ILoveHimSo Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I have known him for several years, and have fallen for him, his wife is a control freak, granted he does have a bit of a problem with alcohol, but she is abusive to him..she wont let him do anything, she has the passwords to all his fb, email accounts and checks his mail before he can have it, does not allow him to have money, he has to turn his paycheck over to her, and I have seen him have to beg her for money just so he can buy a can of soup.....he will not eat anything she makes(on the rare time she does cook), in fear that she will put stuff he is allergic to in it to hurt or kill him.... ok back story...they have been married 17yrs, I have been friends with him and his wife for 6yrs now, and I have seen all the fighting between them and it is getting worse. One time they were having a fight, but she had to take back a rental car, and he had to drive their car behind us...he was in no condition to drive, but she told him to shut up and do it, so he did and he crashed and she didn't care she just kept driving to the rental car lot... He calls him stupid and ugly often, and if mad enough will even hit him... even their kid tells me their not happy.. Ok I only see him once a yr when I travel to their city for work, and ever since we met 6yrs ago, when we hang out, we always have flirty convo,he has brushed his hand across my rear, and last yr he brushed his hand across my breast, and said he wanted to do that for a long time, and last yr me and him were talking and having a drink, he was saying how bad she has been treating him, and that he wanted to kiss me......but right as he said it his phone rang and it was her.....so we didnt get the chance... so this yr I asked if he still wanted to and he said yes, so we did... but I am so in love with him, he is the sweetest guy I have ever met, and we have allot in common..... I hope he will leave the bitch, but I dont wanna be the reason...but I love him, and I wanna be with him...so I am counting the days till I can see him again and hopefully get more then a kiss.. Link to post Share on other sites
SoMovinOn Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Wow! Talk about patience. Year 1 - he touches your ass. Year 2 - the touches your breast Year 3 - He wants to kiss you, but the phone rings Year 4 - He kisses you I'll bet you can't wait for more. The suspense must be killing you I think it will be quite a wait though. As I see it, year 5 he undoes your top button... you're probably looking at somewhere close to year 15 before you're even undressed! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ILoveHimSo Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 (edited) well the touch on my breast, and wanting to kiss me was same yr(last yr) this yr we kissed.... but i do only get to see him once a yr, and we dont get much alone time, caus ei am still sorta friends with her I know patience, but I am keepin my options open, and he is on the back burner, but I have no prospects here Edited September 28, 2011 by ILoveHimSo add more info Link to post Share on other sites
SidLyon Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I have known him for several years, and have fallen for him, his wife is a control freak, granted he does have a bit of a problem with alcohol, but she is abusive to him..she wont let him do anything, she has the passwords to all his fb, email accounts and checks his mail before he can have it, does not allow him to have money, he has to turn his paycheck over to her, and I have seen him have to beg her for money just so he can buy a can of soup.....he will not eat anything she makes(on the rare time she does cook), in fear that she will put stuff he is allergic to in it to hurt or kill him.... ok back story...they have been married 17yrs, I have been friends with him and his wife for 6yrs now, and I have seen all the fighting between them and it is getting worse. One time they were having a fight, but she had to take back a rental car, and he had to drive their car behind us...he was in no condition to drive, but she told him to shut up and do it, so he did and he crashed and she didn't care she just kept driving to the rental car lot... He calls him stupid and ugly often, and if mad enough will even hit him... even their kid tells me their not happy.. Ok I only see him once a yr when I travel to their city for work, and ever since we met 6yrs ago, when we hang out, we always have flirty convo,he has brushed his hand across my rear, and last yr he brushed his hand across my breast, and said he wanted to do that for a long time, and last yr me and him were talking and having a drink, he was saying how bad she has been treating him, and that he wanted to kiss me......but right as he said it his phone rang and it was her.....so we didnt get the chance... so this yr I asked if he still wanted to and he said yes, so we did... but I am so in love with him, he is the sweetest guy I have ever met, and we have allot in common..... I hope he will leave the bitch, but I dont wanna be the reason...but I love him, and I wanna be with him...so I am counting the days till I can see him again and hopefully get more then a kiss.. Some of this doesn't make a lot of sense. You see him only once a year for work. But you have seen him beg for soup money, seen them fight, spoken to their kids about them, you have also been in a car with her, and apparently witnessed abuse and violence from her to him. Somehow on the 6(?) occasions you have met he has also managed to feel you up as well. Doesn't sound like she's as much of a control freak as you suggest as she's missed out on preventing him having an affair with you, or at least making opening moves to having an affair. You probably won't get that many supportive comments here because of your lack of civility in posting. Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 What is your relationship history? Have you had a successful, committed R in the past? I ask, because it sounds like your current idea of love is based on an R which lives primarily in your head. Being so in love with someone who you only see once a year means much of the actual relationship is fantasy. Usually that is not a fun place to live for long, because most humans have a need to connect with people in real life situations. Also, in this and your other post you say you are friends with his W, but it sounds more like you hate her. Perhaps you mean you are pretending to be her friend, or she acts friendly with you, or you stay at her house when you visit, or something along those lines. People can respond to your specific situation more if you describe it accurately. Reading between the lines, this man does not sound like a great partner. Problem with alcohol, touching other women (you only see him once a year, but he may behave similarly the other 11 months or so). There may be a reason his W checks his communication. His wife doesn't sound like a good partner either, but you aren't spending years fantasizing about her. It will be difficult to replace the fantasy man in your head with the real version. And I suspect the real version will be a big disappointment. So, the question is, are you happy and fulfilled with your fantasy and the way your life is now? Link to post Share on other sites
Gentlegirl Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 You see him once a year and you hang out for him to touch you up.... really and truly?????? Good grief girl , I find that very difficult to believe. AND you are kind of friends with his wife... not much of a friend are you? What is really going on?????? GG Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 So you've seen this couple maybe six times in six years and you figure you know everything about them, their kid and their marriage? You know nothing. He sounds like an alcoholic with a history of being untrustworthy with money, and other women which is likely why his wife demands his paycheck and access to his phone and email. She may be overly controlling because of his alcoholism. Alcoholics tend to have toxic romantic relationships and they are likely both sick. You have your own problems. You don't have any respect for friendship or marriage. You live in fantasies you have made up in your head. Apparently you don't know what it is to truly be liked and respected by a man. Most women would find having their ass and tits grabbed by their friends drunken husband repulsive, but you think it's romantic. You think you love the drunken husband grabbing your ass and boobs. The drunk you have only seen six times in six years along with his wife. Have you ever had a loving committed relationship with a man longterm? Do you normally prefer fantasy relationships to real life intimate connections? Do you realize that having a friends drunken husband feel you up once in a blue moon does not make him your boyfriend or equal a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
kareena Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 When did u get the chance to fall in love with him? you say you only see him once a year and don't get much alone time,so,when did you get the chance to bond and develop strong emotions that would affect your judgement? (i'm not judging here just curious) ,and if his wife is that horrible of a person why are you friends with her? do you maintain a relationship with her in order to be able to see him more freely?? or do u actually like her but end up saying bad things about her to justify your actions?? even if you are in love with this guys or whatever the case is you should not degrade the wife,there's nothing wrong with stating truthful facts about her to better explain the situation but they way you were talking about her had a bit of a resentment tone to it,is she not your friend?? You need to answer these questions honestly to yourself and only when you have been completely honest with yourself will you know what to do..Good luck with everything. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Okay you are in love. Is he in love with you? When are you going to tell his wife that you are in love with him? What do you two plan to do? What do you want from us? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 she wont let him do anything, she has the passwords to all his fb, email accounts and checks his mail before he can have it, does not allow him to have money, he has to turn his paycheck over to her, and I have seen him have to beg her for money just so he can buy a can of soup.....he will not eat anything she makes(on the rare time she does cook), in fear that she will put stuff he is allergic to in it to hurt or kill him.... Well, he is a cheater (almost certainly not the first time either) and she no doubt knows it from past experiences and probably recognizes his 'affair' behavior now - what do you expect? As for him leaving this 'bitch'? Doubtful. A good deal of men involved with women like that in a strange way 'need' to stay and will likely never leave. The article I linked to there sums it up pretty well. For cases like this, unless you can outbitch the bitch, he stays put. Link to post Share on other sites
shakti Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I think you need to get your story straight and perhaps be a little more sensitive towards his wife and not call her a 'bitch'. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I have known him for several years, and have fallen for him, his wife is a control freak, granted he does have a bit of a problem with alcohol, but she is abusive to him..she wont let him do anything, she has the passwords to all his fb, email accounts and checks his mail before he can have it, does not allow him to have money, he has to turn his paycheck over to her, and I have seen him have to beg her for money just so he can buy a can of soup.....he will not eat anything she makes(on the rare time she does cook), in fear that she will put stuff he is allergic to in it to hurt or kill him.... ok back story...they have been married 17yrs, I have been friends with him and his wife for 6yrs now, and I have seen all the fighting between them and it is getting worse. One time they were having a fight, but she had to take back a rental car, and he had to drive their car behind us...he was in no condition to drive, but she told him to shut up and do it, so he did and he crashed and she didn't care she just kept driving to the rental car lot... He calls him stupid and ugly often, and if mad enough will even hit him... even their kid tells me their not happy.. Ok I only see him once a yr when I travel to their city for work, and ever since we met 6yrs ago, when we hang out, we always have flirty convo,he has brushed his hand across my rear, and last yr he brushed his hand across my breast, and said he wanted to do that for a long time, and last yr me and him were talking and having a drink, he was saying how bad she has been treating him, and that he wanted to kiss me......but right as he said it his phone rang and it was her.....so we didnt get the chance... so this yr I asked if he still wanted to and he said yes, so we did... but I am so in love with him, he is the sweetest guy I have ever met, and we have allot in common..... I hope he will leave the bitch, but I dont wanna be the reason...but I love him, and I wanna be with him...so I am counting the days till I can see him again and hopefully get more then a kiss.. A man situated in an abusive relationship is not a prime candidate to date IMO... If one tolerates such a situation and has been mentally/emotionally/psychologically beat down by it, then one is really in no position to date another, especially while still married to their abuser. If he is scared of his wife and so forth, as someone who cares about him you should suggest he take care of himself and assess why he stays and how he can best get himself out of a bad position. That is what friends do in my opinion or if you care for someone. It doesn't make sense in my mind that your first option is to become romantically involved.... Also... forgive me as I have no other way to phrase this, but exactly what do you find attractive about a man who has to beg his wife for money to buy soup, she hits him and controls his life, and from the looks of it, he is in no way pushing back? For me, that is problematic. Again, yes men can be abused too, but someone who is in an abusive situation doesn't make a good partner IMO until they get that sorted out and understand how they allowed it...soo I am not sure it would ever be possible for me to even be attracted to a man like that who isn't owning his power...so I am curious as to what it is about him that made you attracted? I find it a bit strange and problematic that one is a witness to an abusive situation and instead of it being appalling and wanting these people to work on their problems, you fall in love with the abused.In my mind, that entire dysfunctional dynamic would turn me off and I would not be able to be attracted to him. Also...if the wife is so horrible, aren't you scared of what will happen if she finds out about this, especially since she controls this man's entire life and he doesn't even have his own money and she monitors all his accounts and passwords? It seems that her having access to his whereabouts and activities is pretty likely and that he wouldn't be able to do a good job of hiding this. Link to post Share on other sites
praxisdorian Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I agree with several respondents, your post doesn't make sense on many levels. At some points you seem as though you live across the country, and other times like the next door neighbors. You've known "them" for 6 years. What have you been doing the entire time with regard to your personal life? Other relationships? Boyfriends? Marriage? Could it simply be that this is a guy that you know from work, and that you've constructed this entire story based solely upon what he has told you, and that you have framed it in such a way so as to justify your behavior to yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Some of this doesn't make a lot of sense. You see him only once a year for work. But you have seen him beg for soup money, seen them fight, spoken to their kids about them, you have also been in a car with her, and apparently witnessed abuse and violence from her to him. Somehow on the 6(?) occasions you have met he has also managed to feel you up as well. Doesn't sound like she's as much of a control freak as you suggest as she's missed out on preventing him having an affair with you, or at least making opening moves to having an affair. No kidding! Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I think you need to get your story straight and perhaps be a little more sensitive towards his wife and not call her a 'bitch'. And also go back to under the brigde. It's a bit empty nowadays... They are like gremlins- multiple by the sec. Link to post Share on other sites
Paper Roses Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 I can't add much to what the others have said. You have convinced yourself that you know everything about their marriage but you don't know anything. You know what he's told you. She probably can't trust him with money because he'll drink it. There's no telling how many other women there have been over the years. He's afraid she'll put something in his food? Are you kidding me? He's been watching too much tv and you're believing too many of his tall tales. I agree, who are you to call his wife a bitch? That's not right. It sounds jealous and immature. Come on, you're not thinking straight. A guy with a bit of an alcohol problem. No, no, no. He sounds like a real prize..... Link to post Share on other sites
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