eatNrM Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 After lots of introspection over the months and being literally torn over what I should do, and getting different types of advice about deciding if i should walk down a path of establishing relationships or not, I think I've reached my conclusion. I don't think I'm meant for relationships. I guess you might be wondering how I got to that conclusion, well I think it was simply a matter of me finally being honest with myself. I finally told myself today that relationships aren't in my cards, and something I'm probably not suitable for. It was the first time I asked myself. And oddly enough, no part of me got uncomfortable, it was almost as if my brain was like 'are you crazy??' but my deep inner subconscious was saying 'yes, I knew this already.' No part of me got upset. When girls are interested in getting to know me better (romantically), the thought usually makes me cringe a bit in the chest/gut and get uncomfortable. When it's kept casual, I'm perfectly fine. When I think of relationships, I think of the high failure rate, and no more variety. When I think of marriage, my first thoughts are monotony and contract. I'm a committment-phobe, and, honestly always have been. It's pathetic it took me this long. I guess I really wasn't confused, but was more in denial. I don't think this makes me a bad person, but part of me feels very disappointed. I was torn between two paths for the longest..but now I guess I know which one I am indeed supposed to walk. I honestly don't know what I'm asking for in this thread. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I honestly don't know what I'm asking for in this thread. EatMr.N, you are the one of the few guys why I have no idea are on this forum. You never seemed to have any issue with dating, as far as I can tell, you never talked about yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 If I have my users right, here's some history I think your admission is premature, OP. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I have come to the same conclusion. For the most part, I am not suitable for most relationships, because I am not a sexually attractive man. This does not upset me. There is always porn, and my imagination. If I ever get desperate, I will go to a prostitute. I will keep on looking for exceptions to the rule, but generally I feel that most women have put me in a "no-boyfriend zone." And I'm fine with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eatNrM Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 EatMr.N, you are the one of the few guys why I have no idea are on this forum. You never seemed to have any issue with dating, as far as I can tell, you never talked about yourself. Ha, yeah. The above is what brought me here. It's just been an inner dilemma I've been having for a very, long time but I never wanted to bring it up because I'd figure it would pass eventually. But my conscious is telling me it's about time I addressed this and started forming my real identity. The real MrNate if that makes sense. And you're right about not talking about myself often. My dear ole ma doesn't even know what I like Link to post Share on other sites
Sanman Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Okay, you are a commitment-phobe. The question is, do you want to be one? Where did you get those ideas? I know some exciting married couples that travel and have fun. Not everyone needs to be 'boring'. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I think this is a perfectly legitimate choice. I also think that your feelings might change in a decade or two, once you've had a wide range of experiences and are at a place where the love and support of one partner makes it worth the commitment. At any age and in any kind of relationship, I see you with an active, more restless soul like yourself, someone with whom you won't feel stuck or tied down. I think that as long as you are honest with yourself and others about where you stand, you'll be just fine and have some great times. I think you're the kind of guy who can make a woman feel like the queen of the world and truly love her up right -- for a while. As long as you don't mislead her, there's nothing wrong with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eatNrM Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 If I have my users right, here's some history I think your admission is premature, OP. Why do you think so, my friend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author eatNrM Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 I think this is a perfectly legitimate choice. I also think that your feelings might change in a decade or two, once you've had a wide range of experiences and are at a place where the love and support of one partner makes it worth the commitment. At any age and in any kind of relationship, I see you with an active, more restless soul like yourself, someone with whom you won't feel stuck or tied down. I think that as long as you are honest with yourself and others about where you stand, you'll be just fine and have some great times. I think you're the kind of guy who can make a woman feel like the queen of the world and truly love her up right -- for a while. As long as you don't mislead her, there's nothing wrong with that. Ruby, I can always leave it to you to bring all the pieces of me together into one big picture. And you're always spot on, every time.:love: Maybe part of it is this deep south influence as well.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eatNrM Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 Okay, you are a commitment-phobe. The question is, do you want to be one? Where did you get those ideas? I know some exciting married couples that travel and have fun. Not everyone needs to be 'boring'. I get the idea from the fact that I always run the opposite way from commitment every time. I know everyone doesn't need to be boring, but there's things like you're with the same person forever, and there's no more variety. Just thoughts like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I have to agree with carhill and Ruby on this one, Nate my dove. Settling down doesn't have to be in your vocabulary ever, but you're too young to think you've pegged yourself as a commitment-phobe forever and ever. I think you should just play the field and date casually for a while--as long as you are honest with the women you are seeing--and eventually you might find new doors and paths opening up before you. Things often look very different at 32 than they did at 22, that's just the way of it. In the meantime, have some fun, be kind, and spread your big heart (and penis) around. Link to post Share on other sites
Sanman Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 You're 22? I always thought you were older. It is fine to be afraid of commitment at that age. Live life first and explore things. I didn't even consider an relationship as serious until after 25. Some that is even young. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 You're too young to give up at 22. At 29, I probably am too old to have a first love. But you aren't. Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I get the idea from the fact that I always run the opposite way from commitment every time. I know everyone doesn't need to be boring, but there's things like you're with the same person forever, and there's no more variety. Just thoughts like that. The truth is that a lot of people ARE kinda boring after you scratch the surface...I don't believe in soulmates, but I do believe there are a limited number of people who fit with, appeal to, captivate us individually to a sufficient degree to call for commitment. Anyway I don't wanna scare you Mr. Nate but uh, I was known to have some similar qualms and concerns when I was in my 20s. I did have relationships, but I went for periods when I was deliberately alone or I only dated casually, I broke one engagement because the idea of being with that guy forever freaked me right the eff out and I was pretty sure I would NEVER get married . Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Why do you think so, my friend? Simply because of your age. It seems like I have company in that opinion Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 BTW I think I am the one who brought up the age 22, and I'm not entirely sure if I'm right or if I just kind of made that one up. I feel like 22 is the correct number, but I can't be arsed to look up his old threads to check. I do know that the OP is a younger man than some of his wise, pragmatic posts would suggest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eatNrM Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 The truth is that a lot of people ARE kinda boring after you scratch the surface...I don't believe in soulmates, but I do believe there are a limited number of people who fit with, appeal to, captivate us individually to a sufficient degree to call for commitment. Anyway I don't wanna scare you Mr. Nate but uh, I was known to have some similar qualms and concerns when I was in my 20s. I did have relationships, but I went for periods when I was deliberately alone or I only dated casually, I broke one engagement because the idea of being with that guy forever freaked me right the eff out and I was pretty sure I would NEVER get married . My goodness, Stung haha... I'm a bit more glad this feeling isn't unfounded. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 It would be interesting to see what kind of posts you would make once you hit 30. I'd be curious if you would start getting a desire to bond around that age. Not sure if you or I will still be posting here or even if LS will still be around in 8 years though. But time flies, I'm 29 and I'm having trouble remembering what the hell I was up to around 22. F*ck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eatNrM Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 Simply because of your age. It seems like I have company in that opinion haha I guess so. I mean, sometimes I wondered if it was just mainly due to tons of hang ups I may have but it just seems more like this is one of those things (as others have said) that will require time before I can give it the final say so. So I guess I'll have to wait and see..and not bother with it to much. Yeah..I can actually get down with that to be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eatNrM Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 BTW I think I am the one who brought up the age 22, and I'm not entirely sure if I'm right or if I just kind of made that one up. I feel like 22 is the correct number, but I can't be arsed to look up his old threads to check. I do know that the OP is a younger man than some of his wise, pragmatic posts would suggest. I made 23 almost exactly a month ago:cool: Link to post Share on other sites
Author eatNrM Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 I have to agree with carhill and Ruby on this one, Nate my dove. Settling down doesn't have to be in your vocabulary ever, but you're too young to think you've pegged yourself as a commitment-phobe forever and ever. I think you should just play the field and date casually for a while--as long as you are honest with the women you are seeing--and eventually you might find new doors and paths opening up before you. Things often look very different at 32 than they did at 22, that's just the way of it. In the meantime, have some fun, be kind, and spread your big heart (and penis) around. Now that I'm finally coming to terms with everything, I don't think I'll have a problem doing this.:cool: Link to post Share on other sites
Beachgirl8 Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Having this kind of depth of thought and introspection at 23 years old is a rarity, and I think it suggests the opposite of what you think. You are totally relationship material- just not YET. You have plenty of time to relax and experiment and figure out what you want from a partner. Just because settling down gives you anxiety now doesn't mean it always will. Have fun and don't overanalyze- cut yourself a break! You're doing just fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Stung's sentiments match mine exactly. Be proud that you aren't clinging to some desperate notion that you are nothing without a mate. Trust your instincts and believe in yourself. As long as you follow your own heart, the love that's meant to be (in it's own time) will follow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eatNrM Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 Having this kind of depth of thought and introspection at 23 years old is a rarity, and I think it suggests the opposite of what you think. You are totally relationship material- just not YET. You have plenty of time to relax and experiment and figure out what you want from a partner. Just because settling down gives you anxiety now doesn't mean it always will. Have fun and don't overanalyze- cut yourself a break! You're doing just fine. You're def right beachgirl. I think from here on.. I'm going to just go ahead take things into stride. For the first time, I feel like it's ok to go ahead and do so. Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I made 23 almost exactly a month ago:cool: Well, I was really close. You're def right beachgirl. I think from here on.. I'm going to just go ahead take things into stride. For the first time, I feel like it's ok to go ahead and do so. Yes. Now, you did mention possibly having some hangups, and those are probably worth looking at with a level gaze rather than turning a blind eye to them and hoping they go away. But really, those things can also sometimes just fade into the background as time marches on. I really wouldn't worry about this commitment-phobe thing unless more years have gone by and you find you are hurting other people or yourself. Short of that, just play fair and wear a jimmy hat. Cheers. Link to post Share on other sites
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