TheDovic Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 So I've been nc for just over a week but hadn't seen my ex for 5 weeks. I heard a knock on the door and to my surprise when I opened it there she was standing there with a big smile on her face. She said she needed her car insurance forms as she had left it in the house so I told her to go and look for it... BUT when she walked into the house she threw her arms around me and started sobbing! She was completely inconsolable and sat herself down on my sofa. I asked what was wrong and she told me it felt weird being in the house again. She stayed for less than an hour but cried 8 times and kept saying I was looking great, was being very flirty and didn't look for her car insurance form!!! She kept asking about my life but I didn't tell her anything. She was keen to tell me she has only been working, does not go out and is not seeing anyone (I didn't ask). She was also very upset I haven't been in contact, to which I reminded her she had dumped me. She asked could she stop by whenever she wanted as she misses me but I told her she couldn't. I didn't tell her it was because it's difficult for me, but I don't think it's my place to run after her when she dumped me! Before she went she hugged me in the street and wouldn't let go saying she wants to be in my life, but she didn't say she wants me back so I told her I don't think it's a good idea. Any ideas if I was right to act so cold? & Was she hoping I'd ask her back? (I'm not going to though cos she created this mess so if she wants me I think she should be the one to say it) Link to post Share on other sites
antz2411 Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 So I've been nc for just over a week but hadn't seen my ex for 5 weeks. I heard a knock on the door and to my surprise when I opened it there she was standing there with a big smile on her face. She said she needed her car insurance forms as she had left it in the house so I told her to go and look for it... BUT when she walked into the house she threw her arms around me and started sobbing! She was completely inconsolable and sat herself down on my sofa. I asked what was wrong and she told me it felt weird being in the house again. She stayed for less than an hour but cried 8 times and kept saying I was looking great, was being very flirty and didn't look for her car insurance form!!! She kept asking about my life but I didn't tell her anything. She was keen to tell me she has only been working, does not go out and is not seeing anyone (I didn't ask). She was also very upset I haven't been in contact, to which I reminded her she had dumped me. She asked could she stop by whenever she wanted as she misses me but I told her she couldn't. I didn't tell her it was because it's difficult for me, but I don't think it's my place to run after her when she dumped me! Before she went she hugged me in the street and wouldn't let go saying she wants to be in my life, but she didn't say she wants me back so I told her I don't think it's a good idea. Any ideas if I was right to act so cold? & Was she hoping I'd ask her back? (I'm not going to though cos she created this mess so if she wants me I think she should be the one to say it) DOOD HELL YEAH YOU WERE RIGHT TO ACT COLD!!! shes lucky you didn't act indifferent towards her... don't ask her back bro! keep the only thing you have left and thats your dignity! my ex had to beg for me back for to take her back . wait until she asks you or begs for you back and tell her everything has to be under your terms! Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheDovic Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 DOOD HELL YEAH YOU WERE RIGHT TO ACT COLD!!! shes lucky you didn't act indifferent towards her... don't ask her back bro! keep the only thing you have left and thats your dignity! my ex had to beg for me back for to take her back . wait until she asks you or begs for you back and tell her everything has to be under your terms! Cheers dude... I think I did act indifferent towards her and she couldn't deal with it. She kept digging to see if I was coping but I gave her nothing. Just acted like I didn't care (not angry or sad)! Hopefully she does come back begging but I'm not counting on it Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I'll bet she will eventually come back begging. It's good you acted cold towards her and did'nt cave in. She probably want's you back more for that! Damn, wish my ex would do that,, I'd love to be cold and indifferent towards her. Do you want her back? Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Good job Dovic, bloody good job man! She was being quite selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheDovic Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 I'll bet she will eventually come back begging. It's good you acted cold towards her and did'nt cave in. She probably want's you back more for that! Damn, wish my ex would do that,, I'd love to be cold and indifferent towards her. Do you want her back? More than anything Mike, but I've learned enough from this site to know showing your hand to your ex gets you nowhere! BTW, cheers Rorschach! Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Dovic you are a smart guy so you know the car insurance forms is a pile of Balony. I think you played a blinder mate. If you keep playing cool, she is coming back to you. I have no doubt about this. BUT how you can trust her in her current mindset, only you know. Providing you remain distant, at some stage she is going to beg you for a chance. When she does you need to be very specific about what needs to change for the relationship to make it work. Because if you take her back now, it will fail in the future..She needs to work for you and when she gets you back, you need to outline what changes she needs to make, the changes you need to make so that you can learn from past mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheDovic Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 Dovic you are a smart guy so you know the car insurance forms is a pile of Balony. I think you played a blinder mate. If you keep playing cool, she is coming back to you. I have no doubt about this. BUT how you can trust her in her current mindset, only you know. Providing you remain distant, at some stage she is going to beg you for a chance. When she does you need to be very specific about what needs to change for the relationship to make it work. Because if you take her back now, it will fail in the future..She needs to work for you and when she gets you back, you need to outline what changes she needs to make, the changes you need to make so that you can learn from past mistakes. Cheers Mack, I hope you're right about the first part dude. As for the second part, you're right, it's vital she's willing to change! Very tough seeing her though because she looked beautiful last night!!! (I didn't tell her this) Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheDovic Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 Anyone else experience anything like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Daremo_06 Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Do you think both could repair the reasons you broke up in the 1st place? If so, perhaps you may want to let her know your willing to talk at some point in the near future. Otherwise its quite possible she will never be back. If not, then stick to your guns. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 I haven't experienced anything like this, but I have a feeling she wants to come back. The insurance was the excuse that she needed to come by. She was feeling you out. Seeing if you were missing her as much as she was missing you. She didn't make any moves because of your indifference and she did push the issue. What would be the point? She saw your body language and heard your answers. The problem is, is that she was holding on to a shread of self dignity. However, if you want someone back, you have to have some humility and put it all out there. My question is, what would you have said if she DID say that she was a complete ass and she made a huge mistake. She can bear her life without you and she wanted to come back? Link to post Share on other sites
MIK1000 Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Anyone else experience anything like this? Well done for playing it so cool. I would have had a lot of trouble keeping my composure and holding back my emotions like that. What happened in the break up if you don't mind me asking? Link to post Share on other sites
futuregopher Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Hey nice job Dovic! It's good to see your situation get better and I appreciate all the help you've given me as well. How far away do you guys live? I live 3.5 hours away from my ex so I don't think she would visit me haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Cowboy1015 Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 (edited) I read your break up post... and I see a lot of dramas in there... first she didn't want to move out of the house... she's still flirting but doesn't want to work things out... oh man! I think you are dealing with a very insecure woman. That is when NC works. I guess the question is do you want this type of person in your life. Do you want games and dramas in your life? Edited September 29, 2011 by Cowboy1015 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheDovic Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 Do you think both could repair the reasons you broke up in the 1st place? If so, perhaps you may want to let her know your willing to talk at some point in the near future. Otherwise its quite possible she will never be back. If not, then stick to your guns. If she's willing to work on her issues, then yes, we could really make it work! Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheDovic Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 (edited) I haven't experienced anything like this, but I have a feeling she wants to come back. The insurance was the excuse that she needed to come by. She was feeling you out. Seeing if you were missing her as much as she was missing you. She didn't make any moves because of your indifference and she did push the issue. What would be the point? She saw your body language and heard your answers. The problem is, is that she was holding on to a shread of self dignity. However, if you want someone back, you have to have some humility and put it all out there. My question is, what would you have said if she DID say that she was a complete ass and she made a huge mistake. She can bear her life without you and she wanted to come back? I'd jump on her lol PS, to MIK1000, we were having a really rough year and had a lot of pressure on us both. We had just bought a house, were due to get married next year, plus she was working three jobs (she didn't need to but was freaking out about money. She is very insecure and is a real worrier). She was also extremely worried about the wedding and being centre of attention (she actually cried when she had to get her graduation photo taken, so imagine what a wedding would be like). Long story short, since the break up she has quit two jobs, seems a bit less anxious and the wedding has been cancelled. Big pressures off her I suppose! Edited September 29, 2011 by TheDovic Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Then call her... Say, "Look, I'm confused. What the hell was the other day about?" and then let her talk. If it's BS...then walk. You know her and you know what breadcrumbs are...if all she's throwing at you is breadcrumbs; end the conversation and go dark and deep NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheDovic Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 (edited) To FutureGopher she lives about ten mins away buddy. To Cowboy, I would be willing to take her back if she would work on her issues a bit, i.e. therapy. But I love her regardless. As you probably know, it's harder for the mind to control the heart than it is for the heart to control the mind! To Chi TownD I think you're right. I may as well take the opportunity when she is in this emotional state before she moves on. I'm kinda hoping she'll say something first but if she doesn't soon then it'll be up to me Edited September 29, 2011 by TheDovic Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 To Chi TownD I think you're right. I may as well take the opportunity when she is in this emotional state before she moves on. I'm kinda hoping she'll say something first but if she doesn't soon then it'll be up to me She probably won't due to how you reacted and talked to her the other day. She might think it's a lost cause. HOWEVER, if you do talk to her tread carefully and don't get sucked in too deep. You know what words you want to hear. If you don't hear them....walk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheDovic Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 She probably won't due to how you reacted and talked to her the other day. She might think it's a lost cause. HOWEVER, if you do talk to her tread carefully and don't get sucked in too deep. You know what words you want to hear. If you don't hear them....walk. Sound advice, and you're right. NO breadcrumbs!!! Thanks Chi TownD Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 To FutureGopher she lives about ten mins away buddy. To Cowboy, I would be willing to take her back if she would work on her issues a bit, i.e. therapy. But I love her regardless. As you probably know, it's harder for the mind to control the heart than it is for the heart to control the mind! To ChiTown I think you're right. I may as well take the opportunity when she is in this emotional state before she moves on. I'm kinda hoping she'll say something first but if she doesn't soon then it'll be up to me Mate I am your biggest fan, you know that. But she needs to work on her issues OUTSIDE of the relationship. If you love her, then let her do this. Working on these issues while in the relationship = breakup guarenteed. Her issues arent fixable in a week. You can't help her, only she can. Can I give you advice? If you love her then meet her and have a frank talk, no more games. Explain to her that you still love her and that you are willing to work on the relationship, providing things change and that she resolves her personal problems. You say that you understand, that she is very confused right now. Agree to meet just before xmas. Xmas holidays are romantic, you both agree not to break NC, no matter what until your meeting. For these two months you get to the gym and focus on something like that. Just take a break from the obsessing about the relationship. Take a break from this site even. When you meet at xmas i promise you things will be so much clearer. She may not have resolved her problems but she will be alot more self aware of what she needs to do. When you both meet you will both know what to do...Its a better idea then game playing or being in limbo. I don't care what book tells you, gameplaying is not good...The best thing to save a relationship is frank honest talking..Taking a step back is good, but NC is for you not to play games with your ex..Now is the time for honesty.. Think about it mate.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheDovic Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 Thanks Mack, you're always there to talk sense and keep me grounded! and once again everything you're saying is right. Guess I have a lot to think about!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts