Married and confused

[MrConfused]

I am 27, my wife is 25. We have been married for almost 5 yrs and together 7. We have a 1 yr old son.

 

Here's the problem. When we first got together, we had sex 5-7 a day on the weekends we spent together. When she moved in, sex became once a day. After we got married sex became 2-3 times per week. Since or first son was born (he died after 1 month) sex became once a week. After our second son was born, sex is now twice a month, and I have to beg for it. My wife's life goal was only one thing...get married and have one child. She has no hobbies or career goals, as well as no interests in anything. Now that she has her "one child" and is married she has no interest in sex.

 

We are happy and comfortable together, no other problems. Except me. I need the sex. I have an extremely high sex drive. But now I feel like she was only using me to get a child and now that she has a child she does not want sex.

 

I know it is not that she doesn't enjoy sex. She has an orgasm evertime we have sex, and sometimes up to 5 or 6. She enjoys herself while we are doing it, but she has no sex drive to get her in the mood prior to to me initiating it.

 

I love her and our son, but I can't go on without sex. (and for those of you that think there is more to marriage than sex, yes there is, but not enough to dedicate your life to celibacy) And because she has no interests, we have nothing to do together. She just wants to read, watch tv, and sleep.

 

She even admitts that I married the wrong sister. Her sister is just like me. Always wants sex, always wants to be doing something, and can't seem to get a partner that wants as much sex as us. But I never met her sister until after we were together and then never got to know her until recently. We connect like best friends because she share the same problems, wants, and life goals.

 

Anyway, my wife and I have talked about this problem for the last couple years and she has tried to be more receptive, but it isn't working. We have tried getting away together and that doesn't work. It is like we are every day, just at a hotel somewhere. We both feel role playing is silly and pointless, so that is not an option.

 

What can I do? I want to keep my wife and son. But there is a MAJOR part of my life and happiness missing. She is not open to the idea of an open affair (we have discussed it), because she is affraid that I will end up leaving her for the other women, and she can not get by the jealousy.

 

Man I am confused! I feel like I would rather killing myself than leaving my wife and son, But I also feel like killing myself because this is not how I want live for the rest of my life. The only thing keeping me going is I want to be there for my wife and son, and I keep telling myself that my things will be different tomorrow or next week??

 

And no, I do not need mental halth advice. I am totally self aware. I just want to be completely happy as much as I can. That is the meaning of life...To be happy and enjoy life to it's fullest.

 

Thanks for letting me vent some more. Any insite?

 

?confused?

[Becks84]

Whoa -- the open affair idea is one of the stupidest things I have ever heard! But that aside, I strongly reccomend marriage conseling. I have heard of it working wonders for many people! I am surprised your wife doesn't realize how big of a part passion/sex-life plays in a relationship. But it's going to take more than you just telling her this. I think she's got some deeper issues and it could hopefully all be sorted out with counseling!

 

Good luck to you!!

[PUHLEEEEZE...]

Get the book, "Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura (you may want to read it first before giving it to your wife) Many women forget that when you get married, you have an obligation to be intimate with your husband. Doesn't matter what her issues are - she needs to address them and take care of business. I finally got that through my head - and my already fabulous husband has become one mighty happy pappy!!!

[bluechocolate]

I think marriage counselling is what the two of you should embark upon pronto. It is possible that the death of your first child is affecting her in ways that neither of you are aware of. You both need to work on this one because if you don't it will be the end of your marriage. The fact that you've contemplated having an affair & spoken about it with her should make her realise that her witholding sex & her lack of interest is going to drive you into the arms of another woman, with or without her consent. If she is as committed to saving this marriage as you are she shouldn't object to some outside help.