Butterflying Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Your significant other had sex with his/her boss before you began dating and became exclusive. Would you want to know? If so, how would it help or hurt the relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Ummm...yeah, I think it's important to know, especially if they are still working for that boss. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Ug. That's just a complication I'd hate to have to deal with. There are a lot of "ifs". Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 I think I would want to know IF the boss was married and they were having an EMA. There are often a LOT of unresolved emotions in/after an affair, and it is very easy to slip back into that, especially if they are still working together. If it was a "normal" BF/GF thing and they broke up because one of them wanted the R to be over, then I don't think I would want to know. I don't necessarily want or need to know the names of all my SO's sex partners. Link to post Share on other sites
Osiris1234 Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 If it was a "normal" BF/GF thing and they broke up because one of them wanted the R to be over, then I don't think I would want to know. I don't necessarily want or need to know the names of all my SO's sex partners. I agree. I don't want to know if my boss had her before I did, thats just creepy. Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Uhhh...is the guy in question your boyfriend, and the boss the one from this thread? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t293006/ If so, then absolutely. I'd have dumped him due to the behaviour you described in that thread alone. Add to that the fact that they've slept together?! Do you really have such little respect for yourself, to think that this is all you deserve in a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Butterflying Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 Uhhh...is the guy in question your boyfriend, and the boss the one from this thread? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t293006/ If so, then absolutely. I'd have dumped him due to the behaviour you described in that thread alone. Add to that the fact that they've slept together?! Do you really have such little respect for yourself, to think that this is all you deserve in a relationship? It's just a little more complicated than that. His boss, a woman he has known for nearly seven years since he worked for the company. He knew her longer than his ex-wife (whom he divorced after only one year of marriage and dating a few years prior). He and this boss have been through the thick and thin together. In truth, they are like best friends. However, the ONLY complication for them is working together. He has admitted to me if they didn't work together, he would consider a serious relationship with her. Although he and I have been dating for several months now, we've only been exclusive for a month. The day we vowed our comittment to each other, he stopped "dating" the boss completely. She doesn't call him at home anymore. He genuinely seems more interested in me now. In fact, things are so great between us, it feels like a fairy tale. He still won't admit to having had an intimate relationship with his boss. But he assures me she is no longer an issue. So I guess if they were involved (she's single, never married) it's over between them now. He and I spend a lot of time together. Just the other day, out of the blue, he asked me "If I told you I had sex with my boss, would you be able to believe it will never happen again?" So I was like, "Probably not. Are you telling me you did have sex with her?" He thought long and hard before answering, "No, I didn't." But he had a guilty look on his face. It seems like he wants to come clean. However, doing so now will put our relationship at a cross road. I'll have to deal with the fact that even though he hasn't cheated on me, he lied to me. And of course I will never trust him not to lie again, or have sex with her again since they still work together. Because things are soooo good between he and I right now, I wonder if I should just let it remain a mystery. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 So they are having an EA (if not a PA). You have dated him for 7 months, and he would point blank lie to her about his whereabuts or his activities if he was with you in order to keep her from finding out that he was with a woman. He has told you that if he and she did not work together, then he would want a serious relationship with her. Many many red flags. Affairs have a very hard time ending, because they are often ended by external forces instead of by one of the parties. Sort of a "the world is out to keep us apart, alas, but you shall have my heart forever, my sweet, even if we are forced to never love again due to cruel circumstance." And then you work together and the embers are just smoldering and waiting for a chance to ignite. I would be very uncomfortable with this situation. Him lying about your existence for 6 months is disrespectful and cowardly, and the fact that they haven't had a "break-up" but are only not dating because they are co-workers would not make me a happy girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Butterflying Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 (edited) ...and the fact that they haven't had a "break-up" but are only not dating because they are co-workers would not make me a happy girl. See that's the thing! I don't really know if they've broken up, or what happened between them. I just know when we first met, I told him I was interested in a comitted relationship. Since it was new, we didn't want to rush into anything. Both of us were still dating other people. We knew if we decided to comit to each other, those other people would disappear. The problem for him was that dating his boss made it impossible for her to ever go away. So from the begining, he never admitted that they were "dating." He was probably hoping this would make it easier for him to avoid complications with me if we decided to get serious. Also, I'm sure he realized this would make him appear unprofessional at work. I wouldn't have respected his job. Before comitting to me, he told me he had some things in his life he wanted to straighten out first. So I guess the situation with the boss was one of those things. I don't know for sure. After becoming exclusive, things have been so much better for us. But I do wonder what happened with the boss. He doesn't even mention her name anymore, not even when talking about work. He will say "my boss" like she's nothing more. But he used to talk about her all the time, usually bragging about how fun, attractive, and easy she is to work for. Edited September 28, 2011 by Butterflying Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Your significant other had sex with his/her boss before you began dating and became exclusive. Would you want to know? If so, how would it help or hurt the relationship? It wouldn't hurt the relationship if she no longer worked for him. However I wouldn't really know unless it happened. Say she didn't work for him any longer and I found out. It would make me wonder about her self-control in a place that is suppose to be for business. And if she can't control herself there, then she can't control herself in social settings even more so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Butterflying Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 And if she can't control herself there, then she can't control herself in social settings even more so. Hmmm... this is a very interesting concept. I never thought of it like that before. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Hmmm... this is a very interesting concept. I never thought of it like that before. Well its just a thought. I wouldn't know how I'd react until it actually happened. But the more I think about it, I think it would bother me based on that. Link to post Share on other sites
Kinder-Horror Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 I guess yes, I technically would want to know. But I KNOW it would drive me up the wall if he still worked with her and it would cause a lot of uneasiness with me... so I would probably NOT want him to work there any longer - which he would say isn't fair of me to ask of him because you can't just ask someone to quit their job (which is rarely convenient to do these days) because of something that happened before I was in the picture and so then it would cause a lot of problems between us because I would never get the thought out of my mind during work hours. So maybe I wouldn't want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 Honesty would be best, yes. Link to post Share on other sites
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