solobeary Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 For those of us here have been either physically or emotionally betrayed for someone else whilst in a relationship, did a part of you see it coming? For me, as much as I hate to admit it, I definitely knew he was capable of cheating on me. I didn't want to believe it SO badly and I hoped so much that he'd be strong, but deep down I knew. (A lot of you describe a similar kind of person to my ex in many ways. Desperate for approval and validation, not a strong sense of self, arrogant but also weak, ran away from their problems.) So do you think there is a "type" to stay away from, or have some of you been left completely in shock that your partner cheated on you, because you never thought they were the type? Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 You knew deep down your ex was/is a cheater. Same as me, we made stupid mistakes but we learned from them. Just tweak your boyfriend/girlfriend picker better for the next time around. As for the type to stay away from, you just described them Link to post Share on other sites
Misar7 Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 "Desperate for approval and validation, not a strong sense of self, arrogant but also weak, ran away from their problems." Wow..yea that describes my ex!! Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 I did not figure my ex fiancee to be a lot of things, such as cruel, unforgiving, and simply a coward plus the obvious cheater. Though I have the possible naive notion that I should not judge a brand new person and relationship on past screwed up relationships, granted there are similar patterns that should not be ignored. Is that contradictory? :| Link to post Share on other sites
TLCbear Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 For those of us here have been either physically or emotionally betrayed for someone else whilst in a relationship, did a part of you see it coming? Yes, I did. I remember having this weird vibe about him...it's something about this guy I can't trust...at that time, never knew why I felt that way, but now I know the reason why. I vowed to myself, that if I ever get a vibe similiar I will turn around and walk away. He also seemed to be very nice, arrogant at times, and played the victim quite alot when it came to his past relationships. So do you think there is a "type" to stay away from, or have some of you been left completely in shock that your partner cheated on you, because you never thought they were the type? Oh, there's definitely a type to stay away from, heck, I would rather date a known player, than to date someone who tend to act so innocent and nice...a snake in the grass. So from now, I will stay away from these type of guys. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 does "giving it a name" really make it any better? why is anyone trying to attribute problems to a cheater like it's some kind of sickness instead of theym just being a cheating douche? "hey my ex was a cheater because his mommy didn't love him enough" umm... maybe your exes just didn't want to sleep with only you? could be that people enjoy sex and just take all they get. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Desperate for approval and validation, not a strong sense of self, arrogant but also weak, ran away from their problems.) totally describes my ex. and yes he was a cheater too. ironically- - he was famous for decrying cheaters. but from my experience, those who speak out the loudest on cheating are the ones most likely to do it themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Kageytn Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 I have this belief: once a cheater, always a cheater. My ex cheated on his former girlfriends so chances are he cheated on me. In fact, using methods we won't talk about, I know he did. And you know what, I didn't even need to use those methods because, deep down, I knew. I had a wise friend say that you think someone is cheating on you, they probably are. He is the only guy I have dated that I thought might be cheating on me. There you go. The best predicator of future behavior is previous behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
silic0ntoad Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 totally describes my ex. and yes he was a cheater too. ironically- - he was famous for decrying cheaters. but from my experience, those who speak out the loudest on cheating are the ones most likely to do it themselves. Maybe I'm exception to the rule, but I am very outspoken against cheaters. I have had 2 previous LTR and in a current one now. The first 2 ended with me being cheated on. TBH, it's very hard to know when someone will/will not cheat. It comes down to a respect thing. You've got to be on your A game with anyone, as everyone has the propensity to cheat. After my break up 2 years ago, I was at a bar where are girl I graduated with was at her engagement party. I knew her since we were both small kids. I didn't notice the ring on her finger until we started making out and it cut my cheek. Link to post Share on other sites
Author solobeary Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 does "giving it a name" really make it any better? why is anyone trying to attribute problems to a cheater like it's some kind of sickness instead of theym just being a cheating douche? "hey my ex was a cheater because his mommy didn't love him enough" umm... maybe your exes just didn't want to sleep with only you? could be that people enjoy sex and just take all they get. I have no problem with people wanting to sleep with more than one person, what I have a problem with is lies. Link to post Share on other sites
TLCbear Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I have no problem with people wanting to sleep with more than one person, what I have a problem with is lies. Exactly. Thank you!!! That's the part that hurts the most. Why constantly lie and deny? Link to post Share on other sites
BrettLost Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Solobeary, Ur description is so accurate, also my ex to a tee. As with other posters, the loss of trust and being betrayed hurts more than the offence itself. Like theboystu, my ex said the exact same stuff to me, word for word. Amazing. Link to post Share on other sites
LelouchIsZero Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Does this include emotionally cheating ? I was aware of the possibility that my ex could fit into that category, but I still went through with it. I thought she'd be different with me though, as I planned to be a great boyfriend. Her previous boyfriends had cheated on her, which just makes this whole thing rather confusing to me. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 totally describes my ex. and yes he was a cheater too. ironically- - he was famous for decrying cheaters. but from my experience, those who speak out the loudest on cheating are the ones most likely to do it themselves. i wouldn't say "speaking" the loudest, but often the ones most concerned and believing that YOU are cheating are the ones displacing their guilt. "if i can get away with it, so can he, so he must be cheating" Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 i wouldn't say "speaking" the loudest, but often the ones most concerned and believing that YOU are cheating are the ones displacing their guilt. "if i can get away with it, so can he, so he must be cheating" point taken in my case i'm not sure if he expected me to cheat or not. as it wasn't really a relationship but a friends w/ benefits situation that i had (stupidly) hoped would become more. but he was always pushing me to meet and hook up with other guys. like that's what he expected me to do. and when i didnt do it, he would get annoyed with me. maybe because i wasn't accepting the situation for what it was. or maybe he was annoyed because i didnt follow the script he was used to (he had been cheated on before) but at any rate, he was the one who talked to and most likely messed around with other girls. so even in that case your theory rings true. Link to post Share on other sites
coltsfan1 Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 but at any rate, he was the one who talked to and most likely messed around with other girls. so even in that case your theory rings true. Flitz theory is true. My ex cried and cried about how I was a cheater and low and behold she was the one crawling into bed with a married man!!! he who cries the loudest!! Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 and the one less broken relationship of mine, the girl and i never bickered about jealousy or other people, and never accused each other. and nothing was going on. well until the end when the emotional "cheating" started, then i felt it in my gut. but yeah, it's weird. seems this human nature of being insecure and pleading innocent comes out when we are doing something wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
coltsfan1 Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 True that, I have been the bad guy & the good guy. Would rather be neither, alpha is much better. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts