Would it be wrong.....

[Unsure]

I was blown away after reading the post by "Crystal" titled "Need Advice" (Sept.14)

 

(Crystal reacted on unfounded information from a third party and ended a relationship with her boyfriend without giving him his day in court).

 

This was like reading my own story from many years ago, from having been sexually abused to a very strong parallel to what I did to an ex-boyfriend.

 

It has weighed heavily on my conscience that I acted so impulsively and ended a relationship without any discussion with him.

 

Even though, he and I are both happily married to other people, I would still like to get this off my chest. I feel so terribly guilty that I acted so awful and ended up causing us both a lot of pain.

 

Would it be wrong to contact him and tell him the truth?

[Lost]

The fact that you are re-living this experience obviously means that it was traumatic for you. I would communicate with your spouse your feelings. Based on what his response is, I would try and get a hold of him with the blessing of your husband. Direct communication is good but you have to remember that he has a new life. I would go about it via e-mail or letter. I would not want to cause any tension between he and his new wife, so I would be very careful about the method you use.

 

Good luck.

I was blown away after reading the post by "Crystal" titled "Need Advice" (Sept.14) (Crystal reacted on unfounded information from a third party and ended a relationship with her boyfriend without giving him his day in court).

 

This was like reading my own story from many years ago, from having been sexually abused to a very strong parallel to what I did to an ex-boyfriend.

 

It has weighed heavily on my conscience that I acted so impulsively and ended a relationship without any discussion with him. Even though, he and I are both happily married to other people, I would still like to get this off my chest. I feel so terribly guilty that I acted so awful and ended up causing us both a lot of pain. Would it be wrong to contact him and tell him the truth?

[Tony T]

I think you have adequately gotten this off your chest. You have confessed to the entire world through the World Wide Web. I totally agree with Lost, except I would not hunt down this ex or contact him. Forgive yourself and forget it.

 

If you must, write this old boyfriend a letter, pour out your feelings, and then burn it.

 

You may be horribly disappointed and even embarassed because he may not even remember the event. But if he does, he has long gotten over it and probably considers it most insignificant.

 

These are simply lessons we learn in life. Unfortunately, very often other people get dragged into the classroom of life and become victims in our educational process. But it happens all the time and that's just the way it works.

 

Forgive yourself and move on. Hopefully, you now consider all the facts and deal with others with consideration, compassion and respect for their side of the story. If that's the case, you have paid great tribute to your old boyfriend. Now, leave him alone.

[Jenna]

Eventhough an apology would make YOU feel better- it could cause greater problems than yours- for his marriage. Wives do not like it when old girl friends pop up from the past- and they don't usually care how good your intentions are.

 

You would apologize and then leave him there to explain to his wife- which he may not be able to successfully do. Think beyond yourself in this case.

 

It is a wonderful thing that you have realized your error. And like Tony and Lost said- forgive yourself.

 

Jenna

I think you have adequately gotten this off your chest. You have confessed to the entire world through the World Wide Web. I totally agree with Lost, except I would not hunt down this ex or contact him. Forgive yourself and forget it. If you must, write this old boyfriend a letter, pour out your feelings, and then burn it. You may be horribly disappointed and even embarassed because he may not even remember the event. But if he does, he has long gotten over it and probably considers it most insignificant.

 

These are simply lessons we learn in life. Unfortunately, very often other people get dragged into the classroom of life and become victims in our educational process. But it happens all the time and that's just the way it works. Forgive yourself and move on. Hopefully, you now consider all the facts and deal with others with consideration, compassion and respect for their side of the story. If that's the case, you have paid great tribute to your old boyfriend. Now, leave him alone.

[Unsure]

Than you all for your respones.

 

It would be his decision to tell his wife if chooses to. I do know her and she strikes me as an understanding person.

 

I don't feel comfortable about putting this in writing as it could fall into the wrong hands.

 

We have been in touch by phone recently....I was thinking I could call him a work. (He lives in another city).

 

Even though its been a long time since this incident, I feel a strong need to apologize to him.

[Unsure]

Than you all for your respones.

 

It would be his decision to tell his wife

 

if chooses to. I do know her and she strikes me

 

as an understanding person.

 

I don't feel comfortable about putting this

 

in writing as it could fall into the wrong hands.

 

We have been in touch by phone recently....I

 

was thinking I could call him at work. (He lives

 

in another city).

 

Even though its been a long time since this

 

incident, I feel a strong need to apologize to

 

him.

[Jenna]

OK- If you feel sure that his wife would not be affected by this- and your are determined to do it- just be careful. This whole thing has the potential to back fire on you---what if after finding out the your break-up was a big misunderstanding.... he decides that he would rather be with you?? May sound far fetched- but stranger things have happened. If it does happen- then both of your marriages are in danger- and it won't matter how understanding his wife is.

 

When people come to this web site- they need to have an open mind about the advice they are given- more often than not they are going to hear (read) things that they don't want to. Sometimes they are just looking for someone to justify their actions to make them feel better. We are just trying to give it to you straight- this situation has the potential for disaster- so be aware.

 

Good Luck with whatever you decide to do. Jenna

Than you all for your respones. It would be his decision to tell his wife

 

if chooses to. I do know her and she strikes me as an understanding person. I don't feel comfortable about putting this

 

in writing as it could fall into the wrong hands. We have been in touch by phone recently....I

 

was thinking I could call him at work. (He lives in another city). Even though its been a long time since this

 

incident, I feel a strong need to apologize to him.