FolderWife Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 Why? Hate him...don't want anything to do with him. Even if he would see you looking great and happy, he won't care. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyAnglerTx Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 I agree with HokeyReligions comment. Someone else on here said the neatest thing that I wrote down on a post-it note ...."No man is worth your tears - the one who is would never make you cry". To all the men in this world who spend time and money jacking off to porn - my question is "Why can't you put all that energy you use while jacking off to porn into pleasing you wives or girlfriends instead"? Us women want sex just as bad as you men do. Is your hand more enjoyable than a loving partner? If so, that's pretty sad. Dr. Phil said if you are in a committed relationship with a person - viewing porn (internet or otherwise) is a deal breaker - it's a lack of respect and it's cheating. Who can argue with him? He's been married for years and is successful and seems to be a good husband. Just my view. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sally1530 Posted June 9, 2004 Author Share Posted June 9, 2004 When I saw the profile of my future husband on lavalife and his picture was posted as single looking for sex, I cryed so hard! I was in shock , I was living with him for two months and was 28 days from our wedding date. He said he was having doubts and was just courious, and that he never crossed an emotional or physical line.... hello, I caught him in 7 lies that day, how was I to believe him now. It is cheating because he was putting energy into meeting new women (which he was emailing 3 at the time) and sending his picture out to them hoping that they would send their naked photos back to him, what so he could "jack off" to them, while im asleep in the the other room? What a sick person. This person has a sexual addition and is not willing to get help. He admitted to " Jacking off" to live porn a few times after I caught him, it makes me sick to think that he could go and do this and look me in the eye every morning and say " i love you" . Obviously , engagement didnt mean anything to him and I asked him if I wouldnt have found out what he was doing secretly would he have married me? He said yes and then I asked him would you have continued to do what he was doing, he said yes because he thought it was simple flirting and that it was okay to do that along as no actually phyical sex was being done. Oh, so oral is okay in his mind? does that count>? Anyway, we have parted , I made him pay over $15,000 for the wedding that never happened, and gave back the ring ( even though I should have kept it, im a nice person and couldnt do that). We are not even on talking terms and we will never see, talk to eachother again, he cant even look me in the eye since it all happened. I havent seen him in 5 weeks and have no desire to anymore, I now know he needs serious help and Im not going to stick around if he cant even admit that he did anything wrong in the first place. Ive moved on with my life and am out dating again and am feeling pretty happy about getting out of the " biggest mistake" of my life. He lied to me our entire relationship of 14 months. He verbally abused me, and took advantage of me a my weakest point , when my mother died. He is 38 and hasnt had more than 3 one year relationships,,, he cant committ and needs many women to fill his needs. Sorry I dont share my men, engagment means to one person, so does marriage, im not a swinger. So this is a bad story that has turned out for the good for me, I was deeply devistated through the cancellation of my wedding, but in the long run I know it was meant for a reason. The reason was that I need to find someone who can be honest with me , love me , and respect me and who is loyal to me. I will love again, and now know that I have met the bottom of the barrel and any other man I meet will look better in my eyes than him. Without trust, honest, and loyaity and respect, you cannot have a leg to stand on in a relationship. Period. Any thoughts or advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 Any thoughts or advice? Hmmm... Just learn from this situation. Any guy who is 38 and has never been in a long term relationship before and never been married just SCREAMS committment phobe! Also, ALWAYS be wary when a man wants to marry you almost right away. That's a big red flag too. You cannot know someone after 8 months. It takes a long time. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 3 months and living with him for 6 months and we're still finding out little things about one another. Take it slow, get to know someone for all their good and bad, and then decide whether it's someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. Glad you've moved on with your life and good luck dating again. Just watch out for those older guys who've never committed before and want to marry you after only a few months! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sally1530 Posted June 9, 2004 Author Share Posted June 9, 2004 yeah, we dated for 10 months and then were engaged for 4months. As soon as the ring was on my finger he changed and started to resent our relationship, feeling trapped and kept saying he " needs more time" time for what? you proposed with no pressure from me.... then we set a may 22nd date and you agreed it would work out... and then you want more time only after 5 weeks of giving a ring? Committment Phobia is what it was.... plus I caught him chating online with girls and had his profile and picture up at lavalife.com looking for sex. Sorry you cant have me and all the other girls.... Anyway, he doesnt talk very much to his neighbors (where he has lived for 12 years) that was strange, he was molested by his panio teacher when he was younger, so I think he might be gay or that he has some serious committment problems in general. He over analized everything and that could kill any relationship. Very high mainenance for a guy. Its good that I found out about who is really was before we married. He should become an actor, he was pretty good at being someone hes not. Anyway thanks for the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 Yes, your ex has SERIOUS issues that he will probably never resolve. I work with kids who are physically and sexually abused everyday and the fact that he was molested explains a lot. Usually when a child is molested and doesn't really get the counseling or help they need, it's VERY hard for them to have normal relationships with anyone let alone a love relationship. And his sexual addiction is also a part of this. Be HAPPY he called everything off. He saved you a lifetime of pure HELL. Don't dwell on this anymore. Go out and rejoice that you've been freed from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sally1530 Posted June 10, 2004 Author Share Posted June 10, 2004 Thanks that good to hear. He made me feel like I did something wrong and that It was my fault for finding out his emails that he was doing with other gals. I didnt make him cheat or intent to cheat, that was his decision. Not mine. He didnt get counsoling for his abuse as a kid , and has only had 3 one year relationships so far including mine with him at the age of 38. He has committment issues and sexual addition issues to work out, he doesnt think he did anything wrong by having a profile and picture up looking for sex and email gals through out our entire relationship of 14 months. Even through our engagement. What a sick puppy! Hello, how would he have felt if I did that to him..... hmmmmm anyway he was pissed that I found out and dug so deep, I just needed to know the truth about who I was going to marry, its my right! You give up privacy when you live with someone and going to walk down the isle and marry. Anyway, he wants nothing to do with me anymore, but thats okay with me, I understand that he cant face his problems and that its a blessing that im set free, I just wish i would have found out earlier in the relationship so I could have not gotten so hurt. Its a huge lesson for me, and now I know the red flags... Im sure he is in another relationship with a gal, for sex only or maybe a rebound relationship, either one I dont think he is going to get married anytime soon. If he does, I dont think he will change because of whats happened...he cant admit he did anything wrong , or has a problem. So without that you cant change, 1/2 is admitting it .... the other half is dealing with it. Anyway, thanks for the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
shortbus74 Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 I am so sorry for what you have had to deal with.... But I do have three words for you RUN FORREST RUN!!! You deserve better.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sally1530 Posted June 10, 2004 Author Share Posted June 10, 2004 Thanks, its good to hear that! He verbally abused me and blamed me for everything. Link to post Share on other sites
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