Jealous older sister

[lessonlearnt]

I need help dealing and understanding my sister.

She is 9 years older than me and always tries to be the centre of attention.

She lives in Australia but recently came home to help my parents move in to a new house.

I walked into the bedroom she was using to look fior an invoive to pay the builder when I saw that she had put a photo of her own daughter in a 26 year old frame that had contained my photo at my graduation.

I wa moved to the back of the frame and she knew I would see it as I had to go into her room the next day when she was out. In another room she put a photo of me Mum and Dad face down deliberately.

 

Why on earth would she do such a thing?

I told my parents who wouldn't believe she would do such a hurtful thing although we have never got on. She said she put the photo of her daughter outside the frame propped up against mine to stop it getting dogeared. That is a lie as the photo was inside the frame. She is alweays right about everything in her eye and very bossy.

 

Help?

[Lucky_One]

I find it hard to believe that she would turn a picture face down in some malicious act, if she came all the way from Australia to help your folks.

 

If I were going to be away from my child for a while, I would likely put a picture of my son out. I might even put it behind the glass of a frame. Had she taken your picture out and torn it up, then I can see where you might be more upset.

 

I just am not seeing any evidence that your sister is jealous. You actually appear more jealous than she does.

 

If your graduation picture is 26 years old, then I would assume that you are in your mid-40's. I would think that you might be a bit old to go telling your parents when your sister does something that gets on your nerves, and I would think your parents are a bit old to be intentionally worried about something that doesn't appear to be a big deal.

 

She lives on another continent. Just let her go back, and then you won't have to see her. Don't let small stuff bug you so much.

[KathyM]

I need help dealing and understanding my sister.

She is 9 years older than me and always tries to be the centre of attention.

She lives in Australia but recently came home to help my parents move in to a new house.

I walked into the bedroom she was using to look fior an invoive to pay the builder when I saw that she had put a photo of her own daughter in a 26 year old frame that had contained my photo at my graduation.

I wa moved to the back of the frame and she knew I would see it as I had to go into her room the next day when she was out. In another room she put a photo of me Mum and Dad face down deliberately.

 

Why on earth would she do such a thing?

I told my parents who wouldn't believe she would do such a hurtful thing although we have never got on. She said she put the photo of her daughter outside the frame propped up against mine to stop it getting dogeared. That is a lie as the photo was inside the frame. She is alweays right about everything in her eye and very bossy.

 

Help?

Sibling rivalry, although to an extreme. It's surprising it would be so blatant with a 9 year age difference. Usually, that is more prevalent when siblings are closer in age. When there is a large age gap, there usually is more of a caretaking nature to the relationship where the older one looks outs for the younger one. That's exactly why I chose to space my kids at least three years apart, so there wouldn't be so much jealousy. I'm guessing your parents doted on you as the younger child and your sister was not given the attention she needed as a child because of that, so she feels the need, even now, to capture that attention and that top dog status. You may want to read up a bit on adult sibling rivalry and how to cultivate a better relationship with your sibling. I would suggest not calling her out on this behavior, but rather cultivating a friendship with her. I know a lot of siblings who behaved terribly towards each other as children, but as adults, they became the best of friends. If people can put aside what transpired in their childhoods and work on cultivating a good relationship with their adult sibling, this rivalry could very well subside. So I guess my advice would be to not make an issue of this picture business, try to cultivate a friendship and commraderie with your sister (take her out to lunch, shopping, etc.), and don't try to one-up your sister to your parents. When two children, even as adults, try to wo the parents into thinking they are somehow better than their sibling, that just fuels the flames of sibling rivalry, so I hope you are not doing that in any way. It sounds like your sister might be, but I think if you cultivate a a friendship with her and stop acting like she is a rival, she will discontinue this behavior when she sees you are not a threat. It's worth a try. I know a lot of siblings who were enemies as children, but are now close friends.

[lessonlearnt]

I find it hard to believe that she would turn a picture face down in some malicious act, if she came all the way from Australia to help your folks.

 

If I were going to be away from my child for a while, I would likely put a picture of my son out. I might even put it behind the glass of a frame. Had she taken your picture out and torn it up, then I can see where you might be more upset.

 

I just am not seeing any evidence that your sister is jealous. You actually appear more jealous than she does.

 

If your graduation picture is 26 years old, then I would assume that you are in your mid-40's. I would think that you might be a bit old to go telling your parents when your sister does something that gets on your nerves, and I would think your parents are a bit old to be intentionally worried about something that doesn't appear to be a big deal.

 

She lives on another continent. Just let her go back, and then you won't have to see her. Don't let small stuff bug you so much.

 

 

Just to add a bit more context. There were some photos of her daughter already in my parents house but she then displayed at least 3 more around the house. I think the point I am making is that she is trying to "airbrush" me out as she also put another photo of me and my parents on holiday in Cyprus in a drawer. So the trend is for her to be spiteful.

 

She once said to me that she couldn't compete with me. I live very close to our parents and have close contact with them. I have a very good relationship with them. She has borrowed money twice and never repaid it in addition to using vile language to my mother. There is usually some sort of drama/argument when she visits. She is dominant, short tempered and always putting her own family down. e.g. telling Mum that a cousin she visited has a much nicer house than my parents and it cost less.

 

I think deep down she is very insecure but I will bite my lip as she is going home soon.

[lessonlearnt]

Sibling rivalry, although to an extreme. It's surprising it would be so blatant with a 9 year age difference. Usually, that is more prevalent when siblings are closer in age. When there is a large age gap, there usually is more of a caretaking nature to the relationship where the older one looks outs for the younger one. That's exactly why I chose to space my kids at least three years apart, so there wouldn't be so much jealousy. I'm guessing your parents doted on you as the younger child and your sister was not given the attention she needed as a child because of that, so she feels the need, even now, to capture that attention and that top dog status. You may want to read up a bit on adult sibling rivalry and how to cultivate a better relationship with your sibling. I would suggest not calling her out on this behavior, but rather cultivating a friendship with her. I know a lot of siblings who behaved terribly towards each other as children, but as adults, they became the best of friends. If people can put aside what transpired in their childhoods and work on cultivating a good relationship with their adult sibling, this rivalry could very well subside. So I guess my advice would be to not make an issue of this picture business, try to cultivate a friendship and commraderie with your sister (take her out to lunch, shopping, etc.), and don't try to one-up your sister to your parents. When two children, even as adults, try to wo the parents into thinking they are somehow better than their sibling, that just fuels the flames of sibling rivalry, so I hope you are not doing that in any way. It sounds like your sister might be, but I think if you cultivate a a friendship with her and stop acting like she is a rival, she will discontinue this behavior when she sees you are not a threat. It's worth a try. I know a lot of siblings who were enemies as children, but are now close friends.

 

Yes you are right, I went everywhere with my father as a small child and my sister emigrated to Australia when she was 25 years old and married. Her personal and business life has not been successful.

I met someone in town the other day who out of the blue said "Your father thought the world of you as a child".

 

She has never been home for as long as this visit. When Mum questioned her about the photo she went into a rage and said she would take the photos of her daughter home with her to Australia. She talks to her partner and my parents as if they are 10 years old and has very little patience.

The trouble is that I don't like her as a person and we are like chalk and cheese. She is taking one upmanship to a new level and doesn't want me to have any say in how my parents' house is furnished.

[lessonlearnt]

Just been told by Mum that my sister who has now just returned to Australia asked a friend if she would pop by from time to time to see if Mum and Dad are OK. Mum said she never asked for this but I see this as controlling behaviour by my sister. I only live 3 miles from our parents and so why would there be a need for anyone else to check if they are OK? The friend lives about 12 miles away.

 

My sister also insisted that Mum bought some new cushions but when she brought them home, Mum didn't like them. Result is that Mum and I have returned them to the shop but she doesn't want to tell my sister when she phones as she doesn't want to offend her. This just shows how insecure my sister is.

 

Any thoughts on these latest developments and should I just button my lip and not say anything about my sister imposing this friend on my parents.

[KathyM]

Just been told by Mum that my sister who has now just returned to Australia asked a friend if she would pop by from time to time to see if Mum and Dad are OK. Mum said she never asked for this but I see this as controlling behaviour by my sister. I only live 3 miles from our parents and so why would there be a need for anyone else to check if they are OK? The friend lives about 12 miles away.

