Feelings or no feelings?

[whydididoit]

Can a affair that has gone on for 20 months that is intimate can the man really not have feelings for the woman?

 

I never asked him to scared to but I am just curious why we are holding on this long. The sex is great but I am no beauty queen and he can find lots of others so why me? I keep asking myself that.

 

Why me and could he have developed feelings?

 

Not being a man I don't understand all these man rules......so if a man can help great!

[TigerCub]

Can a affair that has gone on for 20 months that is intimate can the man really not have feelings for the woman?

 

I never asked him to scared to but I am just curious why we are holding on this long. The sex is great but I am no beauty queen and he can find lots of others so why me? I keep asking myself that.

 

Why me and could he have developed feelings?

 

Not being a man I don't understand all these man rules......so if a man can help great!

 

why not you?

If you're ready, willing and able to fill in for what's missing at home?

 

I'm not trying to be mean, but guys are just happy to get it, they'll usually take it any way they can.

Besides, who is he to get all choosy, he really doesn't have much to offer and he knows it, so he'll be glad for anyone that's willing to play his game.

 

Plus I'm sure that you're all good with the ego strokes and the 'you're so wonderful's, the 'i love you's so why not you?

 

Could his feelings be real?

Maybe. Personally I don't believe that my xMM's feelings were real because the end result showed that.

 

What are you hoping for with you MM?

Are you hoping he'll leave or are you happy just to maintain what you have?

[whydididoit]

I guess that is one question I never asked myself what do I REALLY want from this? I don't want to be his wife, girl friend etc because I would never trust him. But at the same time I enjoy being his mistress but I just want to know if he has feelings for me. I guess I should just ask him. We have never said the I love you's nothing like that. Sometimes I tell him when he does or says something I say sometimes I hate you. He says be careful between love and hate is a very thin line.

[TigerCub]

I guess that is one question I never asked myself what do I REALLY want from this? I don't want to be his wife, girl friend etc because I would never trust him. But at the same time I enjoy being his mistress but I just want to know if he has feelings for me. I guess I should just ask him. We have never said the I love you's nothing like that. Sometimes I tell him when he does or says something I say sometimes I hate you. He says be careful between love and hate is a very thin line.

 

That part in bold is something I thought about too. Although I did hope that one day we could end up together, in the back of my mind, I knew that it wouldn't work out because I wouldn't be able to trust him anyways...funny how that is

 

hmmm, you guys have been together 20 months and he's never said I love you. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be mean, but if in all that time he never said it...

I dunno, actually he may care a lot about you, but probably knows that saying I love you will open the door to maybe you wanting more. So maybe that's why he hasn't said it.

 

Either way, don't go nuts worrying about it, because I found (only from my experience) that even if he ever did love me like he said, he still didn't love me like I want to be loved.

 

Does him loving you make a difference to how this A will go?

 

I mean, yeah we all want to be loved and know that we matter, but you say that you just want to be his mistress and not be the wife or gf, so maybe he just wants you to be that and not have it get all "messy" with emotions and love and the expectations that love brings.

[Emme]

Absolutely a man can have sex with you for years and not have any feelings. Some are programed to not be attached to you the object. Over time though someone always catches feelings.

[reboot]

.... I don't want to be his wife, girl friend etc .... I enjoy being his mistress ....

 

So if you're just happy with the sex, and don't want anything else, what does it matter what his feelings are?

[MissBee]

I'm going to be honest: I don't think you should be worried about "man rules".

 

I think a better route would be for you to develop your womanhood in such a way that if you're involved with a man you're not scared to ask him things, require things, cultivate an environment that's in your best interest and not where you're at the mercy of "man rules" and spend time worrying about what he thinks or feels but don't want to ask. That is no way to be. If you're with a man, you guys need to be communicating and should be on the same page...there is no need to decode "man rules". I just find that type of thing ridic...

 

I could care less about "man rules". If I'm with a man I need to find out from HIM what is going on and where we stand. It's great to have a general understanding of men but that should help you to deal with the man you're with upfront and not carry on with him then behind closed doors try to decode his behavior.

 

To answer the actual question: I don't know if you're using feelings to mean love, if so, a man can have an affair for 20 months and not be inlove. Someone being fond of you and caring about you is not the same as being inlove with you, loving you, respecting you etc.

[MissBee]

So if you're just happy with the sex, and don't want anything else, what does it matter what his feelings are?

 

Ditto....

 

I don't get that.

 

But one's actions belie what is being said. When people get on LS to say they don't care what happens between them and the AP, it's casual, they won't care if they don't leave and so on...I just cannot believe that; for if it were true, I doubt the questions raised would be raised. You would be living in the moment without any forethought to the future and wouldn't need to dissect this person's behavior or actions to find anything meaningful in them.