Heartbroken and confused by the one i love.

[burton928]

ok heres my situation. ive been going out with my girlfriend for a year and a half now. and all of a sudden out of the blue she wants to break up with me saying she is unhappy anymore. she says it isnt me but shes getting rid of me. this is also the first person i ever fell in love with. not the first long term relationship ive had but she is the first one ive fallen in love with.

 

she says she wants to be single and enjoy her single life as a teen. she is 18 and im 19. she still lives at home and isnt very independent at all. all this crap happened to start about a month ago when she started hanging out with all her friends again. and all her friends are single as well. and when she broke up with me on tuesday her friends had sad something to her earlier in the day and made her choose to break up with me.

 

the funny thing is that when im not around she acts like this. she never wants to talk to me or even acknowledge im around because her friends are more important than anything. but when im home she is always saying how she loves me how much it isnt fair that i leave all the time and how she wants to marry me and be with me forever. take for instance this past sunday i was with her and i had to leave. she continued to say it isnt fair i had to leave her all the time and she was somewhat crying about it. saying she would never leave me wanted to be with me forever and saying that she wanted to marry me. i believed her when i left then i did nothing to her monday or tuesday and all of sudden she wanted to break up. but like ive said we are absolutely perfect together when we are together side by side.

 

everyone i talk to says i should just let her go and if it was meant to be she will come back. but im so afraid because with her friends telling her things she wont ever make her own decision on the matter. i mean i love this girl with all my heart and soul and shes just throwing me away for her friends it seems. she says she doesnt want to be in a relationship but shes saying she would like to talk to other guys and go do stuff with other guys so im confused there too. i know i should let her go and she would possibly come back but im afraid that she wont come back at all. and it hurts because i love this girl and i never thought of leaving her ever. i promised her and she promised and i was keeping my promise. there were times when i should have left her before because of something she did to me but i never did leave her becuase i was so much in love with and i wanted to work everything out. but she isnt like that at all. she always runs away from a problem.

 

i dont know what to do because im in love with her so much and ive tried everything to get her back and none of it has worked. i just need someone to tell me that there is still possibly hope because she wont tell me that. please help me out.

[SouthernRomeo]

Sorry to hear of your situation Burton. You sound like a nice guy and very hurt. First off I will say the pain will pass in time. Easier said than done and hard to believe at this point. At this young age true commitment is hard to find. Many people feel it is too young to really be tied down. This girl you speak of sounds like she has not matured enough to realize that a relatiionship is not to be taken for granted. In her eyes, she doesn't want to give up the single life that is so fun at this age, and many people will tend to agree. You however sound like you have matured past the adolescence stage. My suggestion is to let this girl find out who she is. You can't force someone into a relationship when they feel so strongly against it. When you are young you make rash decisions and her promise to stay with you might have been what she felt at that time. However, youthful passion and emotions change like the wind.

 

My suggestion young man is to let her go at this time. If you have tried to talk to her and expressed your feelings and she has constantly rejected you, then it is time to move on. There is no reason to beat yourself up over a woman that has so clearly decided that her time alone means more to her than you. If you continue to pursue her you may get lost in the pain and come to resent her. If she really loves you she will come to you. But for now she apparantly wants to sow her wild oats. You have plenty of time ahead of you. I know this is probably not the answer you seek and that you hurt tremendously inside. Young love is always painful. No matter if it's the first or many in a stretch. I would suggest a time of healing and moving on. If you have friends, I'd lean to them for support and occupy your mind and time. Otherwise it will be spent pining over this young girl. You sound like a class act and I'm sure there is someone out there for you. Keep looking and try to remain positive. Good luck and keep us informed of what's going on. Best wishes.

