Around what age do the awkward men become more desirable?

[somedude81]

Wait a second, you're 30 and you want an "early 20's" girlfriend?? Why in the world is a 25+ woman off limits?

I didn't say they were off limits but I have much less in common with a woman in that age bracket and I feel that I wouldn't know how to meet her expectations or be able to maintain a relationship.

 

They're the ones that are more likely to see your good qualities, and not judge you on superficial ones (like height and income, since you seem fixated on those.)

From what I've seen, women don't get over their superficial requirements, (height and other physical stuff) till they hit their 30's. A woman in her late 20's is going to have stricter requirements for income than an early 20's one will. Unless you can tell me that you don't care if you boyfriend has a steady job or not.

 

Frankly, after following several of your posts, it seems over and over like you set yourself up in situations where you're doomed to fail... As if you seek out confirmation that you're undesirable.

No, I try as hard as I can not to fail because I hate it. I don't think I seek out confirmation that I'm undesirable, I want girls to like me. But because of my history, I haven't gotten that.

 

You stick around far too long without shwoign obvious interest until it's too late.

I have never been good at showing obvious signs of interest. I have been pretty cruelly rejected by girls up till my first years of High School and I learned that I can't be obvious with my interests or I will get hurt and embarrassed. So that feeling has always stuck around even though women aren't as mean to me as the used to be.

 

There is also the fact that I expect to get rejected, so when I go obvious on a girl, it would just speed up the time till she rejects me and then I won't be able to joke around with her anymore.

 

You continue to pursue girls despite them friend-zoning you

Actually I don't. This current girl is the one exception. In the past when a girl friendzoned me I quickly deleted her from my life and never spoke to her again.

 

And now that I think about it, I've already done that for this girl, twice. There were a couple periods of several months where we had no contact and then she popped up in my life again and I re-fell for her. Why I'm still chasing her is a complicated mix of certain issues it's more than just her appearance.

 

(because you seem to seek out, first and primarily, physical attractiveness, choosing to ignore where she's someone YOU like beyond her apperance)

Of course people seek out others that they are attracted to. Do you actively go after men you are not?

 

As long as a girl is somewhat cute/pretty and not too heavy, that's enough for me. You've seen the picture I sent you, so you should understand what I'm talking about. That I don't need to go after the best looking girls.

 

What matters most to me is who a person is, how compatible their personality is with mine and what our common interests and hobbies are.

 

You persue based on this idea that she is going to "settle" for you

No, this thread is about settling once I'm in my mid 30's. When woman finally get tired of chasing douches and want to grow up, so they finally start to give guys like me a chance. I don't expect any girl under 25 to settle for me. Though I do wish they would, I'm tired of getting nothing.

and now you're shooing away the age braket that is more likely to accept you for the way you are.

I can't shoo away what isn't there.

 

In my day to day life, I don't interact with girls 24+ and I don't know where I would even find them.

 

I also believe that they would be the less likely to accept me.

 

I can't imagine a professional woman being fine with a guy who has no relationship or sexual experience, who has no idea how to be a boyfriend and is going to school full time with working a part time retail job.

[Nexus One]

Nexus, why do you think all my posts that don't even qoute you are about you?

 

All your posts?

 

It happened with two posts and both were honest misinterpretations. What you wrote could have very well meant what I thought it meant, in both occasions where it happened. Just an honest mistake nothing more.

[somedude81]

And what do they want and what are your interests that you'd like to share with them?

I wish I knew what they want.

 

Interests I'd like to share: Couples dancing, athletics/working out, travel, Asian culture, anime, video games, technology, stupid things on the internet.

 

I actually realized that I need two girlfriends; a nerdy one and a 'sporty' one.

Somedude81 can correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure the age thing is about where he is relationship/dating wise not about looks, youth, etc. When you're inexperienced, you tend to get intimidated by women who are, like they would judge you for not being inexperienced, and you couldn't learn and grow together etc. You're not inexperienced so you wouldn't understand verhrzn. Experienced women can be scary for us inexperienced guys.

