LC because we have a son together, ahh

[BrianG]

Posted my story awhile back if your interested, but I will give a brief background. Im 33, her 28, after 5 months of dating had an unexpected pregnancy and moved into together. I thought everything was going great and getting used to our new lives as parents. A few months after our son was born I got the ILYBNILWY speech and she broke up with me in January. I thought it could be post-partum depression, but since neither one of us could afford to move out I moved into the guest bedroom and lived in utter hell for 6 months with her not coming home at night multiple times and leaving me with our son and making me late for work in the morning because she wouldn't call me and let me know, etc. Before we both move out in May she goes to Vegas to see her family and ends up sleeping with some random guy she met at a craps table and hangs out with him for 3 days, when she is supposed to be spending time with her family and has my son, but anyways.

 

In May, we both move out of the house and my luck she moves a few blocks away from my new place. I have been living in this area for 15 yrs and she is from another state, but it makes it easier transitioning our son. I was/still am devastated by all this as I love her dearly and wanted to have a family together and wanted more for my son. So I had to stay in LC due to our son and after a few months and conversations here and there she says that she misses me and wants to try and reconnect and to rebuild our trust because of her lies, etc. I told her that any feelings or anything with anybody else had to be resolved and over or I didn't want anything to do with it and had to be about us.

 

I knew I should have waited longer due to not being healed from the prior relationship, but I ignored that because of my eagerness in wanting to rebuild our family. In hindsight should have said forget it from the start. So for a month we started hanging out as its difficult to go out sometimes having a child, fooled around a few times, but no sex. I was so happy to wake up next to her and have my son with us in the morning. I thought things were going great, and she made me believe that things were as well and I started to trust her. BIG MISTAKE!!!

 

Here is where the sh*t hits the fan. So after our son was born it was difficult to get to spend quality time, and a night out together so since he was a little older now I got my parents to watch so we could go out, go to the phillies game and have drinks afterwards. We have a great time and at the end of the night she expressed how much fun she had and this is what she was missing. So I stay over at her place and I wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and a text message beeps as her phone was in the bed. I look at it as she is asleep, and let me just say it was rather crude and sexual in nature. I freak out and start looking through her phone, not only had she been hanging out with her ex,ex bf the entire time and cheated on me the week prior, but she was setting up a date with another guy from high school that hit her up on facebook. This was supposed to be about reconnecting and rebuilding trust and she was lying the entire time to my face.

 

I wake her up and tell her that I am out of here and go back to my place and she texts me that I misinterpreted what I read. (there was no misinterpreting what I read let me just say). So as it stands now. She is back with this ex,ex bf or should I say current bf as she says that she knows where her heart is and has been spending a lot of time with him and my son I guess.

 

Now, I am forced to live a life that I didn't want for me or my son. Logically I know this is a toxic woman that I would never have a long-term healthy, honest, open relationship or future with, but I am still devastated as she was not the person I had thought she was and loved for almost two years now. I treated this woman with love, honesty, respect, adoration and this treatment and behavior was completely unwarranted especially from a 28 yr. old mother. (maybe early 20's I could possibly understand).

 

My beliefs in marriage and humanity are so destroyed now. I see so many stories since lurking on here, and in real life where so many people view relationships/marriages as disposable and commitment and loyalty seems to be a thing of the past. I was brought up with old fashioned morals and values and I still don't understand. I know I didn't do anything wrong, but maybe I didn't do many things right. I sacrificed so many things in trying to provide what was best for us and our family, which is what I believed I should do.

 

Most of my friends are married with kids so I am the only one that I know who is single with a child. So my close friends are always busy with their lives and on weekends when I don't him I don't know what to do with myself as its always doing something alone. I have to see her a few days a week and I hate it. I've never said this about anyone, but I hate her, but I have no choice but to be civil with her for my son sake.

 

Sorry for the length and I appreciate taking the time to read this and offering any advice, inspiration you can provide. I needed to vent and get this off my chest in trying to make sense of this if there is any to be made besides falling in love with the wrong person. I'm in a really dark place and finding it difficult moving on as a single father, dealing with his mother, and the future possibilities, problems and difficulties in dating as a single father, which seems to far away for me.

[BrianG]

what should I do to get some advice, responses? Could really use the help

[BrettLost]

Hi Brian,

 

Sorry your in this $hit too mate.

 

Your story proves to me there is NO going back. Once she's done it's done. I can only imagine your heart at the time of discovering the texts etc. Gutted. After being led into a false reconciliation...

 

Some here are dads, some not. I found it very difficult overcoming my new part-time role in my child's life. You can only play the best hand your dealt now, regarding yourself and your child ONLY.

 

It does crush your trust in generally all aspects of good faith and humanity, but only temporarily until you realize it's just her.

 

So many helpful threads around to gain perspective on that which u seek to heal. Have a look and post if it strikes a chord with you. Can only do you good.

 

Everyone is here to guide each other through it, with the varied knowledge we each have taken from our personal experiences.