MontanaGirl Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 Seven years ago I dated a great guy. I was young though (20, he was 28) and not over a bad relationship. Long story short, the week he told me he loved me I told him we couldn't see each other anymore. Six months ago I was going through a period of introspection and realized I always regretted how I treated him. I sent him an email apologizing for the way I ended things with him, telling him he had been great to me and I had acted like a scared kid. He responded saying that he didn't hold it against me, and that he remembered me fondly. We kept emailing.... It started slowly at first, an email every month or two, but now we are sending pages-long emails to each other every day (mostly light stuff, talking about our day and making jokes). Literally a hundred (!) emails later, he brought up coming for a visit. I told him that would be very fun, and he bought a ticket to come see me for a long weekend! Due to my work schedule, it's not for another 5 weeks, although he wanted to come sooner. The thing is, he's never said anything to indicate romantic interest in all these emails. Any time I hint at romance/attraction (admittedly subtly) he doesn't respond to it in his next email. I wasn't looking for a romantic connection when I first emailed him, but talking to him like this has definitely piqued my interest. Reading his emails are the highlight of my day, and I have to say, based on some pictures he's sent, these years have been *very* kind to him. I know he isn't seeing anyone, and I certainly am not. I'd be happy to call him a friend, if that's all he's after, I just want to know before this trip what to expect! I can't think of a good way to ask him what he's thinking. Since I was the one to mess up our past relationship, I don't know if I should be the one to ask for a second chance, or if I should let him lead. What do you guys think? Is he waiting for face-time to figure out if we still have something, is he feeling the same way I am, or in his mind is this a purely platonic thing? I know it will come out during our weekend together, but this suspense is killing me! Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I don't know if he is waiting to see if you still look the same as you did or what but you have nothing to worry about. Trust me he does not want anything platonic at all he is totally interested in you. Guys are usually and when I say usually I mean unless they are gay they just don't really care to hang out with old girlfriends just for fun. Especially if he is coming to see you. I will guarantee you that he wants more than just friends. Have you told him that he is still handsome? How did he respond? have you sent him pictures? What did he say? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MontanaGirl Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 Thanks leoc, I hope your interpretation is right! I felt like asking to come see me was an awesome sign, as was being disappointed the trip couldn't be earlier. Assuming you're right, when he's here do you think I should let him lead us in that direction, should I gently nudge/hint, or should I be very open? I can do any one, I just don't want to mess up this chance. I did tell him he was handsome, and he responded with one of our inside jokes that deflected the compliment. He does that for any compliment I've given him, whether it's a physical, mental, or accomplishment-based comment. He has seen a few pictures of me, and I don't think I've changed that much physically these years.... I'm in a little better shape, if anything. The first one he saw was me with my puppy, and he said both of us were very pretty. Link to post Share on other sites
Nsweet Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 So let me get this straight..... 1 he responded to you in the first place 2 he accepted your apology with no hard feelings 3 he sends you long emails telling you everything about his life 4 he most likely askes you a ton about yourself 5 he is single 6 he wants to see you PERIOD Oh yeah he is into you. But don't get ahead of yourself and try to win him over or seduce him unless you want that much more heartbreak. Start off as friends and go about things *very* subtle. You two are basically friends with potential right now, all that could change over time. Pretty much you already know what he is looking for, he wants to see if you have really changed. You really take this time to have fun and laugh together, without sexual pressure and built some new fond memories together. Your job is to be non threatening and fun and make him second guess you the *new* you. Remember the rule... "You don't need him to be happy, but you can fun while he is with you" Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 The only reason he is not bringing up anything romantic is he is worried it will scare you off. Trust me if the guy bought a ticket to come see you he is into you! I don't know if he is hoping to get a couple drinks in you in hopes that something romantic will happen. I will bet he is driving his friend nuts with the "do you think she still wants me as more than friends or do you think she just wants to reminisce". I would let him lead but if he is super shy then you might have to get touchy feely with him a little bit. Don't worry things will happen naturally. Its funny when I became single on facebook an ex contacted me and we emailed back and forth a bunch of times. She lives in florida and I in NY. She asked if we could get coffee when she comes to visit family and I was really excited because I would love to have a chance with her. Then she goes and gets a boyfriend and never came. We exchanged about 10 emails but no romantic talk ever came up but trust me I was thinking nothing but romantically. I have another ex who asks me to meet all the time and she lives right around the corner from me and I give her every excuse I can think of. You don't have to make the first move but you do have to throw out some signs cause he will be looking for them. Is he staying with you? Or a hotel? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MontanaGirl Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 Haha ok, I guess from an outsider's perspective this is fairly obvious to interpret. I wanted to make sure my head wasn't running too far ahead of reality. You made a good point Nsweet; I don't want to rush anything, we both have happy lives right now and I don't want to change that. I don't want to move so fast that he gets scared. I am different from when we dated, I'm completely confident of that. It's taken a lot of work (and hard knocks) but I've settled from a flighty, injured, boy-crazy girl into someone ready for the real deal. If I can prove that to him with time, & we still have the connection we did, well, I think that's what 90% of posters here are hoping for (although most don't want to wait over 7 years!). Yes, Nsweet, every one of your bullet points is true. He knows more about my daily life than most of my friends in town. He always asks follow-up questions and remembers things that I mentioned weeks ago. I've sent him a few books and DVD's as gifts, all of which he comments on within a week of receiving them, which tells me he thinks of me beyond just the time spent reading/writing emails. Like I said, he's a pretty great guy. Leoc, your story about your ex is exactly what I'm worried about happening to mine in the next month. He's a pretty major catch to be single all this time. Yes, he's staying at my house, and we are planning on spending a couple days in a cabin out of town. Both have two bedrooms. But starlight, wilderness, chilly weather, hot tubs, hot cocoa--I guess if an old relationship can be re-ignited, it'd be with that recipe. He is shy with girls, last time we spent about 2 months as friends, dancing around mutual attraction before anything actually happened, and that was by my initiation. I just don't want to move *too* fast, you know? I don't want this trip to turn into a crazy ex-sex-fling-thing (rhyming completely unintentional but amusing to me so I left it). Jeez, I haven't had my mind so occupied by a guy in a very long time, what's going on with me? Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Yeah exactly you don't want it to be an ex sex frienzy or whatever you rhymed. lol it was cute tho. And have that be the end of it. This guy seems very interested in you tho my ex was more of a little back and forth and then she was gonna come visit me and family. Yours is hundreds of emails and gifts and he is actually remembering your stories. Guys get really confused when they are seeing a couple girls on what story went with who so they keep their mouths shut. So I think you are ok on that one. God what a great story you have here. I wish you the best and make sure you keep us posted even if you end up running off and getting married in vegas cause its very inspiring. I think after a lot of people end up happily ever after with their ex's they never come back to post their success stories so all you hear is the bad ones where people end up broken heared forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Mikiesox Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 7 years that is remarkable! How did you even manage to find him after all those years ?? Was it that darn facebook? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MontanaGirl Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 Seven years is indeed a very long time, especially for us (relatively) young folk. What's really crazy is how much we both remember about our time together.... Specific restaurants we went to together, movies we watched, the weather, heck, he even remembered when I told him my dad's job from before I was born (which isn't horribly remarkable). Most other things from that period of my life blend together for me; I am infamously bad at remembering who I did what with and when. But for some reason, even though at the time I didn't value him like I should have, and we didn't date for all that long, my time with him has remained "memorable." No Facebook needed, our jobs make us very easy to track down. Thank goodness, he doesn't use FB and I rarely do. Funny, he admitted at one point he had saved my email address, and had considered writing to me a few times before, but never did. I don't know if this will turn into friendship, a relationship, or what. I'll be wondering about it until his visit (and probably after it as well), but I do know being in contact with him has put a spring in my step I haven't felt in a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MontanaGirl Posted October 31, 2011 Author Share Posted October 31, 2011 Oh my gosh, my ex is coming for his visit this weekend.... We've been talking via email every day since the last time I updated the post, but he has said absolutely nothing to make me think this could be a romantic trip. I am getting very, very nervous. It feels like first date nerves, except in this case I don't know if it is a date, the "date" will last all weekend, and I've had 6 weeks to build it up in my head. I like first dates, but this is crazy. Loveshackers, bring me back to Earth? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts