Somebody help me???I need her back.

[David85]

This is probably going to be REALLY long but if anybody can follow it and help me I'd really appreciate it.

 

Lindsay and I have been together for a little over a year. Everything has been so perfect and we are so madly in love. One day we are laying down watching tv at her house. Some guy calls her and she got really happy and left the room to talk. It kindof made me jealous. I asked her who it was and she told me it was an old friend. She then told me it was some guy who she almost went out with before she met me...that really got me nervous.

 

I talked to her the next day about it and she got mad and said I didn't trust her. That weekend she was going to be out of town at her cousins wedding. I messed up by not being able to call her because my cell phone was broken...She was pretty upset when she got back. I went to her house, and she was telling me that she wanted to "take a break" and wanted me to leave..

 

She told me I was treating her bad, neglecting her. That I didn't kiss her enough or pay enough attention to her. That I teased her too much and made her feel bad. I know I didn't kiss her as much as I should've for god knows why. I teased her not meaning to hurt her at all. I was joking every time. I never meant to hurt her. She also said that we never did anything. That I hardly took her out anymore. I didn't really but it was wintertime, what is there to do other than see movies and eat..?

 

I agreed to go on this "break" even though I didn't want to and i didn't see what it would accomplish. I just knew it wasn't good though. I still talked to her and emailed her and everything during the break. One day she went to an art museum with her mom. She told me she would call me when she got home at about 8. She never called, so I waited until the next day. She told me she was out with Cole, the guy who called her on the phone. She told me Cole, his girlfriend, his friend, and his friend's girlfriend all went with her to see a movie. It kinda made me mad/jealous, I didn't really believe her that he had a girlfriend. She worked the next day and told me she'd call me when she got home. Another night and no call. Until 1 am. She had been out with him again. She told me she thought it would be best if we didn't see each other anymore. I kept telling her to give me another chance and that I could stop doing all of these things she told me I was doing. She never even really mentioned any of them before. How could I know to stop if I don't realize what I'm doing? Anyway, of course I cried and everything and tried to talk her out of it. Here's what really pissed me off though. She wouldn't even call me on the phone to BREAK UP with me. She did it on the internet. She wouldn't let me call her because her parents would get mad that it was so late. This pissed me off.

 

Well anyway, after about 2 weeks of me being a total idiot about everything begging her and constantly calling her and emailing her. She was still saying that if I could prove to her that I could change for her and treat her better that we could talk about getting back together. She said that she still loved and cared about me more than anything.

 

I was reading her livejournal, and one of her friends said something about myspace. I had no idea what it was so I looked into it. I looked at her profile. One of her posts said something like this "I had a date with a really cute guy tonight, I hope this continues." and another that said "I was having another peaceful night, and then HE Im's me, can't he just give it the **** up!?" I understand the 2nd one because I was being so annoying, but the first one really really PISSED ME OFF. I told her that I seen those and for some reason SHE got mad at me. She was telling me that her and Cole are nothing but FRIENDS and that he was like a brother to her...They went on this "date" as a joke..That was a really lame excuse I thought.

 

Well I was supposed to go to her house one friday after she got home from work, IF she wasn't too tired after work. She said she would call me to tell me. Well she never called, I called her house and her mom said she was out with cole. This got me sooo pissed off. The next day she said "I was on aim waiting for you"...

 

Well the next week I was just ready to give up on her and try to move on. I told her this and she got pretty mad for some reason. It's like she's playing games with me, and once I tell her I'm done she wants to talk all of a sudden. She told me she missed me and wanted to see me. I finally got to see her after about 3 weeks. I went to her house as a FRIEND. We had a really good time, we went to the park, got some pizza, went to a pet store and she looked at chinchilla's. Then we rented a movie and got some ice cream. Well I really ****ed up a good day by asking her "is there ANY chance of us getting back together??" all she said was "I don't know" For some reason I started crying really hard. I have no idea why. We didn't really say a whole lot after that. I talked to her the today and she told me that it kinda pissed her off that I done that...I just don't understand though, she tells me that she loves me and deep down in the bottom of her heart that she does want to be with me. She just doesn't know...

 

How am I supposed to go on a maybe like that. I still love her more than ANYTHING in the world. I don't even want to think about finding another girl. She's the ONLY one that I want. I mean, what happens when I do prove to her that I can change and I can treat her really good. What happens when she changes her mind, and finds some other guy. All I'm going to have is a friend.

 

Another thing that is so hard is hanging out with her now. We used to do alot of things (sexually). Now I can't even hold her hand or kiss her. It's just so hard on me to be with her and not even be able to kiss her...I want her back so bad I would do ANYTHING.

 

Can somebody help me..if any of this even made sense.

[sportsloving]

It sounds like she is keeping you around as her "just in case". You are going to have to tell her that you are more deserving than that ... if she wants to work on the relationship, great... if not, then it is time to let it go and move on with your life. You can't be expected to hang around in limbo forever waiting for someone else to decide what they want to do.

 

Go out, have fun, hang out with your friends, date other girls. If she can date others, so can you. And do not spend another night waiting around for her to talk to you only to find out she found something else to do. You are not a puppy dog to obey commands.

 

I wish you luck. I know you are hurting, but there are some terrific ladies out there who won't treat you so inexcuseably. I wish you luck and happiness

[Red Flag Rick]

"She also said that we never did anything. That I hardly took her out anymore. I didn't really but it was wintertime, what is there to do other than see movies and eat..? "

 

um.... i dunno... belch, plop down in the Lazy Boy recliner, and put your hand in your pants? Ever heard of Al Bundy? Married, With Children? sounds like a comment he would say.... yIkEs.

 

Know what red flags are? That wintertime comment is one. If you have this mind set, you gotta problem. Keep thinking like that, buddy, and you will come to know just how chilly winters can be as you continue to sleep single in a double bed.

 

and dude, everything has not been so perfect, as you said. your inability to see this coming is yet another red flag that tells me you gotta get to work on yourself.

 

Sounds like you have been asleep at the wheel, and now she has exited the car. You miss the kisses now... She missed them a long time ago while you were snoozin'. You have already admitted that you neglected her, and that is a red flag that she noticed in you... learning to spot red flags in relationships is vital - and learning how a guy is supposed to lead a relationship is even more crucial - miss this process and you end up right where you are. and i know you do not feel good about this, so take it from one who learned the hard way - you need to evolve, and you need to become a real man. and if i did it, any guy can.

 

You need to work on yourself before you start wanting her or anyone else, because you do not know how to lead a relationship. You also do not understand the importance of value, and you have to know this if you ever want to be happy with yourself, and in a healthy, life long relationship.

 

Lots of folks don't get this, so don't freak. You can do it, and all it takes is some effort on your part... Sounds like you have learned a good lesson - consider that the first lesson and class ain't nearly over... you have a loooong semester ahead of you if you want to know how to keep a girl happy - nabbing one might be easy, but keeping one is no walk in the park...

 

Guys miss this important lesson growing up - guys think with their little head and not with their big head, and they are conditioned to behave in a certain manner that eventually leads to one saying that "wintertime" comment you said... Sounds like you have been cheated out of some very important knowledge, just like lots of guys... I suggest you do a search with my screen name on this board and learn about value and expectations and red flags... it will be a good start.

 

and let me know if i can help further... i am working with a guy privately (he posted here and the two lame responses he received made me sick to my stomach, and instead of blowing those two poster's hair back like i wanted to do, i decided to hold my forked tongue... so i just private messaged him and told him to research my stuff... he did and then he emailed me asking for some more help... ) anyway, he has evolved enough to at least have his girl's attention back right now, and he is approaching the relationship completely differently than he did... she is responding slowly, and who can blame her - a female needs a lot more than a male does, and if the male is not evolved, the female, if she is not absolutely needy, usually bolts once she realizes that her handsome knuckle-dragger would rather watch nascar than complete a sentence... so we shall see what happens... things seem to be much better than before when he was neglecting her and taking her for granted...

 

You say you will do anything to get her back? Evolve. Learn. Educate yourself. Focus on YOU - not her or anyone else right now. It won't guarantee that you will get her back, but you will become the kind of guy that can attract a quality female and you will be the kind of guy that a quality female is attracted to... and your relationships will be better and you will experience less drama - i bet that sounds good to you at this point...

 

So remember - getting her back is not the issue... finding yourself is...