Can't forget about her or stop thinking about her after 2 years?

[JRock8732]

I had a relationship with a girl last year and we were happy together in love, etc. I fell in love with her in a week and ****ed her the week after. After that we stayed together for another month and I ended up cheating on her, and she broke up with me. I got depressed over it for 2 and a half months and I got over her. since then it's been an on and off friendship. I'm always the one to break it and go back to her...and I want to stop but I don't know how. I recently started talking to her and she's pregnant after a 9 month period of not talking to her. At one point in the friendship I said some really mean and nasty things to her and she won't let that go including the cheating after all this time...

 

I really didn't want to talk to her, but the past couple of weeks I was thinking of seeing whats up with her to see if the thoughts would stop.

 

So the question is how can I forget about her (or at least stop thinking about her constantly)?... I've tried everything to going out on dates with other girls to finding a new hobby and making new friends and meeting up with old ones, but at the end of the day she still pops up in my head and it's driving me crazy...I just don't know what to do anymore.

 

I just recently cut contact with her again and I'm afraid I'm gonna fall victim to my feelings and contact her again...help...

[JRock8732]

bring up my post

[mike111]

Jrock, you have to have NO CONTACT (NC) with her at all any longer.

 

And in time, those awful feelings you have will most certainly go away. I can promise you that 100%. It's just a matter of time, and NC. So give it more time.

[neghitzbrah]

JRock. This girl is a drug. You need to withdraw from it, by NC. Everytime you get back with her, it's like fulfilling your need for her. Then for a while you are fine, which then you break up with her. But eventually you want her again. You need to be strong and stop talking to her completely, even on those lonely days.

[JRock8732]

It's on the lonely days that I end up messing with her. Now we just left on bad terms again. I told her I don't wanna talk to her and she cursed me out. I think I heard she works by a nearby restaurant that I go to every now and then cause they were calling her name behind the counter and it sounded like her...If I saw it was her and she said anything to me I would've went ballistic.... Went from lovers to enemies. I'll try my best with NC again...if I could go 9 months I can go forever...

 

Now I'm getting depressed again, trying to fight it off. Suicidal thoughts and killing thoughts are swarming my head again.

 

2 years should've been more than enough time to get over this. I don't know what's wrong with this picture

[Duckduckgoose]

What's wrong with the picture is you keep re-opening the wound by talking with her.

 

Stop contacting her and don't respond if/when she contacts you. You said she's preggers now, I think I read that correctly.

 

Well unless its your kid this is your golden opportunity to GTFO of her life... last thing you need is her trying to pin that kid on you. Or for her to get you to support her and the kid while she ****s with your head.

 

Run, run like your ass is on fire.

[mike111]

2 years should've been more than enough time to get over this. I don't know what's wrong with this picture

 

 

You know, this probably would had been over and done with 18 months ago, if you would had not kept contact with her.

[JRock8732]

Yep she is pregnant. She was the last girl I would've expected to be pregnant/have a kid around 19-20 years of age. I remember when she told me that she wanted to be good and go to college and get married after. Pitiful. Pathetic.

 

I cut her out of my life, last text from her was a few hours ago, only read like 4 words out of the text before I deleted it... Whatever the whole thing is over now. I'm gonna be 10x more observant of the next girl I end up with.

 

Great minds think alike, I was thinking the same thing when she told me that. Nearly word for word.

 

I just wish I knew when the day that comes and she doesn't even cross my mind

[neghitzbrah]

I know exactly what you're going through. You need to get your mind off of it and be strong. Do not text her back. Change your number if you have to or block her number through your carrier. You need to prevent yourself from making a mistake. Everytime she gets in touch with you, you can't succumb to it.

 

Once you go long enough you will see things more clearly and it'll help you. It's a drug dude, and the only way to get off of it is cold turkey. Talk to your friends more or seek therapy. You need to get it off your chest and we are all here to help you through it. Post whenever you want.

 

Helping you will help me -- subscribed

[JRock8732]

Haha yeah, true that my brotha. It's just so crazy how we became enemies when just nearly 2 years ago we were the typical high school sweethearts. I really hope I don't run into her again, because everytime I hear from her or even think of her I just get really angry and want to cause arguments with her for no apparent reason.

