torn between two men

[rayn]

sometimes in our lives we meet the man of our dreams when we least expect it, well that happened to me. my ex and i met two 1/2 years ago and i fell in love with him and his son quick, so did they. we decided to get married because it felt too right. half way through college, i decided that i wanted to move back to where i am from and my ex was excited that we were going to move and be married in the year 2000. i graduated from college and moved back to my home town, yet i had this feeling that something was going to go wrong because i kept thinking about my best friend of 8 years from high school, he was my first.

 

back in my home town, i began planning for a wedding and renting a home for my new family. then things started to turn. my best friend called my mothers house thinging i still was away and i answered the phone. we soon began making plans to spend time together, soon i noticed that all my time was being spent with him and not calling my ex. my ex had a big problem with us being friends. my ex came to visit and he was like a stranger to me. how was i going to tell him? two weeks after my ex visited, i slept with my bestfriend which broke his trust for me. he was willing to forgive but not willing to forget. feeling guilty i felt like i had no choice but to give up my bestfriend; i didn't want to but what choice did i have. giving up my bestfriend hurt like hell and i started to ask myself if i did the right thing. needless to say, i broke up with my ex and stayed bestfriends with my guy. now my bestfriend and i are really serious and it is like nothing that i have ever experienced before the only problem is, is that we both have just come out of relationships in which we were considering marriage.

 

i still love my ex and i love my bestfriend even more. my bestfriend is my world but i still feel torn between these two men.

[Tony T]

You are one mixed up lady. That was a sensational story.

 

There are many people, most people as a matter of fact, just like yourself who are capable of loving several people at one time. That is why we have a thing called committment, so that you limite the expression of your romantic love to the person you have committed to.

 

I don't think you are anywhere near ready to settle down. I mean NOT EVEN CLOSE.

 

When you find the man that you want to spend the rest of your life with, there will be no doubts and you will not have to put up such a post on an Internet fourm.

 

My suggestion is to take a little break from men and get yourself together a bit, get to know yourself, do some nice things for yourself, etc. During this time away, you can do a lot of reflecting.

 

Marriage is a VERY important decision and should not be made under the maddening circumstances you find yourself in now. Give all this a lot of thought.

 

Once you have found the absolute man of your dreams, the man you simply cannot live without, then make a hard and firm committment to him and move forward. If you don't, I promise you that there are numerous men of your dreams that will come along from time to time. If you keep moving from one to the other, you will never achieve the happiness you seek and deserve.

[Jenna]

Sometimes when I read these posts- it brings back a flood of memories from my own past. I was faced with the same problem a few years ago- old love and new love. I think the only thing that kept me from trying again with the old boyfriend was the committment to my new husband. My old boyfriend -who happened along in my life at the wrong time- although he was the sweetest man I had ever met- I was not ready for such a serious relationship- so we parted and remained friends. He began dating a mutual aquaintance- whom I considered a friend- and they had my blessing- I was happy for them. I was in a new marriage- which was kind of rocky- and my old b\f and I found ourselves spending a lot of time together- I think because we new each other so well and felt comfortable talking about problems. We let it be known to each other that we thought it was a mistake that we broke-up, and he told me that he would end the relationship with his girl friend if I wanted to try again. There was much anguish over this proposal- for several days. I thought about all the people- whose lives I held in the palm of my hand, mine, his, my husband's, my friend's, and my children- one of which was from my new marriage. I also thought about how I stood infront of God and everyone and pledged my love- promised to be faithful- and honor my husband until death- and I took those promises very seriously. Eventhough it hurt me at the time- I know I made the right decision- I made it a point to get to know my husband on a deeper level- I didn't want to look back on my decision and feel that I had made a "sacrifice"- but that I had made the best decision possible for all involved.

 

So as Tony said- committment is a very important thing- not to be entered into lightly- but rather with every single part of our being. "For better or worse" are not just words that we "say" - they are a promise that we "live."

 

If your fiance-is willing to forgive- and you want to make the kind of committment that I spoke of- you will have to convince him that your heart is in the right place this time. On the other hand- if you love and desire to be with the old boyfriend- give it your all. Either way- you must make a choice- so everyone involved can get on with their lives. You may want to take Tony's good advice and not continue with either one of them. If you are still wanting both of them- that means that neither of them is satisfying all of your needs. You get what you can from one- and the other picks up the slack. Not a good situation for you or them. I wish you luck- I know its got to be agonizing for you- but YOU are the one in control- stop dragging everyone's hearts around including yours. Jenna

You are one mixed up lady. That was a sensational story. There are many people, most people as a matter of fact, just like yourself who are capable of loving several people at one time. That is why we have a thing called committment, so that you limite the expression of your romantic love to the person you have committed to. I don't think you are anywhere near ready to settle down. I mean NOT EVEN CLOSE. When you find the man that you want to spend the rest of your life with, there will be no doubts and you will not have to put up such a post on an Internet fourm. My suggestion is to take a little break from men and get yourself together a bit, get to know yourself, do some nice things for yourself, etc. During this time away, you can do a lot of reflecting.

 

Marriage is a VERY important decision and should not be made under the maddening circumstances you find yourself in now. Give all this a lot of thought. Once you have found the absolute man of your dreams, the man you simply cannot live without, then make a hard and firm committment to him and move forward. If you don't, I promise you that there are numerous men of your dreams that will come along from time to time. If you keep moving from one to the other, you will never achieve the happiness you seek and deserve.