xyramae Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Hi. I really need an advice regarding my mom who wants me to get rid of my boyfriend. I'm 15 and my Boyfriend is 16. Actually, the guy isn't my Boyfriend yet. He is still courting me (Yes, courting. I live in the Philippines and courting is the only way to get the girl you want here. back to the topic.). My mom always say that i'm too young but her and my dad started dating at 16 years old and my dad courted her at age 15! SAME AGE! I really don't get why she can't understand my situation when she went through the same damn thing. So this is what happened. My mom wants me to get rid of my boyfriend (Let's just assume he is.) She thinks he is a bad influence to me since I'm an honor student and his grades isn't satisfactory to my mom. My mom thinks I can do better but I think he is perfect for me. He respects me a lot. Whenever we have a fight he never shouts at me, he never questions me, he never not even once have spoken a bad word to me, he just lets me take everything i feel out of my system. That's the kind of guy i want since I have so much pride in myself. I don't think no other guy would let him self be "under" to a girl (Under: He just does whatever the girl wants.). Another thing is, the teachers in our school is so irritating. They feel that whenever we are together we'll do something bad. When the fact is we only talk! They always say bad things about him and that's what my mom believes in. She doesn't understand/know that he is actually really good for me. I love him so much and I want my parents to love him too. But I don't know what I can do to make them like him. Advice please? Link to post Share on other sites
Goldenspoon Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I love him so much and I want my parents to love him too. But I don't know what I can do to make them like him. Advice please? Ask him to work alot harder and get his grades up. If he is willing to do that for you, he might be a keeper. If not, your parents might be right. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Hi. I really need an advice regarding my mom who wants me to get rid of my boyfriend. I'm 15 and my Boyfriend is 16. Actually, the guy isn't my Boyfriend yet. He is still courting me (Yes, courting. I live in the Philippines and courting is the only way to get the girl you want here. back to the topic.). My mom always say that i'm too young but her and my dad started dating at 16 years old and my dad courted her at age 15! SAME AGE! I really don't get why she can't understand my situation when she went through the same damn thing. So this is what happened. My mom wants me to get rid of my boyfriend (Let's just assume he is.) She thinks he is a bad influence to me since I'm an honor student and his grades isn't satisfactory to my mom. My mom thinks I can do better but I think he is perfect for me. He respects me a lot. Whenever we have a fight he never shouts at me, he never questions me, he never not even once have spoken a bad word to me, he just lets me take everything i feel out of my system. That's the kind of guy i want since I have so much pride in myself. I don't think no other guy would let him self be "under" to a girl (Under: He just does whatever the girl wants.). Another thing is, the teachers in our school is so irritating. They feel that whenever we are together we'll do something bad. When the fact is we only talk! They always say bad things about him and that's what my mom believes in. She doesn't understand/know that he is actually really good for me. I love him so much and I want my parents to love him too. But I don't know what I can do to make them like him. Advice please? There are certainly many possible 'positions' to take on your post... but in terms of what we can offer you directly, that really could help, there may not be so much. SO... let me try this for starters: REMEMBER WHEN you were younger, and you maybe wanted to do something your parents wouldn't approve of, and you kinda sorta lied to them in order to at least let yourself be away from home so that you COULD do the risky thing you wouldn't even dare to ask them? Well consider that, along with your words, your parents were 'reading' your personality and vibes... and that SOMEtimes your own vibes gave them enough hints about your intentions to cause them to say "no!" In today's scenario, it could really help if you would consider how YOU represent your boyfriend while talking alone with your parents. IF you find yourself doing all you can to make the subject of him go under the carpet and not come up, they could be reading your vibes. IF INSTEAD you speak to your parents proudly and with confidence aBOUT your boyfriend, then YOUR OWN VIBES may help you make inroads toward a point when your parents are more comfortable with the boy himself. DO NOT make things up, or lie, when doing this. Just find the things that you really, truly like and admire about his personality and then 'gush' about those, as teen girls are known to do. Ultimately, though, his own actions shall be what determines his fate where you are concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
