Nsweet Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 My wife and I started having issues when I was in the navy and we were living together. I got out shortly after bringing her with me due to suicidal tendancies, and got treated. After I got out I went through a long stage of discharge guilt and mood swings which scared both of us at time. So she left me to live in California so she could finish school. She first asked me for a divorce in December but I threated to hurt myself if she left, so I came to her and we worked things out or so i thought. I went through a severe depression stage when my uncle was taken away from me by cancer and withdrew in even further. Around april after months of chasing her and serious jealousy over a friend of hers on FB that was trying to seduce her, we had one of our first big fights about her pressuring me to be more. So I told her "Maybe you should go find someone better". Before I could make up to her our city had one of the worst brown outs in years. I didn't get to talk to her until 11pm after a long bad day. She filed for divorce that day in secret and let me receive it through the mail. I was schreaking I was so upset when I got the papers. So I spoke to her and presasured her to drop the case with me. I flew to her in Cali and sort of twisted her arm to drop the case. She did but still wanted a divorce. After 3 weeks of me pressuring her into loving me and trying to seduce her, she filed graduation day and let me throw her a party without knowing when I didn't even have the money.Later on I found out that jerk who stried to stealth in and seduce her stepped it up and was cut off for good. I trusted in her a little more after hearing this. About a month after getting the second papers I decided to do something with my depression and finally regesterd with the VA. I was diagnosed with Cyclothymia, a mild and rapid type of bipolar disorder which made a lot of sense. I read through a few ebooks and decided to avoid her for a while while working on myself some more. I started working out again and lost about 16lbs while gaining 6 in muscle, I re-evaluated the way I treated her that time in May, and even went back to college. After a few failed attepts at NC and trying to win her over again we had another fight when I foolishly tried to persuade her into a separation when she wanted a divorce. She told me through tears about how she didn't like being treated like this and how she wanted to talk to me more. So I started NC to let things cool off and two weeks went by before college. I started talking to her again a few weeks ago after getting all the advice I could on how to act. Basically Michelle Weiner Davis had it best about not chasing her and having the other person call more often but even that has a few bugs. I call her only on weekends since she works a stressful job, and just try to be there for her wether she needs to vent or confide in me. What really helped was allowing her to talk more about herself instead of just waiting for my turn to speak. That way I can come off more high value and still drop in deposits to her love bank She lives in colorado with her cousins right now and I live in Texas with my mom while going to school. I try not to bring up the relationship but I absolutely had to today so I could know wether or not to buy tickets to California for december. Our court case is Nov 7th but she doesn't seem really intent to end things. So I am going to take time off from school and fly there to talk to her a bit. We both agree that we shouldn't have to go to court since we both don't agree to the papers (she had someone basically fill it out for her), and will talk a bit before we decide to file again. I have a pretty level head on my shoulders now about this but I am really uncertain about what to do. I know I should go there and not pressure her sexually or romantically, and it seems she is giving me a chance to show her the new me. It's just part of me does not trust her that she won't finish the precedings without me and then lie to my face. I already gather that she wants to spend a lot of time together in Cali and in Mexico with me, but with her family tagging along, and I know I am not welcome to family's house unless she says so. So that means I will have to get a hotel and live off of restaurant and packaged foods. We still talk like friends with the potential to be romantic, but I am not sure anymore. If she finishes the divorce I don't think I can stick around for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nsweet Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 So far I have only been calling her on two days on the weekend. She has progressed from not picking up at all that day to now picking up almost immegiately. Last night we had several wondeful convorsations together on the phone. I got her laughing so hard at jokes she never used to enjoy and she told me about her grandmother dying and I told her we could visit her grave when we go down in November. She even told me about her concerns with her weight and brought up fond memories of us working out together. I think I am going to hold out from now on until she calls me first. I've been doing all the call iniating lately. Today, I decided to check out dating site we met on. Sure thing she was on to spy on my activity. She always does this whenever she misses me anyways. Hey, I'm not much better I got into her Fb to see if she actually was cheating. Just a whole bunch of honest pride between us and no one saying what they really feel.So now I'm a little confused at what I should do. She says she still wants a divorce but her actions don't seem like it at all. On the plus side we did have some great convorsations over the past few days so any pulling back I do will work best now. So should I just... Pull back and distance myself to get her to chase me while throwing her a bone once in a while when she opens up to me-The 180 Method OR Carefully press foreward as close friends with no pressure, chasing her ever so often but pulling back when she tries to get close.-The Pua Method (the way we met) Third Option... A mixture between the two. I'm considering now that I have about a month left I start by pulling back indefinately until she calls again (it's never been more than two weeks) and progressing as close friends while visiting her to go to court, but keeping time spent with her to only a few hours a day. I'll have a hotel while I'm there anyways. Once I'm with her I keep everything light and fun showing her my new outlook in person with no pressure and 50/50 on any expences together. We take our trip to Mexico as planned where I escort her the proper way on the sidewalks. If you've been you would know. When we are together we do grow intimate fairly quickly, we even did last time with the first divorce papers, but I will be the one to regain control by keeping it to a bare minumum. My plan of action is to just show her how I have changed, create second guessing, and extend the seperation by refiling the divorce if we must and skipping out on the court mediation that Monday. If all goes well I will have another 6 months to work on things with her. So far though in 19 weeks I have healed up emotionally, reopened communication, and got her second guessing leaving me. She doesn't want to stay married but she doesn't want to lose me either. So what then? Link to post Share on other sites
harrisdo09 Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 my ex came back to love me more than before and can now even sacrificed all he has for me. thanks to this site http://spiritualomoso.webs.com from UK that helped me in getting him back from a strange woman. if you don't mind you can contact them to help you out. so that she can miss you again and get back to you Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts