Established relationships: how many times per week do you have sex?

[Eternal Sunshine]

Preferably couples that have been together beyond 6 months but everyone is welcome to respond

 

Please state your approximate ages too.

[Art_Critic]

Sex... hahahahahahaha.... What is that?

 

Seriously though... Pre child.... All the time.

During pregnancy....2-3 times a week

After kid ..... Hahaha

It is hard to have sex with him sleeping within earshot or right now he has a habit of popping in bed at any time to fall asleep.

About a month ago I looked up while I was in motion and I was face to face with him... haha

 

I'm 48, wife is younger and we've been married over 4 years

Edited September 30, 2011 by Art_Critic

[Stung]

For the first three or four years that we were together, we had sex anywhere from 5-10x most weeks. That slowed down a little to about 4x a week during pregnancy, and since our son was born we have good weeks and bad weeks. When the baby was sick and up all night in our bed puking, or when he was teething really bad and up every hour, obviously it was a zero and a "bad" week. Really though our sex life has probably stabilized at 3x a week right now, but if my husband takes a few days off work, or if we manage a weekend getaway, the numbers go back up and we have another "good" week of 5x or more.

 

We've been together 6 years; I'm 36, he's 41.

[FrustratedStandards]

I'm 27 he was 32.

 

We were together for 6 months, we had sex from 1-2 times a day (with the exception of one week a month). As the relationship progressed it went down to about 5-6 times a week.

[Cee]

I'm 41 & he's 24 and together for 8 months. You'd think we'd be like bunnies because of us being in our primes, but it's relatively tame. About 1-2 times a day.

[Mutant Debutante]

I work 2 jobs and have custody of my sister so even though he moved right next door, we don't have as much time for ye olde hanky panky as we'd like. Are we counting multiple times in one night? I'd say we get it on 2 or 3 days a week, usually twice each time. I'm early 20s he's late 20s, been together a year.

[HappyPanda]

We've been together about a year and a half. We're both 26... we live about 4 miles away from each other (but that distance in Boston terms literally equates to about a 45 minute commute) He also works long hours, that being said, we dont even get to see each other that often.

 

We usually spend about 3 or 4 nights together per week, and on average, we have sex at least once every time we're together.

 

Id say it equates to about about 2-4 romps per week.

[ChessPieceFace]

I'm 41 & he's 24 and together for 8 months. You'd think we'd be like bunnies because of us being in our primes, but it's relatively tame. About 1-2 times a day.

 

Etc etc. Sorry I have a hard time believing that these kinds of numbers are representative. I don't even MASTURBATE that much, and that's a lot less work and I can have that whenever I want.

 

Couples in the modern world, often both working full-time, tired every weeknight, I'm supposed to believe 1-2 times a day is "tame". And that's not taking into account all the many, many unhappy relationships out there where just 1 day without a fight is considered good. Pffffttt.

[TheBigQuestion]

I'm 24, she's 23. We live approximately 90 km away from each other. We still have sex about 5-6 times a week.

[TheBigQuestion]

Etc etc. Sorry I have a hard time believing that these kinds of numbers are representative. I don't even MASTURBATE that much, and that's a lot less work and I can have that whenever I want.

 

Couples in the modern world, often both working full-time, tired every weeknight, I'm supposed to believe 1-2 times a day is "tame". And that's not taking into account all the many, many unhappy relationships out there where just 1 day without a fight is considered good. Pffffttt.

 

You obviously have never been in a relationship with a sufficiently horny woman...

[Stung]

Etc etc. Sorry I have a hard time believing that these kinds of numbers are representative. I don't even MASTURBATE that much, and that's a lot less work and I can have that whenever I want.

 

Couples in the modern world, often both working full-time, tired every weeknight, I'm supposed to believe 1-2 times a day is "tame". And that's not taking into account all the many, many unhappy relationships out there where just 1 day without a fight is considered good. Pffffttt.

 

Depends somewhat on the jobs, and obviously the health and libidos of both parties. Some people have higher drives than others. Also, as Cee mentioned, both she and her partner are at their peaks.

 

The first couple years my husband and I were together (at least, after our LDR had resolved into cohabitation), we usually had sex 1 per day, and that was juggling both our jobs and his daughter. When we were on vacation, 2-3x a day, easy. That wouldn't be realistic for us now, but man, I do miss those days.