 

My sister also insisted that Mum bought some new cushions but when she brought them home, Mum didn't like them. Result is that Mum and I have returned them to the shop but she doesn't want to tell my sister when she phones as she doesn't want to offend her. This just shows how insecure my sister is.

 

Any thoughts on these latest developments and should I just button my lip and not say anything about my sister imposing this friend on my parents.

Don't say anything negative to your sister or your parents about this friend coming to check up on your parents, or anything about the cushions. It's your sister's way of asserting her presence in your parents' lives. She must feel very left out with her living so far away and you being so close to your parents. Don't make an issue about this stuff to her or your parents. Don't badmouth your sister to your parents (if you are, in fact, doing that). Also, I would recommend not allowing your parents to badmouth your sister to you either. Don't allow yourself to be put in the middle. Your parents need to handle their relationship and issues with your sister directly without triangling you into these issues.

[lessonlearnt]

Don't say anything negative to your sister or your parents about this friend coming to check up on your parents, or anything about the cushions. It's your sister's way of asserting her presence in your parents' lives. She must feel very left out with her living so far away and you being so close to your parents. Don't make an issue about this stuff to her or your parents. Don't badmouth your sister to your parents (if you are, in fact, doing that). Also, I would recommend not allowing your parents to badmouth your sister to you either. Don't allow yourself to be put in the middle. Your parents need to handle their relationship and issues with your sister directly without triangling you into these issues.

 

I took your advice, although as for her feeling of being left, out she decided to move overseas years ago; no one forced her to go.

 

It's funny how things turn out because my parents do not like the other cushions she chose and we have now taken them all back. I remained neutral whilst my parents were complaining about the colour and comfort of the cushions. I believe she had cut off the price tickets in an attempt to ensure they were not exchanged; how controlling is that. We had to retrieve the price tickets from the trash bin and sew them back on.

 

She agreed to phone when she landed at Sydney airport which was mid morning on Tuesday. In fact she chose to wait until 10am Wednesday morning (the plane landed on time) and she said to Mum well you must have known I was all right (as there had been no plane crashes). I do not think this is respectful behaviour towards my parents as they are bound to worry, being elderly. Why couldn't she just do as she said she would; it takes 2 minutes to make a phone call and she has a cell phone.

Edited October 6, 2011 by lessonlearnt

[carole.]

I am a newbie but I can empathise with your situation as my sister displays similar traits.

Yes it was entirely selfish of her not to phone home when she arrived at the airport (or shortly after). It was callous to expect her/your parents not to worry, after all she presumably had an onward journey from the airport. I imagine she is feeling angry about the argument over the photo (sounds like parents took your side) and she is taking her frustration out on the parents.

 

I can however see that she would be jealous of the relationship between you and parents which no doubt shines through when you are near them and she can see that. However it seems that your parents try and please/pacify her to some extent (cushions incidents) and then when she finds out via her friend, it may be that she blames you, and your parents are happy for her to think it is you. Her trips may not be frequent but they clearly upset the equilibrium.

 

I personally think she did snub you with the photograph incident, which shows she is the one with the problem, and she is fanning the sibling rivalry. Don't let her intensify this rivalry. She is thousands of miles away and can do nothing practical to harm you, so act accordingly.

[KathyM]

I took your advice, although as for her feeling of being left, out she decided to move overseas years ago; no one forced her to go.

 

It's funny how things turn out because my parents do not like the other cushions she chose and we have now taken them all back. I remained neutral whilst my parents were complaining about the colour and comfort of the cushions. I believe she had cut off the price tickets in an attempt to ensure they were not exchanged; how controlling is that. We had to retrieve the price tickets from the trash bin and sew them back on.

 

She agreed to phone when she landed at Sydney airport which was mid morning on Tuesday. In fact she chose to wait until 10am Wednesday morning (the plane landed on time) and she said to Mum well you must have known I was all right (as there had been no plane crashes). I do not think this is respectful behaviour towards my parents as they are bound to worry, being elderly. Why couldn't she just do as she said she would; it takes 2 minutes to make a phone call and she has a cell phone.