[neghitzbrah]

That's good to see the big picture as to why you guys broke up. It helps, and it's rational and mature.

[JRock8732]

Yeah man, thanks alot for the help. By the way, how do you subscribe to people back on this site? Kinda lost here lol

[neghitzbrah]

You can't really subscribe back to people. You can only subscribe to threads.

[antz2411]

you brought this upon yourself bro. how can you possibly cheat on someone you say you are in love with? there is a thin line of being in love and infatuation and i think what you felt for her was the latter.

 

you're a man, as one, you should recognize your mistake and move on. this chick did nothing to you until you f'd it up. women are 100% reactive and thats what she did. if i were you, you need to forgive yourself for what you did to her, deal with the consequences of your actions like a man and let go.

 

the way i see it, you're really fortunate that she even kept you around her life after what you did.

[JRock8732]

I know that I bought it upon myself, I think that's why I'm having a difficult time dealing with it. I feel so stupid for what I did and feel like it's gonna affect me for the rest of my life. It's all my fault. Everytime I hear it's my fault it makes me feel worse. Sometimes I feel like I don't even deserve myself. The past few days I've been trying to stay happy but the thoughts keep swarming my head and how it's my fault and I get down again. How do I even forgive myself for what I did.

[antz2411]

I know that I bought it upon myself, I think that's why I'm having a difficult time dealing with it. I feel so stupid for what I did and feel like it's gonna affect me for the rest of my life. It's all my fault. Everytime I hear it's my fault it makes me feel worse. Sometimes I feel like I don't even deserve myself. The past few days I've been trying to stay happy but the thoughts keep swarming my head and how it's my fault and I get down again. How do I even forgive myself for what I did.

 

look man, i f'd up on my girl also she dumped and i was fortunate to get her back. throughout our break up i learned that forgiving yourself is a lot harder than forgiving others especially if its your fault, but IT IS A NEED and BIG STEP in order to move on. theres a quote that says "Because the energy of forgiveness always comes before change" nothing could be more true.

 

what worked for me man, during my break up, i did some volunteer work here and there and i came to realize that our problems are really small compared to other people. so i said, f uck this if she can't forgive me for what i did, ill just forgive myself for what i did. i started doing good deeds for the people i cared for in my life and good deeds to strangers.

 

one thing i've learned in life and its this.

 

it is NOT possible to hurt someone else without hurting yourself.

 

a lot of people will say that statement is bullsh*t. i don't believe it is.

 

i believe that when you hurt others you SEVERLY stunt your own growth as a human being.

 

the MAIN reason i post on this forum is because by helping others i help myself. I don't so much learn anything new (although many posters inspire me to stay on track in life) - but i feel good about myself helping other men/women. and the better i feel about myself, the better person i am. and the better person i am, the more i enjoy life. the first step was forgiving myself actually for all the wrongs i have done, if i didnt i wouldnt be posting here haha.

 

you DO NOT win in this life by hurting others. it sometimes takes a long time to see the effects, but when you hurt others you soil, tarnish and abuse the thing that is most sacred about yourself - your integrity - the very thing that gives you confidence and a sense of self worth.

 

i think thats what you hurt most, your "integrity" thats why your so f'd up and thats understable. the only way you can get it back man like i said is first forgiving yourself and theres lots of ways you can, it just depends on the individual.

[JRock8732]

I didn't even know what integrity meant until I googled it when you said it...>_>.

 

So basically you are saying that I have to be honest and have morals for myself? But isn't it when you help people they take advantage of your niceness? That happens too much around here. I'm sorry if I'm being annoying, this has been bothering me for almost two years (1.5 years to be more accurate). I mean at least you got your girl back.

 

All I did to my ex was that in the beginning of the whole thing, I had another girl, which was long distance relationship. I didn't even like her, she was with me because I just wanted to be in a relationship, because back then I felt like I couldn't get a girlfriend, even though I had a few prior to that. On top of that I was with her because I was lonely. When I got with my ex, I was with the long distance girl for probably 3 days into the new relationship. I was so infatuated with my ex that I forgot I was with the long distance girl. So I really didn't mean to do that on purpose to her. I just felt guilty throughout the whole relationship so after 1 month passed the guilt didn't go away so I told her. She got mad at me first for a while, but she had forgave me.

