Was called a mean bitch the other day just because I have high standards.

[FrustratedStandards]

How did you meet this guy or where do you know him from?

 

I was out with some of my friends and he joined it. We have a few mutual friends so we met that way. He was really nice and asked for my number, then asked me out.

[Art_Critic]

How can a man take charge if he asks "hey do you have $20 bucks? i can't afford this". Or how can a man have everything figured out when he says "listen I can't afford to go to the movies with you, i'm broke and spent all my money on boozing up last night".

 

Yeah, what a man.

 

Your people picker is off... if you are picking guys that go out and blow their paycheck on booze the night before a date then I would suggest you take a look in the mirror and not blame the men but yourself for dating someone like that..

 

I wouldn't want to date a female version of that either.. but I also would never have picked a female version of that either.. (when I was single that is)

[FrustratedStandards]

Well that's not a "good" man anyway. But there are good men who are not "successful/wealthy"... I'm sure there's good men whom are also such too...

 

Either way, they can live unhealthy lifestyles / in corrupt manners...

 

I'm surprised everyone is being so understanding. I'm really going off over here.

 

You're absolutely right. I don't want a man JUST WITH MONEY and thats it i'm good to go. There are tons of really nice guys, the only reason I am so focused on this is because I don't know what it feels like for a guy to really take me out and I dont have to worry about the bill.

 

In my culture, that's how its SUPPOSED to be. But given that there aren't many men of my culture here, I date other guys, who never meet the criteria.

 

Maybe its just a cultural-clash rather then men all being so pathetic (pathetic in the sense that they don't do what I expect them to because I was raised a particular way).

[FrustratedStandards]

Your people picker is off... if you are picking guys that go out and blow their paycheck on booze the night before a date then I would suggest you take a look in the mirror and not blame the men but yourself for dating someone like that..

 

I wouldn't want to date a female version of that either.. but I also would never have picked a female version of that either.. (when I was single that is)

 

Again, I find all of this out on the first few dates. It's not like I pick these men, date them and complain the entire time i'm dating them lol. I meet a guy, we go on a few dates, and then everything goes wrong because I actually get to know them (lol). Unless he is horribly unattractive, I never say no to a date. But i'm always disappointed. You can't know these things just by meeting someone once. That's why I'm so bitter. I've never gotten to know a guy and actually liked him more.

 

Yikes.

[xxoo]

And it's not shallow. When you bust your ass cleaning their entire place, doing their laundry and making sure there is a warm meal on the table for when they get home, they sure as hell be able to make up for the work and money I lost from staying home and doing all that for them...

 

How much do you expect in return for this work?

 

My standards may be too low , but I do all this AND care for our children during the day, but my H would never adverstise or self-describe as a man "with money". He earns enough to support us, if we live frugally. Which we do.

 

If you consider it a huge sacrifice to be a homemaker, why not pursue a career? Women have choices these days. If you don't love being a homemaker (I really enjoy it!), you don't have to be one.

[Art_Critic]

I never say no to a date.

 

That is an admirable trait, that is what dating is all about, isn't it.. dating a variety of people till we find out what we want and don't want in a mate..

 

Now that you have some dating experience you need to be applying this and start filtering the guys that don't meet your requirements or have the deal breakers that you are keen on..

 

You should also be looking at common denominators to the guys you are dating.. ie: if you are picking them up at bars then stop doing that..

[Cracker Jack]

Could you please answer my question? I'm interested in the culture you were brought up in.

[FrustratedStandards]

He earns enough to support us, if we live frugally. Which we do.

 

Exactly. Enough to support you.

[FrustratedStandards]

Could you please answer my question? I'm interested in the culture you were brought up in.

 

I'm Russian.

 

Which falls under the stereotype that Russian women are golddiggers. But we aren't, we just don't agree with the American "I pay half you pay half" bull****.

 

Of course, if both parties live together and work, then yes, you share in paying the rent and bills (unless the man makes significantly more, in which case it would be embarassing for him to ask for half the rent). But if you go to the frickin movies and he asks you to pitch in 10 bucks? Hah! What a joke.

[FrustratedStandards]

That is an admirable trait, that is what dating is all about, isn't it.. dating a variety of people till we find out what we want and don't want in a mate..

 

Now that you have some dating experience you need to be applying this and start filtering the guys that don't meet your requirements or have the deal breakers that you are keen on..

 

You should also be looking at common denominators to the guys you are dating.. ie: if you are picking them up at bars then stop doing that..

 

That's very reasonable. I have met them from all ends, including bars, through friends, at some courses at a university that I took...

 

It's always a disappointment. And whenever I mention that I would like these qualities in a man, I get bashed for having too high standards and being a golddigger.

 

Seriously?

 

So if a man wants a beautiful women, he is a shallow a**hole all of a sudden? No he isn't. He is allowed to want a beautiful woman, as much as a woman is allowed to want a chivalrous and successful man.

[Cracker Jack]

I see. Thanks for answering.

 

If I was to take a woman out, I wouldn't feel right asking her to pay half. I don't think your standards are unreasonable.

[xxoo]

Exactly. Enough to support you.

 

So you are looking for a guy with a steady, average income?

 

It sounds like the guy may have misunderstood you, and thought you were looking for a guy "with money" (which, in my world, is more than an average income for the area).

[FrustratedStandards]

I suppose that did come off wrong yes. I just think that if a woman spends so much time trying to look pretty for this date, makeup, dress, perfume and all, the LEAST a man can do is pay for her meal. Cuz believe me she probably spent more money on the perfume, makeup and shoes that she is wearing just for YOU.

 

And thank you Cracker Jack. Most men don't get it. I'm not asking for jewellery or a ferrari. I'm asking for you to pay for ONE of my f*ckin drinks. Is that too much to ask?

[maysj18]

There's nothing wrong with expecting a man to make an honest living and live by his means, BUT some honest, hard-working men really don't make that much. Even with a master's degree, some professions don't pay well at all. Of course it's rude if a man asks you out and expects you to pay your half, but that's such an uncommon thing. It is equally as rude, in my opinion, if a woman makes the first move and asks the man out and still expects him to pay.

 

Had you two been going out for awhile, then it wouldn't be such a big deal. To say that right away though is shallow. It's really none of your business how a man spends his money UNTIL you're in a relationship. You're not even his "housewife" yet, so why do you feel you deserve to be wined and dined? Just because you got pretty? Lol. When you're just casually dating, rather than scaring them away by having all these expectations they have to meet, just go with the flow. By getting to know them, you will be able to figure out if they handle money the way you want them to.

[eatNrM]

I had to take a nice good laugh for a few minutes, but I'm good to go now.

 

So basically it seems like you want a man to support you financially. Well I am just curious, aside from sex or your looks, (which both male and female benefit anyway) what will you be bringing to the table? I mean, what if he can also cook, clean, and do his own laundry. I really am curious.

 

But with regards to dates and such, I do believe a man should cover it especially if he asks a woman out.

 

I'm just curious to see how far you take your sense of traditionalism.

 

If you're one of those who want to cook/clean and want a man that supports you financially.. That's understandable, my grandparents are that way. I couldn't support my wife however, I would prefer her to work and pursue her passions. I can cook quite well, clean, and do my own laundry.

 

And yes, do go for a run. It'll relax the mind.

[neowulf]

Yep, I think you were right on the money when you said the words "Culture Clash".

 

Here's the thing.

 

In many Western cultures, women have been fighting for decades now for "equality". The right to vote, the right to equal income. Equal power to that of men. Fair enough right?

 

Except, the flip side of this equality, is that men no longer see women as deserving of "special treatment", instead being conditioned to see them more as "equals".

 

I suspect you're used to a more traditional model, where the women stays at home, runs the house and raises the children. In exchange, the man provides.

 

That model has been on the decline now for a long time in the West. I grew up with both parents contributing equally to the house hold.. Both worked, both cleaned, cooked and took on their share of earning and domestic duties.

 

As a result, I expect an equal partner.. I'm not looking for a women to sit at home and be my personal servant. I'm also not looking for a mouth to feed.

 

Just differences in expectations. So, this isn't really a question of standards, so much as a question of "Can I adapt my expectations?". Because if you can't, I suspect you're going to wind up pretty frustrated.

[eatNrM]

There's nothing wrong with expecting a man to make an honest living and live by his means, BUT some honest, hard-working men really don't make that much. Even with a master's degree, some professions don't pay well at all. Of course it's rude if a man asks you out and expects you to pay your half, but that's such an uncommon thing. It is equally as rude, in my opinion, if a woman makes the first move and asks the man out and still expects him to pay.

 

Had you two been going out for awhile, then it wouldn't be such a big deal. To say that right away though is shallow. It's really none of your business how a man spends his money UNTIL you're in a relationship. You're not even his "housewife" yet, so why do you feel you deserve to be wined and dined? Just because you got pretty? Lol. When you're just casually dating, rather than scaring them away by having all these expectations they have to meet, just go with the flow. By getting to know them, you will be able to figure out if they handle money the way you want them to.

 

Exactly! I really don't understand why looking beautiful allows you to demand to be wined and dined. I'll do it for a woman who pushes my buttons, not because she got dolled up. Any woman can do that. Hell, that kind of convo would make me hold onto my wallet lol. I wouldn't flip out on her, but I would certainly be on guard.

[FrustratedStandards]

If you're one of those who want to cook/clean and want a man that supports you financially.. That's understandable, my grandparents are that way. I couldn't support my wife however, I would prefer her to work and pursue her passions. I can cook quite well, clean, and do my own laundry.

 

And yes, do go for a run. It'll relax the mind.

 

Yes. I am one of those.

[FrustratedStandards]

Exactly! I really don't understand why looking beautiful allows you to demand to be wined and dined. I'll do it for a woman who pushes my buttons, not because she got dolled up. Any woman can do that. Hell, that kind of convo would make me hold onto my wallet lol. I wouldn't flip out on her, but I would certainly be on guard.

 

Then it would be perfectly appropriate for a woman to spend her money on paying for half of everything, and she can show up in torn jeans and sneakers?

 

Cuz if men were cool with that, I wouldn't bother looking nice. I wouldn't have enough money to spend on makeup and nice clothes anyways. But hey! At least the man doesn't have to pay for everything!

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm American, and every guy I've ever dated paid for more than I did. Some of them paid significantly more or almost everything (and some would have paid 100% if I had let them). So this is what I'm used to.

 

I won't lie. I like it much better when the guy pays. I'm progressive on a rational level, but on an emotional level, my feelings are aroused more strongly when there's more of a traditional courtship going on. When the guy wants to "protect" and "take care" of me, I get meltier, girlier, and more excited about him being my man. I can't help it.

 

Maybe it's human nature, maybe it's socialization. But it feels pretty strong and ingrained.

 

The few limited times it's been more 50/50, I feel more bland toward him, no matter what else he is doing.

[maysj18]

Exactly! I really don't understand why looking beautiful allows you to demand to be wined and dined. I'll do it for a woman who pushes my buttons, not because she got dolled up. Any woman can do that. Hell, that kind of convo would make me hold onto my wallet lol. I wouldn't flip out on her, but I would certainly be on guard.

 

Exactly. Women don't deserve to be on pedastools just because they're breating, lol. Until you have a career or have struggled with money in the past, you have no right to expect someone to pay for you all the time. If I go to the movies with someone, I'll get the tickets and they can get the snacks or whatever. I'm all about 50/50. I don't even know why a woman would want to feel like a man has financial control over her? Weird.

[AHardDaysNight]

Okay, I misunderstood you. And if I had a job right now, I'd be the guy who would be paying for the date.

 

I don't see anything unreasonable in what you said. I think the guy must have misunderstood you.

 

Either that, or he's an a-hole.

[FrustratedStandards]

I'm American, and every guy I've ever dated paid for more than I did. Some of them paid significantly more or almost everything (and some would have paid 100% if I had let them). So this is what I'm used to.

 

I won't lie. I like it much better when the guy pays. I'm progressive on a rational level, but on an emotional level, my feelings are aroused more strongly when there's more of a traditional courtship going on. When the guy wants to "protect" and "take care" of me, I get meltier, girlier, and more excited about him being my man. I can't help it.

 

Maybe it's human nature, maybe it's socialization. But it feels pretty strong and ingrained.

 

The few limited times it's been more 50/50, I feel more bland toward him, no matter what else he is doing.

 

Yes!! Exactly!!

 

Maybe that's why it's such a turn off for me when a man can't take care of me like that. You're so right. I guess it's not culture then, it's mentality. Traditional versus modern.

 

Then again, certain cultures stick more to traditionalism then others.

[eatNrM]

Then it would be perfectly appropriate for a woman to spend her money on paying for half of everything, and she can show up in torn jeans and sneakers?

 

Cuz if men were cool with that, I wouldn't bother looking nice. I wouldn't have enough money to spend on makeup and nice clothes anyways. But hey! At least the man doesn't have to pay for everything!

 

In a relationship or what have you, you will see your woman dressed down/naked more than she's dolled up. Unless there's a date every single day. So again, that's fine with me.

 

You got me wrong again.If he asks you out he should pay, that's just common courtesy. But I would hope you bring more than your looks to the table.

[FrustratedStandards]

Exactly. Women don't deserve to be on pedastools just because they're breating, lol. Until you have a career or have struggled with money in the past, you have no right to expect someone to pay for you all the time. If I go to the movies with someone, I'll get the tickets and they can get the snacks or whatever. I'm all about 50/50. I don't even know why a woman would want to feel like a man has financial control over her? Weird.

 

It's not financial control OVER, it's more financial CONTROL. And when a man is in control of these things, just like RubySlippers pointed out, it's a turn on, and we feel more like women.

 

At least I do.