Bruised Not Broken Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 So, I got another email this morning. He said he knows I think that he just "f'd with me for over a year" because he clearly "flipped a switch" and turned off everything over night. But, I'm wrong. He didn't play me...it was obvious that the trust issues he created would never be fixed. We had been damaged and there was no repair. He didn't "flip a switch and not care" but he didn't know how else to deal with the break up. Now....I am maintaining NC...but it is the first time he admitted that he was the cause of the demise of our relationship....and why he just turned it off overnight. It truly is the answer to the one question that has haunted me for four months. He used to say "I'm sorry you feel that way.." but never admitted any wrong doing.....So, I'm hoping that this email has given me the closure I need. The word "damaged" hurt. But he was right. We were. We were broken beyond repair. I still feel peaceful, even after the email. Link to post Share on other sites
silic0ntoad Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 The only truthful closure we ever recieve as the dumped comes from within. The only way to learn and heal truthfully is to accept that he was not fully to blame, and that you also had a hand to play in this game of chance. Things will get better with NC, but they will get much worse first. Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 The only truthful closure we ever recieve as the dumped comes from within. The only way to learn and heal truthfully is to accept that he was not fully to blame, and that you also had a hand to play in this game of chance. S'true, B'N'B. It sounds cliche, but the closure is only finally achieved when you realize it yourself and truly accept it. It's tricky though, because sometimes you feel like you've accepted it, then other times it doesn't feel like it. Frustrating. Things will get better with NC, but they will get much worse first. Also very true. That's not to say you didn't get closure! But sometimes it's important to know that while you may have gotten closure from him, it doesn't always sink in immediately. Closure can be gradual, it's not always -SLAP IN THE FACE!- immediate. I remember even after I got the final email from 'him', he also took part of the blame for why we didn't work (FINALLY). But I didn't feel at peace like you did... I felt crappy, kind of shocked and empty. And then next week I would feel fine about it, I would accept it. Then the next week, I would feel sad again, then after a few days, I would accept it again, etc. So even though I did technically get closure from him, I still had to let myself realize it. Because now that he realized it too and admitted it, it truly confirmed the fact that we are really over. So that made me get sad again for (believe it or not) another few months. But everyone's different. Who knows, this peace you feel now could last a long time. This could be it and you're on your way to totally healing. I hope so, since it'd get you out of all the annoying suffering I went through. But I'm just giving you my own experience. Or maybe I'm just abnormal, I don't know. Let's hope so! Link to post Share on other sites
antz2411 Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 I still feel peaceful, even after the email. i think you're mind is chaotic and bruised at the moment lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bruised Not Broken Posted October 4, 2011 Author Share Posted October 4, 2011 i think you're mind is chaotic and bruised at the moment lol Well perhaps my peace is just a concussion from the bruises But...still feeling peaceful today. So, who knows...maybe there is hope for me yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bruised Not Broken Posted October 4, 2011 Author Share Posted October 4, 2011 S'true, B'N'B. It sounds cliche, but the closure is only finally achieved when you realize it yourself and truly accept it. It's tricky though, because sometimes you feel like you've accepted it, then other times it doesn't feel like it. Frustrating. Also very true. That's not to say you didn't get closure! But sometimes it's important to know that while you may have gotten closure from him, it doesn't always sink in immediately. Closure can be gradual, it's not always -SLAP IN THE FACE!- immediate. I remember even after I got the final email from 'him', he also took part of the blame for why we didn't work (FINALLY). I will say I have thought I had peace before and then would spiral back down. But he never ever genuinely admitted he played any part in the entire debacle. He would always say 'sorry you feel that way' etc....I know I played a part...I never got over the trust issue...and I was kinda hard on him sometimes. Too hard. I should have walked away when I knew the trust would never come back...but I didn't. I allowed it to continue. I do accept that we both played a part. It takes two to tango. I get that. But the fact that he never showed any remorse and acted like it was just easy as pie to walk away really hurt. So I guess I feel at least like he realized he played a part and maybe it wasn't so easy...but he knew it was the right thing. And it was. Doesn't mean I LIKE it...but it was never going to be "fixed". so, who knows if the peace will last...but I'll take 24 hours of it any time I can get it (and I have to give notice at a job I have had for 7 years today, so I have other things to make me anxious today...good exciting things...but bigger things to focus on.) Love a day I can actually smile...genuinely smile and be happy. And, I'll say it...I look freaking adorable today....always helps Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 so, who knows if the peace will last...but I'll take 24 hours of it any time I can get it (and I have to give notice at a job I have had for 7 years today, so I have other things to make me anxious today...good exciting things...but bigger things to focus on.) Love a day I can actually smile...genuinely smile and be happy. And, I'll say it...I look freaking adorable today....always helps Well. May I just say, B, already how much better you sound from when I first replied to you. (Remember? I was your first reply on these boards. I think so. Ahem, anyway...). Even if you may have a little while to go, the improvement is already surfacing in your mindset, which sounds a lot more mature and less self-depreciating. I'm excited for you! And I bet you do look adorable. Looking good does help... maybe more than people think. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 What did his email say? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bruised Not Broken Posted October 4, 2011 Author Share Posted October 4, 2011 What did his email say? He told me that he knows I think he just played me for a year, but that couldnt' be more wrong. That he just realized that there would be no fixing the trust issues that he created. We were damaged beyond repair. He also knows I feel like it was e asy for him to walk away, but that's my perception...he struggled with it, but didn't know how else to handle the break up other than how he did it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bruised Not Broken Posted October 4, 2011 Author Share Posted October 4, 2011 Well. May I just say, B, already how much better you sound from when I first replied to you. (Remember? I was your first reply on these boards. I think so. Ahem, anyway...). Even if you may have a little while to go, the improvement is already surfacing in your mindset, which sounds a lot more mature and less self-depreciating. I'm excited for you! And I bet you do look adorable. Looking good does help... maybe more than people think. I feel better I do know there will be ups and downs...but I am feeling better than I have in a long time. Still sad...sure...but do think I see a light at the end of the tunnel...and I dont' think it's a train coming at me I don't feel quite as 'worthless' as I was. I'm a little cocky today actually Link to post Share on other sites
antz2411 Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Well perhaps my peace is just a concussion from the bruises But...still feeling peaceful today. So, who knows...maybe there is hope for me yet. ofcourse there is always hope and thats hope to only better yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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