SugarHoney Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Its been over 7 months since my ex and I split up and I thought I was getting better but it feels like the heartache is coming back to hit me hard again. I guess I wasn't moving on at all, I was just lying to myself Has anyone else experience that? Feeling better after heartbreak and feeling it come back to hit them hard again? Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 It's been 5 months almost and I feel like it just happened yesterday . I was doing ok and in the last few days I've been a wreck . Sorry hunny xxx Link to post Share on other sites
BrettLost Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Sugarhoney, Apparently it's all part of the 'grief process', where one sifts through all the mental trauma attached to it. Don't ever think you are lying to yourself. If the emotions are real, let them be I say. The more u invested emotionally and/or spiritually, whether they knew it or not, the longer this will take you to heal. I get told all the time by 'friends' I should be over it by now. They have no idea. Worse for a guy, cause we're socially expected to shrug this crap off like a cold. I liken it to cancer or poison at least. People know u have it and avoid u to not be exposed to it. You'll get all the help in the world from here. Nobody in my 'real world' could ever understand what people here know, live through and survive. The humanity expressed is almost like a utopia of suffering support. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Have you found anyone else that you are genuinely interested in? I know that I will miss my ex until I find someone new. But, I also know that I am not ready to commit to anyone. So, I keep going out there and getting involved in activities and events. I am making new friends and trying to refocus my energy. But yeah, I still have days and nights when I cry... a lot. I miss him and don't want to be with someone new! I want to be with him, but he has moved on! Every now and then I have great moments of clarity. I see him for all his wrongs and I see why he and I would never work out. Have you ever had moments like this? They don't last, but they are part of healing. You will get there. I am prepared to miss him and cry about him for many more months. Through Thanksgiving and Christmas, when I spend New Years without him. Just accept the pain. It's a reflection of you as a caring and loving person. You haven't been lying to yourself, you have been grieving. Healing is not linear, there is a point A and B, but it's a bumpy course to navigate! You'll go through bad times, but remember those glimpses of happiness and hope. They will win out in the end. Don't be hard on yourself. FEELING all of this sh*t is a good thing. I posted a few weeks back a reference from a children's tale, I said that I'll be the tortoise and my ex can be the hare. He was with someone new very quickly because that's what he does. But, he keeps carrying baggage from one relationship to the next. I don't mind being "slow" because I am doing it the way that will make me the winner in the end. I am not rushing, hiding or lying to myself. And neither are you. Feel it, feel it and process it all. You will be much better off, and when the time comes, you will be ready to try a relationship with someone new. Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 i find the worst thing is that its easy to give advice yet almost impossible to take it. or even to listen to yourself. relapses are normal, i know for one i am the same in the sense i am a guy and i'm expected to shake it off and move on. even my ex thought i would most likely do this. its not lying to yourself, you just have to go through it. it sucks i have met a girl i was sexually attracted to and she is a good laugh, however she is so young like 5 years difference so i kind have to leave it there, and she has gone "off" recently, not sure what i did.. but yeah i am the same in the sense that i never truly move on until i meet someone else some one better i dont really do the one night stand thing. i only sleep with girls whom i like as a person not just based on looks etc. where as my ex has been with more people than myself. although she did claim everyone of them were a friend not a random. so even though ive been with 5, 2 of mine were a one off kinda ordeal. although i guess i did know the girls. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SugarHoney Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 Thanks for the replies everyone. I'm so sorry you're all going through this heartbreak torture too. Have you found anyone else that you are genuinely interested in? I know that I will miss my ex until I find someone new. But, I also know that I am not ready to commit to anyone. Well there is this new guy I have been talking to and we have a lot in common, but I haven't met him in person so I don't really know if we have actual chemistry or whether he really likes me even. And I worry that I'm not ready to start dating anyone else. I worry that I still love my ex too much to move on yet. I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. I go out once and week and I try to keep myself distracted with other things etc, but I still think about my ex nearly all the time. I wish I didn't. But its like his image is seared into my brain and no matter what I do he's always in there with me. Link to post Share on other sites
TLCbear Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Its been over 7 months since my ex and I split up and I thought I was getting better but it feels like the heartache is coming back to hit me hard again. I guess I wasn't moving on at all, I was just lying to myself Has anyone else experience that? Feeling better after heartbreak and feeling it come back to hit them hard again? Yes, I have, which was the reason I went back to my ex the first time. We spent 3 weeks apart and I decided to call him and we went from there, but ended up having the same problems. Anyway, I was fine for about 2 weeks, but the 3rd weeks, I had all of these overwhelming up and down feelings and didn't know how to deal with them. At the time, I thought it was me really missing him and wanting to be with him, however, came to find out later, that it was part of grieving process. Lol, wish I would have known it sooner....but this time, I know what to expect. I'm doing great so far, about 1 and a half month NC...I still have those up and down feelings, but I know how to deal with it. I agree with other posters, it's apart of the grieving process, it's take time, and more than likely you probably will not get over it anytime soon if you do not have someone in life you geniuely like...therefore your focus is on someone else. Just my two cents. Link to post Share on other sites
Damia Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Have you found anyone else that you are genuinely interested in? I know that I will miss my ex until I find someone new. But, I also know that I am not ready to commit to anyone. So, I keep going out there and getting involved in activities and events. I am making new friends and trying to refocus my energy. But yeah, I still have days and nights when I cry... a lot. I miss him and don't want to be with someone new! I want to be with him, but he has moved on! Every now and then I have great moments of clarity. I see him for all his wrongs and I see why he and I would never work out. Have you ever had moments like this? They don't last, but they are part of healing. You will get there. I am prepared to miss him and cry about him for many more months. Through Thanksgiving and Christmas, when I spend New Years without him. Just accept the pain. It's a reflection of you as a caring and loving person. You haven't been lying to yourself, you have been grieving. Healing is not linear, there is a point A and B, but it's a bumpy course to navigate! You'll go through bad times, but remember those glimpses of happiness and hope. They will win out in the end. Don't be hard on yourself. FEELING all of this sh*t is a good thing. I posted a few weeks back a reference from a children's tale, I said that I'll be the tortoise and my ex can be the hare. He was with someone new very quickly because that's what he does. But, he keeps carrying baggage from one relationship to the next. I don't mind being "slow" because I am doing it the way that will make me the winner in the end. I am not rushing, hiding or lying to myself. And neither are you. Feel it, feel it and process it all. You will be much better off, and when the time comes, you will be ready to try a relationship with someone new. Sage words of wisdom ,thanks I needed to read this today Link to post Share on other sites
silic0ntoad Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 It can be triggered by alot of things. When I was dealing with post breakup trauma, taking a girl home and watching her leave after a night at the bar was enough. It's lonliness for me. IDK, on a very personal level - I've never had an issue with feeling lonley. Maybe it's age, idk. Some ne age hippy morons will tell you you have to be happy alone, etc etc etc, but happiness, imhe is best shared. Now I'm good. Still feel hurt about the issue with my dog and being called a liar, but that's just my pride, no pangs of guilt or regret when it comes to T. Link to post Share on other sites
J0N Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 I have been broken up with my ex gf for just about a year now and I still get these feelings. They have died down a lot over the past few months and it only happens now whenever I am alone with nothing to do, I see or hear something that reminds me of her, or if I start to feel lonely. I feel that I am at the stage where I have done just about all of the healing that is possible on my own (all things considered). I feel that a certain amount of the damage is irreparable, the only true fix will be to meet and become romantically interested in somebody new. Part of moving on is accepting that there are certain aspects of the breakup you will never understand or become comfortable with. With time, the feelings are less and less strong, nowadays it is only something that bugs me for a few minutes or so. Before it would be days... It gets better with time, don't worry Thats my $.02 Link to post Share on other sites
dicky_fish Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Some ne age hippy morons will tell you you have to be happy alone, etc etc etc, but happiness, imhe is best shared. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that. Happiness can come from within but you've got to have love and human contact in order for that to happen, whether that be going out with mates, family or being with a significant other. Nothing wrong with a bit of "me" time but I know I'll never be happy sat in on my own as it's not what I want for myself. It's nice every now and again to have a night or two to yourself, but finding inner peace and happiness through those means would surly result in everyone being hermits? Link to post Share on other sites
antz2411 Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 yeh, its called feeling sorry for yourself and not recognizing your selfworth - hence the relapse Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Yes, f*cking tell me about it. As everyone has said, it's all part of the process. The ever slow, dragging, painful process. But it does get better, slowly, day by day. Week by week. Even if you don't see the difference right away, even if you do have bad days or weeks where you slip back into heartbreak... it's happening. I've barely even noticed it myself, to be honest, until lately. At first, in the early stages of a break-up and grieving, the days and months and weeks get muddled together, and any progress you make in healing will be a bit blurry. In other words, it won't be as obvious or noticeable because you're still very much sorting through the emotions. But thankfully, you'll eventually come to a point in your healing where you can look back at a few months ago, compare it to how you're doing now, and amazingly see that you're beginning to do a lot better. And it's often when you're least paying attention to it. One day you'll be here on these very boards and see a new thread by a new heartbroken poster asking when it'll start to get better, and you'll look back on yourself and say it really does get better. You'll notice how nowadays, you do think of 'them', but more and more it's just passing thoughts. You don't linger on them for very long. You don't ask 'WHY?' anymore. You'll notice that the bad weeks soon turn more into bad days, and the bad days (while still painful) aren't as terrible as they used to be in the beginning. You'll notice when you're at work, you can fully focus on what you're doing without getting little interrupting thoughts about them. One night you'll be making dinner and you'll notice that, hey, you haven't thought about them much during the day! Or yesterday, or the day before... The hardest part about this is it's very gradual. Just gotta be patient.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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