Cerpin_Taxt Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I'm 35. I haven't had a girlfriend in more than six years. Haven't been on a date in more than three. Never been married and never even been with a girl for more than a year. I'm faced with the possibility of dating a girl now and don't think I really want to. Not because of the girl, but because I would rather be by myself. I don't really get that lonely ever, instead I just find myself wanting to be social for a while so I go out alone and meet people. I'm very friendly and make friends everywhere I go. But I always go home alone, because that is the way I want it. I don't have any really close friends for the same reason I don't have a girlfriend, I don't feel the need for them. Sometimes I think I may have some sort of problem or maybe I'm just hiding from the pains and issues that arise from having people close to you. Most times I'm happy just being the way I am. Does anyone else ever feel like this? Is it just a phase I'm going through? Have I just not met the right people? Link to post Share on other sites
RainDown Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 No, you're not alone. Not all of us feel the urge to "pair off" with another person, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I don't date or get involved with people anymore either because I simply don't feel the desire to do that. I realize that makes me different than most, but I don't believe there is anything wrong with me. I enjoy going to work and interacting with and talking to people. I like talking with friends or people in the grocery store line or whatever. I enjoy going out and doing things with friends. I think we are socialized to believe that we should find that special person, pair off, get married, have kids and that's the way it is. Not all of us fit into that dynamic. Some of us enjoying being alone, living alone, and it makes us happy. I don't think anything is wrong with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Lostinlife4now Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 No, you're not alone. Not all of us feel the urge to "pair off" with another person, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I don't date or get involved with people anymore either because I simply don't feel the desire to do that. I realize that makes me different than most, but I don't believe there is anything wrong with me. I enjoy going to work and interacting with and talking to people. I like talking with friends or people in the grocery store line or whatever. I enjoy going out and doing things with friends. I think we are socialized to believe that we should find that special person, pair off, get married, have kids and that's the way it is. Not all of us fit into that dynamic. Some of us enjoying being alone, living alone, and it makes us happy. I don't think anything is wrong with you. AMEN! I like being alone. I have a large amount of girlfriends that I can turn to if I feel lonely...but never feel lonely. I date when I want to but don't really feel the need to be paired off. All of my married friends are MISERABLE....And I am alone and HAPPY.... So no nothing is wrong with us for wanting solitude. Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Does anyone else ever feel like this? I can relate to dating being a low priority right now. Career and sporting activities take precedence. Is your attention going towards something similar? Goals and the like? Is it just a phase I'm going through? Since you've had relationships in the past, I'm guessing it's a phase. This could very well be a refueling period for you. Perhaps a time for you to be alone, develop yourself, be content with few demands upon your person. Have I just not met the right people? I'm pretty fatalistic about these kinds of things. So, IMO the "right people" come along at the right time. We need to be in a place where we're not just receptive to it, but that it works with our lifestyle, and so forth. In other words, it's right when it's right. Do YOU feel you're avoiding intimacy out of fear? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cerpin_Taxt Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 Thanks for all the nice words everyone. Nice to know I'm not alone or weird. Well, weird in this regard. Does anyone else ever feel like this? I can relate to dating being a low priority right now. Career and sporting activities take precedence. Is your attention going towards something similar? Goals and the like? My attention is always focused on me and the improvement of me. Is that shallow? I always seem to have something I want to work on. Right now I'm learning Spanish, guitar, and trying to write that elusive novel. Have I just not met the right people? I'm pretty fatalistic about these kinds of things. So, IMO the "right people" come along at the right time. We need to be in a place where we're not just receptive to it, but that it works with our lifestyle, and so forth. In other words, it's right when it's right. I have always believed that things happen for a reason, and so do people. I've always believed that my life will change when it's necessary, I just hope I see it when I need to. Do YOU feel you're avoiding intimacy out of fear? Sometimes, yes. I am the result of my life experiences and a victim of them as well. Look at that, more things to work on. My life is a masterpiece in progress. Link to post Share on other sites
