Buttercup84 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 It has been almost 5 months and I am really not coping. I miss him so much and I just want to go back to our old house. From one day to the next I moved out and I miss our life there. I am on medication , been working and studying , meeting friends , eating healthier and going to the gym but it only helps for a while. I was Ok for a week but now I am just so depressed and do not know what to do. I just feel so lonely . I have friends but do not really have a best friend here , she lives overseas and we haven't spoken for ages. I was living in a bubble whilst with him and felt so safe there and now that bubble has burst. It is so unfair that he gets to be happy and move on , fall in love while I struggle each day. Sorry for the rant :-( Link to post Share on other sites
BrettLost Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Hi Buttercup, I notice your an aussie also, nice. I feel very much like u. When u mention this 'bubble'. My world was content within my family, i had little of a life outside of that and preferred it to be that way. My family was my everything. That bubble burst too. It's familiar to me how you also said "He gets to be happy, fall in love and move on while you struggle". Weird because as a dumpee also, I'm in the exact same place. Some weeks I'l be distracted or busy enough to temporarily forget my situation, but only takes the slightest idle day for it come back to the forefront of your attention. She's out havin a ball, i cant even manage to have a drink with mates because i feel like the plague to friends because of this. It ALWAYS seems to pop out of my mouth, something to do with it. I cant blame people for having enough of it, its been 1.5years already. So i withdraw even more. ONLY people on here, or those who have seen or been through it can offer any real shoulder to vent on. So by all means vent/rant away. Link to post Share on other sites
Diogenes Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Ah yes the bubble, mine was 24 years long. The sad thing is we build these bubbles because we feel it's what's most important, our own little tribe to protect and nurture. The problem is when you form the bubble you tend to drop every attribute that attracted your mate to you in the first place, after a while you become the "Boring old Hubby/Wife" and they leave us. I guess the solution is to never surrender it all to anyone and don't lose all of yourself in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
lymtal1 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 bc, i am sorry that you are having such a hard time coping with your situation. you and i started this bad dream about the same time so i know what's been going on with you. i am still in a similar place but slowly moving in the right direction. it has taken me this 5 months to realize a couple of things. the first and although it still is tough to wrap my head around it, is i don't think i am so much grieving her anymore but grieving the fact that i am not in a relationship. when i think about her, i know that she was not the best for me. but i was very comfortable in "our" bubble. it was the bubble that kept me feeling ok, not her so much. was she a great girlfriend and a great person, yes most of the time. but was she right for me? no she was not. i think i have had a very hard time getting to this point. we just had so little in common to make it work. just want to throw this out there for you to look at from a different perspective. the bubble we all are trying to recover from includes the person as an entity and then the rest of the relationship that made up the rest of our lives. that includes mutual friends, places, activities, hopes, dreams, jobs we had, basically everything but the person. this bubble is a safe place for us to be as we have gotten comfortable there. the person with us in the bubble is the part of the puzzle that is not constant, they will always be changing. the bubble can be found with someone else, and what is inside that bubble most of the time will be relatively similar to the previous bubble. the person there with you is what makes you think the bubble is safe but that is not always the case. you are not missing the person as much as you think, but the bubble that you two established. so i challange you to switch your grieving from the person (who was not right for you), to the loss of the relationship in general. i think when you can approach it at this level you may be able to get feeling better sooner. maybe you are missing being in a relationship and everything that goes with it more than the person who was probably wrong for you. just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
neghitzbrah Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 you are not missing the person as much as you think, but the bubble that you two established. so i challange you to switch your grieving from the person (who was not right for you), to the loss of the relationship in general. i think when you can approach it at this level you may be able to get feeling better sooner. maybe you are missing being in a relationship and everything that goes with it more than the person who was probably wrong for you. just a thought. I, too, am really missing her right now. It only happens on Sunday because it's the day where I usually stay at home and bum. That's why I picked up a second job to get my mind off of it. I like your idea of the bubble as it is a great way to look at things. But how easy is it to look at it in terms of mourning the loss of the relationship, instead? This has to be done over time. I think first, she must realize that everything about him was wrong for them together. Ultimately (at this time) it always goes back to him though. I can totally see where you are coming from OP. Link to post Share on other sites
broken-and-lost Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 BC Really sorry your feeling so bad right now hugs....... nothing i say will make you feel better but i'm right there with you same as everyone else here Link to post Share on other sites
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