inlaws are trying to break us up and putting me down

[lilmoma1973]

hey this is for all you married couples that have trouble with the inlaws butting into the

relationship.. here goes my story .. my husband and his father haven't ever really been close and when his wife died three yrs ago.. my husbands mother was always mad because my husbands dad chose another over her.. she made a point to come in the picture no matter what it took .. she did make a comment that "he will be with another before long" and by July she was dating him .. she has always wanted to be with my husbands dad and set and accomplished .. she made comments of my husbands stepmom very ugly comments and she hadn't even been in the ground not even 24hrs .. well the thing is she was jealous of this women even her dying she was still dwelling and comparing .. i loved my husbands stepmom and thought the world of her.. just a couple of months ago my husbands mom was calling me and wanting to tell me all her intimate secrets stuff my husbands father would say about me as if to stir the pot so to speak .. his family was trying to split them up so she wanted things started with us too.. my husband is always with his dad every weekend and hardly with the family and i complain about it and his dad makes jokes about it to my husbands friends well it got back to me and and my husband called this friend and he said he did say it but also his dad was too and thats where he got alot from he also said he was just joking .." his dad is always saying that women should stay at home while the men do what they want " i think this is bull crap the way he feels .. my husband has negelected his duties here and i make comments about it and i am always known as the bitch or the nagg .. it makes me mad when nothing gets done here and all his dads stuff gets taken care of .. he also sits on the computer when he is home and never spends quality time when he is here !! when he does things with us as a family he acts as if he is doing us a favor by being there!! so when is he willing to meet our needs like he does for his dad !! so i am at my wits end can you help me!!!!!!!

[The_Analyzer]

Sorry you're going through that. I can relate. My wifes folks used to do that kind of thing, until one day I put my foot down and set them and her straight. I called them over for dinner and we sat and talked about why they felt the need to do and say the things they did. It was hurtful and disrespectful to me. The sad thing was, is my wife didn't ever stand up to her folks when they said things about me. Her family was never really close and i'm sure thats where alot of it stmed from. They didn't know how to comminucate with each other. They weren't happy unless they were hurting someone else by their smart remarks. They thrived on it.

 

 

Anyway i finally convinced them all to go to counseling to deal with past issues that led up to the point we are in our life now. My wife and I went once a week and her folks did too. Then we had a few sessions where we were all in there together. I must say it helped alot. However it helped because we were all willing to get the help and work together on our problems. Maybe you could convince them to do the same. I hope all goes well.

[lilmoma1973]

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hey analyser thanks for the reply and i totally agree with you but i can't see going to counseling with them .. it would be a waste of time.. me and my husband have went to counseling before when his moma was butting into our buisness now it is both the mom and the dad .. she has never really like me and always has caused problems ..i have tried being her friend but in return i have got stabbed in the back and his dad use to like me till they got together i guess she has gotten him turned against me.. what i think it really boils down to is that they are jealous of mine and my husbands relationship and they aren't happy and thrive on others ...

[Sugar_Cube]

I agree, sounds like they are unhappy in their relationship and like to start things between you all or others to make themselves feel superior or something. Its sad to think that family's can be that way, but there are alot out there like that. I know I had that trouble when me and my husband first started dating and right after we got married. It was more so his mom than his dad, and I finally had to put her in her place. I hated to do it in a way, but I'm glad I did. She hasn't caused trouble since. Hope all works out for you lilmoma.

[lilmoma1973]

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hey sugarcube

 

i hear ya good for you showing her who was boss !! ive done that before told mine off too but she still trying and continues !!! she tries to be my friend ill be nice to her but still all inall i don't trust her at all !! i always try to keep my guard up .. thanks for the imput !!