Are you an only child?

[Micki]

Hi.

 

I'm an only child and I was wanting to hear from other only children. I know some people seem to be quite negative about only children, but I had a very happy childhood, never lonely or bored.......and never wanted siblings. I'm quite content.

 

Anyone else here an only child?

[BrettLost]

Hey Micki,

 

I too am an only child. Upbringing was good, many friends etc, never needed siblings.

 

However, as an adult, there have been numerous times where a discussion or help from a 'sibling' would have been gold.

 

Sometimes your folks are out of touch with the world we live in, topics can be to close to home for friends to assist.

 

I envy the 'die for each other' relationship siblings share. Even those whom are not on good terms, I'd bet they'd still support each other in crisis times.

[Micki]

Hey Micki,

 

I envy the 'die for each other' relationship siblings share. Even those whom are not on good terms, I'd bet they'd still support each other in crisis times.

 

Hi, BrettLost.

 

Not all siblings have the "die for each other" relationship. Plus, friends and cousins can have that "die for each other" relationship as well.

 

Sadly, I personally know of some siblings even on good terms who did not help or support their sibling in a crisis.

 

For example, my mother's co-worker developed a staph infection. She was near death. She has 9 siblings.....NONE of them came to visit her. The people who came to support/visit her were co-workers (my mother), her daughter, and her grandchildren.

 

Example #2: My neighbor had a stroke. He has 12 siblings. Only 1 came to the hospital, but NONE of them helped in his recovery. Luckily, he had a wife and daughter for that. The siblings were only concerned about his money, if he died.

 

Example #3: My friend's boyfriend was physically abusive to her. She went to stay at her sister's house. However, her sister met a man, fell in love and the man wanted to move in, but told her that he wanted the sister (my friend) out of the house. Can you believe the sister asked my poor victimized friend (her own sister) to move out so the boyfriend could move in? The sister even tried to reunite her abused sister with the boyfriend who abused her. How selfish!

 

Example #3: A co-worker had lost her job and needed a place to stay. She ended up staying with an aunt, her godmother, and her best friend. BTW - this co-worker has 3 sisters and 2 brothers. The siblings were useless.

 

It's also very common for siblings to refuse to help out in a crisis involving a dying/sick parent. Usually, one sibling is unfairly left on their own to take care of the ailing parent, while the other siblings have fun and enjoy themselves.

Edited October 12, 2011 by Micki

[Micki]

 

I too am an only child. Upbringing was good, many friends etc, never needed siblings.

 

However, as an adult, there have been numerous times where a discussion or help from a 'sibling' would have been gold.

 

I think a discussion or help from a friend, cousin, parent, aunt, or uncle would be gold. Siblings aren't the only ones who can offer help.

[BrettLost]

WOW,

 

Some of that is quite shocking for me to hear. Really quite dissapointing actually...

 

Thanks for the insight Micki.

[El Brujo]

Not all only kids were as lucky as you, Micki.

 

I was the youngest person in my household by a generation, and everything that went wrong around the house was MY FAULT... I got hit with a belt regularly, and got threatened with a butcher knife by a maniacal mother when I was 6.

 

I suffered from CTD (cool toy deprivation) as a result of watching all the other boys get cool toys like BB guns and go-carts... they had all the fun in the world, while I got mostly underpants and dorky-looking clothes and I wasn't allowed to do much of anything enjoyable.

 

But then guess what happened when my family all got older and started to pass away... they allofasudden started being nice and leaving me all their stuff...

 

I enjoy my freedom and independence nowadays, but sometimes I still miss the old cranks... my psychotic mother with her butcher knife, her two uncles who were always settling their disagreements by punching and insulting each other, and my great-grandmother who fancied herself quite the MD even though she never worked as a nurse and never went to med school...

[Micki]

I'm sorry to hear that, El Brujo.

 

But I know some other only children who are very happy.

 

Honestly, though, I don't think having siblings or not having siblings determines if a person is happy or not. It's just the person. Some only children are happy and some only children are not happy.

 

Some people with siblings are happy and some people with siblings are not happy. I think life it what you make it and it also depends on the person.