[burton928]

thanks southern romeo,

i think my plan as of right now on the situation is just going to be to just leave her alone and let her talk to me and come back to me. if she wants to talk to me im going to be there for that. the only thing that scares me like i said before is that she wont grow up quickly and ocme back to me anytime soon. she sint going to have the chance to grow up at all. and with everything she said and all that was just two days before she broke up with me so that just made it more confusing. but like i said my plan is just to let her come back to me and try not to think abut her too much but its kind of hard not to think abotu her. because i love her a lot. im going to see her today to pick up my stuff at her house and maybe something will happen when i get there. i mean im hoping she will see me or something and realize what she is doing. i mean thats all i can hope for. but ill keep you guys posted on whats going on. thanks

[burton928]

well i went to her house on friday and when i got there she wanted to give me a hug and when i gave her a hug she said i love you to me first. and she said she was sorry about all of this. then she told she just needed time to straighten out her life. im confused about that cause my family is telling me it sounds like she has another guy or wants to meet another gut other than me. then when she said that it seemed like she would come back to me and i told her i would wait for her to figure out what she wants. i just hope she doesnt go out and mess around with another guy. she tells me she doesnt want a relationship right now but im afraid she is going to do something stupid. she says she still loves me and everything and i dont know what she has to get her life straightened out for but whatever i guess. im just going to wait for her and hope to god she will come back to me becuase im so much in love with this girl it hurts. well anyone with any advice please help me out.

 

thanks

[Smucks212]

yo burton,

 

i wanted to comment with the fact that i can relate to this happening to me also. i'm 21 and have been with my boyfriend for about 3 1/2 years. he is my first love and mine his. one of our problems was that we spent a lot of time together and he begain to feel a little cramped so he requested we try doing that less and instead of respecting that, i ignored it.

 

after that things had been okay, but then we had a really bad fight/argument and he told me he really needed his own time and space away from me. i didn't understand why someone would tell me this right after they told me they loved me, and still cared for me, so i tried to ignore that also which hurt me a lot. he told me he wanted to hang out still and be friends and that just also ruined me because everytime we hung out i had the intentions and hope that we would be back together, whereas he just looked at it as being just friends.

 

when i finally got the picture that he was just not going to run back into my arms, but that he also didn't want to go date other people or replace me, i tried to back away and see what the space would do. while it killed me, i think it helped him and it gave me a chance to look and see what i really wanted, even though i already knew without any confusion it's him.

 

so for myself i realized that i can't just be friends with this person waiting around until the day they may or may never come back to me. it doesn't help you, the relationship or the other person. so i figured he can be in my life as my boyfriend or he can be out of my life. i wrote him a long letter explainig how i felt, everything i wanted and needed, what i felt we could work on and why i thought our relationship was possible and that if he wanted to pursue things i was here now and if not than for my own sanity i needed to cut off everything and move on. so after 3 months we decided to try things again and it has been getting better but very very vyer slowly. i could tell he was still confused and still is, but i have faith and have seen changes that he is more happy that we are having a better relationship than we did before and we talk about the future and his wanting me in it confirms that he is happy to be wtih me, while he may not know if he wants to pu tin the effort all the time.

 

so basically i think there is a time when a young person like you or i gets to a point where they know exactly what they want or they become confused and scared of the future, scared that this person could be the one or scared that thye missed out on "the one". you sound like me and the first part. we know what we want, we know who we love and we want them to feel the same, however they may just be unsure and afraid that they are missing out on things for whatever reason taht may be and all you can do is respect that, but also respect yourself enough to either let go of her and move on or see if after a little while she has more of a clear consience and direction. one thing someone suggested to me when i was going through this was to take a break for a set period of time, see what else is out there (if that's what she is doing, which she should tell you whether she wants another guy or just to be single and selfish - my guy told me he just wanted to be selfish and not have to think of anyone else for a little while) and then come back after that time like a month or two or 6. by then maybe it will be a bit more clear.

hope that helps!

[kasey <3]

"she never wants to talk to me or even acknowledge im around because her friends are more important than anything."

 

i hear you soo much. my boyfriend is the same exact way! there is no excuse for anyone not even acknowledging your there, just because there friends are around. my b/f just recently did that to me, and when it first happened i thought like you do like..oo ill just stick it out and he'll come back to me. and i know it hurts so bad inside, but sometimes you have to forget about the people who have forgotten about you. i know its hard to deal with, but its kinda helped me through thinngs. i feel your pain and i hope everything goes ok for you.