I get the sense that you are trying too hard in finding fault with your sister because you don't like her, if I may be blunt here. I do realize that she is fueling much of the sibling rivalry, but I do suggest that you back off from this on your end. By removing the price tags from the cushions, you are attributing that to controlling or inconsiderate behavior. You are seeing it that way because of your dislike for your sister. If you had neutral or positive feelings for her, you might think that people who give a gift to someone normally remove the price tags before giving it, and she didn't have alterior motives in doing that. Also about the calling upon arriving in Australia. Sure, it would have been considerate for her to call, but she is an adult and isn't under any obligation to check in with the parents upon arriving. Again, I think you're making too much of these types of things, and have a tendency to put everything into a negative frame of reference when it comes to your sister because you really do not like her. If you would actually like to improve your relationship with your sister and reduce the sibling rivalry that is going on in your family, I would suggest you try to not interpret these actions in such a negative way, make an effort not to badmouth your sister to your parents, and try not to be a sounding board when your parents complain to you about your sister. That really is not a good dynamic to participate in. I have two sisters of my own, and while we have a good relationship with each other, there are times when sibling rivalry crops up, and I try to abstain from fueling the flames. My twin sister tends to be very competitive with me, and sometimes it gets on my nerves, but I try to not let it damage our relationship. My mother also has a tendency to complain to me a lot about my sister, and I try not to take sides or encourage that line of conversation, because I do think it creates a bad dynamic in the family and it makes me feel disloyal to my sister to be hearing and talking about her behind her back, so I try to stay neutral and change the subject when my mother starts in with those complaints. It sounds like your mother is putting you into this position also--badmouthing your sister to you. I would suggest you step out of that position she is putting you in. It damages your relationship with your sister, and it is creating an us against her mentality, which is not helpful to any of you. If you really would like to foster a better relationship with your sister, then try to build a positive one directly with her, through Emails, letters, and visits. I believe it would be worth the try. Don't get into it with her about your parents. Unless they are old and incompetent, they can take care of themselves. And they can handle any issues with your sister themselves. You've put yourself into the position of their advocate and protector against your sister, and that's not a healthy dynamic for a family.

[lessonlearnt]

Regarding the cushions, she chose them but Mum paid for them; she was imposing her will on Mum and she is extremely bossy, autocratic and wants to have her own way. I think maybe this was her way of leaving her mark before she went home as I think you indicated earlier.

 

My parents are elderly and if I agree to phone them from a certain place/time then I make sure I do. I sure don't let a whole night go past before checking in with them when I had ample opportunity the previous day. It is just basic manners, respect and consideration for other people.

 

You are right, I don't much like her as a person and if she wasn't my sister she is not the sort of person I would want any dealings with. Her quick temper, sarcastic comments, bossy (she is always right attitude), irritate the hell out of me.

[carole.]

You will not want to acknowledge this but blood is thicker than water and the fact that you are posting here shows that your sister is not someone you can easily ignore.

 

If you do not feel you can make an approach to her and try and be friends then the best you can do is to be civil towards her, particularly in the presence of your parents.

You are the one having the physical contact with your parents and so have the most influence which may well concern her too.

 

From her point of view, she flew thousands of miles to help your parents in their new house and the trip will be remembered for the argument over the photo with parents taking your side. This may explain her decision to phone the following day just to signal her annoyance.

 

On what terms did she leave when she finally left your parents?

[KathyM]

Regarding the cushions, she chose them but Mum paid for them; she was imposing her will on Mum and she is extremely bossy, autocratic and wants to have her own way. I think maybe this was her way of leaving her mark before she went home as I think you indicated earlier.

 

My parents are elderly and if I agree to phone them from a certain place/time then I make sure I do. I sure don't let a whole night go past before checking in with them when I had ample opportunity the previous day. It is just basic manners, respect and consideration for other people.

 

You are right, I don't much like her as a person and if she wasn't my sister she is not the sort of person I would want any dealings with. Her quick temper, sarcastic comments, bossy (she is always right attitude), irritate the hell out of me.

