Bruised Not Broken Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 Such a gorgeous day...and yet I cried like someone died. Four months and I still hurt like he left me yesterday. I haven't heard his voice in a month...he hasn't emailed me in a week..because I let him have it pretty good...But it doesn't stop me from looking at my phone willing it to buzz and blink...to have a text, and email...anything. To know I've crossed his mind. I know I don't. I know he moved on to something skinnier and better....and it just aches like someone ripped my heart out and left a gaping wound in my chest. But...Bright side...i was crying too hard to text him..so I maintained NC. Link to post Share on other sites
benB Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 I feel the same way, don't worry hopefully we both get better. I am only on day 1 of my NC so imagine how I feel. I know my ex won't ever contact me and it hurts to know that she doesn't care about me. But it is nothing we can do, so try not to think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
antz2411 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 reading your threads gets me depressed! now i have to go out and have fun! Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 (((hugs))) I am 3.5 months and still hurting. The worst is when I go out and risk seeing him (I ALWAYS hear about him in these situations). But, given you just really started NC, you need to give yourself a break! Stick with it and don't give in to him. And skinnier is not better! geesh We are our own worst critics. I am skinny, but I have small boobs and I want bigger ones! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bruised Not Broken Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 reading your threads gets me depressed! now i have to go out and have fun! Well, that's not a bad thing Hope you had enough for both of us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bruised Not Broken Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 (((hugs))) I am 3.5 months and still hurting. The worst is when I go out and risk seeing him (I ALWAYS hear about him in these situations). But, given you just really started NC, you need to give yourself a break! Stick with it and don't give in to him. And skinnier is not better! geesh We are our own worst critics. I am skinny, but I have small boobs and I want bigger ones! Honestly, we live too far apart to bump into each other accidentally...sometimes I wish I could just bump into him to see his face...thinking maybe it would make him remember how great it was...but...at least I don't risk seeing him and him NOT remembering. As for skinnier...in his mind it is....He used to measure his body fat on a daily basis...and always ask me what I ate...what exercise I did (and I'm NOT fat...had about 10 lbs to lose...but NOT fat) As for the boobs...they aren't all they are cracked up to be....I have them...and as much as he loved them...he didn't stay for them. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Honestly, we live too far apart to bump into each other accidentally...sometimes I wish I could just bump into him to see his face...thinking maybe it would make him remember how great it was...but...at least I don't risk seeing him and him NOT remembering. As for skinnier...in his mind it is....He used to measure his body fat on a daily basis...and always ask me what I ate...what exercise I did (and I'm NOT fat...had about 10 lbs to lose...but NOT fat) As for the boobs...they aren't all they are cracked up to be....I have them...and as much as he loved them...he didn't stay for them. Obviously physical attraction is important, but he seems a little obsessed with body fat. I would never want to be with someone like that. What happens if you get sick and put on more weight? Or pregnant and can't lose it after easily? What happens when you get old and wrinkly? You DON'T want to wake up 60 years old next to that jerk! You want to wake up next to someone who has loved you and still loves you, unconditionally. Good riddance, seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
BrettLost Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 ScienceGal, My stbxw had small boobs for all of our time together. She always wanted bigger.... I loved what she had, not to be nice to her, i just loved them as they were. Anyway in the midst of breaking/having a break (cough cough BS), she had arranged to get them done. Seeing as though I knew she wanted them FOREVER, although I was completely against it, I offered to pay for half. I did, it happened, they turned out great, however...... I only got 1, 2 'turns' with them before the whole OM situation exploded and was pretty much cut off. Became clear that it was her last little thing to take from being married to me, and as a bonus, something she could use to lure a new man. I was gutted. I told her, "Just remember I loved and married u for who you were, little tits and all. Nobody will EVER get to know that person now". And for me, being with her with her new boobs, even seeing her now with them, just seems wrong. She aint the girl I married. I'd say stay with what u have. Most guys dont want you to become anybody but yourself. If they do, tell them to go find it. Link to post Share on other sites
BrettLost Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 BruisedNotBroken, I apologize for the hijack, just what Sciencegal said triggered my reaction. Congrats on the NC. I would'nt put to much emphasis on the physical attributes she may posess. It's human nature to seek what we can't/don't have. The trouble is that may be only a slight portion of what we were missing. Eg. 2 identical types of guys. Both fit, attractive etc... yet 1 lives to work, 1 lives for goin out. If your stuck with the worker, ul want to experience life on the wild side and vice versa, go out too much an ul crave the stability and financial security of the worker. As a note; I am the worker, OM is the outgoing type. Potentially the same physically.... i don't know? Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 (edited) ScienceGal, My stbxw had small boobs for all of our time together. She always wanted bigger.... I loved what she had, not to be nice to her, i just loved them as they were. Anyway in the midst of breaking/having a break (cough cough BS), she had arranged to get them done. Seeing as though I knew she wanted them FOREVER, although I was completely against it, I offered to pay for half. I did, it happened, they turned out great, however...... I only got 1, 2 'turns' with them before the whole OM situation exploded and was pretty much cut off. Became clear that it was her last little thing to take from being married to me, and as a bonus, something she could use to lure a new man. I was gutted. I told her, "Just remember I loved and married u for who you were, little tits and all. Nobody will EVER get to know that person now". And for me, being with her with her new boobs, even seeing her now with them, just seems wrong. She aint the girl I married. I'd say stay with what u have. Most guys dont want you to become anybody but yourself. If they do, tell them to go find it. Brett, I would never ever get implants. Sometimes when trying on a nice dress I wish I had some cleavage. But, then when I am exercising/running I am very glad that I do not! I joke about it, but I like me. My ex actually told me that he thought my breasts were perfect. Enough to cup his hand over when we were spooning Being accepted and feeling beautiful to the person you're with is so important. He put on 20 pounds and I told him I still thought he was so handsome. He asked what I'd do if he gained more weight (he had quit smoking and was eating more), I shrugged and said, "get fat, then no one else will want you but me!" We laughed. Once I love someone, physical changes don't sway me. That's how it should be. We are all going to be old and wrinkly Your wife wasn't happy with herself and there isn't a thing you could have done to help that. I am so sorry for that. Boobs will only get her a temporary high. Even physical perfection cannot fix what's broken/ugly on the inside. Edited October 2, 2011 by ScienceGal Link to post Share on other sites
BrettLost Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 ScienceGal, It's starts to dawn on me, like many others, that perhaps there were many red flags we should have noticed. But being young and lusty we ignored them. Nice to hear of true women with values still existing as opposed to the shallow, life wrecking success driven ones whom many of us guys are dealing with. BruisedNotBroken, Do u do any personal journaling of thoughts etc.. apart from here? I found that on difficult days, by writing/typing and keeping record of your thoughts surronding this, times of depression to the point of tears are minimised. For me, they still come, but more in big hits here and there as opposed to a week long sadness dragging your life down the gurgler with it. I look back at what i first wrote sometimes, themes of suicide, death, fear, abandonment,....... and realise I'm so far forward from that now. Still hurting, but NOT like that. It keeps me informed i AM healing to some extent. Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Honestly, we live too far apart to bump into each other accidentally...sometimes I wish I could just bump into him to see his face...thinking maybe it would make him remember how great it was... But B, was it truly all that great? I'm not trying to degrade the relationship that you shared with this man, but if you want to heal you have to look at the bigger picture here. Yes, there were some good moments, but the way it ended.. the way he acted towards the end. Taking all that into account, was it truly as great as you make it seem in your mind sometimes? I know it sounds weird, but for me, what helps me to get through some rough times is to have some sort of person or image to look up to. A person who projects strength and positivity. It can be your favorite intelligent actress, your favorite professor, singer, etc. Just someone who is confident, strong, and positive. Just anyone who you look up to. For me, it's a female historical figure. The point is not to try and be this person, but whenever I feel myself slipping into a bad mood or being self-conscious, I picture this person and try to adopt their mindset. I think of what they would say, how they would try to get through this situation.. which is most likely be strong, and patient. To not let everything get them down, rise above the sadness. I imagine that I have some of their strength, I take a deep breath, and it actually helps me. Sounds silly, but it does. For me, at least. You had a bad day today, no big deal. Like I said, they'll happen, even further down the road. Doesn't mean you're not improving at all. Link to post Share on other sites
antz2411 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Well, that's not a bad thing Hope you had enough for both of us. you should as well! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bruised Not Broken Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 No worries on the hijack.....actually your response helped me as well. You are so right...a man needs to love us for who we are...and vice versa. Big Boobs, small boobs, big butt...no butt...big male members and small male members...we need to be loved for who we are. But often people thing the grass is greener in a bigger bra or smaller pair of panties. I have three kids...and my body has a few battle scars...he never was with a woman that had kids...and he wasn't thrilled with those battle scars. I was so insecure because of that. I put aside the knowledge that my body did something amazing...that I need to be proud of. Yes, I could have surgery to "repair" the damage. But I think back to a previous b/f that told me that I should never be embarassed by my "tummy" (a few stretch marks from carrying three amazing kids) That it showed how amazing my body is and that I should be proud. Now THAT is a man that knows how to appreciate a woman. He was a real dick in some ways...but in others he was an awesome guy. He never made me feel insecure. The guy that supposedly "loved" me could never do that. When I look at things like that I realize that the relationship was very dysfunctional and I am lucky to be out of it. I need to start learning to appreciate who I am. Each day is a new start and a new chance to learn to love me Link to post Share on other sites
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