 

If someone is in an unhappy relationship and considers it a gift to get through one day without a fight, I would suggest seriously rethinking that relationship--or seeking couples counseling--not holding that up as some standard of what is realistic for other couples' relationships and sex lives.

[Cee]

Etc etc. Sorry I have a hard time believing that these kinds of numbers are representative. I don't even MASTURBATE that much, and that's a lot less work and I can have that whenever I want.

 

Couples in the modern world, often both working full-time, tired every weeknight, I'm supposed to believe 1-2 times a day is "tame". And that's not taking into account all the many, many unhappy relationships out there where just 1 day without a fight is considered good. Pffffttt.

 

I should modify my comment. We usually have one sex session per day, which is often 2 times in a row. His refractory period barely exists. So it's us having sex before bed and it's not a marathon by a long shot. I'd say it's tame because when we travel and go on vacations, it's still one session per day. Maybe 2. He has begged off of sex because he's too tired, but he never sticks to his decision. Cuddling makes him crazy.

Edited September 30, 2011 by Cee

[xxoo]

Etc etc. Sorry I have a hard time believing that these kinds of numbers are representative. I don't even MASTURBATE that much, and that's a lot less work and I can have that whenever I want.

 

Couples in the modern world, often both working full-time, tired every weeknight, I'm supposed to believe 1-2 times a day is "tame". And that's not taking into account all the many, many unhappy relationships out there where just 1 day without a fight is considered good. Pffffttt.

 

Couples, with no kids, in their first year together? I believe 1-2x a day is well within normal.

 

We have kids, and are 40ish, been married a while, and average about 3-5x a week. We are already at 4x this week, with a good chance of romance on Fri and Sat nights coming up!

[Kamille]

I'm in a LDR, so not really in the kind of relationship where we can produce weekly averages.

 

However, like CPF, on thread like these, I'm always amazed at the huge discrepancy between what studies say are couple's averages and the average of people who report here. Most studies report that long term couples have sex on an average of 2 to 4 times a month.

 

It could be that on here, only the posters who have a very active sex-life will be likely to speak up.

[Cee]

That's a good point Kamille. I can't imagine someone saying that they have sex 1 time per week and are fine with it. It would open them to scrutiny and possible criticism.

 

One thing I will say that in all of my healthy relationships, we drifted to an average of 3-5 times per week. The only time I rarely had sex was in my disaster of a marriage. But my ex was having plenty of it elsewhere.

[xxoo]

I'm in a LDR, so not really in the kind of relationship where we can produce weekly averages.

 

However, like CPF, on thread like these, I'm always amazed at the huge discrepancy between what studies say are couple's averages and the average of people who report here. Most studies report that long term couples have sex on an average of 2 to 4 times a month.

 

It could be that on here, only the posters who have a very active sex-life will be likely to speak up.

 

That is averaging all the couples having lots of sex, and all the couples having no sex, and everything in between. I doubt very many actually fall in the 2x a month range.

 

It doesn't surprise me that people who post on Loveshack would tend toward the higher frequencies. This isn't exactly a random sample

[make me believe]

I'm 28 and he's 33. We've been at a steady 3-4x a week, occasionally dipping down to 2x a week or having bursts of 5-7x, for our entire relationship. I'm happy with about 3x a week, and that's what we tend to average. We've been together for 2 yrs, married 4 months.

 

I sometimes have a hard time believing people who claim they regularly have sex 1-2x a day, but then again if you asked this question in the married forum you'd get vastly different answers, given the number of "sexless marriage" threads that exist over there.

[Kamille]

That's a good point Kamille. I can't imagine someone saying that they have sex 1 time per week and are fine with it. It would open them to scrutiny and possible criticism.

 

One thing I will say that in all of my healthy relationships, we drifted to an average of 3-5 times per week. The only time I rarely had sex was in my disaster of a marriage. But my ex was having plenty of it elsewhere.

 

I guess this is linked to the point I was trying to make: I wonder if there is really an automatic connection between the amount of sex a couple has and their level of happiness as a couple. We seem to be running on the assumption that couples who have lots of sex are happier. But couldn't there be different types of relationships where, for instance, couples are satisfied with once a week? I mean, is the amount of sex a couple has really a measure of their happiness as a couple?

 

FYI, I've always been in relationships with guys who wanted once to twice a day, where I am happy with 3-4 times a week.