You know, unlike friends who we can pick and choose, relatives we are kind of stuck with for life, and we have to take the good with the bad in order to maintain family harmony. I think we can all relate to your issues and we all have one or more relatives that irk us in some way, but we try to make the best of it just to keep the peace. If your sister were someone that was verbally abusive to you, I would say to avoid contact, but that is not the case. She has some characteristics you don't really like, but you kind of have to take the good with the bad. She obviously does care about her family if she flew all that way to see all of you, so regardless of any negative qualities she has, there are some positives there. Just focus on the positives and try to overlook the negatives. That's all you can do really. I told this same thing to my father who was having a hard time getting along with one of his brothers. His brother was a bit of a jerk and was rather critical, so their relationship was a bit strained, but the brother did take the time to go to visit my father frequently, and while he was in the hospital, so that, to me, was a sign of caring. Appreciate the good for what it is, and try to overlook the not so good. That's really what we are all faced with when dealing with a difficult relative in order to keep peace in the family. Try to foster a good relationship with your sister as best you can, and avoid talking negatively about her to your parents. As the poster above me said, blood is thicker than water. We're all kind of stuck with the relatives we are dealt, and so we try to get along with them as best we can. Sometimes, you have to overlook a lot in order to get along with them.

[lessonlearnt]

Kathy I know whay you say makes sense. I suppose I feel that I am always the one doing the compromising in order to smooth things over and the one rocking the boat carries on regardless.

I am no saint but I have never caused the issues she has. Twice she has borrowed money (she was in her 40s and 50s) and never paid it back. First time my parents gave me the same amount when it was clear she wasn't going to repay it. But the last time which was 6 years ago, she never repaid it and I haven't seen any sign of instalments which she has apparently agreed to pay on this trip home. We have also both been giving a hefty lump sum by our parents about 12 years ago. She has obviously squandered hers.

 

I even lent her money to stop her going to my parents and when the agreed date for paying me back had passed, she told me that I didn't need it! What an attitude although it is true that I am financially secure as I appreciate the value of money. The point is that I put myself out to lend her the money and this is how she repays me. I had to wait 2 years for her to pay it back. Her insincerity irritates me. The same thing happened with a joint present for my Dad which she again forgot she had agreed to pay me for.

 

As my parents say what she has done in her last visit is nothing to what I have done for them over the years. However it still seems that her shortcomings are watered down; maybe my parents feel that they drove her to emigrate as they had a close relationship with me.

[carole.]

I can understand how you feel but it is clear that your parents are aware of her "shortcomings". However as she lives so far away and visits infrequently they want to avoid any unpleasantness and I think you should aim for that too.

However I do think that displacing you in the photo was spiteful but you just have to accept that she is jealous of you and maybe try and understand how left out and distant she feels in Australia. She has to live with the things she has done or not done in her life (eg not paying back the loan) and your parents will feel let down but it is not your issue. If you bring it up they will feel resentment towards you for reminding them and giving the impression that you don't give her a chance or that you are gloating.

 

Maybe she has come to realise that her family means alot to her hence her agreement to repay the money albeit by installments. People do change especially as they get older. Don't forget that her help with the house moving will be remembered for the argument about the photograph so she will resent you for that.

 

If she lived 10 miles from you all then these issues would need resolving but her physical distance from you means that your issues with her can be glossed over/shelved. If you do not like her then you can maintain a healthy indifference towards her now that she is in Australia.

[lessonlearnt]

Just wanted to share this with you.

My parents have just received their telephone bill which is usually about £10 for the calls they make.

This latest bill is for calls of £80 made by my sister to Australia. She started using my parents landline phone without telling them on the day the argument took place about the photo. She was on the phone to her husband for 30 minutes and a similar lengthy call took place a couple of days later. The others were much shorter calls. The longer calls took place in the afternoon whhich is expensive compared to the evening.

Before the argument her husband had called her every day on his cell phone.

 

My parents were visibly shocked when they looked at the bill and Dad began to be very upset and was in disbelief. Then Mum said that she probably didn't realise the cost as in Australia cell phones are used all the time and are cheap. She said they couldn't complain as my sister was there for their benefit helping out. However I do think that if I hadn't been present they would have been critical of her.