[Micki]

WOW,

 

Some of that is quite shocking for me to hear. Really quite dissapointing actually...

 

Thanks for the insight Micki.

 

Your welcome, BrettLost.

 

Yeah, it is quite disappointing. There are many other not-so-perfect siblings stories I could tell. Not to mention, the fact that I see so many siblings suing each other for emotional or physical abuse on court shows, like Judge Judge and Judge Joe Brown. I've also seen a lot of sisters sleeping with each other's husband on shows, like, Maury Povich and Jerry Springer. Heck, I've even read about some sibling horror stories on this very board (in the family section).

 

I think some only children tend to romanticize or put sibling relationships on some kinda pedestal. Having a sibling is nice, but I know for a fact that not all siblings are supportive or loving. Sadly, they can actually be backstabbing, jealous, extremely competitive, and bullying.........and can actually make your life miserable.

 

Again, a sibling would be nice, but it would have to be the right kind of sibling, not just a sibling. And since I don't know for sure if I would have the right kind, I figure why worry about it. Even if I would have the right kind of siblings, clearly it was not in the cards for me.

 

So, I don't dwell on things I can't change. Siblings aren't the only ones to keep you from being lonely. Siblings aren't the only ones who care about you or support you. I concentrate on good relationships with my parents, aunts, uncles, friends and cousins....and eventually a spouse and kids. My life is perfectly content!

Edited October 12, 2011 by Micki

[carhill]

Anyone else here an only child?

 

Technically, yes, but I had two half-sisters that I never really knew.

 

No complaints. One positive by-product of growing up alone is I'm comfortable and happy being alone. That constant background stimulation of others being around and desire for it isn't a part of my brain mapping.

 

I don't know many only's. Off the top of my head the only one I can think of IRL is my exW's best female friend's son. He's 17 now and they're in the middle of a D. Tough times. Hope he's alright.

 

My exW always said I had it easy because I got the 'whole pie'. Perhaps. I think we all face challenges; they're just different ones.

[sb5683]

I grew up an only child. It meant my parents were always mad at me all the time and constantly controlling me. Nothing was ever good enough for them. I was a good kid but I always fell short of their high expectations. My parents labeled me a genius when I started reading books and newspapers at age two, but I'm not a genius and I didn't get straight A's in school, I was just excellent at writing and standardized tests- which made them think I wasn't trying hard enough. They could never accept the fact that I was just a normal kid.

 

I had cool toys, yes. I wasn't spoiled but I was very happy. I never had anyone to play with though. I always begged them for a brother or sister, but they didn't spend much time with me once I wasn't a cute little kid anymore. They wouldn't have had time for another kid either. My teenage years were constantly walking on eggshells, with my dad working out of the house and I wasn't allowed to talk above a whisper before 8 pm. They did find the time to yell at me about my grades when I didn't have all A's, or criticize whoever I dated though, which ended up working to my advantage when I found a really wonderful husband, and didn't settle for one of those other guys too early. I'm actually pretty thankful for that in hindsight.

 

I found being an only child very boring, and my parents still criticize me to this day even though I'm married and living across the country from them. There's no younger kid to take over, and I think if I'd had a younger sibling my parents wouldn't be disappointed in me every time I take a step towards building my life. They'd have someone else to focus on and I'd be flying below the radar. I always wanted that. Not to mention I always wanted to have a sibling to be friends with, to go on vacations with growing up, to have fun with, to look out for each other.

 

Being an only child made marrying into a big family very overwhelming as well. My husband has FOUR siblings. All of which were very manipulative of him when we first got together. They created absolute chaos a month before our wedding (funny, we'd been engaged a year and a half and they never said anything) saying all kinds of horrible things trying to hurt my feelings and get me to call off the wedding. I almost did a few times because they kind of terrified me, but my husband stood strong and he stood up for me. I tried very hard to become friends with his siblings, and it seemed to sort of work for a while but some were still saying bad things behind my back. When we moved away I gave up, since they don't call my husband anymore now that he doesn't give out money. Luckily I was blessed with the best mother in law and father in law a girl could ever have.

 

Being an only child is tough. It has its benefits and its drawbacks. All in all though, I think it's better for people to grow up with siblings. That way they're not overly controlled by their parents and they're not blindsided by dealing with a big family someday when they get married. I think I'd have had an easier life with at least one sibling.

[Micki]

I grew up an only child. It meant my parents were always mad at me all the time and constantly controlling me. Nothing was ever good enough for them.

 

I know some people who say the same thing about their parents and they have siblings.

 

.

 

I had cool toys, yes. I wasn't spoiled but I was very happy. I never had anyone to play with though. I always begged them for a brother or sister, but they didn't spend much time with me once I wasn't a cute little kid anymore.

 

You didn’t have any classmates or neighborhood kids to play with? Did your parents have siblings……..didn’t your parents have any nieces/nephews (your cousins) for you to play with? Did your parents have friends over who had kids your age?

 

.

 

I found being an only child very boring, and my parents still criticize me to this day even though I'm married and living across the country from them. There's no younger kid to take over, and I think if I'd had a younger sibling my parents wouldn't be disappointed in me every time I take a step towards building my life. They'd have someone else to focus on and I'd be flying below the radar. I always wanted that. Not to mention I always wanted to have a sibling to be friends with, to go on vacations with growing up, to have fun with, to look out for each other.

 

I’m sorry that your life was boring, but I don’t think a sibling would automatically make things more fun. Lots of people with siblings complain of having boring lives, so apparently siblings don’t remedy that. In fact, many people complain that they hated babysitting their younger siblings. They felt they missed out on their childhood with all the responsibilities. Some even still resent babysitting their younger siblings for making them miss out on fun with their friends. They were bored with their siblings and wanted to be elsewhere. Some even can’t wait to move out on their own AWAY from siblings so they can have their own space.

 

And even if you didn’t have to babysit, suppose you had a sibling who did not like you, maybe even annoyed you, or perhaps you and the sibling didn’t have the same interests, and therefore had your own individual set of friends. You might have a sibling who would prefer to hang out with a friend or cousin instead of you, especially if there is an age difference or a sibling of the opposite sex. For example, your younger brother might prefer to hang out with boys his own age, and not his older sister.

 

 

Being an only child is tough. It has its benefits and its drawbacks. All in all though, I think it's better for people to grow up with siblings. That way they're not overly controlled by their parents and they're not blindsided by dealing with a big family someday when they get married. I think I'd have had an easier life with at least one sibling.

 

My boyfriend has a several siblings, but I was not overwhelmed or blindsided. My extended family is huge. My dad has 14 siblings and my mother has 7 siblings, so I was use to being around a huge family already. Also, I have friends who have several siblings, so huge families are nothing new to me.

 

Also, again, people with siblings complain of their parents overly controlling them, especially the favorite child or the baby of the family. You might still be controlled, even with a sibling.

 

And siblings don’t always make your life easier. In fact, often times they can add stress and unresolved issues from childhood. Life can be tough in general, whether you are an only child or not. Siblings could enhance your life, do nothing for your life, or they could make your life miserable. It could go either way.

Edited October 13, 2011 by Micki

[El Brujo]

I didn't envy my neighbor, that's for sure! His older brother was an overachiever and very slick BSer, so my neighbor's parents were always telling him he'd be a failure and he wouldn't amount to anything... not like his older brother who had the Midas touch... and BOTH of them used to pick on their younger sister.

[AHardDaysNight]

I have an adopted sister, but other than that, I am an only child.

[franken]

I was 6th, the lastborn and i've never liked it. You know, when you are lastborn you'll be treated like adolescent even when you're in your 40's and 50's. Just like black men were called as "boys" in Jim Grow era same is the destiny for those of uss lastborns.

[Tayla]

My birth father was an only child. Classic spoiled man that took more then he gave. Glad his parents didn't have more....He was enough unkindness in this world and did more harm then good. Sad really.

[El Brujo]

My family must have thought I was Jesus, because they always wanted me to suffer for their bad decisions. To this day I have an inherent distrust of authority as a result.