StrikeFreedom Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I'll be 22 years old in December. I dated my first girlfriend for 1 year and 11 months. The relationship ended July 1st of this year. Prior to meeting my first girlfriend, I had a girl in high school who I fell in love with but never dated or had any physical relationship with. I kept in touch with her for years and I poured all my passion into her but never got the result I wanted. While I was with my girlfriend... I never had the passion that I felt for the first girl. While we together I became a very comfortable and over all happy person in the beginning. Over time I found it difficult to see a future with this girl. As more time went on I began to lose myself in life. I gained weight and unemployment in my area is very high so I didn't really push myself to look for work while we were together. I broke up with my girlfriend because after reflecting about my life I realized I needed to evolve as a person and achieve more, and I felt this relationship was holding me back. The problem is I realized shortly after breaking up with her that I feel passion and love for her. She was a truly amazing girlfriend. She treated me so well and we've met up several times since the break up and both have stated we love each other and that we want each other back but we're afraid to commit to it because we're afraid our relationship might drag me down again. I have days where I'm strong. But I have plenty of days where I feel weak and don't know if the path I'm going on right now is the right one. I'm losing weight and working out. I've been working for a few weeks now and am continuing to look for jobs and stay happy and enjoy myself with my family and friends. I miss my girlfriend so much. I love her so much and am dying not being by her side cause she really is an amazing person. We both love each other. She rebounded shortly after we broke up with someone as well and they slept together. That also is hard to live with. Tomorrow is another day... Link to post Share on other sites
HollyHoliday Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 While I understand how you feel, I don't really believe that a good relationship can hold you back unless it is a negative/unhealthy one. If things in your life aren't going the way that you want them to, you can't blame her for it. You are going through GIGS. And is the grass greener? If it is, then explain that to her and let her move on. Don't leave her breadcrumbs. Sorry if that is harsh, but that is just my view. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 So, what exactly are you asking again? And get your lazy ass out there and look for a job for chrissakes. What is going on with your ex is no excuse. Cripes. Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 why dont you just go with it and not think about the next day... or maybe its a sign that you truly need time away from this girl and grow into the person you will become hadnt you been with her. its up to you mate at the end of the day, its hard when two people love each other but age and timing dont seem to marry up. she rebounded and slept with someone. that must be so hard to deal with. i have been through that before. and yeah its horrible. made me a stronger person for it though. hope your ok mate Link to post Share on other sites
solobeary Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 There's that saying "absolute power corrupts absolutely" which I think is true for the vast majority of people, if we got given absolute power we'd do horrible things with it. I think a similar thing is true in relationships for many people "absolute love corrupts absolutely". The good relationships are when both partners give lots of love, and both partners use this for good and not bad. It sounds like you let your good relationship make you unambitious, you used her love and support as an excuse not to be the best person you could be, rather than using it to grow. Hopefully you can learn from this (it sounds like you are) and one day in the future you can use the love you get for good, instead. For now, obviously I am just going off what you are saying, but it sounds like your ex was good to you and please don't **** her up any more or let the confusion **** you up anymore. Being broken up with is awful, and she is going through everything you are going through now, so don't keep using her. You clearly need to go and grow as a person. Treat her with respect, tell her what a good person she is, then let her be for a long while. Also, she's allowed to sleep with other people- you're not together any more! Breaking up is the worst and people deal with it (especially at the start) in whatever way they can. If she needed that validation and closeness to another person for one night soon after, then that's all there is too it. Jealousy is natural and horrible, but there's no reason to be messed up about her sleeping with someone else when you are not actually together. Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 There's that saying "absolute power corrupts absolutely" which I think is true for the vast majority of people, if we got given absolute power we'd do horrible things with it. I think a similar thing is true in relationships for many people "absolute love corrupts absolutely". The good relationships are when both partners give lots of love, and both partners use this for good and not bad. It sounds like you let your good relationship make you unambitious, you used her love and support as an excuse not to be the best person you could be, rather than using it to grow. Hopefully you can learn from this (it sounds like you are) and one day in the future you can use the love you get for good, instead. For now, obviously I am just going off what you are saying, but it sounds like your ex was good to you and please don't **** her up any more or let the confusion **** you up anymore. Being broken up with is awful, and she is going through everything you are going through now, so don't keep using her. You clearly need to go and grow as a person. Treat her with respect, tell her what a good person she is, then let her be for a long while. Also, she's allowed to sleep with other people- you're not together any more! Breaking up is the worst and people deal with it (especially at the start) in whatever way they can. If she needed that validation and closeness to another person for one night soon after, then that's all there is too it. Jealousy is natural and horrible, but there's no reason to be messed up about her sleeping with someone else when you are not actually together. This!^^^ You dumped her to "find yourself". You can't say **** when she sleeps with someone else. You cut her loose to do so. And don't be mad when she finds someone worth how awesome she is. After all she deserves it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StrikeFreedom Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 (edited) Thanks everyone for the replies. The harshness coming from all of you is hard to deal with but I understand where it's coming from. I defiantly want good things for both myself and my ex. I love her. Deep down inside no matter how much it hurts on the surface I will always feel content knowing that if she finds the love she always needed then everything will be alright. I know we weren't together when she slept with someone else but can you blame me for hurting? I don't think anyone here regardless of the situation likes mental images of someone they were close to ****ing someone else. It can be traumatizing. Especially when you're young and inexperienced as me... When you've only ever loved and held one person by your side. This situation is so hard to deal with. Although it was me who lost myself in the relationship, I had no idea it was coming. I had no idea how to deal with it or save myself. Now here we are months after the break up and I'm slowly but surely making progress. Will I make it? Who knows... Was it worth it? Who knows.... All I know is I miss my girlfriend and I want to be by her side. I know she misses me and she wants me by her side. Is it a good idea to get back together now? Is it better to just move on and see what the future holds? I know it's probably not a good idea to get back together. Deep down inside that is how I feel. But it's still so hard. I miss her. Edited October 3, 2011 by StrikeFreedom Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts