Punishment for falling in love.

[stinky]

My online girlfriend and I hit it off amazingly. No doubt, most of these entries start that way. I could not let her go.

 

However, my parents feel differently.

 

Threats to cut off the interenet, taking away my cell phone and computer, and grounding all come up.

 

I am 17, and am searching for some kind of online identity verification service so i can show to my parents that she is not, in fact, a horrible murderer/rapist.

 

Please, somebody help me, if you know of such a service email me, or just reply.

 

In a few days, i wont be able to get on here anymore, so please respond fast.

 

I can't bare the thought of losing her.

 

I didn't choose to fall in love online, i always thought it was awkward, but you don't choose who you love. Sometimes, it just happens. Please. Help me be able to still talk with her.

[bluechocolate]

First of all - a little perspective.

 

Have you met in person? How can you be so sure that you are in love with someone who only exists at the end of a keyboard? The internet can be a tool for meeting people, but I can't believe that you can fall in love with someone until you know them in the flesh. People can present themselves in an entirely different light when they are not constrained with the social graces of having to interact and communicate spontaneously and in person. Even a webcam and instant messaging cannot give you this. You should never fully believe what people tell you or indeed, even show you on the internet (call me cyncial if you will), but I'm sure your parents are probably feeling the same way.

 

As to how you convince them otherwise, I don't know. Do they use the internet? Show them around. Find sites that they would find interesting. I haven't searched for any myself but there must be some sites for parents. And I'm almost postive that there would be sites for parents whose children use the internet. What about their schools? Most schools have an online presence these days. They might get a kick out of seeing something like that.

 

Regardless, just step back from yourself for a moment & realise that until you meet this person & spend some "flesh" time with her you can't really be sure that you are in love at all. You may just discover that away from the keyboard you have nothing to say & very little in common.

[stinky]

Well, regardless of whether it is really love, or just some extremely strong attachment, I still believe that I deserve at least the chance, and not have to turn the cold shoulder on someone who I do care very much for.

 

As for my mother, she is quite familiar with the internet, and is not so worried as my father, who doesn't use it much. He is familiar enough with computers in that he has made it around quite a bit, but it is still a pornography filled, stalker infested thing to him.

 

My girl is beginning to feel unpleasant about me having to put up with so much **** for her. She doesn't want me to.

 

I realize that there is a definate chance of me losing her, and that, though i shudder at the thought, she may end up with somebody else. I do want to meet her, and i do believe that if i were to do this, with perhaps my parents' presence, it would not be so terrible.

 

So onward comes the plan. She is a little older than me. There is the possibility of me asking her to visit, by plane or 13 hour long car ride, and meet her with my parents. This seems very straightforward and keen, and I have quite some faith that she may do it. Though my father may not even approve of having her come up here, even if I were meeting her with one of my parents, in a public place. First, i have to ask her if she would be up for such a thing, which still isnt a complete certainty. Second, convincing my father to allow it.

 

A thought comes to mind, perhaps some things aren't meant to be, but I believe that there is nothing you cannot achieve if you can truely put a complete effort to it.

 

Now I just must keep this in mind.

[stinky]

Also, thank you for your prompt reply, it is really challenging my mind about the entire situation.

[Kat]

Get her number, get her address and start phoning and writing letters.

 

If you use the excuse that you have no internet and therefore no relationbship, it wasn't much of one to begin with.

[stinky]

Yep, we do have phone and have sent some letters, both of which had to be done in a manner of quite some secrecy by myself, so there should still be hope in that respect.

 

Just the method that we have used to talk for 2-8 hours a day for the past 4 months, with the only exception being vacation, and useage of webcams, and pictures, being taken away still creates quite a challenge.

[Kat]

How far away do you live from each other?

 

You are 17? How old is she? Are you both at school?

[stinky]

Michigan to Arkensas, its quite some distance, about 13 hours by car.

 

She is 21, though this is also viewed as Taboo along with an online relationship, it was a definate obstacle to overcome. She has recently decided to change majors, switching out of medical school, and is currently not going. She has been working, and has a sizeable savings for when she goes back to school this fall.

 

I am still in high school.

[Kat]

Hmmm a 21 year old female and a 17 year old male shouldn't really be involved in a relationship over the internet. I am not here to judge, just my thoughts. I have seen the headaches a 16yr old and a 23yrd old internet relationship have caused.

 

But if you are both determined to make it work all you need to do is remember the phone, even text messages, penpal writting and maybe even internet cafe's, schools, or friends places.

 

I would maybe even sit down with my parents and ask them what their conerns are.

 

If you want to be treated as a mature adult, act like one. I am sure you parents would appricate it

[stinky]

Quite, it started off as just a friendship, until we began to grow on eachother. The age thing definately bares quite the negative stigma.

 

I am determined to keep it going, so as long as she is as much as I, it shouldn't be a tremendous problem. I think much can be said to the effect that if she isn't willing to help me through this, it is not a life or death breakup, but still painful.

 

As for my parents, their immediate assumption is that she is a stalker. If not a stalker, she may be lieing about many things, including age, gender, race, location, job status, marital status, but many things such as pictures, and voice make this issue one of the past. Also, i think something can be said to the sheer amount of time she has devoted to me, non stop.

 

I think i will have to take that advice to heart, I should confront them with what i truely believe, what i feel. I can try to convince them through logical arguement, which is still a bit daunting. If this fails, I will get the line, "you will have to just trust us on this," and be cut off.

[moimeme]

The thing about the internet is that you really do not know the person. You can learn about the person's ideas and values and things like that, but then you can't be sure they are everything they say they are. People also tend to think they are better than they really are, so they don't mean to deceive you but they aren't even honest with themselves sometimes.

 

I've met several internet friends. Some have been very different from how they seemed at a distance and a couple were exactly the same so you really cannot know.

 

I suspect that if you are spending that much time online, that's one of the major causes of concern for your folks. You need to be studying and spending time with your 3D friends too.

[Kat]

I think you need to convince your parents that it is someting based on friendship. Don't get caught up in the 'relationship' arguement and that you want to be with her.

 

Just talk about why you like her, what support she gives, and what she has done for you (in any way).

 

They might be thinking you are going to run away to be with her or that she is going t come and take you away so that you two can 'be together'.

 

You need to image the possible angles your parents see this relationship as and be prepared to comment on all of them.

 

Most parents just worry about their kids and are afraid that a) you could get hurt emotionally, b) you could get hurt physically, or c) something even worse.

 

Who knows but as a parent myself I would just be a bag of worry bones thinking of my daughter chatting to someone romanticly (even thought I know what happens as I have done it myself).

 

They are probably worried of what they don't know. Be open (but not too open that you make the conversation uncomfy) and be honest.

 

After that you are on your own in your choices.

 

Just remember that they would probably be the same way if you were interested in Jane Doe down the street or at school.

 

Good luck

[stinky]

moimeme: I think that brings up several valid points. She could always be something completely different, but again, i think i deserve the validation of finding out. Also, we still do get out, my grades have actually improved, and our friends are receiving more and more attention once again, like before the relationship had begun. Me being a computer programmer made all the online time nothing out of the ordinary, either.

 

Kat: Thank you, openness is really something i can take to heart. This will definately require more thought, and who knows, perhaps my dad's stubborness can even be overcome. As for Jane Doe down the street, which has actually happened, they have been quite a bit more forgiving.

[daletom]

Look at the reply from "Bluechocolate" - including the J.M.Barrie quote.

 

It sounds like you're being fairly mature for a 17 year old, but please give your parents some credit for trying to do what's in your best interest and helping you avoid some bad experiences. They may be over-the-hill, but that means they've seen BOTH SIDES of the hill!

 

I suspect the age difference may be your parents' major objection. How's your math? 4 years isn't so great a difference that it makes a relationship impossible, but the fact that she's almost 25% older than you IS a problem. ("Trust me on this.") My own in-laws are about 4 years apart (he's older than she is), but they knew each other almost from birth and STILL went thru some tough times (relationship-wise) before they married at 21 and 24.

 

I think you may be very attracted to this lady, but I doubt that you've developed the sort of love to sustain a long-term relationship. I'm NOT knocking online romances: my wife (of 30 yrs) and I exchanged letters, probably 2 or 3 per week, for over three months before we met in person. We knew a lot about each other, and were attracted to each other, before we met but we weren't truly in love. The writing was definitely a help, since we're both somewhat shy and introverted: a little over 2 months after meeting we were engaged, and 53 weeks after first seeing each other we were married.