 

The other time, I flirted with another girl on purpose because she wasn't responding to my texts (I know, stupid me, I was so clingy to the girl anyway, because I was insecure (I thought she was going to leave me for another guy she was talking to at my school, if she wasn't talking/ hanging with me 24/7 I would be questioning where she was at, etc etc.)). I was walking her to the bus stop, and when she got on the bus, I left. As I was walking home, I saw this girl I flirted with. I didn't exchange info with the girl, didn't kiss her, **** her, nothing, not even a name. She was staring at me and I was staring at her, and I said something flirty to her, I don't remember. It was practically a one liner. She flirted back, and I kept walking home. When I did that, I felt the guilt coming back, and back then I assumed it was cheating at the time because I didn't know what was what for me (now I don't see flirting as cheating unless I ask to hang with them, I guess that's what an integrity is maybe?) So when I got home I called my ex and told her what I did, and it was all downhill from there.

 

This is as accurate as I can get...Again sorry if I'm being annoying or seem like I'm doing this on purpose, I'm kinda confused in a way, and really want to get over this =/

 

EDIT: I'm starting to understand "It isn't possible to hurt someone without hurting yourself" by reading my paragraph and thinking back on my life. Before her I used to cheat on alot of girls...not anymore. I even got back together and broke up with some numerous times until I felt I was done with them. I go back to them because sometimes I feel lonely and want someone who looks good to want me...

Edited October 7, 2011 by JRock8732

[broken-and-lost]

look man, i f'd up on my girl also she dumped and i was fortunate to get her back. throughout our break up i learned that forgiving yourself is a lot harder than forgiving others especially if its your fault, but IT IS A NEED and BIG STEP in order to move on. theres a quote that says "Because the energy of forgiveness always comes before change" nothing could be more true.

 

what worked for me man, during my break up, i did some volunteer work here and there and i came to realize that our problems are really small compared to other people. so i said, f uck this if she can't forgive me for what i did, ill just forgive myself for what i did. i started doing good deeds for the people i cared for in my life and good deeds to strangers.

 

one thing i've learned in life and its this.

 

it is NOT possible to hurt someone else without hurting yourself.

 

a lot of people will say that statement is bullsh*t. i don't believe it is.

 

i believe that when you hurt others you SEVERLY stunt your own growth as a human being.

 

the MAIN reason i post on this forum is because by helping others i help myself. I don't so much learn anything new (although many posters inspire me to stay on track in life) - but i feel good about myself helping other men/women. and the better i feel about myself, the better person i am. and the better person i am, the more i enjoy life. the first step was forgiving myself actually for all the wrongs i have done, if i didnt i wouldnt be posting here haha.

 

you DO NOT win in this life by hurting others. it sometimes takes a long time to see the effects, but when you hurt others you soil, tarnish and abuse the thing that is most sacred about yourself - your integrity - the very thing that gives you confidence and a sense of self worth.

 

i think thats what you hurt most, your "integrity" thats why your so f'd up and thats understable. the only way you can get it back man like i said is first forgiving yourself and theres lots of ways you can, it just depends on the individual.

 

best advice i've read to be honest his point is you need to forgive yourself and learn from things you did wrong doesn't mean you get the girl back just mean you get your integrity back and maybe a second chance with someone new

[radiodarcy]

look man, i f'd up on my girl also she dumped and i was fortunate to get her back. throughout our break up i learned that forgiving yourself is a lot harder than forgiving others especially if its your fault, but IT IS A NEED and BIG STEP in order to move on. theres a quote that says "Because the energy of forgiveness always comes before change" nothing could be more true.

 

what worked for me man, during my break up, i did some volunteer work here and there and i came to realize that our problems are really small compared to other people. so i said, f uck this if she can't forgive me for what i did, ill just forgive myself for what i did. i started doing good deeds for the people i cared for in my life and good deeds to strangers.

 

one thing i've learned in life and its this.

 

it is NOT possible to hurt someone else without hurting yourself.

 

a lot of people will say that statement is bullsh*t. i don't believe it is.

 

i believe that when you hurt others you SEVERLY stunt your own growth as a human being.