missmac Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Finally, some other people who feel the same! I haven't had a boyfriend, or been on a date in over 5 years now. By CHOICE. It bothers me how so many people act completely bewildered when I tell them I don't want to date anyone, and that I have no plans to find someone to settle down with or move in with in the near future. Honestly - at 26, it doesn't bother me at all that im single - and I don't feel any sense of urgency to find a "soul-mate" and start a family. I don't hate on relationships, or men or anything like that - I've just seen what I am capable of accomplishing when the only persons needs and feelings I have to accommodate are my own - and think the single life is better for multiple areas of my life. I have a pretty decent social life actually, I have a tight circle of good friends (not just acquaintances) , and DJ fairly often on the weekends - so I am always meeting new people through a shared interest in dance music and production. But like most of you - I enjoy my alone time, and don't bring people home with me. I prefer to go out exploring the city and shops on my own, and like to pursue most experiences on my own. I feel like I get most of what I need from my friends, and am often the person who they call when they have something they don't know what to do about. They know im almost always reachable and able to talk, but im not always available to meet up, or go to the movies, or diner, or parties. A couple reasons I might prefer life solo? None of the relationships I've ever been in, provided me with anything positive, or meaningful. I've come to acknowledge my weakness for showing too much kindness and tolerance to people who take advantage of it and don't deserve it. Almost all my relationships were unhealthy, made me feel insecure, unworthy, and disrespected - the last one ending up in court over his refusing to stop physical/verbal/emotional abuse, stalking, threatening, manipulating. Obviously things like that would make one bitter, jaded, and guarded - but it's been years now, and I am happier than Ive ever been in my whole life - but still have no desire to share my life or time with anyone else. As I mentioned, I've accomplished more since focusing all my attention to my own needs and goals, and I am amazed by how far Ive come. If you would have told me 5 years ago when I was being harassed by my ex-bf, and wishing my life would just end - that today, I would be a successful addition to a profitable tech-company, with my own apartment overlooking Lake Ontario, and making more than enough money to support myself - I wouldnt have believed you. If the right person came along, who could fit in to my life without changing the key things that make me this happy, Id consider a relationship. But right now, it's off the table, and im not even looking. As far as im concerned, Im making up for all the time I neglected paying attention to myself and my own life - Ive given enough of my time to others for now. Cheers to all of you, glad Im not alone in this! Link to post Share on other sites
KR10N Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 You're definitely not alone. While I am much younger than you & most women my age are either partying to meet guys or getting into serious relationships, I feel having someone is unnecessary. I'm plenty happy alone & when I need company I go see family & friends. Not saying that I never want anyone. But for now I really want to enjoy my freedom. Link to post Share on other sites
mike111 Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Does anyone else ever feel like this? Is it just a phase I'm going through? Have I just not met the right people? I think when the right person comes along, there will be no doubt. And she'll steal your heart. And you'll steal hers, and you won't want to stay away from her mike Link to post Share on other sites
evagisele Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Well said, missmac! Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Does anyone else ever feel like this? Is it just a phase I'm going through? Have I just not met the right people? Lol, the biggest changes in my life came about when I ditched relationships. To be honest, they were a burden. Before meeting Hubby, I would rather go to a Museum or the Library or travel around where no one knew me. It was just me and my girls Dunno, it's the loner in me. Even now in my marriage my Hubby knows when to leave me to be 'with myself'. My kids are the same. They are sociable but will go off radar for a while and just do their own thing. I think it is healthy so long as it is not fuelled by any depressive symptoms. I don't know how people can be around others all the time. As for all the drama type relationships - I have no idea why anyone would even rise to that bs? Waste of energy. Longest period of being single was for two fabulous years. Nearing the one and a half year mark is when I started to yearn for company. By then I had worked out precisely what I wanted in terms of quality characteristics in a life partner. ... and then, one day, out of the blue, while I was just minding my own business, he turned up. He is a loner too. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