 

Major differences are that we were both 22, and graduated from college, and had at least minimal boyfriend/girlfriend experience before meeting. And we were introduced by a (much older adult) mutual friend who knew us both and thought there might be compatibility between us.

 

Neither am I saying that you're too young to be in love. Among my friends and acquaintances are several who met, fell in love, and married their life's partner when they were in High School. But among those, I can't think of any who married before they had completed, or nearly completed college. So I think you need to start looking at a fairly long time-frame even if you are in love.

 

My suggestions? Think about how to make your parents your allies, not your adversaries. I know that's not easy. I suspect you have the maturity to do it, though. Do everything in your power to have intelligent, adult conversations with them. It REALLY impressed me when my kids started approaching me as one adult to another. If they answer you like a child, don't respond as a child or accuse them of treating you like a child. It might help if you asked to talk in a "neutral" public place, like an ice cream shop or coffee house. Not a teen hang-out. (Offer to pay, though they probably will.) Here's some conversation starters you might try:

 

- Ask them how they met. (Even if you already know.) Ask about how they dated, when they decided to get married, etc.

 

- Ask about boyfriends/girlfriends they had before they met. Was it a good or bad experience for them? Why did they break up? (I dated only one girl before meeting my wife. That was in the spring/summer of my last year in High School - about your age. Yes, I believe we loved each other. No, we never had sex. We probably COULD have become husband and wife, but in retrospect I see that my wife and I are a better match for each other. Even so, I don't regret being in love at 17 - not only was it enjoyable in it's own right, but it helped me form a better relationship, and know the type of girl I wanted for a wife, when I was 22.)

 

- Ask your parents what THEY think you should look for in a girlfriend. You won't have to mention your friend - they'll do it for you.

 

- If all this sounds impossible to you: Is there ANY adult you can mention this problem to? A coach - Scout Leader - Youth Pastor - even a neighbor? Someone your parents have to respect, just because he/she IS an adult? DO NOT try to get this person to take your side - don't even think about it - but instead, say that you're having some disagreement with your parents and ask if they'd set up a conversation and sit in on it. Tell this person that you really want to know where you might be wrong - perhaps the most mature thing you'll ever say is, "I made a mistake." If all else fails, you can pay a counselor to do this for you. (Here in ST Louis I'd contact Lutheran Family Services, or find somebody trained by Mennonite Reconciliation & Mediation Ministry.)

 

I hope this works out for you. Best wishes for a lifetime of love, fabulous sex, fame & fortune.

[stinky]

The age difference is, unfortunately, something to be focused on. Sure its not impossible, but it is an additional thing to make matters difficult. She and I have looked at the 4 year age difference, and viewed it as certainly being something large now, but that proportion of nearly 25% shrinks with age, and we settled on that. Though, we are completely capable of joking about it, and i even poke some fun calling her a cradle robber.

 

As for the long term look, this has also been discussed. Throughout busy summer and fall plans, including college, work, family and friends, we decided the next possible point of us meeting will most likely have to be this december. A long way off, we both agree, but definately doable. After that, there are plans for weekends after, spring breaks, and eventually, moving off with me to college. Of course, more long term matters have been discussed, but we both agreed we would still have to meet eachother.

 

Communication has always been top priority in the relationship. We learned a great deal about the other, and have just begun to discover the other through just talking, and past experiances. Luckily some of my maturity has been developed through having two older brothers, 6 and 7 years older than me. I have always had to be thier closest friend, and have been forced to grow up quite quickly, and always having to think at their level. I think that is what allows me to have such a relationship with someone who does have 4 years on me.

 

Also, it's important to note, that before I met her, she had been talking online and on the phone for quite some time with one of my good friends. This was before i even met her. Unfortunately, this somehow provides very little sense of security for my parents.

 

For the adult discussion, i think that it is some grand advice. It is defiantely something that I will definately plan for the future. Previous conversations have all led to the ending of leaving me either two options, say "Right, Dad," or walking out. I chose the latter, since there had been no agreement, no reasoning, simply "It's dangerous." I certainly respect this view. Certainly, I could end up being hurt, or worse, but perhaps there could be something great formed out of it, and I do not want to miss such an opportunity.

 

I have also thought much about the possibly being in love at 17. Sure, if this doesn't work out, if it all ends up in heartbreak a few months away even, it will most likely be quite the learning experience, and as you have stated, something to build upon in future relationships.

 

A couple of my teachers immediately come to mind when I think about fellow adults, one of which is also a priest. However, my parents have thus far held the opinion of me not telling anybody about her, for it was an embarassment. The word embarassment wasn't used, but very much so implied. This was most definately a painful thing to hear. However, as you sugguest, it may be a great idea.

 

After me telling my mother about her, my mom told me that I deserved better. She said not to do desperate things. She sugguested even meeting several other girls that i know through friends, not something I accepted very well. I feel that the decision I made to start this relationship was an adult one conducted by me. I was hoping that, even though it may be a mistake, they would at least respect the idea that I thought for a great amount of time on it, and decided that it was, indeed, quite a safe choice. Perhaps I need to tell them this. Sure, there are many, many things that I am still ignorant of. Perhaps this entire experience is yet another step towards my adulthood. But the down to earth truth about it is that I do not want to simply accept "because I said so" as a reason anymore, without any logically explained details.

 

Quite simply, I care much for this girl. It is not fair to her if this is ended simply because of a skewed preception of the relationship. Of course, there are many things I do not have to offer her. I can't give her what is given in most normal relationships. She does not have my shoulder to cry on when something bothers her. She does not get to enjoy seeing a movie or eating with me, except what has been done over webcams. She does not have me to go out with her and her friends. She does not have me to understand her personal problems with others because of simple limits of distance. Though those are many things I cannot offer, I can offer my heart, and my company. This is certainly risk enough, but alas, I felt it was something that I truely believed in. Many who have kept up with our online journals, and mutual friends even said we were a cute couple while we were just friends. Now some of her best friends are saying that we are perfect for eachother. This is not the time for it all to be over. This is still yet the beginning. I just hope i can convey something of this to my parents.

 

It is not easy. It never will be. But i knew that before i started, and i am still ready for the challenge.

 

My best wishes for you too, and congradulations on the 30 years of marriage.

[daletom]

I have to get off to bed now, but there's some things I want to think about here & try to get back to you tomorrow (Sat) or Sun.

 

BTW - I didn't catch who's where. Were we neighbors? One of my Alumni Ass'n membership cards is from "Michigan Tech". (Of course, the other is from "Univ of Mo - Rolla", which isn't far from Arkansas.)

 

Originally posted by stinky

The age difference is, unfortunately, something to be focused on.

 

As for the long term look, this has also been discussed.

 

Communication has always been top priority in the relationship.

 

Also, it's important to note, that before I met her, she had been talking online and on the phone for quite some time with one of my good friends.

 

Previous conversations have all led to the ending of leaving me either two options, say "Right, Dad," or walking out. I chose the latter, since there had been no agreement, no reasoning, simply "It's dangerous." I certainly respect this view. Certainly, I could end up being hurt, or worse, but perhaps there could be something great formed out of it, and I do not want to miss such an opportunity.

 

my parents have thus far held the opinion of me not telling anybody about her, for it was an embarassment.

 

After me telling my mother about her, my mom told me that I deserved better. She said not to do desperate things.

 

Quite simply, I care much for this girl. It is not fair to her if this is ended simply because of a skewed preception of the relationship. Of course, there are many things I do not have to offer her.

 

My best wishes for you too, and congradulations on the 30 years of marriage.

[stinky]

Well michigan tech is up in the yuper, im in the detroit area, but no Univ of MO is real clos to arkensas.

[daletom]

Sorry I wasn't able to get back to you this weekend. Here's the reply I promised on Fri.

 

Originally posted by stinky

Well michigan tech is up in the yuper, im in the detroit area, but no Univ of MO is real clos to arkensas.

Ex- Franklin H.S. (Livonia) here. Class of '69 (Stop the snickering.) Some of us would say that Mich Tech is in the State of Superior, but that's a topic for a much different forum. I'll come back to that geographical reference later, though.

 

I think I see what's happening here. I probably won't give you any new revelations, but assembling things into an analytical framework may give you insight about how to deal with them. There's an old proverb to the effect that "If it's gonna be, it's gotta start with me." and I'm gonna start with you before we take on your parents.

