PeacefulBeginnings Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 Needing some advice. My boyfriend and I have been seeing one another for a little over three months. We started out and I feel for him hard. He is fantastic, gentle and kind. We have so much fun together, laugh, joke, talk about anything, everything. We share common goals and beliefs. We truly are good together. The issue is he has children from his previous relationship and his ex uses these children to get to him, to try to hurt him in fact. During the last few weeks he has been going to her house (his former home) to partake in his children's lives on a regular basis. He had formerly had the children on a regular basis until I came into the picture. The she pulled an immature stunt and got a restraining order against him and took the children from him because of her jealously of him giving his attentions to me. The crazy part is she kept him away for like a week after pulling the restraining order thing. (which by the way he stayed with me during his removal from his home until we found another apartment). He wants to be a part of his children's lives on a regular basis, they are his life, his focus. It tears him apart to be away from them and they were having adjustment issues as well. I am trying hard to be supportive and understanding of this situation because he really is a great guy. I give him the space that he needs to do what he has to as a father. He is feeling guilty because he finds himself falling asleep at his ex home while rocking his daughter to sleep. He feels like our time is too limited to continue our relationship and honestly it has decreased tremendously but we have had numerous discussions and we both believe in time that things will smooth out even though they are complicated right now. This is a stressful situation but I believe this man is truly worth it and I was always taught that relationships are about the good and the bad and things wouldn't always be perfect but not running away when things get tough isnt the answer. I mean the truth is we could have something absolutely wonderful. I have never had communication like I have with this man. I have never had someone so attentive to my needs or as in tuned with me. I told him that I didnt want to give up on us. That I could be patient during this time while we came up with something to make our situation better. Of course his ex has desires to work things out or that is what her mouth says but her actions are just the same actions that caused them to part in the first place. I feel like she doesnt want him but doesnt want him to want anyone else. Just selfish. I want to be with this man, on a deeper level than just the here and now. I see a future with him. Should I let him go or should I fight for us. He is getting frustrated because of all of the stress but I am standing fast beside him. What should we do? Link to post Share on other sites
livnnlrnin Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 Does you BF have "supervised visitation"??? If not, he should not have to go to her home for his parenting time. I admire him for placing his children first,(That is always a very good trait in a man, I think) and also admire you for not being selfish about the time he spends with his kids..... Hang in there if you believe in your heart that he is the man for you....After a year or so when the two of you know where your relationship is going, you can become a part of his children's life also....Not as a mother, but as a caring friend. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 [font=courier new][/font][color=indigo][/color] hey peaceful beginnings i am in the same situation as you but im married and he has a son by a previous and i have been with the child since he was two.. i am not going to lie to you it is really hard when you s o has a child and the women is in the picture... they will do any and everything to manipulate your relationship trust me .. if you are willing to go down that long and winding road and you really love and care for this mman and kids then by all means go for it... one bit of advice don't let the women ever know she gets to you they thrive on that ... good luck hope it all works out if you ever need any advice let me know i will be there .. : : email if you want to talk Link to post Share on other sites
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