Where do i go from here

[Dblock10]

yeah you could be right about that. makes me seem like even more of a fool huh

 

id like to think she would care if i deleted her, but then again maybe you are right. she moved on in life, but id like to think she still thinks of me.

 

 

how to break denial.

[smudge21]

Delete and block now. You're denial is linked to the fact she's still there, in your life, via Facebook. First you have to cut all of that out of your life then you can slowly work on this acceptance and denial thing.

 

None of this will change unless you change it. Your choice as always.

[Diogenes]

In the old days many a Upper class Dad or Uncle would take a son/nephew to the local cat house to teach him the difference between Sex & Love, something most of us take years to separate.

 

The problem many of us run into is we fall in love with Sex, and because of this we then add all kinds of wonderful attributes to our mate that in reality probably only exist in our minds. This blocks our ability to see our Ex's in a clear light after they are gone, we don't really pine for them, but the ideal we have created in our own minds. I've done this more times than I care to recall, and have only just figured this out at 56, considered what I've said and save yourself a lot of grief..

[Dblock10]

hello diogenes its funny you say this actually, i was thinking about it the other night. so what kind of wonderful attributes do you mean? i understand pining for the ideal in our heads, 100%.

 

my friend told me (this is my best female mate) said, you can experience nice events etc with some doesn't mean they are or will fall in love with you. you can have sex with someone and again it doesn't mean they will fall in love with you.

 

so what exactly is the advice from this, sleep around? enjoy women? not care too much about it

 

smudge i feel i cannot block and del, as i feel it would remove any hope or chance for reconciliation at a later date.

Edited October 2, 2011 by Dblock10

[smudge21]

smudge i feel i cannot block and del, as i feel it would remove any hope or chance for reconciliation at a later date.

 

... and that is why you will never heal.

[broken-and-lost]

... and that is why you will never heal.

 

DBLOCK

 

He's right you will never move on if you don't, i only need to run into my ex in the street and it breaks me and is stopping me for healing.... hope is the worse thing for continuing your pain especially if you break up has been a while now at some point you have to tell yourself i can't fix it.

[Diogenes]

My experience is different from a lot of men, I didn't get married until I was almost 34, at a time most married in their early 20's, and spent much of my life from age 16 to 32 in search of someone to spend my life with. It wasn't until I gave up on the idea and just took each day and date as it came and shake the best out of it that I met the love of my life for 24 years.

 

It seems you have to just let things flow, sometimes the one you need will not catch your eye right away. You might not even find them attractive at first, then you begin to feel good just being around them, they make you think about expanding your horizons and out of your comfort zone long before the clothes come off, that's love.....

[Imajerk17]

my ex has left, she is in america right now and as far as i know, its until the 12th of october.

 

i txt her saying goodbye and have a great time etc she replied saying thanks have fun back at uni.

 

we are still friends on face book, and recently she keeps going online. she has been online more so now than she ever did for the 7 weeks prior to actually leaving..

 

makes one of her for breaking up because of being rubbish at communication a bit odd.

 

she hasn't spoke to me whilst being online.

 

i am so tempted to speak to her and just be like, hey your on face book a lot recently.. i know you said you were a bad communicator thats one of the reasons we broke up, but you know i'd have given you all the time and space you needed so i cant understand this silence between us now. did you just not want me involved in your life anymore?

 

 

what do you think? would it be easier for me to have it out with her than to carry on seeing her online and not talking or hearing from her

 

 

DBlock, no halfway-sane woman in the history of mankind has ever broken up with a guy because SHE "is a horrible communicator". Hell, I'm not sure how many women have broken up with a guy because HE was the horrible communicator. Anyway, you won't get anywhere by confronting her.

 

The best thing you could do for yourself is to go out there and meet another woman. If this is something you can't do, then that is a big part of your problem.

Edited October 2, 2011 by Imajerk17

[Dblock10]

i dont believe in love its all a load of fairy tale stuff that doesn't exist

 

yeah i probably wont move on then in that case. either way, this girl was the one that made me feel happy just to be around.

 

so basically your saying she was making excuses. it what it boils down to. maybe she wasn't the nicest girl i thought she was. just a standard typical girl.

 

i wont confront her. there is no point. I am going out there and i have met other women. i have kissed a couple.

 

thats not the problem. the problem is i feel as though i am different to 90% of men. in terms of when i like a girl i really like them and i don't then go off looking for the next one, even if my relation ship ends.

 

another new profile picture on facebook, looks like it could be her, standing in front of a high rise building, sun shining, her arms up in the air.

 

she is obviously enjoying herself, and thats great. so she should.

[Imajerk17]

 

thats not the problem. the problem is i feel as though i am different to 90% of men. in terms of when i like a girl i really like them and i don't then go off looking for the next one, even if my relation ship ends.

 

 

No you're like every other guy. What you are experiencing is UNIVERSAL. So pride yourself too much there guy.

 

Good for you for going out and meeting more women!

[Dblock10]

yeah but it doesnt help. really.

 

just makes me realise they are all the same. tonight i went out, had 3 girls all laughing at my jokes and being very interested in what i had to say. but its because they are 18 i am 24. its like its too easy.

 

they are not my ex. yeah they may be pretty and i could have lust for them , but id never be able to give them or another girl what i had emotionally and spiritually given this ex.

 

its tough. i feel different to most guys. out to go and bang the next girl isnt my style. i like quality.

 

totally getting to the realisation that she is gone now.

 

its hard to think that its over. its horrible to accept that she wont be coming back here. she has moved on, she has completed university.

 

i feel old before my time. because i am 24 and not 20-21 like most of my friends i feel like although im older than my ex, she has been there done that kinda of thing.

 

i feel like im left behind in some way, and its like no one at uni will understand me or what i am going through. i feel isolated, even though i can meet attractive young girls its like its too easy and i cant be bothered.

 

and then i miss the ex because of it.

[Imajerk17]

Allow yourself to grieve then. I mean this seriously. It's perfectly normal and healthy.

[Dblock10]

yeah i am, just gets me depressed though. but its like there is nothing else i can do.

 

that rock bottom feeling is starting to feel oh so real. just like home.

 

i dont even want to go home anymore. it doesnt feel like home. i dont even like being here at university in a house with house mates. sure its a distraction at best but to me its just a means to an end.

 

just wish it was like last year when i first got to meet her. i wish she wasnt finishing uni as i was starting. but thats the way it is.

 

she isnt here now she is in america then oz then thailand. she will have the time of her life. i'm not bitter as i will travel too once i finish uni.

 

i just cant stand how it feels like everything i do is like in her tracks.

[fallenheart]

Hate to tell you this bro, but you haven't even begun to hit rock bottom yet. Not by a long shot.

 

You're still in denial. You still think there's a chance. You're still waiting for her.

 

You're still looking at pictures of her thinking "Oh good, as long as she's happy cause SHE DESERVES IT cause she's so special and wonderful and unique, and though I'll be alone until I die an old man, at least I had those glorious perfect 7 months with her to always look back on!"

 

Barf.

 

It's gonna take a long time. I see so much of myself in you....fact is...you LIKE this feeling. You LIKE wallowing in the misery cause the misery is REAL. Feeling it reminds you of what it felt like with her. Better to feel misery than nothing at all right??

 

Or the idea that if you let go of the misery, let go of the past, that it somehow makes it all seem small and unimportant. Meaning you never meant that much to each other. So the only way to keep that idea of the love "alive" is by keeping the misery alive....cause it's all you've got!!

 

I did it. I did it for years. My friends and family felt like they were beating their heads against a brick wall cause I just pining and pining away for a girl that left me and was never coming back. Cause I was too ashamed to admit it was OVER. Couldn't accept it. Was embarrassed and humiliated that she left me. So I wallowed in my grief and savored my pain and I thought everyone that saw me would think I was so tragic and beautiful.

 

No. They just thought I was an a-ss-hole.

 

Don't be an a-ss-hole.

 

Delete her fb, erase her number from your phone. Put all her pictures and cards and gifts in a box and seal it and put it away in an attic somewhere.

 

Accept that it's OK to let go, that you are young and life goes on, and that there WILL be many many many women that are better than her in your life.

 

If you don't....you WILL hit rock bottom...and you could get to feel so comfortable there in your misery that you could end up wasting years of your life.

 

I crawled out and it felt better than I can describe. You can too. It takes TIME though.

 

But the first step...you gotta want it. Are you ready to break up with your misery or you think you maybe wanna wallow in it for a while longer?

[Dblock10]

tell you what it is, you speak the truth and it makes a lot of sense logically. however i find it almost impossible to follow through with someone else's advice on this, and here is why.

 

before we broke up i had like 12 friends telling me to leave her that she didn't deserve me, she doesn't sound really attached in anyway to me, and that it almost comes across as ignorant how she is. telling me to dump her before she dumps me. maybe they were right i don't know. either way i kinda fizzled us out due to my own insecurities at heart. then later regretted it and didn't want to lose her. i of course told her why i said i didn't think it would work but it was to late. she wanted to be free and single for travelling.

 

so now i feel like i regret my actions and acting on other peoples advice, so i don't want to be hurt again. or regretful. pathetic hey?

 

its not like i am waiting for her as such, as i already know she wont just come back. if she does it will be as a friend sort of deal. i am i guess hoping she doesn't move on totally in terms of being in a relationship with someone else. selfish from my part? probably. jealousy? most definitely.

 

Let me set this straight, i don't look at pictures of her. just sometimes on my face book her name will be on the list of friends on the left hand side, here is where i might notice her photo, and as of yesterday its changed. i am saying she deserves it because she worked bloody hard at university and in exam period. i spent a lot of time with her, keeping her calm about it etc, and revising with her. she forewarned me how stressy she gets and fat around exam time, i reassured her i didn't mind, and that i can handle it. which i did. i made her feel at ease, was always there for her to talk to when she felt stressed by exams.

 

those 7 months were not perfect though. we did argue. and it stemmed from the fact (from my personal point of view) that she didnt care enough about me or the relationship. for various reasons. yet at times it felt like thats all she wanted. i had hoped she would turn into that person that just wants it to be me and her. it never truly happened.

 

you are right about the misery feeling real. its like thats all i have left so i cling onto it. bad.

 

your words are so true. my head is stuck in a bad place though. i know it sounds dumb but it will only disappear when i fall for another girl who i deem to be better than her.

 

i am starting to feel like i need to grow some balls and just remove her completely like you say. but somehow that feels like defeat.

 

ive put all her stuff in a box back at home. the problem is i now live away from home, and in the area where i met her. there are a lot of daily reminders. its even strange to be back at university and to know she wont be coming back.

 

i hate feeling like i was just an ex to her. grr. i like when you said "Accept that it's OK to let go, that you are young and life goes on, and that there WILL be many many many women that are better than her in your life"

 

it breaths hope. and in my mind a false one :S

 

i wont let it waste years of my life. i just know it will be hard to forget and to move on. I dont want to feel like i jumped the gun in terms of removing her from my mind. so so dumb. i feel like i have been cheated out of a relationship with a girl who i want in my life.

 

i feel like i am letting myself down and more importantly you guys, who actually give a crap and listen to my crap