 

You are 17 and attracted to this lady (did you ever mention her name?) who is a few years older than you and lives far away. Some of the replies here, as well as your mother (I suspect) express concern that you are too fixed on this as a "relationship" rather than "friendship". I'm inclined to agree: to put it in an insultingly blunt statement that you'll resent, "You're too young to be that serious." (If I sound like a parent, it's because I am.) You're overdriving your headlights. You're hitting the Lodge Freeway at rush hour on your first day of driver's training.

 

You are doing many wise and commendable things (relationship-wise), but you do not know this lady well enough to make the sort of commitments that you are talking about! That's NOT an insult to either of you - I still stand by my statement that you seem quite mature. I think that's the biggest fear your parents have, whether they've been able to express it or not: you are starting to make irrevocable, life-long decisions based on inadequate information. Probably the one thing that will reduce tension more than anything else here would be for you to shift your thought process - and your vocabulary - from relationship/lover/significant other/lifetime commitment to friendship/companion/interesting person/next week. On a purely pragmatic level that will get your parents off your back. Once that 300 lb load (your folks) is gone, you'll find it MUCH easier to move around in the ways YOU want to. On a more significant note, the love relationship that grows out of such a friendship will be more fulfilling and more durable (you have to trust me on that).

 

You understand - and I fully agree - that you and your lady need to spend time together. I never would have thought I'd be ready to ask a girl to marry me less than 3 months after we met, except that we were together every other weekend or so. (She was near Coldwater & I was in grad school at Purdue by then - about 200 miles.) Yes, all the writing that previous summer helped A LOT, but living with each others' families was probably the biggest factor in moving us from boyfriend/girlfriend to engaged couple in a short time. (BTW - I asked her father before I asked her. Boy did that ever score points in my favor!)

 

Don't let your parents think you're making plans to implement a decision they don't approve of. You are, and you must genuinely believe this, still very much in a "discovery phase" about each other and about yourself! If they see that you are making the effort to know each other, especially if it's not hidden from them, you'll actually have a lot more freedom. You can let them know these things with bits of conversation like, "What do you think Hildegarde (or whatever your G/F's name is) meant when she said, <something>?". Or, "What are the real reasons people drop out of college? Do you think somebody who's done that should go back?".

 

OK, now let's look at age. I married an older woman myself. She'll be "my old lady" for only a few more days though. Then I'll have a birthday & we'll be the same age again, for about 8 months. I already said that 4 years isn't as big an obstacle as the 25% problem. If I had to pin down a number, I'd say you shouldn't think about cementing your status, either by marriage or living together, until you're more like 22/26 rather than 17/21. That's a long ways off - have you & G/F talked about how you'll handle the interim? More important than age are the social realities of finances, housing, and residency. No, two CANNOT live as cheaply as one. No, living with (or living off of) one set of parents should not even be considered. That means at least ONE of you needs a fairly stable job with a livable wage. That's NOT waiting tables or cashiering at the Marathon station. How old will you be when a "real" job appears for one of you?

 

The distance also works against you. In the fall of 1969 I went to Mich Tech & my G/F went to State. That's about 500 miles as I recall. Even though we'd been together for over 4 months, it was soon real apparent that we wouldn't be able to move the relationship forward. The best we could do would be to maintain some minimal level of involvement. Sort of like putting things away in storage. Even with phone calls & writing regularly. You know what I'm going to say - we saw each other at Thanksgiving & broke up at Christmas. I already said that my wife is a better match than the G/F would have been, but we were far from mismatched! Nevertheless, that separation definitely kept us from increasing the compatibility level. (To this day I have nothing but good thoughts for her, and truly hope she's happy and healthy.)

 

Your Dad may be mostly upset about being left in the dark while your attraction was developing, though he doesn't express it that way. It looks to him like you used some new and unproven gadget to meet this girl. He wants to know who she is, who her people are, what her social status is - all the questions parents have had for millenia - but he has no way of finding out. From where he sits, it almost looks like you're hiding this from him. You're right that simple familiarity would go a long way to solving this but don't let it be an after-the-fact formality. He wants to know (and, I would argue, has both some rights and an interest in knowing) BEFORE you get too serious. Like I said before, if you cut back the level of seriousness while he learns about her it'll likely work itself out.