[KathyM]

It varies widely with us, anywhere from every night to once or twice a week. I'm in class for several hours Tuesday night, he works in construction, has his own construction company, so he's exhausted when he comes home. Sometimes after he takes an evening nap, he's in condition for it. On the one or two days a week he takes time off, he's usually up for it. So it varies from once to seven times per week. We are middle aged and married for several years. One thing I've noticed, the more often you have it, the more you desire it, at least for me, because of the body chemicals produced from having sex that makes you in the mood for at least a day after.

[xxoo]

I wonder if there is really an automatic connection between the amount of sex a couple has and their level of happiness as a couple.

 

Automatic, no, but I do believe some correlation exists.

 

Many longterm couples report feeling closer when they have more sex, and wanting more sex when they feel closer.

 

OTOH, dysfunctional, drama-filled relationships can also be marked by a whole lot of sex! For a while, anyway....

[zengirl]

I find weekly averages very difficult to do. Some weeks, I work 70-80 hours, and some weeks I work 20-30 hours, and some weeks that are closer to a normal 40. My sex life varies accordingly. On the long weeks, I might not see the BF for more than a stolen hour or two a few nights that week, and I feel really, really tired, so we might just sneak in some very quick, basic sex once that week, maybe not even at all. On the light weeks, I see him loads, we spend practically every free moment together, and I'm raring to go a few times a day.

 

My BF is really good at reading my moods, and he rarely initiates sex when I'm dead tired. That's actually one of the things I really like about him, as I have a natural tendency to feel guilty about that, but physically I just can't do it sometimes when I'm working 80 hours, often traveling and on my feet a lot, and on very little sleep a night. (It doesn't help that our schedules are very disjointed on those days, as he gets off work kind of late, and it's already almost my bedtime, as those are up-at-3:30am-to-travel-days usually.)

 

I've never been in a relationship where my desire for sex declined over time (though the longest sexually active relationship I've been in was only around 2 years). In fact, my desire usually increases with time, as does the level of my desire to experiment with that person. All the men I've been with are/were very up for sex, though usually not --- with one exception of my jerky college BF --- pushy or annoying about it. I've not had a man beg off of sex that I remember, though I certainly have anticipated nights they wouldn't be into sex --- such as when he's physically hurt or has worked 12 hours himself that day or something. I tend to read that well, though, and I'm sure there are times someone would've begged off had I not already assumed it.

[torn_curtain]

I guess this is linked to the point I was trying to make: I wonder if there is really an automatic connection between the amount of sex a couple has and their level of happiness as a couple. We seem to be running on the assumption that couples who have lots of sex are happier. But couldn't there be different types of relationships where, for instance, couples are satisfied with once a week? I mean, is the amount of sex a couple has really a measure of their happiness as a couple?

 

FYI, I've always been in relationships with guys who wanted once to twice a day, where I am happy with 3-4 times a week.

 

Just one data point but during my terribly unhealthy three year relationship in my early to mid twenties my ex bf and I probably averaged about 15 times a week.

[in_absentia]

We're 23 and 26, been together 10 months and living together for 9 of those... we average around once or twice a week. This due mainly to both of our insane work schedules (I work 6 days a week, he works 5 but does lates so for a few days we don't really see each other), and the fact that I have a medical condition meaning sex can be painful and usually causes a UTI which I have to take antibiotics for. However, when we do do it it's incredible, so good we almost high five each other afterwards, and we're both open about the fact we masturbate so it's cool. We also have sufficiently kinky periods when we get chance, lots of roleplay/Dom/subbing/toys/bondage etc.

[Art_Critic]

I guess this is linked to the point I was trying to make: I wonder if there is really an automatic connection between the amount of sex a couple has and their level of happiness as a couple.

 

There might be for some couples and not for others..

My wife and I are happy but we have found ourselves in a place right now that just doesn't allow for much sex time..

That will change however as our little boy won't be like this forever and his room is down the hall so there should be more time to have Mr Wiggles come out to play.

[Alma Mobley]

The first two years we had sex 7-10x a week. After that, it "slowed" to maybe 5-7x a week. During my pregnancy, the frequency shot back up to 7-10x (you can tell what pregnancy did to my libido). After the baby came, it was maybe 3x a month since we were co-sleeping, but once the babe was in his own bed, it returned to 5-7x a week, very recently a lot more. We both have always had high sex drives.

 

I am 39 and he is 29.