TrueColors Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I most definitely fall under this category too! Having been in therapy for over a year, I've come to slowly accept that I am content being by myself. I am a natural introvert, even though one wouldn't really think it (including some of my friends). Beacuse I don't fit into the stereotypical mold of being the "quiet girl in the corner" *I used to be though. Over the years, I've become accustomed to meeting new faces and kind of "putting myself out there", even though whenever I got into a relationship, I also felt safe, like it was natural for me to be in one. Nevertheless I would always kind of "forget" that someone else was there and I would subsequently take them for granted because I was so focussed on improving me. I guess in the end, I just have to come to terms with the fact that I do much better on my own, unlike my exes, who always want to have a woman by their side. I do miss male companionship though, but I have to be realistic that now is not the right time for me to be in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 I can relate to the OP. While like everyone else there are times when I feel an acute need to seek company, to be honest, I am most happy when romance isn't on my mind. While it can feel so good to have that feeling it's almost always way more trouble than it's worth for me. Finding cheap sex is easy but relationships are work and right now I have more rewarding things to work on. It's like when I am in a state of really not caring about the lack of a meaningful romantic relationship suddenly life is just easier. Food is better, books more interesting, my research more productive, etc. While when a relationship is part of my life suddenly it sucks up an inordinate amount of my energy. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 I like being single. I'm 37 and have been for most of my life (single, not 37, obviously). Having a social circle, income, place to live, hobbies, holidays and a good book make for a good life for me. I miss sex, kissing, cuddling, but, to be honest, if I missed it that much I'd go and get some. And I get lots of affection and kindness from friends any way. Link to post Share on other sites
MilfinBerle Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Cerpin you must buy Jergens Hand Lotion by the case. Link to post Share on other sites
MilfinBerle Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 It's horrible being alone. Not that anyone should remain in an abusive or unsatisfactory/irreparable relationship, obviously. But everyone saying "Gee this is OK I WANT to be alone anyway!" is a big fat liar. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 I am a loner. Always have been. That being said, I want to experience love once. Just...once. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cerpin_Taxt Posted October 15, 2011 Author Share Posted October 15, 2011 Thanks for all the nice words everyone. It's nice to know that I'm not alone. Pun intended. Link to post Share on other sites
TrueColors Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 It's horrible being alone. Spoken like a true extrovert - or attention seeker. But everyone saying "Gee this is OK I WANT to be alone anyway!" is a big fat liar. You're completely missing the point here. There will be periods in one's life where they are completely comfortable not being "coupled up". Nobody here is saying they want to be alone forever. I get the feeling that you are one of "those" who finds it unsettling being by themselves and haven't really learnt to "sit still". Why is being "alone" a dirty word for you? Are you prone to relationship hopping by any chance? Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 My attention is always focused on me and the improvement of me. Is that shallow? I always seem to have something I want to work on. Right now I'm learning Spanish, guitar, and trying to write that elusive novel. My life is a masterpiece in progress. It's not shallow at all. You're under development, guided by your interests and desire to discover. Nice. Write that masterpiece, CT. Make it as rich and complex as you want it to be. Spoken like a true extrovert - or attention seeker. You're completely missing the point here. There will be periods in one's life where they are completely comfortable not being "coupled up". Nobody here is saying they want to be alone forever. I get the feeling that you are one of "those" who finds it unsettling being by themselves and haven't really learnt to "sit still". Why is being "alone" a dirty word for you? Are you prone to relationship hopping by any chance? True. My goals are time-sensitive. By the time I hit my mid-30s, I want to be a sport title holder and the youngest CD my agency has ever had. Afterward, I'll put energy toward dating. For now, I'm quite happy and fulfilled. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Besides, sex is alright, but it's not as good as the real thing... Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Besides, sex is alright, but it's not as good as the real thing... Absolutely. I'm so tired of calling out my own name. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Absolutely. I'm so tired of calling out my own name. That is actually ****ing hilarious! Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
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