Is this too deep for you! LIFE!!!!!!

[LikkleMissConfused]

This is a long story but I will cut it short. I fell in love with a nasty man who was very good at deception. I was with him for 5 years and he controlled the relationship. I was a vulnerable, weak and lost, not that it’s an excuse.

 

Through the time we were together my father passed away this left me even more lost and confused. So I grabbed him with both hands. Things got violent and he was continually verbally abusive which made me feel like complete ****! I put on two stones in weight and felt awful about myself. No self-esteem, no self respect nothing!

 

After a really difficult break up where I had to give up hope of ever getting back my investment in the house we bought together, he has continued to pursue me. It breaks my heart because I really loved him with the pure innocent heart that I had. It’s not like that anymore.

 

Recent events – He joined the same gym as me with his girlfriend. He continued harassing and threatening me there and one of the members of staff at the gym saw him do this. So the gym decided to cancel his membership. They informed him that night and surprise surprise that night my windows where smashed in.

 

The next day I was told by my old neighbours where we bought our house together that he was bringing girls to the house as soon as we bought it. So much other information came out.

 

All that love that I gave him. Real unconditional love. So many times through the whole period of our relationship I had my suspicions but my heart was so clean and pure I believed him and put my own gut instincts to the side. I know this might sound stupid but one thing I do know that he did love me but he didn’t know how to cherish it. He has been in child homes throughout his life, fostered, in jail and basically has serious problems within himself. I found all this out after I left him. He was very very evil to me. He has said things like “he will rape me in front of my family” “He will throw acid on my face”. I know you may find it hard to understand but I was the only one that truly cared for him and he knew that so it was much harder for him to accept that I had left him.

 

Right now nearly two years after and he still continues to pester me I think he just wants me to be his friend. Because he knows and has said before to me that I am such a kind caring beautiful person. The problem I am not that person anymore. I am scared to love scared to trust scared to me the person that I am naturally because he took my love my body my soul and set it on fire. He took advantage of me and has broken my faith and trust in my own self. After finding everything out it make me feel as though the five years were about nothing. Whilst it might have meant something for me did it for him? Imagine the feeling. I have someone in my life now but at a distance, which I can cope with! Why does this happen to the kindest of people and then people wonder why people get bitter!!!!

[bluechocolate]

I'm terribly sorry for your predicament & for those 5 years which you feel you've lost.

 

If he just wants you to be his friend he has an awfully strange way of going about it.

 

You should take his threats seriously. If you haven't informed the police of his threats and property damage I strongly suggest you do so.

 

You have my best wishes.

 

Cheers

[LikkleMissConfused]

Yes the police are aware and i'm afraid due to the lack of training the police won't do anything as there is not enough evidence to convict him in court. Until he rapes me kills me or something like that they won't do anything.

 

Thank you for your nice words its just a shame. The man i am seeing now i wish i met before i met my ex because he is just like what i used to be kind caring loving and trusting.

[LILUIL]

I feel for you, having gone through an abusive ex. I was beaten whenever he was drunk and he used to lock me up in the house like as if i was a dog to him.

 

it's good that the police is aware of your situation. i agree with bluechocolate, take his threats seriously. angry people like him can psycho themselves into action and get violent without notice.

 

is there someone you can go to away from him? does the current guy you are seeing know about this.

 

i faced up to threats too. ran away (sort off) hid and avoided my ex for bout two years before bumping into him one day and discovering that he's doing what he did to me to someother girl. Sigh! Feel so sorry for her.

 

Dont ever believe him if he says he'll change. It's not worth risking your health (of mind) or your safety.

 

You deserve better.

[LikkleMissConfused]

Thank you for your kind words. So you also went through something similar. Yes when I see him with his girlfriend I think poor girl but she just gives me bitchy looks as though she's won. Its rather funny because I know what he is about. Only last night I was thinking about why did he do this to me but I realise that he will do it to anyone because its all about him not me.

[Nataly]

Hello, I was reading your post and thought it could have been written by me. Just like you I was broken to pieces after this relationship, feel used. He wants me to go back with him, saying he has changed. But I have changed too and I am with somebody else, a very nice guy.

 

The problem is, he too had a difficult childhood and his life wasn't easy, and I feel sorry for him. He said he changed, and I kind of believe him, and it beaks my heart that I cannot help him now. I still love him. How confusing, it always takes him so long to understand things, and in the meantime life takes its course. One part of me wants to return, another tells me to stay and live a new life with a new man. But whichever decision I take, I cannot be happy, my heart is breaking in half.

 

Old love didn't completely die, because he didn't move on, and didn't leave me in peace. The new life cannot be normal with this past interfering. Always think that life will show the way, but it is only getting more confusing.

[LikkleMissConfused]

Nataly, I like what your saying. I suppose the fact the that old love is still kinda of there is what is firing this situation. But I can say that I don't feel for him but feel sorry for him. I am hoping life does show me the way.

[Nataly]

I also didn't feel for him, just felt sorry. But it changed, I don't know how. May be I feel his pain too much. And like you I was sure that life will show me the way, but as time goes by, it only gets more confusing, may be because he doesn't play by the rules and doesn't let life take its course, but wants it his way.

[LikkleMissConfused]

Yes Nataly, He has told me himself he will kill the man if he sees me with anyone else. also at first when we were together whilst he was bringing other women to our house, he wanted me to be wifey and to have fun with other girls but now the situation has changed and he wants her to be wifey and mem to be the mistress. That is not going to happen. Over the weekend he drove down my street which is a dead end and stopped outside my house then drove off again. I was lucky because two of my neighbours were in there garden and saw him so I have witnesses.

 

I feel his pain because his family have dumped him because he is a nasty peice of work, when i did give him love he couldn't cherish it. Actually I change my mind. I dispise him. For him to smash my windows harrass me grab me by the neck punch me, it just shows that what we had wasn't true at all. Problems or no problems you don't do that to the people you love and if you know how to love.

 

What do you think?

[Nataly]

Exactly, he didn't cherish my love before, and now he desperately needs it, as if he realized now what he was loosing before. But in order to get what he wants he uses threats, demands and manipulation. All it does, it brings fear, not love. Why cannot he understand that? Pity makes me justify his actions, I find explanation for his rudeness, he explains that by being depressed and lonely, by not having patience. I would think that if a person made mistakes and wants to change, he should now have patience and show his good sides, trying to earn the trust back. But I have some kind of dependance on him, of which I cannot let go. It makes me feel good to hear his voice, even if he calls me with another threat. I just cannot let go, especially because he makes it look like it was me who dumped him, all because I am not running back to him now, when he feels lonely.

[LikkleMissConfused]

Before I found out about the drugs and cheating etc I also found it hard tolet go because we were building our dream together making a home and gettign married. But instead of running back to him all the time i am now trying to run away. He has taking things a step further by smashing my windows in. This has really frightened my mum and myself.