they end up blocked, it's straight after I've taken the ear plugs out of my ears.

[Eclypse]

How come you wear ear plugs? Perhaps you can use a Q tip to clean your ears to prevent buildup?

[Ross MwcFan]

How come you wear ear plugs? Perhaps you can use a Q tip to clean your ears to prevent buildup?

 

Noisy neighbours, and my mum always coughing throughout the night.

[Ross MwcFan]

Had 2 bad incidents while driving today.

 

I drove on an unfamilar route to a place I didn't know, and it's left me feeling weird.

 

Got a letter saying that I'm not entitled to sickness benefit anymore and my money has been stopped, going to have to find a job. Unbeleivably I got 0 points in total, even though I was telling them that I find life in general overwhelming and I can easily get suicidal.

 

No point with even bothering with the animal sanctury now.

 

I feel really depressed now and I'd rather be dead. Don't worry I'm not going to kill myself though.

 

Time to go upstairs and curl up in my bed.

Edited July 21, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[anne1707]

To be honest Ross, with the way welfare reform is kicking in here, I am not at all surprised that your benefits have been stopped. The Government is so focussed on people "getting back to work" even if there are no jobs to be had especially for the low-skilled/experienced (no offence meant ).

 

I actually think this makes volunteering something even more worthwhile for you to do. If there is increased pressure on you to find a job, an employer will be more interested in you if you can show that you are willing and able to work. Volunteering will give you that edge when compared to someone who does nothing all day. It will strengthen up your CV and will also give you more confidence.

 

You need to start doing for real, not just talking about what you are going to do.

[ThaWholigan]

To be honest Ross, with the way welfare reform is kicking in here, I am not at all surprised that your benefits have been stopped. The Government is so focussed on people "getting back to work" even if there are no jobs to be had especially for the low-skilled/experienced (no offence meant ).

 

I actually think this makes volunteering something even more worthwhile for you to do. If there is increased pressure on you to find a job, an employer will be more interested in you if you can show that you are willing and able to work. Volunteering will give you that edge when compared to someone who does nothing all day. It will strengthen up your CV and will also give you more confidence.

 

You need to start doing for real, not just talking about what you are going to do.

Add to that, I decided to look into self-employment myself - something you could look into Ross??

[cerridwen]

Ross,

 

I don't doubt your government is assessing people harshly but at the same time there's another way to look at it.

 

They believe you have what it takes to work, and that's always been something you've doubted.

 

They see somebody who is able-bodied, and psychologically healthy enough to be employed.

You can say yeah well they don't know me.

True but over the years you've written so much, made such improvement, many following along here believe you can do it.

 

We've spoken about self-limiting beliefs and how often they stop you from even trying.

You've spent years strengthening yourself; making small strides in self improvement; challenging yourself.

You've listened to MP3, read books, and hopefully garnered support from us.

As Anne said, now is the time to implement it.

I believe in you, Ross.

I truly believe you can do it.

Let me know how I can help.

[Ross MwcFan]

Ross,

 

I don't doubt your government is assessing people harshly but at the same time there's another way to look at it.

 

They believe you have what it takes to work, and that's always been something you've doubted.

 

They see somebody who is able-bodied, and psychologically healthy enough to be employed.

You can say yeah well they don't know me.

True but over the years you've written so much, made such improvement, many following along here believe you can do it.

 

We've spoken about self-limiting beliefs and how often they stop you from even trying.

You've spent years strengthening yourself; making small strides in self improvement; challenging yourself.

You've listened to MP3, read books, and hopefully garnered support from us.

As Anne said, now is the time to implement it.

I believe in you, Ross.

I truly believe you can do it.

Let me know how I can help.

 

Thanks for believing in me. But even with all the self improvement I've made I'm still not strong enough.

[Ross MwcFan]

Add to that, I decided to look into self-employment myself - something you could look into Ross??

 

I'd have no idea where to even start. Sure I could read up about it, but I probably wont understand any of it properly.

[Anela]

I have a friend in Nottingham - I met her over the internet in 1996 - who was living in some sort of housing that was like a halfway house, only for those with anxiety disorders. She gained some work experience whilst there, and eventually went back to school. She now works for Rethink Mental Illness. https://www.facebook.com/RethinkCharity - would it be possible for you to find a job at a place like that?

 

I do understand how you feel. I've dealt with certain things, but we're about the same age, and sort of in the same boat. I'm trying to get myself sorted, too, and get stuck in "what's the point?" thinking.

I really need to write my friend a long letter, and catch up. I pushed her away when things were getting worse, happy for her that she was doing well, and feeling embarrassed because I wasn't. I wonder if she would have some ideas for you, too.

[Ross MwcFan]

I have a friend in Nottingham - I met her over the internet in 1996 - who was living in some sort of housing that was like a halfway house, only for those with anxiety disorders. She gained some work experience whilst there, and eventually went back to school. She now works for Rethink Mental Illness. https://www.facebook.com/RethinkCharity - would it be possible for you to find a job at a place like that?

 

I do understand how you feel. I've dealt with certain things, but we're about the same age, and sort of in the same boat. I'm trying to get myself sorted, too, and get stuck in "what's the point?" thinking.

I really need to write my friend a long letter, and catch up. I pushed her away when things were getting worse, happy for her that she was doing well, and feeling embarrassed because I wasn't. I wonder if she would have some ideas for you, too.

 

Maybe, I'll look into it next week.

[Ross MwcFan]

I'm not going to be able to see my therapist to speak to him about this for 3 weeks.

[Ross MwcFan]

Couldn't get out of bed today.

[cerridwen]

Is there another therapist who is filling in?

Perhaps you can see him/her.

Call the organization and ask.

[denise_xo]

Is there another therapist who is filling in?

Perhaps you can see him/her.

Call the organization and ask.

 

I second this. The clinic I used in the UK years back had emergency appointments for those needing to urgently see someone.

[Ross MwcFan]

Is there another therapist who is filling in?

Perhaps you can see him/her.

Call the organization and ask.

 

I'll try. (10 character limit)

[ShatteredReality]

Ross, sometimes our negative self talk can be one of our own biggest hurdles. People try to tell me I am strong, that I am smart, that I am capable. When I be live it, I'm able to do more. When I allow myself to feel down and tell myself I am not as strong as others believe me to be...things start to slip...and I become a self full filling prophecy. Maybe you're not as strong as you want to be, but you have come a long way. Don't negate your progress with negative self talk.

[Ross MwcFan]

I'd just like to say thanks to everyone who has been supportive towards me in this topic and my other recent topics.

 

The reason why I haven't replied back to your posts, and why I'm not going to talk about my situation on here again, is because of certain people saying that there is nothing wrong with me and classing me as though I'm just a scrounger. To be honest that's the last thing I need right now.

 

To be honest I rather would've not posted at all, but I felt a bit rude not replying to everyone who has been supportive.

Edited July 25, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[Ross MwcFan]

Being going though lots of really bad luck.

 

First I had 3 driving incidents, then on that same day I found out that my money had been stopped, then the neighbours start playing really loud music everyday, then I get told my car is on it's last legs, then I had to have an expensive repair done on the car, which was the last thing I needed because of the money being stopped, the I go to have my ear syringed but they couldn't remove the wax, so my ear stayed blocked, and the soonest next appointment I could get was in 3 weeks time, after this I'm sure some other bad things had happened, then I ruin a brand new expensive puzzle by trying to adjust the tension on it, and now today I nearly ran someone over, and I went to have my ear syringed but they said it's completely clear, yet, it still feels blocked, so it looks like maybe my ear is permenently damaged and it'll be like this for the rest of my life.

[Ross MwcFan]

So now if I continue to wear ear plugs everynight I'll be risking causing further damage, and maybe end up damaging my other ear that is fine.

 

If I don't continue to wear them, I'll never be able to get enough sleep, because of the constant noise from my mum coughing thorughout the night, and the neighbours being really noisy really early in the morning.

[Emilia]

 

then the neighbours start playing really loud music everyday, then I get

...........

I went to have my ear syringed but they said it's completely clear, yet, it still feels blocked, so it looks like maybe my ear is permenently damaged and it'll be like this for the rest of my life.

 

You are not a child Ross, you are a man, you are allowed to take initiatives:

 

 

• ear: seek second advice, clearly there is something else wrong, just because it's not the wax it doesn't mean you will have the 'block' for the rest of your life
  
• next door noise: speak to the neighbours, if they are not budging, call the Environment Department at the council, they deal with noise nuisance. It is something that's taken very seriously
  

[Ross MwcFan]

I feel ill, I feel dead inside.

 

You are not a child Ross, you are a man, you are allowed to take initiatives:

 

 

• ear: seek second advice, clearly there is something else wrong, just because it's not the wax it doesn't mean you will have the 'block' for the rest of your life
  
• next door noise: speak to the neighbours, if they are not budging, call the Environment Department at the council, they deal with noise nuisance. It is something that's taken very seriously
  

I'm still like a child inside because of how my mum has always been towards me.

 

I do not know how to function as a normal adult.

 

I've got no confidence whatsoever to talk to the neighbours about it.

[Eclypse]

So now if I continue to wear ear plugs everynight I'll be risking causing further damage, and maybe end up damaging my other ear that is fine.

 

If I don't continue to wear them, I'll never be able to get enough sleep, because of the constant noise from my mum coughing thorughout the night, and the neighbours being really noisy really early in the morning.

 

Have you thought about getting earmuffs perhaps? That should eliminate the problem of wax going in your ears?

[kindest]

I'm quitting my job. I've always felt apprehensive about this but it's been lingering on my mind for such a long time... and now I finally have the courage to do it.

 

I got an email from my co-worker about work, and it made me sick to my stomach. I am sure I have to quit now. I just can't do it anymore.

 

I'm taking a break in the meantime. The future is uncertain and terrifying but I trust myself that I am doing the right thing to improve my life.

[ferel]

im sorry but your too soft. youve made yourself a victim so you could have an easy life. you need to harden up if you want to enjoy what life has to offer that your missing out on. i kno someone just like you and have tried to help him but hes so self defeating its pretty much impossible. you need radical change. which means being active all day long, working hard every day. dont think about anything else but what you gotta do and you will begin to start respecting yourself and it will get stronger every day as you get stronger. but thats really what this comes down to is making a man out of yourself.