 

Your mother is a little more difficult to understand, though better articulated. (Women are always more complicated.) I'd like to know what she sees in the G/F that's not worthy of you. It could be that you're her last hope for a kid who "makes good". In that case, nobody short of a 20 year old, millionaire, Nobel Laureate super-model will satisfy her standards. On the other hand - maybe she sees something there that you should be concerned about, too. She might see a girl who's chasing you for her own selfish reasons. My oldest son had that problem - for almost 3 years he went with a girl who was significantly below him intellectually. Her life goals seemed to center around finding a husband, who in turn was obligated to provide her with happiness, children, and a comfortable lifestyle. Again, she wasn't a terrible match for my son, but I was relieved when she decided to break off with him. (Three months later she was engaged to another guy, married within a year, and reportedly struggling in their marriage.)

 

I can't understand the "embarrassment" thing. Are you sure you interpreted that correctly? Is there some other factor like religion, race, handicap, national origin, etc that you haven't mentioned?

 

Final closing thought: Have you discussed anything with your brothers? Either your relationship with the G/F, or your parents' reactions? If everything's like you say, it seems like they'd be an obvious first resource for addressing this situation.

[whispering_willoww]

Just wanted to write you a quick note. As a woman in this age meeting people online at first seemed a little embarassing. Makes you feel like maybe you are too insecure to meet with people face to face and also as if you are desperate. My current boyfriend and I met online and neither one of us was really looking for a relationship and it just happened. Now I am 25 years old and when I told my mother how I met him she was shocked and a little scared. It was at that point I explained to her how I felt that meeting someone online is really no different than meeting someone on the street or being set up on a blind date. You walk down the street and someone asks you out, you don't know anything about this person really but you agree anyway. Meeting someone online is similar except you may have more time to talk and 'get to know them' before you actually meet.

 

Your parents probably feel pretty much the same way my mother did when I told her how my boyfriend and I met. They just love you and don't want you to be hurt emotionally or physically, and face it in these days that can happen before you know it. Maybe you should sit down with them and explain how this is really no different than just meeting someone out in public.

 

I suggest if you have not met one another yet you do it most definately in public and drive separately (that's a personal rule I have on first dates anyway). Then try to have your parents meet this girl maybe they will see what you see.

 

On the other hand I need to advise you that if your parents are totally resistant to your relationship with this girl, it will probably not work. No person is usually worth ruining your relationship with your parents. I am speaking from experience. A couple of years ago I met this guy and thought he was great. He moved in with me and met my mother. She did not like him but regardless of what she thought I kept dating him anyway. I withdrew from my relationship with my mom and put all my energy into my relationship. In the end she was right, he was verbally and physically abusive. My relationship with my mother was restored however and everything is fine now.

 

What they say is right though whether we want to hear it or not, mom and dad truly do know best.

 

Good luck in your decision.

[stinky]

Sorry about my lack of posting, I do appreciate every single reply to this, and am just thinking everything over. I'll try to get you all updated by tonight and tomarrow.

 

And also, I am about a quarter mile from franklin

[stinky]

So, after careful discussion and deliberation (Sorry i'm not directly responding to your posts, but this will show why)

 

Anyway, after some talk, we came to the conclusion that we were only delaying the inevitable, and that we would have to go back to our friendship. She spent the entire day in tears. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do, but we believe that it is for the best.

 

I've been talking to her all day, actually, and am having a great deal of fun. I can't imagine not talking to her anymore, so hopefully "just friends" will work out better than it often seems to. I still greatly enjoy her company, and she mine, and we decided that perhaps once, when I am finally off on my own, that one day we may be able to meet. But in the meantime, we still feel too strongly for eachother to just quit cold turkey, as they say.

 

But alls well that ends well.

 

It is going great, and I thank every one of you for your comments. Especially the ones that said how my parents were looking out for my best interest, (and you were right, their biggest beef was her age, and everything else that you listed, daletom, they were upset that they could not check her out)

 

At any rate, after much heartache, i'm extremely happy. I think we're both enjoying the lack of stress of keeping up an actual relationship, and though i shudder at the thought now, perhaps she WILL meet someone greater for her than I.

 

Or maybe even me.

 

Who knows?

 

But, once again, thanks.

 

And, daletom, your being able to liken it to local things, yourself, and the name that you came up with for her, really helped keep me lighthearted. This all worked out grandly, I believe. Breaking up is never easy, but honestly, when both can agree that it is for the best, it's hard to say if it's more painful than being able to hate who you leave... because, we still have to deal with our extreme infatuation for eachother.

 

But that should work out.