Goldenspoon Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 This may be applicable if appeasing the woman's parents is the way things go in the Philippines, but you shouldn't have to tell a guy to increase his school grades just because you want your parents to like him. If you like the guy, then continue to court him, ignore your parents it is not them that need to know or see the guy. Your relationship is about you and him, yes your parents have your best interests at heart but what if they're wrong and he's lovely. Tell them to butt out. How old are you? Like 15? Link to post Share on other sites
AmEricanWomann Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 This may be applicable if appeasing the woman's parents is the way things go in the Philippines, but you shouldn't have to tell a guy to increase his school grades just because you want your parents to like him. If you like the guy, then continue to court him, ignore your parents it is not them that need to know or see the guy. Your relationship is about you and him, yes your parents have your best interests at heart but what if they're wrong and he's lovely. Tell them to butt out. If she was a legal adult, I may disagree, but she's 15 years old. Her parents might be wrong about her boyfriend, but she maybe be wrong about him too and they are charged with taking care of her and they have every right to be concerned about who is in her life that may have the potential to effect her life in a negative way. Link to post Share on other sites
delhidreamgirls1 Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 I agree with the last poster in that I think you should go ahead and communicate with your mom on the subject, however, she doesn't sound like someone who does much listening. I think I'd write a letter, and I would tell her as far as you're concerned you have no desire to break family ties, and the door is open, therefore the decison is hers. She will have to decide to accept you as an adult, to accept the decisons you make regardless of how she feels. You will not allow her to push and pull you by way of guilt for the rest of your life. If I were you I would say "look mom, I am done with explaining, I am done with apologizing for how I feel...this is my life. I have decided." Tell her you love her, you will always love her, she is welcome into your life. This way you are offering her a place in your life, you're not getting hostile, you're not turning away, and that puts you on higher ground as far as I am concerned. You're telling her that you love her, but at the same time you're taking a firm stand on living with your own decisions, come what may. Let her think it over....it may take time for her to come around, but I'll bet she will. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 I don't think I would really take my 15 year old child seriously if he/she wrote me a letter telling me that they were now an adult. Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Am I understanding you correctly; teachers, (plural), at your school don't like him & think he's a bad influence & your mother thinks he's also a bad influence? If this is the case there is an old adage; "if someone calls you a horse pay no attention, if a second person calls you a horse, consider it, but if a third person calls you a horse, buy a saddle". In other words, if you have teachers & mom thinking this boy is trouble you should probably consider it. What do your friends think? Link to post Share on other sites
Paper Roses Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Hi. I'm not very good with kids, but I'll try. Your Mother knows alot more than you do simply because of her life experiences. 15 is very, very young to be getting into a serious relationship. Your Mother might see some negative qualities about this boy that you can't and it's probably not an issue of trust. She knows you're being a good girl, but she might like for you to meet other boys. Right now you need to concentrate on your education and figuring out yourself and what you like, what you want to do in life and what kind of person you'd like to spend your time with. I'm certain your Mother regrets none of her decisions because they led to having you but have you ever considered that maybe she might wish that she had given herself more of a childhood and more carefree fun before settling on one boy? Don't be upset, your Mother loves you and she is just trying to protect you from any hurt. I wish you luck with your problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Paper Roses Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 What an odd thing to say. No, I'm not. didn't you just tell a little girl of 15 to tell her parents to butt out of her love life??? Um, no, not an odd thing to say, are you 15 as well? You can't possibly be an adult, she's 15, it is very much her parents business. Link to post Share on other sites
Goldenspoon Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 I slightly misread the OP, but my point partially stands. I'm from the UK so we're probably a little bit more open to these kinds of things compared to some of my friends over the water for example. Maybe you're from somewhere similarly strict with teenagers when it comes to relationships. Provided the education is correct and the trust of the child is gained there is no need for such strictness to take place, or at least that's how I and many of my friends, their friends and in a couple of cases my friends children have been brought up. Respect and understanding as opposed to chastity and abstinence. What percentage of your friends do you think will end up being doctors/lawyers/engineers? Link to post Share on other sites
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