rubyjuly Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 for those who've been thru this, what would you say are the top five or ten things NOT to do, if you either found out your spouse cheated,, You hear alot about what TO do, I would like to know from the other angle, what NOT to do? Link to post Share on other sites
seren Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 for those who've been thru this, what would you say are the top five or ten things NOT to do, if you either found out your spouse cheated,, You hear alot about what TO do, I would like to know from the other angle, what NOT to do? Don't blame yourself Don't leave the house - tis your house Don't take everything initially said at face value Don't go blaming the AP to shift the blame from the WS Don't stand in the kitchen or anywhere there are sharp pointy things - you will feel extreme anger and rage! Don't assume that it is the end of your marriage Don't beg!! Don't go down the - I need time to end it scenario Don't play the involving your children game Don't contact the AP There are of course more, for me the immediate one was, get H out of the house for a couple of hours while I process it all so as to not lash out or worse, use a pointy thing on him. The rest followed in a Life Passing Before Your Eyes type moment. You will react very differently to how you always told yourself you would and the sod convention or what everyone expects you to do - do what is right for you. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Don't blame yourself Don't leave the house - tis your house Don't take everything initially said at face value Don't go blaming the AP to shift the blame from the WS Don't stand in the kitchen or anywhere there are sharp pointy things - you will feel extreme anger and rage! Don't assume that it is the end of your marriage Don't beg!! Don't go down the - I need time to end it scenario Don't play the involving your children game Don't contact the AP Very nice list. I would add: Don't make any rash decisions, either way. Take plenty of time to think. Don't protect THEM by letting it stay a dirty, little secret. Expose. Don't retaliate. A revenge affair is the worst thing you can do. And maybe the most important thing not to do: DON'T blame yourself and DON'T let them put the blame on you. You may or may not have plenty of faults (most of us do), you may or may not bear lots of responsibility for the state of the marriage (most of us do), but you did NOTHING that gave them the right to cheat. That is ALL on them. There are always better options than cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
RobD70 Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Don't cry in front of them Don't try to guilt them to stay Don't try to rationalize with them Don't be too forgiving/nice Don't show weakness The best approach (the most effective anyway) tends to be the "tough love" approach and it's hard to pull that off if you act like a little girl (unless you are a little girl). Link to post Share on other sites
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