RenoColt Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 I'm 54 and gay. I've been in a bad relationship off and on, but am finally going to walk away. So, after a bit of time to grieve, any suggestions of where I might begin to find a kind man with a good heart? I'm not the type to go to gay bars. I'm unsure about online dating, but I guess that's a possibility. I'd prefer to meet a guy while simply going about doing things I love, but I'm not sure how to do that – how do you meet a guy, say while you're going out for coffee at Starbuck's, and turn it into a meeting where a friendship or more might develop? My profession won't help because I cannot have a relationship with co-workers or clients; I'm going to need to move outside my regular circle of professional friends. What are your recommendations about specific things I might do to meet guys within my age range who are good people? Link to post Share on other sites
tetrapod Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Sigh, when you find out, let me know! (well anything that might translate to a woman in her 30s.) I really don't have the first clue of how to flirt with a woman, and I can't find any I want to flirt with - they are either straight or don't interest me. I do try to practise striking up conversations with random people, especially giving compliments. And I do mean *random* people, not just ones I am attracted to. The point being that when I do meet someone I want to flirt with I will feel more able to strike up a conversation with them. That is the logic anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Have you tried online dating geared specifically towards gay men? I am straight, and frequently end up with situations where there are more men than women on there. This probably won't be your problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I'm 54 and gay. I've been in a bad relationship off and on, but am finally going to walk away. So, after a bit of time to grieve, any suggestions of where I might begin to find a kind man with a good heart? I'm not the type to go to gay bars. I'm unsure about online dating, but I guess that's a possibility. I'd prefer to meet a guy while simply going about doing things I love, but I'm not sure how to do that – how do you meet a guy, say while you're going out for coffee at Starbuck's, and turn it into a meeting where a friendship or more might develop? My profession won't help because I cannot have a relationship with co-workers or clients; I'm going to need to move outside my regular circle of professional friends. What are your recommendations about specific things I might do to meet guys within my age range who are good people? Some large cities--San Francisco, for example, is quite famous for this--have neighborhoods/districts where practically everyone is gay, and meeting someone at a coffeshop, grocery store or the library becomes a lot easier. Obviously I don't know where you live, but you could also try searching your local area for gay-friendly events or something like a gay men's chorus or Gay Studies class at your local college. Google Guidemag and Gaycities, both sites have gay business listings, bars, hotels, events, travel reviews, etc. You might get some ideas for places to go in your area there, or at least pick up some ideas for your next vacation. OKCupid is a free online dating site that had a big gay pop last time I checked, and there are of course others more specifically tailored solely to gay clientele. Some gay bars, btw, are less intense and frenetic than others. They're not all blaring techno and anonymous BJs. When I lived in San Francisco I used to hang out in a neighborhood gay bar that was very mellow (well, most of the time--before 10 pm, anyway), pretty much a standard pub/sports bar except for it was mostly gay guys. Most of them were professionals, many of them were in their 40s, 50s, a few in their 60s...silver foxes, and a lot of fun to hang out and play pool and talk musical theater with . There was another place a few blocks away that catered more exclusively to older gents, and had a more refined atmosphere. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RenoColt Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 Thanks for the idea, Tetrapod. Practicing striking up conversations is a good idea. It's a place to start. My experience tells me there are few problems that are specifically straight or gay... they're just human problems. Connecting with others just is tough for all of us. One of the things I'm planning to do is work on expanding my circle of friends. Most of my friends are straight, so I'm kind of concentrating on making new gay friends. The larger our circle of friends, the more likely they're going to know of someone available. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RenoColt Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 Thanks for the ideas, Stung! It's a bit soon for me to try online dating, but that's definitely an option I will explore once I've taken an appropriate amount of time to heal. Finding gay-centered activities in my area is a good idea too. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I am a transgender woman (With some experience with women which brought me here thus explaining my screenname.... better to not bring all that baggage in when seeking advice.) The problem you have at your age isn't finding other gay people but finding those who are available. If you are willing to spend some money there exist various trips, retreats, and cruises for singles even gay singles of all ages. Before spending $$ in monthly fees on online dating considering those. The sound corny and could just be about hooking up....but then at least you get that. If you find one that sets up transies with interested partners drop me a line. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RenoColt Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 Thank you, MrL! Good idea! I did that very thing in August. I went to a city known for being a "gay hotspot". What I discovered is that folks everywhere have the same problems meeting people. The reasons are different, e.g. in my little town we complain about there being too small a community, but in big cities, they complain that there's too many people so others are always thinking there's someone better or different, so they never settle down. I also discovered that gay venues and bars are pretty much the same everywhere - I tend to be a more down-to-earth kind of guy. I came home happy about where I live. But getting out and going to GLBT events is still a good idea. I suspect the secret isn't so much to do one thing as to do a lot of things: go out, take a cruise, join a club or gym, go to church or temple, widen my circle of friends, get on Facebook, read books about accepting yourself and dating, go to counseling, etc. Good luck in your search! You've already done an incredibly brave thing by coming to terms with who you are - you have tons of courage! Know in your heart you deserve love. I'm the praying type - I'll be saying one for you tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Oh I'm not so brave. I have been at terms with myself more or less... the problem is that too many people don't know how to react. Know what I mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Deano8888 Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I can assure you that it isn't just your age or sexuality. I'm heterosexual and like a lot of blokes I really struggle meeting women and have no idea how to go about it. My bast advice is to join a dating website, i know its not what you wanted to hear, but they do work. best of luck to you Link to post Share on other sites
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