Well, I'm not going to say that looks/youth are not a part of it. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not attracted to young women.

 

But everything else you said is accurate.

Most experienced women that I've known don't want to hand hold someone (their words, or to that effect). I think meeting someone who has also faced similar challenges to you is probably going to be a better choice. There are fewer as you get older, but you only need one, right?

What do you mean by hand hold?

 

Also what challenges are you talking about?

Forget bars and clubs. In the streets is where it's at, cold approaches. However it's best to do that with women who are waiting somewhere or of who you can see they have some time to interact and if they don't you pass them your contact information on a post-it or card.

Cold approaches on the street or anywhere aren't for me.

 

I'm just not good looking or smooth enough to get women attracted to me right after meeting them. Even then, I don't even know why I'd be interested in somebody that I know nothing about.

[AHardDaysNight]

Somedude, start a company and become rich. Then you will have tons of beautiful girls throwing themselves at you.

[Nexus One]

Cold approaches on the street or anywhere aren't for me.

 

I'm just not good looking or smooth enough to get women attracted to me right after meeting them.

 

They don't have to be head over heels with you immediately. The point is to ask them out in order to get to know them (better). They also get to know you. It's to establish compatibility and along the way there might start to form a bond or connection.

 

Even then, I don't even know why I'd be interested in somebody that I know nothing about.

 

Lets face it, the first thing that draws guys to a girl/woman is her looks. Seeing her in the street is enough to at least judge superficial physical attraction.

 

So that's step one. Step two is to get to know her personality during a date and see if you like that too. She does the same thing from her perspective. It's how compatibility gets established.

 

Don't tell me you walk outside and don't see girls/women you'd like to get to know. 90% aren't going to approach a guy, they're either not used to do it themselves or they have traditional values that guys should hit on them and not the other way around.

 

The reply I posted on the first page of this thread can help to overcome the anxiety to make such an approach.

 

I'm telling you, it's you who is going to have to do it. You can't keep making excuses. Initially all the weight is on you and if a girl is open to approach, then she will give you a break and start sharing the load somewhat.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

All your posts?

 

It happened with two posts and both were honest misinterpretations. What you wrote could have very well meant what I thought it meant, in both occasions where it happened. Just an honest mistake nothing more.

 

No, they were not honest misinterpretations when I clearly qouted the person I was talking to. People qoute people when they are responding to them. They don't qoute people and then respond to others on the backs about that qoute.

 

It's not all about you Dearheart.

[Nexus One]

No, they were not honest misinterpretations when I clearly qouted the person I was talking to. People qoute people when they are responding to them. They don't qoute people and then respond to others on the backs about that qoute.

 

It's not all about you Dearheart.

 

Believe what you want.

[AHardDaysNight]

So do women care as much about looks as guys do?

[AHardDaysNight]

Anyone else? I don't trust this dude's opinion.

[somedude81]

Not to bust your bubble verhrzn, but I got the very same idea that you sought confirmation that you're undesirable in some of your threads.

Yeah, I've noticed that too. Even though she's been getting a hell of a lot more action than I have and she always had.

 

It's like she posts, "Nuh uh, girls have it bad too and guys don't like me. Now excuse me, my guy is calling." According to the most recent update she posted, she's hanging out with two guys on a one-on-one basis and she's having sex with at least one of them. Yup, she's having it rough, just like me

 

Don't tell me you walk outside and don't see girls/women you'd like to get to know

Actually no. I can see a pretty girl and notice that she's hot and that I'm attracted to her. But not even a split second later, I tell myself that she would never give me a chance.

 

But the situation is different if I'm in an environment where I'll be able to interact with her a couple of times. That way she can possibly look past her initial negative impression of me and see who I really am.

[Nexus One]

Actually no. I can see a pretty girl and notice that she's hot and that I'm attracted to her. But not even a split second later, I tell myself that she would never give me a chance.

 

That's the very definition of a defeatist attitude and self-sabotage if I ever saw one.

 

But the situation is different if I'm in an environment where I'll be able to interact with her a couple of times. That way she can possibly look past her initial negative impression of me and see who I really am.

 

Most people start out on a neutral basis with each other, that you think she'll have a negative view of you on the very moment you meet is an assumption on your part.

[betterdeal]

I wish I knew what they want.

 

How can you find out what they want?

 

Interests I'd like to share: Couples dancing, athletics/working out, travel, Asian culture, anime, video games, technology, stupid things on the internet.

 

I actually realized that I need two girlfriends; a nerdy one and a 'sporty' one.

 

So you just need to find someone who is interested in that stuff.

 

How can you do that?

[Floridaman]

Somedude, do you have a male friend who can and is willing to act as your wingman when hitting on girls/women?

That's a capital idea, Nexus.

SomeDude can use some help.

Somedude81 can correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure the age thing is about where he is relationship/dating wise not about looks, youth, etc.

Somedude,

Don't worry so much about a woman's experience.

There are older, less-experienced women in their late 20s and 30s...

 

I met one @30 and later married her.

I dated and ALMOST got engaged to a 30 y.o. virgin when I was 26 as well.

Late 20s to mid 30s is usually the time women start thinking they better widen their dating pool.

Spot-on.

 

When I turned 26, I decided to stop dating the younger women in their mid-20s, some who were still in college. Got frustrated with their ambivalence and sensed they didn't want the same things.

 

Deliberately turned to women 1-5 years older than me, figuring they would be more interested in a relationship.

 

That strategy seemed to work and married one who was 4 years older (was in her mid-30s).

From 26-29, got into 2 LTRs and one 1-3 month relationship. While they had BFs, those women, one of whom was in her mid-late 30s, were either virgins or hadn't had a lot of sex (3-4X total), so they are out there.

When you're inexperienced, you tend to get intimidated by women who are, like they would judge you for not being inexperienced, and you couldn't learn and grow together etc.

You're not inexperienced so you wouldn't understand verhrzn. Experienced women can be scary for us inexperienced guys.

 

 

Most would have called the woman I dated and married "shy" so you should be able to find ones who aren't overly experienced.

 

As for your insecurity with "more experienced" women, none of the ones I dated ever belittled me for my relative lack of experience. I never felt intimidated around them.

 

Don't get too hung-up on your lack of experience .

Don't wear that fact on your sleeve but try to act cool and confident, appealing qualities for women.

Edited October 4, 2011 by Floridaman

[phillyfan]

I'm wondering when do the guys who get passed over by women most of their lives, start getting married? If they ever do.

 

Also, how old are the women who are finally settling?

 

Dude thy start gettin married wen the GTL kicks in n they get hotter as for girls who knows

[betterdeal]

Don't get too hung-up on your lack of experience .

Don't wear that fact on your sleeve but try to act cool and confident, appealing qualities for women.

 

Sell it! That's to say, be friendly, fun, witty - whatever is your best side and don't be ashamed of any aspect of yourself. It's how you present these things.

[Els]

My experience has been that 'awkward' men usually find relationships when they reach the age of realizing that the camaraderie that they share with 'awkward' women is more important than dating a trophy model. Not all, but most.

 

Don't look down on yourself for who you are. I would not trade myself in for a more 'normal' me, not for all the world.

[cutecatch]

I'm wondering when do the guys who get passed over by women most of their lives, start getting married? If they ever do.

 

Also, how old are the women who are finally settling?

 

Saddest thread ever. Men shouldnt settle. Remember you are the catch. Be confident act like a man and approach girls, whats the worst thats gonna happen she says no

[AHardDaysNight]

Why are you so reticent? First you spread out a few truisms about women and their attractions to certain men. Then you are told why they are like this and how you should go about it. You are advised to lose weight but instead of seeing that your sexual life and your personal health would most appreciate it, you say that women and men should look beyond a person's looks and you refuse to update your looks or to learn game.

 

1) You are attracted to average/good-looking women.

2) An average woman compared to you is attractive.

3)You're breaking your belief that looks aren't all important.

4) You want to attract women but you're too lazy to work on that.

5)Instead you'd rather complain and avoid the advise of men.

6) As soon as a woman disagrees with me, you show up to seek female approval by trying to insult me.

7) you are depressed, but you also seem to be bipolar.

8) you think that game is manipulation which shows how little you know of it.

 

 

What is it that you want? You're a college student. You're broke, living on student loans. Do you own a car? Do you spend time outside of your college?

 

Now you got into your head the idea of going to a poor Country because you read here somewhere that foreign women aren't so focused on looks.

 

Do you even know why foreign women aren't interested that much in looks?

 

They're poor as dirt. As you are. Under certain circumstances you could have gotten laid, but I know of guys who are far taller and more good-looking than you and they left South America empty-handed. Their looks or their game failed to seduce average women.

 

I am not your momma. You do not trust my advice because I don't sugar-coat it so that you don't feel bad about yourself. Real men aren't created by compassion. Only by pushing you to your limits can you evolve. Please, for your sake, never enlist. You can't stand brutal honesty and your body would die on you anyway.

 

Moving on. At first I thought you were in your late teens for you talk a lot about twilight and of other books and movies mainstreamed for the 13-22 female demographic. But you're in your late 20's, correct?

 

And a virgin? I'm not going to give you the speech of feelings, Christianity blablabla that others love to spread.

 

Lose some bloody weight. Do it. It's not hard. You just need to move your legs instead of sitting on your computer. Meet divorced women; they love young men. Learn from them how to socially interact with women. They'll teach you to dress finely and you'll lose your social anxiety.

 

Of course you could continue to be lazy. loveshack has more than enough room for the virgins who can't even look at a woman without looking for a hole to hide themselves. Or you could man- up and work for what you want. Your choice.

 

Dude.

 

Never did I say that I wanted to date a foreign woman! In fact, I said that I find non-American and British women unattractive.

 

You basically just pulled that out of your ass. Pretty much what consists of the rest of your post.

[ThsAmericanLife]

I'm wondering when do the guys who get passed over by women most of their lives, start getting married? If they ever do.

 

Also, how old are the women who are finally settling?

 

Somedude, I'm not going to read what everyone else has said so far and just respond to my 'gut' feeling about you.

 

I think you chase women who aren't into you because, deep down, you really don't want to settle down. Real intimacy scares the crap out of you, and so you keep going after the ones who don't want you.

 

Could be wrong though.

 

I have some male friends I'd consider 'awkward'. I have a little crush on a geeky guy I"ve known for awhile. Every time I see him in my local Starbucks, I plop myself down next to him and talk to him. I've known him in a casual way for years. I know he is attracted to me. But he doesn't ask me out.

 

He probably feels he's not good enough for me?? Not sure. But even 'pretty', smart girls feel insecure too, ya know.

[somedude81]

Somedude, I'm not going to read what everyone else has said so far and just respond to my 'gut' feeling about you.

 

I think you chase women who aren't into you because, deep down, you really don't want to settle down. Real intimacy scares the crap out of you, and so you keep going after the ones who don't want you.

 

Could be wrong though.

 

I have some male friends I'd consider 'awkward'. I have a little crush on a geeky guy I"ve known for awhile. Every time I see him in my local Starbucks, I plop myself down next to him and talk to him. I've known him in a casual way for years. I know he is attracted to me. But he doesn't ask me out.

 

He probably feels he's not good enough for me?? Not sure. But even 'pretty', smart girls feel insecure too, ya know.

Does he know you like him? If not, how is he supposed to know that you like him more than just as a friend?

 

I'm not afraid of intimacy at all, I actually crave it. But because of getting nothing from girls my entire life, my default belief when meeting a new girl is that she doesn't like me. Whenever I've tried to challenge that belief and go for a girl, I'm always proven right that indeed, she doesn't like me.

 

BTW, I take a girl not wanting to date me but instead wanting to be just my friend as an insult. Because it means that she is rejecting me as a man and wants me to be some genderless being to her.

[ThsAmericanLife]

Does he know you like him? If not, how is he supposed to know that you like him more than just as a friend?

 

I'm not afraid of intimacy at all, I actually crave it. But because of getting nothing from girls my entire life, my default belief when meeting a new girl is that she doesn't like me. Whenever I've tried to challenge that belief and go for a girl, I'm always proven right that indeed, she doesn't like me.

 

BTW, I take a girl not wanting to date me but instead wanting to be just my friend as an insult. Because it means that she is rejecting me as a man and wants me to be some genderless being to her.

 

I'm not opposed to making the first move. I'm not shy that way at all.

 

I do sometimes wonder if men really 'respect' women who go for it.

 

I suspect that, down deep, he's really a freak. Something in his eyes. Mmm. Hmmm.

 

Ok, you just inspired me...

[ThsAmericanLife]

but back to your original question...

 

this guy is not someone that 'stands out'. Yet I find something compelling in his demeanor. I know for sure he's not a player. Very much a shy guy.

 

So why does he appeal to me. I know he is incredibly intelligent. OMG. Brains in a man. SUCH a turn on.

 

He does take care of himself. He has lots of interests. Travels. Does volunteer work. We have the best conversations.

 

The only reason I'd ever want to friendzone a guy like this is because I'd never, ever want someone like him out of my life.

 

Has it occurred to you that some of the women who 'friendzone' you feel the same way? These days, the exes come and go.

 

The 'friends' stay for life.

[Eeyore79]

When they become less awkward!

 

Yep, I think this is pretty much accurate. I've known guys who struggled to get girlfriends, and women finally became interested when they lost a bit of weight, bought new clothes and started to dress better, started to smile and socialize with people more, and became a little more confident. They still weren't God's gift to women, and weren't totally cocky and confident, but they improved themselves enough to get out of that "totally undesirable" zone.

 

Even if you end up in a great career, no girl is going to notice you if you still don't have the skills to flirt a little and ask her out. You at least have to talk to her, otherwise she won't even find out that you have a great career!

[ThsAmericanLife]

Here's an outrageous suggestion.

 

Ask the guy out?

 

 

 

Your wondering could be linked to women asking themselves if men respect them if they put out before marriage, as it was women's mentality, hundreds of years ago.

 

Depends on the man. Take a risk. You'll regret your passivity!!

 

Yes... ultimately, I am the one taking the bull by the balls... (gently, of course, my dear).

 

I recently put the goods on the table with a colleague of mine that I had (have) a crush on.

 

He told me has a girlfriend. So, I'm thinking "that doesn't sound like a rejection" ha ha. Rejection is 'sorry you got that impression' or 'yes, I really respect you as a colleague'.

 

This doesn't sound like a no to me.

[ThsAmericanLife]

Friends can stay for a lifetime, but you've closed yourself to a world of maybes; in your decision to impart to this case only a half-truth(friends stay forever), you deny yourself the very near possibility of engaging in a healthy, lasting relationship with a man who fits your criteria. You know guys with brains are rare and the outside chemistry you have with him, you only have with the best-est of friends.

 

Still, to add petrifaction to your impassibility.. this guy attracts you.

 

Stop thinking, lady. You think too much. It's time for you to rock a geek's world!!

 

You're right. I do think too much.

 

I like the 'new you' EP.

 

Keep it up.

 

Hey, and it is very possible he could 'rock my world' too.

 

He's a deep soul.