 

the MAIN reason i post on this forum is because by helping others i help myself. I don't so much learn anything new (although many posters inspire me to stay on track in life) - but i feel good about myself helping other men/women. and the better i feel about myself, the better person i am. and the better person i am, the more i enjoy life. the first step was forgiving myself actually for all the wrongs i have done, if i didnt i wouldnt be posting here haha.

 

you DO NOT win in this life by hurting others. it sometimes takes a long time to see the effects, but when you hurt others you soil, tarnish and abuse the thing that is most sacred about yourself - your integrity - the very thing that gives you confidence and a sense of self worth.

 

i think thats what you hurt most, your "integrity" thats why your so f'd up and thats understable. the only way you can get it back man like i said is first forgiving yourself and theres lots of ways you can, it just depends on the individual.

 

well said, Antz!

 

OP yes you made some grave mistakes in your treatment of this girl. the best things you can do for yourself and her, is leave her alone and concentrate on helping yourself to heal.

 

i too can be very hard on myself and as a result wound up in a very painful, difficult situation. i can blame my ex all i want but the fact of the matter is, i contributed to the situation by staying in it because i didn't think i deserved any better.

 

since them i've been re-building my sense of self; focusing on what makes me happy; coming on here and offering support and i realized that i have a lot to offer and that i *do* deserve better.

 

hey - - we all make mistakes. that's how we learn. and one of the things i had to learn was that i needed to forgive myself for putting myself through that situation to begin with.

 

had i not experienced that pain, i probably never would have learned the lessons i needed to learn in order to put this guy out of my life for good and move on. sometimes, things do happen for a reason

[antz2411]

 

had i not experienced that pain, i probably never would have learned the lessons i needed to learn in order to put this guy out of my life for good and move on. sometimes, things do happen for a reason

 

painful experiences are the best way to learn life lessons and it just makes you better, if it doesn't then you haven't learned jack!

 

it is always good news hearing people becoming stronger because of painful experiences.

[antz2411]

I didn't even know what integrity meant until I googled it when you said it...>_>.

 

So basically you are saying that I have to be honest and have morals for myself? But isn't it when you help people they take advantage of your niceness? That happens too much around here. I'm sorry if I'm being annoying, this has been bothering me for almost two years (1.5 years to be more accurate). I mean at least you got your girl back.

 

All I did to my ex was that in the beginning of the whole thing, I had another girl, which was long distance relationship. I didn't even like her, she was with me because I just wanted to be in a relationship, because back then I felt like I couldn't get a girlfriend, even though I had a few prior to that. On top of that I was with her because I was lonely. When I got with my ex, I was with the long distance girl for probably 3 days into the new relationship. I was so infatuated with my ex that I forgot I was with the long distance girl. So I really didn't mean to do that on purpose to her. I just felt guilty throughout the whole relationship so after 1 month passed the guilt didn't go away so I told her. She got mad at me first for a while, but she had forgave me.

 

The other time, I flirted with another girl on purpose because she wasn't responding to my texts (I know, stupid me, I was so clingy to the girl anyway, because I was insecure (I thought she was going to leave me for another guy she was talking to at my school, if she wasn't talking/ hanging with me 24/7 I would be questioning where she was at, etc etc.)). I was walking her to the bus stop, and when she got on the bus, I left. As I was walking home, I saw this girl I flirted with. I didn't exchange info with the girl, didn't kiss her, **** her, nothing, not even a name. She was staring at me and I was staring at her, and I said something flirty to her, I don't remember. It was practically a one liner. She flirted back, and I kept walking home. When I did that, I felt the guilt coming back, and back then I assumed it was cheating at the time because I didn't know what was what for me (now I don't see flirting as cheating unless I ask to hang with them, I guess that's what an integrity is maybe?) So when I got home I called my ex and told her what I did, and it was all downhill from there.

 

This is as accurate as I can get...Again sorry if I'm being annoying or seem like I'm doing this on purpose, I'm kinda confused in a way, and really want to get over this =/

 

EDIT: I'm starting to understand "It isn't possible to hurt someone without hurting yourself" by reading my paragraph and thinking back on my life. Before her I used to cheat on alot of girls...not anymore. I even got back together and broke up with some numerous times until I felt I was done with them. I go back to them because sometimes I feel lonely and want someone who looks good to want me...

 

if you really care and love this chick.. let her go! love doesnt seek control it gives freedom.