dicky_fish Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 (edited) I can't seem to get rid of persisting feelings. We're having a seriously out of season heat wave here in the UK (It's hitting 30c in some places, for this time of year it's usually somewhere around 16c!) and it just keeps taking me back to memories with her, and what we would be doing right now. It all feels so familiar but not at the same time, like how my gut is telling me I should be going round to her flat for the weekend, but I can't. This coming Thursday is what would have been our anniversary and I would have proposed, and I'm finding myself wishing I won't wake up on Thursday. I was at a friend's engagement party last night and it hurt like hell, it even got me welling up when I looked at the invite as it was addressed to both of us. I just don't know what to do, I've seen 3 therapists and nothing is taking me out of the depression I've ended up in and no amount of time doing other activities and being with people is working. I feel like I'm alienating and pushing people away now. I really miss her and our life together. I used to live for the days when I would get to see her. I knew who I was and where I was going in those days - now.....? Sorry I'm rambling with no real cohesion, but feeling totally lost right now. Edited October 1, 2011 by dicky_fish Link to post Share on other sites
coltsfan1 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Boy do I feel the same, all we can hope for is time and work to heal us. Halloween was our anniversary and I know that she will be spending it with someone else. My heartbreaks for the way we broke up, she left me with no choice but to push her as far away from me as possible. now that part of my life is over and I will never go back to it. Just keep trying to live.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dicky_fish Posted October 4, 2011 Author Share Posted October 4, 2011 Kinda glad this heatwave is meant to be going soon, it's so hot here I can't sleep. Here's an interesting one for tonight that's not helping with the sleeping either. Over the last few days I've found that I'm missing the annoying things about her. Things that while we were together would irritate the hell out of me but I find that everything feels really alien now those things aren't around, even though it's been 4 months since I last experienced any of them. Like; I miss her snoring. She wouldn't do it all the time but when she did it would wind me up something rotten cause it would prolong my falling asleep. Or waking in the middle of the night to find she'd knicked most of the duvet and I was barely covered while she was all snuggled and cosy. When I used to think of the stuff like that with her I always got reminded of when Turk admits to loving Carla in Scrubs cause he said something along the lines of "you annoy me more than anyone I thought possible, but I want to spend every single annoying second with you." I dunno, there's a lot happening in my head this week, most of it to do with her, but there's a few other things in there too and I'm back to what I usually feel: I just want a damn cuddle from her! Link to post Share on other sites
mike111 Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 dicky_fish, I have been where you are at. But it was 10 years ago. It took me 3.5 years to get well again. I hope it won't take that long for you! But just know that one day you will wake up and you will be "normal" again. And as time goes by, you will think back and say to yourself, "gee.....why did I feel that way? I don't any more! Things are good again!" It WILL get better. Believe in that! Manage your time well, keep busy, and you will recover in due time. Be well mike Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Know exactly what you mean Fish, the heat wave just makes me think of summer when I met my ex and the fun we had throughout. It's just another trigger though, and as such, will fade over time. You do need to keep busy as it's the quiet times that allow your mind to wander and think about the past. I hate quiet times - I find some Xbox or going for a walk usually helps (although knowing Bradford, running is usually safer - lol). You're simply having a bad day between some okay ones. I get them - I can be fine one day, crap the next. It sucks too as often it can come on for no reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Boy do I feel the same, all we can hope for is time and work to heal us. Halloween was our anniversary and I know that she will be spending it with someone else. My heartbreaks for the way we broke up, she left me with no choice but to push her as far away from me as possible. now that part of my life is over and I will never go back to it. Just keep trying to live.... Coltsfan: Halloween is also my anniversary with my ex too. Its a shame as I do like Halloween! Onwards and upwards! Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 It's getting warmer here too and I'm getting sad . We met in November so very soon the weather reminds me of our time together . It's going to be very hard for us but we will get through it . Link to post Share on other sites
mike111 Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 It's getting warmer here too and I'm getting sad It's getting colder here. I hope it freezes, because the rest of the world will feel like I do - cold. And then I'll be in good company. Joni Mitchell - "Unchained Melody - Chinese Cafe" Link to post Share on other sites
Author dicky_fish Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 (although knowing Bradford, running is usually safer - lol). Ha! Needed that laugh smudge, thanks. Luckily I live in a nice quiet subberb so things aren't that rough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dicky_fish Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 Argh! So after the anniversary day passing without any major incidents (I only cried twice all day) and getting through the weekend with my engaged friends I thought I was ok then she comes up in someone's picture on Facebook. Completely forgot about this mutual friend who she was out with so didn't delete them. This has totally knocked me because she looks amazing, but the real painful side to it is she's reverted back to how she was before we met. It looks like I just flat out didn't matter to her at all! Damnit I was doing so well too! Been preparing for a job interview tomorrow and now my head is just scrambled! I'm really upset now Link to post Share on other sites
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