G.I.G.S/Rebound Ex...Rant..

[sk00]

With this girl for 1year 10 months.

Lived together for 1.4 year.

I'm 25 shes 22.

Got engage last Valentine.

We were very much in love.We had fights,usually about stupid petty things.Whats amazing is that we had very little in common but we love each other and very close.

Around July she started hanging out with her recently single friend,goes out to clubs,partys..etc.First i was fine with it because i wanted her to have her fun without me but i started to notice this guy always hang out with her group and i didn't like it so i stared giving her hard times.August came and she wouldn't stop hanging out with them knowing i don't like them.I snapped and broke up with her because i couldn't deal with her not acting like shes engaged.But immediately after i regret it and tried to make things work to my surprise she said shes been thinking about breaking up with me already.The next 2 weeks i gave her space by sleeping at my friend's while making all the mistakes to get her back(begging,crying,flowers,...etc).She kept acting hot and cold.I knew her well so i asked her if shes seeing someone else already and she told me no,she just wants to be single and not have to answer to anyone.But of course it was all a lie because i found out that she was calling that guy her boyfriend and such not even 2 weeks after BU.I couldn't take it so i took my stuff out and left.She said she hate me and never wants to talk to me again.I went n/c for 1 and a half week and she contacted me asking whether i want to see our dog and see how i'm doing.Being stupid as i am i ask her to meet up for coffee.So we met up had a good time but shes still with that guy.We text-ed every few days.She told me she liked having me around because i know every little details about her and i love her family(they love me too).I started telling her that i want to make things work.But she doesn't,she just see me as a friend.It was hard because she would call me and i would say the things that made her happy but at the end of the day she goes and eff this guy.She kept posting on her FB and Tumblr how shes so happy with this guy and how she loves him so.It makes me feel like I didn't mean anything to her when i was there for her all this time and shes saying the things she used to say to me to this guy and they only been together for over a month.Last Thur i told her i can't do this anymore and gonna stay away from her because it hurts and if she ever reach out to me again do so when shes not with him anymore.To which she responded by saying she only wants him because shes his gf and its not gonna change forever,so we don't need to keep in contact.I did n/c(no more looking at her pages).

What i want to know is does she really love this guy after such a short time.Is she just thinking that she is happy because they are still in honeymoon phase.Funny thing is i'm sure shes into him more than hes into her.Something tells me they are not gonna last long because she quit her job and have no money(late for rent,living expenses) and the guy probably coughing up money for that.I mean who wants all those baggage in such early stage of relationship.Let the money aside it feels like shes just lying to herself about this guy being so perfect for her(posting all the crap about how she loves him and being best bf ever).Can it really be true that you can feel that way after you just got out of serious relationship ans so soon?If so shes really eff up.It still sucks for me this n/c.I miss her and want to be with her.Every morning i wake up thinking about her.I'm sure it will get better with time but i need to know what i had with her was ever real.For now i'm sticking to n/c.I really hope she realize what my value is soon.Nothing would make me happier to hear her say sorry and what she did was wrong.

[smudge21]

I've never had a problem with people being in long term relationships and making a go of things, at any age, but getting engaged at 22 always seems like a great idea but often it can put strain on things. It's like suddenly the whole relationship is really serious, heading towards marriage.

 

I've seen it countless times when a loving couple, in their late teens/early twenties will jump into engagement/marriage thinking it's what they both want, but then they start to notice all their friends going out, partying, living it up, travelling etc etc, and suddenly the thought of being with one person, settling down, married, kids - it all comes to much and the once great relationship starts to collapse. It's such a shame as until then, they were fine.

 

I think your ex may have hit a similar wall once you both got engaged (it was only a short time together too), hence where the partying came from. She saw all this going on, got a taste for it, and maybe realised that being tied down wasn't for her. Plus, the GIGS element kicks in with this new guy.

 

First off though, don't beat yourself up over begging and all that - we all do it as we're so desperate to keep hold of someone. The fact is you've gone NC now and that's where it all starts. She's been trying to keep you close in case this guy doesn't work out, but you're not going to be her doormat are you? You respect yourself more than that don't you? No matter how much love for her, you do realise that if she comes running back, you can't just agree. She has to understand how she's hurt you, betrayed your trust and thrown away the entire year that you and her shared. If she does come back, she's got to convince you that she's worth a second chance. No two ways about it.

 

You need to spend the time now concentrating on you and you alone - do whatever it takes to make you feel better and happy. You're right to not go looking for info on her and try to stay away from mutual friends, or at least tell them not to talk to you about her. Any info will only hurt. Ignorance truly is bliss in this situation.

 

No one here will tell you whether she will or won't come back as no one knows. You have to accept the facts that she's turned her back on what you had and stay focused on healing yourself now. It will be hard to begin with but things always get easier.

[JRock8732]

Bro, quite a few problems with this situation.

 

1. You shouldn't have been that over protective or clingy over that girl. If she loved you as much as she said she did, she wouldn't have left you like that. And even if she did, at least you know that's another girl not worth going for.

2. Love? After 1 month? HA! You should be laughing at HER because of what she did. It's damn near impossible to be "in love" after one month, she is really moving TOO fast for her age. Real mature.

3. You shouldn't miss a girl that would do you like that man. Have some self-respect. You know that girl isn't right for you because she is rebounding from you to another guy...

 

She may not have loved you as much as you did her, but honestly it doesn't matter because there are WAY better, mature girls out there than her. She is basically trying to make you jealous because she has someone right now and you don't. She needs to grow up lol. I went through something similar, minus the engagement, and she didn't come back to me. It's not even two years and she is already pregnant with someone elses child, and she actually feels good about that (she is 19, as am I...lol). You are doing the right thing with N/C. If I were you, and she said sorry and asked me back out again, I would reject her because she has lost something that was valuable.

 

Take time and hang out with REAL friends, clear your mind, do your hobbies. Relax, take a chill pill.

Edited October 4, 2011 by JRock8732

[wilsonx]

Nothing would make me happier to hear her say sorry and what she did was wrong.

 

She wont, this wont happen for a long time if it ever does happen.

[sk00]

Thanks for the input guys.Yeah i know shes acting really immature and i do get the feeling shes doing most of the stuff to get at me like Jrock8732 said.I mean i do make a lot of mistakes in our relationship and took her for granted but so does she.And what shes doing right now is mockery of what we had together.She even deleted everybody close to me on her FB.Nobody talked **** about her but she seems to think that i'm playing victim card to have everybody against her.Yet she post all this crap about her with this new guy and made herself public so everyone could see.The only ppl that "likes" are the ones that shes been hanging out with.People who knew us as a couple b4 always message me that shes ****ed up.But i do hope that she comes to realize sooner than later because shes basically digging her own grave.Not having a job to pay rent or utilities and sooner or later the guy that shes with gonna have to step it up big time to fill my shoes or hes just gonna leave once she got nothing to offer.I know what she did was messed up and i shouldn't care but just because she treated me like **** doesn't mean i have to return the favor.I don't want to stoop that low.Once she realize this i may try to help her regardless of whether we get back together or not.But if she doesn't than i don't see why i need to lift a finger.Absolute NC for now.

[Rorschach64]

sk00,

 

Same boat exactly as you, minus I was not infront of my ex-fiancee when this was happening since it was LDR, just keep on trucking and it will be okay. I promise

[sk00]

Its been 14days of total NC and its eating me away.I miss her very much not a day goes by that i don't think about her.This NC makes me think about the good times that we had together.Its weird that i can't remember the bad times i had with her i'm always flooded with the thoughts of her,how she was always there for me,care for me,etc..I know NC is suppose to make me feel better but in the back of my mind i keep waiting for that call which probably won't ever happen and from the way things are going she probably won't be thinking of me at all.I dunno how well shes still doing with her new guy.I don't want to know because i'm sure it will make me feel even worse but at the same time i get this feeling her honeymoon phase is starting to wear off.I know it sounds weird but i do believe that when you think about someone so much you can just tell what they are feeling without you being there.Maybe i'm just hoping for too much.I have no intention to break NC but i do admit i still lover her very much and wants her in my life again.The pain,the agony i wish it all end and feel complete again.