SugarHoney Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 (edited) Thought maybe I could be friends with my ex again. But don't know if its wise because I still think about him nearly all the time and miss him a lot. I don't know what to do. He says he misses me too, but I know its just breadcrumbs. I don't want to lose him from my life forever, but I feel like I already did. I know what everyone here will tell me. Continue NC and don't talk to him. And maybe you're right. I know if I try and talk to him and he ignores me again, or doesn't respond, or blocks me again or anything like that, I'll feel the rejection again so deeply. The heartache is so intense sometimes I wonder how many more days I can go on feeling this intense rejection. Knowing that I wasn't good enough for him. Thats what I feel more than anything else. That I wasn't good enough for him. And sometimes when I'm stronger I try to tell myself it isn't true and other people tell me it isn't true, but I feel it inside. It hurts so much. I don't know what to do. I know I have to keep plodding on. But part of me just wants to reach out to him again, just wants this horrible feeling of rejection to go away. I know if I reach out though and he casts me aside again that I'll only feel that rejection ever more strongly. Its like there is no way to win. Edited September 29, 2011 by SugarHoney Link to post Share on other sites
sadvenus Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I feel the same SugarHoney. I'm confused and tired too. Few days ago, my ex shared some music files with me and I accepted it. I sent him an email saying thanks for sharing and I hear nothing back. I thought he wanted friendship now after 4 months of NC. I thought I'm ready for friendship too. But maybe he just wanted to poke me and see if he still has control over me. And I fell for the trap again. But then again, I've learned after feeling rejected that I'm still not ready for friendship.Today I heard some news about him and it hurts. Oh well. What else can I do. I'm tired of beating myself up with this heartache. I'm tired of getting angry at myself for not moving on. Whatever I do from now on, I just let it be. No more analyzing, rationalizing about this pain and trying to move on. The trigger is there everyday. What can I do. I just let things be the way they are. If think of him, fine. If I hear a news about him having a time of his life, I'll just welcome the pain and stop asking why I'm feeling it. Maybe I was trying too hard to fight, to move on by understanding, giving meaning to every thought that crossed my mind. At this point I just don't know what to do anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
benB Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I feel the same way, this is the third time my ex has dumped me. Each time we got back together after months of me being sad and lonely. Now I know this is the last time, I know what I need to do but it is very hard for me. Tomorrow will be day one of my NC, we spoke on the phone this morning and she said that she doesn't want to date me "right now". Then I sent a text saying I'm done waiting for her and heard nothing back, I feel rejected and sad but I know that I have to stay NC and move on for good. Its the hardest thing for me. So stick to your NC, hopefully we both can keep it up for good. Link to post Share on other sites
Karala Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 part of me just wants to reach out to him again, just wants this horrible feeling of rejection to go away. I know if I reach out though and he casts me aside again that I'll only feel that rejection ever more strongly. I remember that pain like it was yesterday. When I went NC, I knew I was choosing the pain of missing him, over the pain of constant disappointment and rejection. 4 months later, I can tell you, I still miss the good parts of our relationship, but there's no way I could have gone on dealing with the bad parts. It does feel empty at first. No dramatic highs or lows anymore. You're letting go of something and not sure that void will ever be filled again. Like Susan J. Elliott says, it's hell in the hallway. It does feel lonely, and sad, and empty. But nature abhors a vacuum, and in time you will find yourself filling up that void with new stuff, and creating a new and better life. I wish I could tell you that you will find someone better and be happier than you ever were with your ex, but I can't say that from personal experience, at least not yet. A lot of people seem to have that happen after a bad breakup, though. If and when they seize the opportunity to clear up what's wrong about their relationship choices and clean up their act. I hope to be one of those people in a not-too-distant future and be in a position to be able to encourage you to let go of your past and welcome a better future. In the meantime, hang in there and try at least to keep contact to a minimum. There will come a time when you're so sick and tired of feeling rejected that you will naturally drift away from this person. Hang in there! Link to post Share on other sites
Author SugarHoney Posted October 1, 2011 Author Share Posted October 1, 2011 I know I just have to keep plodding on. But I don't think there were many bad parts of my lost relationship, or else I've forgotten/buried them. I just hate myself all the time for what happened. And I don't know why. Because its been 7 months now. I should be over it. He's never coming back, because of what I did 7 months ago. And I don't think I can ever forgive myself for that. And I feel so worthless knowing that I'm not good enough for him. Just feels like I failed. And my life is so empty without him in it. Link to post Share on other sites
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