Milsch Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 I've posted on here before, but the situation has moved on a bit. My ex broke up with me about 6 or 7 weeks ago. We were great together, but I never told her I love her (for various stupid reasons) and made her feel insecure. When she broke up with me it really threw my feelings into focus. I love the girl with all my heart. More than anyone else, ever. She said she was still attracted to me and enjoyed being with me, but that it didn't "feel right" anymore. She also said that she had loved me a great deal previously, but that the love was gone. I was upset, but I haven't pleaded, etc. Since then I have decided that the best way to get her back is to try to see her whenever possible and show her that I have changed; that my feelings are genuine and that I am willing to hold out for her. We saw each other earlier this week and had an amazing evening. We laughed, joked, flirted, etc. It was such good fun. I obviously felt sad, but my overall plan - to win her back by showing her I love her and that we are still so good together - worked. Today I feel like crap though. I found out she is with another guy (someone she was friends with before). Now, I know I would say this, but the guy is a totally **** and I really don't know if it will last. The thing is though, she is actively hiding the new relationship from me. She apparently has them 'in a relationship' on Facebook, but she has hidden it from me. She has also indirectly mislead me about it, hinting at the fact she is still single. Why? She might be doing it to avoid conflict, but might she not also be doing it to avoid cutting her ties with me fully? Since we met up she has twice asked about our next meet up (in about two weeks time) and keeps saying how much she is looking forward to it. I don't know if I should see her. Part of me thinks NC - it would help me heal, etc. But I want to win this girl back and I am willing to take the pain if it increases my chances. If I forced an ultimatum now, there is no way she would choose me. I read How To Win Your Lover Back, by Blase Harris. He advocates meeting your ex, even when (s)he is with someone else, and slowly demonstrating your love as a way to win the other person back. Does that even sound plausible in this situation? I am hurting so much, but I am willing to take it if there is any light at the end of the tunnel. I mainly just needed to vent, but any replies are welcome too. Link to post Share on other sites
antz2411 Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 i would run the other way and run fast. Link to post Share on other sites
Cowboy1015 Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 So she got a rebound. The problem is you don't have full control of your emotions. Until you got full control of yourself... do not meet up with her. Otherwise, you'll just drive her far away and no more chances of getting her back. Just be calm and cool. No expectations. Link to post Share on other sites
TheDovic Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 He's a rebound dude, it won't last (read somewhere they fail 90% of the time - decent odds by my standards! lol), so in the meantime be a LOT LESS available, don't tell her what you've been up to, don't ask her questions if she texts, make fun of her in a joking way, end calls and texts first and appear to have a lot going on in your life (even if you have to lie)! DON'T under any circumstances mention the new guy i.e. how he's no good for her, how you're better etc... He DOESN'T exist, and you are NOT threatened by him. OK??? The more you run him down the more you'll push her towards him, I promise you this! If you keep to this advice it should get her thinking... about YOU!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Milsch Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 So she got a rebound. The problem is you don't have full control of your emotions. Until you got full control of yourself... do not meet up with her. Otherwise, you'll just drive her far away and no more chances of getting her back. Just be calm and cool. No expectations. Thanks for your reply. My emotions... well, whenever I see her they are under control. Obviously I vent to myself and to other people, but not to her. When I saw her on Monday, we just had a great time. As for the dude: I hope he's a rebound. I'm not totally sure though. They have been friends for about six months... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Milsch Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 He's a rebound dude, it won't last (read somewhere they fail 90% of the time - decent odds by my standards! lol), so in the meantime be a LOT LESS available, don't tell her what you've been up to, don't ask her questions if she texts, make fun of her in a joking way, end calls and texts first and appear to have a lot going on in your life (even if you have to lie)! DON'T under any circumstances mention the new guy i.e. how he's no good for her, how you're better etc... He DOESN'T exist, and you are NOT threatened by him. OK??? The more you run him down the more you'll push her towards him, I promise you this! If you keep to this advice it should get her thinking... about YOU!!! Thanks for replying. She doesn't know that I know about him, so I can't even talk about him - let alone put him down. You're right though, I know. If she tells me about him, I'll have to be cool about it. The plan now is not to contact her before I see her in two weeks, except to tell her the time and the place we're meeting. Got to try to focus on my own life a bit too. Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 This is a typical guy friend pretending to be just her friend meanwhile he breaks you down. Tells her all the crap like "man I can't believe he does this or that" or the "if I was your boyfriend" My ex had one of these too he kept telling her she had options she is beautiful and can have anyone stuff like that plants seeds in her head till her love for you fades away a little. I will guarantee that if you hang around she will end up friendzoning you while she gets more and more attached to this new guy. This is the perfect scenario for NC to win an ex back. If she is telling you that her love has faded or something like that cut ties with her and watch how fast her love comes back. I don't think this guy is a rebound at all this guy is a snake and if she sees she is losing you(providing you were a decent boyfriend) she will start looking at this guy and picking apart every flaw he has. Then a few weeks from now he will be on here crying that his girlfriend went back to her jerk ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Milsch Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 This is a typical guy friend pretending to be just her friend meanwhile he breaks you down. Tells her all the crap like "man I can't believe he does this or that" or the "if I was your boyfriend" My ex had one of these too he kept telling her she had options she is beautiful and can have anyone stuff like that plants seeds in her head till her love for you fades away a little. I will guarantee that if you hang around she will end up friendzoning you while she gets more and more attached to this new guy. This is the perfect scenario for NC to win an ex back. If she is telling you that her love has faded or something like that cut ties with her and watch how fast her love comes back. I don't think this guy is a rebound at all this guy is a snake and if she sees she is losing you(providing you were a decent boyfriend) she will start looking at this guy and picking apart every flaw he has. Then a few weeks from now he will be on here crying that his girlfriend went back to her jerk ex. Hmm, food for thought. The thing is, I'm not sure she will come back that way. She made her decision and I think she was pretty settled on it. If I go NC, won't she just think "huh, well he didn't love me after all... I was right to cut him loose"? Whereas if I keep seeing her (and keep it together when we meet - which I can do) then I can show her how much better I am than this douche-bag new guy. And now she knows that I love her, she will feel she can come back and it will be a better relationship. That's my theory (based on this book I've read). Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 (edited) Milsch coming from a very very very similar situation like this, go NC and don't try to even bother exposing lies or anything, it isn't worth it. If she comes back and asks for forgiveness and apologises blah blah whatever you want to hear fine and dandy but never ever make yourself available her during this time. She might try to bread crumb you, might try to use you as a comfort blanket and so forth. Do not fall for that, oh maybe if I am there for her she will see what a great guy I am, WRONG. In regards to just going NC with her and her thinking you don't love her for disappearing. Well get this, that is HER being selfish as I am very very sure she knows you love her and didn't want things to end, so it is bullcrap for her to even think that. Sticking around comment/mentality just gets you friend zoned. Edited September 30, 2011 by Rorschach64 Link to post Share on other sites
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