 

I think she decided to punish my parents after the argument. Is it not polite to ask if you can use the phone or at the very least explain that you used it?

My parents have a cheap carrier to call Australia and had she asked my sister would have been given the access code meaning the charges would have been much cheaper. Or she could have bought a phone card which again would have been much cheaper.

I decided to say nothing about the phone calls at the time but again my parents must realise she is selfish and ill mannered.

 

I think her behaviour shows just how selfish she is. My parents paid for her plane ticket over and back (although they are going to give me the same amount) and paid for several meals out for her.

 

Someone asked how my sister had departed. On previous occasions my parents have always waited at the station and had a cup of coffee, or waited in the car with her until just before her bus went. Apparently this time she wanted none of that and asked them to just drop her off and drive on which they did.

[carole.]

I asked about the way your sister left to return to Australia.

Does sound as if she was pleased to just get away fom everything!

 

I don't know the circumstances but it does look as if the argument triggered her long phone calls back home. However I wouldn't necessarily think she did it purely out of spite, but rather it indicates that she was extremely upset about the argument.

Don't underestimate how she must feel travelling all those miles and finding out that parents still take your side (I suspect she always feels you are the favourite). The argument will just reinforce her opinion on this.

 

The argument may have affected her so much that she forgot about the costs of the calls. The fact that she was so affected by the argument suggests she still has huge unresolved issues about her relationship with parents and you. Maybe she genuinely has changed so far as helping your parents out shows, but probably feels the argument undermined all her efforts.

 

Being slightly cynical your parents may not want to upset her too much if she is in the course of repaying money, hence their acceptance of the phone bill. Underneath it all they know that she ought to have asked or mentioned the phone calls.

[KathyM]

It would have been nice if your sister had offered to pay something to your parents for the extra phone charges that she incurred, but it didn't happen. In any case, if your parents wanted reimbursement, they should contact your sister and ask for it. Sounds like they want to let it go. They should not have complained about it to you. This is not your issue to handle. This seems to be a bad dynamic in your family where your parents complain about your sister to you, and then you get all up in arms about something she has done that doesn't involve you and is not your issue to handle. If they have a problem with something that your sister has done or said, they need to go directly to her about it and not be complaining to you and putting you in the middle of it. In any case, you need to drop it, and if they want reimbursement, it is up to them to ask for it. You should keep putting it back on them to handle their issues with your sister when they complain to you about it. Next time your mother complains about your sister to you, you should tell her "Mom, you need to talk to my sister about this stuff--not me." They have put you in a triangle situation with them and your sister, and that contributes to the sibling rivalry and poor relationship you have with your sister. They need to resolve their own issues with your sister and stop putting you in the middle of them. I would say the same thing to you. If you have a problem with something your sister has done or said that actually involves you, then you should talk to her directly about it and not be complaining to your parents about it. In any case, the phone bill is your parents' issue to handle, not yours.

[carole.]

"My parents were visibly shocked when they looked at the bill and Dad began to be very upset and was in disbelief. Then Mum said that she probably didn't realise the cost as in Australia cell phones are used all the time and are cheap. She said they couldn't complain as my sister was there for their benefit helping out. However I do think that if I hadn't been present they would have been critical of her."

 

I thought that the parents were trying not to be critical this time?

Maybe I read it wrong.

 

I think underneath it all lessonlearnt just doesn't like her sister and this phone bill episode is another example of why she doesn't like her. I was just pointing out that I think the photo argument had a major effect on her sister hence the long phone call and not hanging around to say a "good bye" at the bus station.

[lessonlearnt]

Just recently I have noticed a subtle and not so subtle difference in my parents' attitude towards me. I am in contact with them on average about 5 times a week calling in and taking them shopping and other places, helping them with paperwork etc.

 

A few teething problems have occurred with the building works they had done and the builder is blaming my sister or at least trying to make her responsible because she did not explain an option to my parents. Another thing went wrong in the kitchen with the sink and they were in a bad mood when I visited and were very angry and confrontational on the phone and in person with the builder. When he left they seemed to take it out on me and were very supportive of my sister although they must think it could have been her fault. I kept silent. Why take it out on me?

 

They said they had always paid the builder on time but I reminded them that my sister had forgotten to pass on an invoice to them for 2 weeks and the builder was in fact chasing for the money.

 

My Mum was trying to pick an arguement with me and then my Dad did his old trick of saying what a marvellous country Australia was with their great beaches etc just to try and get a reaction out of me. When he praises Australia it means he is praising my sister. He said that I would not be welcome in Australia and I said I didn't want to ever go there under any circumstances.

 

I find out that he has let my sister off half the money she owed although he is going to give me the money when she repays it as and when she can.

 

I am feeling pretty low right now. It is as if my sister has told my parents that she feels she always comes off second best to me and they are always praising me and they have listened to her and are taking her side. If that is the case it is their issue with her and nothing to do with me. They decided to praise me but then I have always been here to look after them.

 

This problem with the house is getting personal. I don't want to make an issue before Xmas but it is like a festering wound and I'm not sure what to do.

Edited December 23, 2011 by lessonlearnt
typo

[GeorgeMcCann]

I don't like jealous People.

[lessonlearnt]

I don't like jealous People.

 

I agree but trouble is that I am stuck with her; it's not like you can choose your friends....

 

Apparently she told Mum that she was sick of hearing about how good I had been to them when she phoned up and how they couldn't cope without me...

She also told them that that they had favoured me......at least I know where this all hostility stems from now. When she was over here and I came into the room she would stare out the window and could not bear to look at me.

She decided to move to Australia no one forced her and my parents are bound to lean more on me as I am more available and I also have a very good relationship with them. She is middle aged and needs to get over it and there is nothing I can do about it.

[carole.]

I imagine that they also don't want to upset her if they have some hope of getting her to pay back some of the money.

 

Reading back through everything you are clearly your parents' favorite and in a way you suffer from that especially in your relationship with your sister.

 

When they took your side in the argument about the photograph your sister will interpret that as another example as favouritism towards here. Just try and see it from her side. She travels thousands of miles, helping out the best she can, only to be faced with a reminder that you are believed over her and therefore the favoured one (in her eyes). Doesn't matter how hard she worked her trip will be remembered for that argument as it clearly had an effect on her with those long phone calls.

 

I agree she doesn't sound particularly "nice" but if she is jealous and absoluely frustrated that she sees you as being favoured, this will account for her behaviour. Her determination to impose the cushions on your parents can be seen as her frustration at trying to make a positive impact. You should pity her and not be angry.The fact that she is middle aged is irrelevant; it is not something she will grow out of.

[carole.]

I imagine that they also don't want to upset her if they have some hope of getting her to pay back some of the money.

 

Reading back through everything you are clearly your parents' favorite and in a way you suffer from that especially in your relationship with your sister.

 

When they took your side in the argument about the photograph your sister will interpret that as another example as favouritism towards here. Just try and see it from her side. She travels thousands of miles, helping out the best she can, only to be faced with a reminder that you are believed over her and therefore the favoured one (in her eyes). Doesn't matter how hard she worked, her trip will be remembered for that argument, as it clearly had an effect on her with those long phone calls.

 

I agree she doesn't sound particularly "nice" but if she is jealous and absolutely frustrated that she sees you as being favoured, this will account for her behaviour. Her determination to impose the cushions on your parents can be seen as her frustration at trying to make a positive impact. You should pity her and not be angry.The fact that she is middle aged is irrelevant; it is not something she will grow out of.

[lessonlearnt]

Thanks for all your responses and another issue has arisen.

My parents gave me a birthday card which said "no one was as special as me". I was very touched by this and left it in my bedroom.

 

My sister's daughter who lives in the Uk recently visited me and whilst talking I received a phone call. I gestured to my niece to look around my house and after I had finished my phone call I noticed she came out of my bedroom. She didn't say anything but the card is in a prominent position and she must have seen it.

 

Fast forward a few weeks and my Mum says that my sister is abrupt on the phone and she doesn't spend much time with calls lasting about 6 minutes-not long for fortnightly calls to Australia. The timing sugests she knows about the card obviously via her daughter.

 

Just shows how petty and trivial she is taking it out on my parents. In her defence I suppose she sees this as further confirmation that I am the favourite. Should I say anything to my parents?